I’ve Been Cheating My Wife.

Hey now!  Get your head out of the gutter, I said I’ve been cheating my wife – not cheating ON my wife. Like that’s gonna happen. She is my Eternal Companion, my beloved EC. And I’m keeping it that way.

I’m sure you are asking “how have you been cheating her?”  Here’s the story…

I had been blogging for two months before I told my wife about it, because I wanted to surprise her with a bunch of posts right off the bat.  She was surprised and supportive, and thought it lots of fun, but she did have one issue:

EC:  I love the blog, but there is one thing you need to fix.
Me:  What’s that?
EC:  You say that you have 4 “Fruit of Your Loins”.
Me:  Yeah, funny, huh?
EC:  You have 5 kids.
Me:  What?
EC:  You have 5 kids, not 4.
Me: (silently sifting through my brain)
EC: 5.
Me:  You are right.  There is that quiet one. He’s in Junior High, right?
EC:  Don’t be smart, just fix it.

It is true. I do have five FOMLs, not four. So, today I am officially fixing it on my profile and on my Facebook page. Luckily my kids don’t know about this enigmatic hobby, so no harm done. Almost.

It occurred to me as I was prepping for Mother’s Day that I had been cheating my wife. By not acknowledging that other boy of mine, I have been failing to recognize part the wonderousness that is my EC. By a factor of 20%.

20% of the vomiting
20% of the stretchmarks
20% of the labor pains
20% of the constipation
20% of the consumption of Tums
20% of the constant need to pee
20% of the engorgement swelling
20% of the nursing
20% of the healing
20% of the pushing
20% of the stinky diapers
20% of the tears
20% of the loves
20% of the cuddling

20% of the song singing
20% of the baths in the sink
20% of the peek-a-boo games
20% of the crawling
20% of the first steps
20% of the first words
20% of the chubby fingers
20% of the babyfood
20% of the binkies
20% of the funny pooping faces
20% of the joy
20% of what makes our family complete

My EC is an amazing mother. She deserves all 100% of the praise, glory and credit.  I love her, as do all five FOMLs.  I am convinced that all four of my sons beat the crap out of some other spirits in the pre-mortal life to get in the line to be her child.  My daughter just took a chance, because we were unproved then. So far, so good.

Happy Mother’s Day!

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