To serve a mission or not to serve a mission, that is the question…
Guys have it easy – the answer is “Yes.”
Girls have it much tougher – the answer is a clear, unequivocal “Maybe.”
Here is how President Monson described it last year in October Conference:
“We affirm that missionary work is a priesthood duty—and we encourage all young men who are worthy and who are physically able and mentally capable to respond to the call to serve. Many young women also serve, but they are not under the same mandate to serve as are the young men. We assure the young sisters of the Church, however, that they make a valuable contribution as missionaries, and we welcome their service.” link here.
That’s why the potential Sister Missionaries have it tougher – it is not a “mandate,” or a “priesthood duty.” It is a choice they have to figure out for themselves.
As you all know, tens of thousands of wonderful young women are now out serving missions, with thousands more preparing to go. The change in the age requirement for both sexes has truly brought us into a wonderful new era of missionary service – mostly because of the sisters. I think it is awesome, and I’m sure that the young women I know and love will help save souls and change the world.
But I worry about the sisters that are serving that aren’t supposed to be.
It happens. Missionary service is an exciting thing to do – especially at this new era for sisters. The problem is, it is also a “trendy” thing to do, and trends do not always bode well.
Huh? Yup. I sustain the sisters who are serving, but I worry about the ones that are on missions – but are supposed to be doing something else.
You are probably wondering how I could possibly make the assertion that some sisters aren’t supposed to be out in the field, or at the MTC. It is because some sisters who have returned home have said just that – they realized that they weren’t supposed to be there.
Follow me on this, and it will make more sense:
I see four groups of potential Sister Missionaries:
1) Those who do not serve because the Lord said “No.” Last week, a wonderful young woman told of how she wanted to serve a mission, but the Spirit instructed her to take a different road. (Read her remarkable testimony here.)
2) Those who serve because the Lord said “Yes.” A fabulous niece of mine just left to serve a mission. She did not desire to serve a mission, but the Spirit instructed her that she needed to go, so she went. Boo-yah!
3) Those who have no desire to serve a mission because it is not in their “plans,” without bothering to check and see if it is in God’s plans for them.
4) Those who choose to serve without checking to see if that is what God wants them to.
The first two are equally noble. The third group is at terric risk of missed opportunities that they are meant to experience, and service they are meant to render. The last group is the one that I worry about most.
Recently I have seen some terrific young women who got caught up in the zeal of missionary service, got their called, went to the MTC, and had the Spirit reveal to them that they weren’t supposed to be there.
How does that happen?
I am the first to acknowledge that one of the toughest things we learn in mortality is to learn to differentiate the voice of the Spirit, and our own emotions and desires. Elder Bednar gave an amazing talk about this subject at a BYU-I devotional a few years ago. (Link here.)
What I think is happening is that some sisters get to the MTC, and with the combination of great faith, study, prayer and the MTC experience, they begin to hear and understand the voice of the Spirit as they never have before. And occasionally, this new-found voice will say “Go home.”
There is no shame in this. In fact, I admire the courage of a young woman who learns to understand the promptings and then acts on them. It is a far better thing that to feel those promptings and go spend 18 months of work on an errand the Lord had not asked you to perform.
Missionary work is work. Hard work. There are times of discouragement and struggle where the only thing helping you keep it together is your testimony that God wants you there. Without that, there are many cracks that doubt and despair can exploit.
I am NOT trying to discourage any sisters from serving a mission. It is one of the most significant things you can do with this chunk of your life. The women I know (some relatives) who served missions have been greatly blessed because of their service. I am a big fan of sister missionaries. (I even belong to the Facebook group “Many are called…but few are sisters.”) It is thrilling to watch the sisters join the fray in large numbers.
What do I hope?
I hope that tens of thousands of wonderful sister missionaries continue to flood the earth to preach the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I also hope that every single one of them have a spiritual witness that God wants them to be there. It is not enough to think it would be a good experience, or everyone else is going, or even having a desire to share the gospel.
Wanting to go is not enough. You need to KNOW.
Today I am using this post to help me councel my beautiful 18 year old daughter. She is just about to embark on an amazing journey-to college. She has prayed about it. She knows where the Lord wants her. She is concerned because everyone wants to know what she is doing to prepare for her mission. They want to know when we plans on submitting her papers. They are totally ingoring the fact that she has fasted and prayed and knows the Lord wants her to go to college and (not this time) not on a mission. She even had a person say to her “the return missionaries are not going to be interested in a girl who hasn’t served a mission. They will only be looking at girls who are return missionaries.” Thanks for writing this. I think she needs to know that it will be ok.
I’m probably part of your second group. I’ve spent much of my life agonizing over the fact that I didn’t want to serve a mission, but I felt like I should, and so many people seemed to think that I needed to decide NOW. I mean, what about all those stories of the kids who decided at age eight that they were going to serve as soon as they hit the right age? I was never one of those people. In fact, the very idea of serving a mission terrified me. (In some ways it still does.) When I thought, maybe I should go, I was scared about what that would require of me; and when I though, maybe I shouldn’t, I always felt that I needed to do something more.
With that in mind, I think that the age change was a huge blessing for me. It put the idea of serving a mission on the forefront of my mind, and forced me to really think about it. I was seventeen when that happened. If you had asked me October 5th whether I was serving a mission, I would have said, I have no idea. To those who asked me on October 10th, I said, I think I will. Now, I have a date set to hand in my papers. I won’t be going as soon as I’m nineteen (I’d like a full year of college under my belt first) but I know what to expect, and that makes me feel relieved.
I’m still scared, mostly because of my social anxiety that makes it difficult for me to approach new people. However, I have a firm belief that the Lord will allay my fears as they present themselves, or at least help me to push through them. I don’t even care where I get sent, though I do hope that I get a foreign-language mission because I want that challenge. However, I’m accepting the fact that sometimes life happens one step at a time.
There is actually a lot more to my story than what can reasonably fit into a (mostly) brief comment, and I’m not sure that I should try telling all of it in this venue. After all, it’s still happening; I haven’t quite gotten to the mission part yet. However, I greatly appreciate all the comments that have been written here, both in the post itself and in response. It actually makes me feel that much better to realize that there are so many other people who have approached missionary service in similar ways to myself. Thank you so much.
I had a talk with my 18 year old daughter about this post this morning. We live far from UT, but she is headed there soon for college. She was surprised that there might be pressure on her to go on a mission (which she eloquently called “stupid”) and I told her, not for the first time, that this is a decision between the Lord and her, and no one else.
This was perfect timing to write this post. My sister just decided (after receiving her call) that she is not actually supposed to go and I’m very proud of her for making the hard decision, especially since everyone knows that she got her call. And my sister-in-law has always thought that she would go on a mission (and in their family it is kind of “expected” that girls will go if they’re not married) but she has been feeling confused and not sure if it’s what she should do. It’s nice to have a reminder that they are not expected to go.
Great article. Here is a better link directly to the quote: http://lds.org/go/2JA
I’m the only of my siblings that didn’t go. I had zero desire or prompting. Many people assume all three of us kids went and will refer to when I served. I just smile and correct them. Unless they need the, “I’m my parents disappointment” comment. Shortly after my sister returned from her mission, my mom leaned over and said, “I want you to know your dad and I have never felt disappointed that you didn’t go on a mission.” I had never even had that thought cross my mind because it wasn’t what I was supposed to do…obviously it HAD crossed hers. I didn’t get married till 23 and could’ve gone, it just wasn’t something I needed to do. I do happen to be their only child in a rock solid marriage to a phenominal spouse though.
Our entire family was called on a stake mission to the Rez when I was a child. The priesthood leadership never felt the need to hook up water in the mobile home we held meetings in so we had to use an outhouse. Nasty! There was no door and a little white girl’s butt sitting on a wood outhouse is quite the spectacle. Pretty sure I’m still traumatized from that. We spent MANY hours driving to pick members up, teaching lessons, soaking up the culture, seeing the not so great parts, learning to make real fry bread (I still dream about it), learned to eat sunflower seeds the “right” way, not like a Bili-gona, learned to climb through barbed wire fences in a dress, perfected the technique for bouncing cars out of muddy/snowy roads so they don’t get stuck, learned to forgive the kids that stole and ate our lunch while we were dropping them off at home…leaving us starving for the 90 minute drive home, and had plenty of a “mission” experiences to last me a lifetime…some a 7,8,9 year old is not equipped to process. Really, left no desire to go on a big kid mission. We are actively preparing our boys to serve missions of their own (leaving out the negative experiences from our own lives) missions and having heart palpitations at sending my 18 year olds out, but they will go, they will do the things the Lord commands. Our girls are also being prepared to serve if they want or just be spiritually rock solid to enter adult life…
They’re all still young, we’ll see how it works out.
This is a great post! You bring up some very valid points. My mom was a #2. She was super shy and there’s no way she would’ve gone on a mission without the strong prompting she received.
I was told in a blessing that serving a mission was my choice. Once I got to age 21 and still wasn’t married, I wrestled with that decision. I was very scared about going on a mission and ended up not going. There are times when I wonder if I let fear keep me from going, but conditions at home were such that maybe I was needed there more anyway. My bishop at the time suggested that and told me that there are many ways to serve and bring people to Christ–though I don’t think he would have discouraged me from going if I had wanted to.
I didn’t get married until I was 27 and it seems that people are surprised when I tell them I didn’t serve a full-time mission. That stigma is real. Growing up, I just assumed that if I wasn’t married by 21 that I would serve a mission. I’m with the other commenters in worrying that the stigma will just grow stronger.
When I thought about going on a mission, I already knew the answer was that I didn’t need to go. I don’t remember ever fervently praying about it. I do remember reading my patriarchal blessing and just knowing that I didn’t need to go, so I never even really thought about it beyond that.
This will sound weird, but I didn’t pray about it, because I already knew the answer was that I didn’t need to go. How did I know that? Well, in part because of my patriarchal blessing, and in part because even when I thought about it, I didn’t feel like it was what I needed to do, or where my path went. I guess you could say I had a prayer in my heart and mind, because I did want to do what the Lord wanted me to, but I just knew that a mission wasn’t what I needed to do at that point in time and in that way.
I was a sister missionary before it was popular…
I knew I was supposed to go, and had a guy ask if I would stay if he proposed, hoping I would marry him. I went anyway.
Also, when Elders are not prepared spiritually (such as needing to confess sins) it can make for a very difficult mission for them and make it harder for others. It is a lot harder to have to struggle through a mission (or to go home during the mission, which is better than faking it through two years). Elders should go, but should only go if ready, and if their past transgressions do not preclude them from going.
I was so excited to serve a mission — I really struggled with not being able to serve when I turned 19, but I got a prompting that put me at peace. When it was time to start actively working toward a mission, I would pray every night: “Please let me go on a mission. I don’t care where you send me, I just want to go on a mission.” One night after one of many such prayers, I got the distinct impression that I wasn’t supposed to go, and it broke my heart. I wrote it down in my journal, and then flipped a few pages to peruse previous entries (I do that), and read exactly the same thing I’d just written, and then forgotten.
And that’s when I knew he really had something else mapped out for me. It broke my heart, but I knew it was the right thing to do. (At the same time, my best friend and roommate, who is a complete introvert, and never even considered going on a mission, got the distinct impression she needed to go, and she did. It has been amazing to see the hand of the Lord in our two, very different lives.)
I really appreciate what you said about my decision being equally noble as those who serve. I feel like in LDS ‘culture,’ sometimes the girls that go on missions get all of the praise, while those who know they can’t are pushed to the back. I know my choice was the right one, but sometimes I think other members don’t share my view. So thank you, thank you, for your support. I really, really appreciate it!!
The fact I know the Lord looketh on the heart is really a comfort for me, too.
And by the way, I met the perfect return missionary for me, at about the same time I would have been packing up to go the the MTC. If there are boys who are too good for girls who listen to the spirit about not serving a mission, they(the boys) aren’t good enough. The Lord will provide!!
I’m seeing it a little on the other end. I had hoped, before Beloved came into my life, to eventually remarry and serve a couples mission. We talked about it in the early days of our marriage, he with far more hope than I (he was diagnosed with stage IV metastatic colon cancer about a year after we began dating). Perhaps in the future I will be one of those senior sisters who goes out to serve. But I served before my marriage as a RS President in an inner-city ward, with the sure knowledge that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. And today I was released as a counselor in the Primary presidency after serving for nearly a year with no clear witness that that’s what the Lord wanted for me. I have felt more pain and frustration from this calling than from the death of my husband. I won’t be surprised if hindsight makes it clear that the calling was inspired. But I have spent much of the past year flailing and feeling ineffective. (I have had some wonderful heart to hearts with Heaven, however.) So I give a big amen, squared, on the importance of doing the right thing for the right reason, with a clear sense of mission.
I’m so glad you wrote about this topic. I too have been worried about what our culture will start to expect from sisters, especially with the age change. As I got closer and closer to 21 I began to feel that “social pressure” and maybe that it part of what got me wondering if I should serve. But I remember the pain of some of my friends who wanted to serve, but were told “no” by the Lord. Because of society they felt undo pain, that they had missed out, when in reality they just had a different path.
When I was 20 I began to wonder if I should serve, even though I had NEVER EVER wanted to go, eventually through much prayer, pondering and fasting, I felt that I should go.
Months later, when I started dating a guy I began to wonder if I should still serve. Those were some excruciatingly stressful weeks while I battled over the decision. Ultimately I realized that I still needed to go. The Lord had a plan for me that I could not see at the time. Now that I can see it, I’m so grateful for his foresight.
I grew and changed so much on my mission, and my budding testimony finally began to blossom. I needed a mission to help me do that. However, it frustrates me when people think that you have to serve a mission to reach a certain spiritual level. (Or the guys I met who said they would only marry a returned missionary–how shortsighted) There are many paths and opportunities in life for spiritual growth. A mission is only a tool for growth, as is marriage, school, career, motherhood, etc. Your testimony and spirituality is what you make it.
I think there is a fifth group for women. A group that if they choose to serve a full-time mission the Lord will be pleased, and if they choose to serve the Him in other ways, the Lord will be equally pleased; A group that can keep the commandment to be anxiously engaged in a good cause in a few different ways with the Lord’s full approval according to their own agency. The key seems to be to cultivate your relationship with Him and use your time, talents and agency to please Him. He doesn’t necessarily command in all things. For me, I wanted to serve a mission so badly (I have a distinct memory of telling my dad, ‘Just 13 years until I get to serve a mission,’ while lying on the floor studying a foreign language text book…just in case) It never crossed my mind to ask the Lord if I should. It felt like, for me, my desires to serve were my overwhelming call to the work.
Very well said MMM!
I was a big “No” which was a relief to me because I was scared to serve a mission. (though for years I complained that the age wasn’t lower for women)
Instead, through an interesting series of events I quit school for a while and went from one coast to another to work as a nanny for strangers. Being a nanny was never a thought in my mind, but i did It because the prompting was so clear, peaceful, and undeniable. 15 years later that was still the best thing that could have happened for my testimony and for my growth as a woman. I’m SO grateful for the gift of the Holy Ghost.
I enjoyed this post very much because you used the word “work” in a realistic tone regarding missionary “work”–my oldest two daughters answered the call to serve. The oldest had planned since she was very young to serve a mission. She was as straight an arrow as she could be, went to mission prep classes, worked alongside sister missionaries prior to leaving, etc…she did all she could to be prepared and had a wonderful experience as a missionary. STILL, it was harder than she anticipated and had moments of discouragement, days of illnesses, weeks of not understanding the language, un-kind companions, and hazardous working conditions. She wouldn’t change it for the world though–she learned alot and misses those days as a missionary.
We have another daughter serving a mission currently, and though she was not planning on a mission, her decision to go was a result of much fasting and prayer. She got her answer and even got to go to the exact mission she hoped to be called–only to get there and have health issues that she’d never had before. For months, she had doctor and hospital visits and if it hadn’t been for her solid testimony that she was exactly where she was/is supposed to be, she would have let her Mission President send her home to heal here instead of staying put and working through her pain there.
I too, have worried about these younger missionaries coming out in multitudes–some because of peer pressure, some because of familial expectations, etc., but so far, I haven’t seen or met a single one that hasn’t said they’re so glad to be here. It reminds me of the scripture: “If ye have a desire, ye are called to the work.” That desire counts for alot. Thanks MMM…nice post.
I agree! I think there are several young women right now feeling pressure to go… because they are the right age and most of their friends are going, except that they aren’t supposed to serve a mission for whatever reason. Some of those girls will get too caught up in the excitement and go anyway. It’s really too bad.
With college graduation looming and no real future plans I started thinking about going on a mission. I figured it was the “next step”. I was already 23 and had a testimony of the gospel so I figured it would be great. I prayed about it and prayed about it, but never had a strong feeling to go. I talked to my bishop and worked on my papers still waiting to have a distinct answer. I didn’t really get a job–just nannied for a family to try to save a little money. After a talk with my dad about what I should do he suggested I start getting on with my life. Get a job, buy a car and then in a few months see where I was in my life. That felt right. So two weeks later I had a full time job, a truck and then two weeks later I met my future husband. HF definitely had a plan for me, I just had to figure out what it was.
For the record, I’ve never felt any “persecution” for not serving a mission. Sometimes I have to say “I met my husband instead” to justify it to people, but I have never felt any stigma about it. I applaud all those wonderful girls who have been looking forward to serving missions because sister missionaries are awesome, but like you I worry that there will be more pressure if they don’t go. Hopefully this will be a lesson on following the Spirit for everyone.
I have one daughter in Group 1 and one in Group 2. They are both wonderful and faithful and any dad would be thrilled to have them as daughters.
One hopes that the interview process can help young women (AND young men) recognize the confirming witness of the spirit in deciding to serve.
To be sure, one of the most agonizing things for a faithful young LDS man is to learn that he cannot serve for some reason. Just as I lament what Kayli Sue reports about young men who claim they will not marry a girl who has not served, I also lament young women who refuse to consider marrying a young man who has not served. Categorically passing such judgement seems counter to what the Lord would have us do.
Faithful young men and women who cannot serve an 18-24 month proselyting mission now have the opportunity to serve as YCSMs – Young Church Service Missionaries! I work for a church organization and our third YCSM just started. These are remarkable young men and women who express a desire to serve, go through the interview process, receive a call from their Stake President,and are set apart as missionaries. They have been faithful in assisting us in our work and we have been blessed by their diligence, generosity,and goodness.
I encourage those who have a desire to serve a mission, but are prevented through no fault of their own, to look for opportunities with the Bishops’ Storehouse, Beehive Clothing, Deseret Industries, temple, church ranch or farm, Family History Center, and other church organizations. Church Service Missions require 8 hours per week or more, as ability and service need dictate.
At the conclusion of the mission a letter of honorable completion and thanking the missionary is received. The YCSMs we have worked with have grown tremendously during their service, and it’s wonderful to be a part of that process!
I joined the Church as a BYU student at 20. The 21 question loomed over my head as I hit my 21st birthday a few months after I joined and my friends were deciding to go on missions. Even though I couldn’t go on a mission at that point, I decided it was worth a shot and prayed about going on a mission. I received the answer “Do what you want.” I thought about it for a second, and thought I don’t want to go on a mission so I didn’t go.
Oddly enough there was an 18 month gap of time from the time I graduated until the time I started grad school where I was flapping around not knowing what I wanted to do with my life or career. I know a mission would have filled that gap easily, however, it was at that time that started a job that launched my career. I would have missed out or delayed that experience. I needed to flap around and the Lord knew that.
I think the pressure is more intense to serve a mission now that young women can do it younger. I posted on my Facebook status a question of would you have served a mission if the age range was lowered when you were deciding. A few friends who didn’t serve said they would have at that time of life. Others said their mission was at the right time for them and some waited a little bit of time before they went. I hope this generation of young women can understand that when to serve a mission is as important of a question as if you serve a mission.
Thank you for this. I’m a 23-year-old BYU graduate and have been “flapping around” for about a year now. Random strangers on the sidewalk have asked me if I’ve thought about serving a mission. The social pressure to go is enormous, and as someone said above, it makes me feel like I missed the “valiant boat” by not sailing with the tide of 19-year-olds (all 5 of the roommates I had in the fall have since left on missions). But as Milton wrote,
“thousands at his bidding speed,
And post o’er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait.”
I’ve taken the opportunity to lift where I stand, and I feel the Lord is satisfied with my service. Since last October I have done hundreds of hours of family history work and found over 150 names. I’ve started taking those names to the temple and asking my endowed friends to assist in work I can’t do yet. It’s been a great blessing in my life and helps me feel better when people question (or criticize) my decision not to serve a mission (yet).
I’m the oldest of 5 children, with 2 brothers and 2 sisters. Within the next year, I will be the only child who did not serve a mission. My siblings have never, ever been unkind about it, but sometimes there is a societal response like I missed the super righteous or “extra valiant” boat somewhere along the line. What’s really interesting to me is when that response is similar to that I get when others find out I chose motherhood over a lifelong career. No one has ever been truly cruel about it, but there definitely is an unwritten assumption that if you’re the right age and not married, you should be serving a mission.
As a young woman, there was a portion of my patriarchal blessing that I had always assumed referred to a mission, which made the decision an added challenge for me. I don’t know if this will help anyone else, but just in case, I had a wise bishop who gave me some good counsel that helped me at the time. It’s been years, but what I remember him saying is that we shouldn’t live our lives to fulfill our patriarchal blessing, we live our lives and then see how our Patriarchal blessings have been fulfilled.
Thanks for that Amy =)
You left out an important group of sisters: Those who are given the choice of whether or not to serve.
I spent months praying for a “yes” or a “no” answer… and finally decided that Heavenly Father was waiting for me to make a choice. So because I had always wanted to serve, I put my papers in, careful to be aware of any indication that I was serving for me and not because God wanted me to. I never got a no, so I went. I waited my whole mission for a “yes” or “no” that never came. It wasn’t until after I returned home at the conclusion of my mission and had been released that I received the distinct answer that I did not have to serve a mission. This concerned me at first, but then I realized I also didn’t have to be elsewhere. Nothing will take away the blessings I received and the lessons I learned by choosing to serve a mission, but if I’d made a different choice I would still be following God’s plan for me. I know with surety that I made the decision to serve a mission out of love for my Savior and His Gospel and a desire to bless his children, not because it was something I was “supposed” to do.
I really appreciate your comment – thanks Becca.
I have had a similar experience: after months of praying about whether or not I should go on a mission I finally changed my question and asked where I could serve others. The answer came that there were people who needed me in either place. I decided to serve a mission since I figured I was more likely to offer meaningful service in the mission field. However around the same time that I started working on my papers I started dating a guy. I distinctly remember 2 thoughts/impressions that came right after I opened my mission call: the 1st was how excited I was to serve and the 2nd was that serving a mission was still my choice. As I have tried to decide between mission or marriage and prayed for guidance the thought has come again and again that Heavenly Father is entrusting me with this decision and I can find happiness in either path. I strongly want to serve, but I recognize that going on a mission is my choice and so if I serve a mission I must commit to do so wholeheartedly. I cannot spend my mission wondering about other opportunities I passed by and so I have decided to defer my mission to see what comes of my relationship.
What happened to Becca happened to me too. Always wondered why I didn’t get a straight up answer Yes or No. Thanks to Becca for putting it into words for me.
That was my experience as well. I never received a direct answer, so I went because I wanted to. I loved every minute of it-even those moments I hated. I did serve with two different companions who should not have gone. It was miserable for them and me. I would beg them to go out and work, promising that they didnt have to say a word if they would just come with me. Some days they would go for, some days they didnt. It made me appreciate my companions that worked hard and wanted to be there
I was going to say exactly what Becca said—except in my case I didn’t end up serving. I had never had a desire to go, but prayed several times of the course of a year to find out if I NEEDED to. I never got a clear answer, so didn’t go. Now, years later, I realize that it would have been fine if I had chosen to, but it’s also fine that I chose not to.
I agree! Several years ago, we were all reminded that missions are a duty for the guys, but an option for the girls. Now I see girls going out in droves, which is good, but the social pressure is again building for some girls who, as you said, don’t belong on a mission. I foresee another reminder coming to stem some of that pressure.
I love this post MMM.
when I was 21 I had a pretty major turn off events in my life and I remember distinctly the promptings to start preparing to go on a mission. half way through the proceeds I (re)met this pretty cute guy and things started getting pretty serious quickly. for a while I struggled trying to find the answers. I wanted to go on a mission because I believed it would greatly bless my life but I knew if I was too go on a mission I would lose this guy that I loved. I prayed, fasted, and poured over the scriptures when I realized I had my answer I was just ignoring it because i really wanted to go on a mission. Mind you, i wad told to just prepare. my job now was to stay home and Marry this man who I never would have met if I wasn’t in that place in my life. so I did. best. decision. ever.
on a side note, my husband and I have had many opportunities to do missionary work since being married. my husband said it’s like going on a life long mission except you get to choose your companion.
Deciding to serve a mission as a young lady was a very difficult decision. It was not in my grand plan but I felt compelled by the Spirit to go. If I hadn’t known that was what I should do it would have been harder than it already was to be a missionary.
Trying to find out what the Lord wanted me to do was tough, especially because my future husband was on a mission and I didn’t really want him at BYU for a year while I was gone. (We had no understanding, I just knew I would have a hard time finding a better guy and he said he figured I would be married so why worry about it.)I wanted my dad to tell me what to do. He just said so and so is a fine young man, a mission is an excellent opportunity. If only I can remember to have my children make their own decisions. My mom told me later that she had always felt I would go on a mission, but she never told me that. I think that was a good parenting move, by not telling me that I didn’t have the pressure of “Mom thinks I should go” influencing my choice.
People thought I was pretty crazy to serve a mission when my good friend would be home in a few months, but it all worked out in the end.
That was a long-winded way of saying, yes it is tough for girls to decide if they are supposed to go. And I also agree that it is a little trendy. Hopefully the young women will search, ponder, and pray before they make their choice to go or not go.
I was one of the sister missionaries who shouldn’t have gone. When my daughter was single and going to BYU, she kept getting pressure from returned sister missionaries to go on a mission. Every month her visiting teachers would ask her if she had considered and prayed about going on a mission. There was a subculture that said that sisters who are not married at age 21 should serve missions. I don’t know what will happen to that subculture now.
Great article!! I was 19 when I decided to go on a mission–only 2 years after I joined the church. When I reached 21, the age sisters were allowed to go on a mission, I realized the only reason I wanted to go was to find a husband so I decided not to go. Over the next 6 months, I kept getting the prompting that I was to serve a mission so I prayed hard about it & put in my paperwork & served a mission. It was the best experience of my life & I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father that did not give up on my & helped me to follow His plan for me. I always encourage any YW to serve but to pray about it & follow the Spirit when thinking about going. Thank you for sharing this, it is very enlightening & I think can help many YW out there!!!
I had two of my guy friends back in the day tell me they would never marry a girl who didn’t serve a mission. Unfortunately there are a lot of guys putting pressure on girls to serve. I just hope that a guys don’t turn up their noses to the girls who didn’t serve.
The crazy thing is that it goes both ways. I’ve had women in the church stick up their noses at me because I have not served a mission and I am 23. Missions do not make good men and women of the church. Missions provide tools to those men and women so they can become stronger members of the church. Why do I say that? Because i know plenty of people who went on missions, learned those tools, returned with honor, and chose to live a different lifestyle. When looking for a spouse in the church, one should not have a checklist of physical attributes you want in a spouse (i.e. looks, callings, money). You should look at their testimony and see whether God, Jesus Christ, and the restored gospel are the number one priority in their life.
If “Obedient to God” is on that checklist, then you would want a young man who served a mission. Granted there are some who are unable, but an unwilling man is a disobedient man. Sure he can repent, but I would see it as a great big red flag. I agree you should look at their testimony – and how they live it.