A disclaimer: I have absolutely no authority to voice my opinion on any subject. I am not a professional counselor. I am not a professional “Life Coach”. I am not your church leader. I have absolutely no business telling anyone how to run their life.
But here I go again anyway…
—
Half my life. That’s how long I’ve been married. It is a nice feeling – I like knowing that my life with my EC has eclipsed my life without her. It has been a great 25 years so far. One of the reasons I can look back fondly is because we rarely fight. In fact, I can say with 100% confidence that we have not had a single fight, quarrel, argument, disagreement or cross word yet. Today.
There are a couple of odd things about arguing with the person I love most in this life.
#1: We rarely argue about anything that is actually very important. It is always dumb little stuff. (In retrospect) Think about the last argument you had. What momentous concept was it about? Life goals, euthanasia, eternal salvation, social injustice? Nope. In my case, it was what did I do with the shopping list. I would love to know what your last fight was about…(please don’t overshare)
#2: There is a very specific look that my wife gets that I recognize is “THE LINE” that I should not cross. At this point, I have a choice to back off, or proceed with certain peril. Sometimes I choose to proceed. (Idiot) I just can’t restrain myself. Once in a while I cross the line unawares, but I must admit that usually I cross it with determination and agency. (Again – Idiot)
There is a saying I hear sometimes that says “You can either be right, or you can be happy, but not both.” That bothers me. It seems to be a total capitulation. Going through life with that kind of martyr attitude would foster resentment. I would rather be kind, right and happy. (Which requires much more charity, and a really good set of communication skills)
In my continuing quest to help improve your lives, I have assembled a few quotes that might enlighten you about arguing:
The first is by a great American humorist, the second by a half-drunk songwriter, and the third by yours truly. The first two share a theme. Give them some thought…
“When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.”
-Will Rogers-
“The more I dig in, the deeper the hole.”
-Roger Clyne-
“Fathers and husbands: Everyone in your home will be happier if you consider it part of your job to repent fastest and apologize first.”
-MMM-
What? That is so sexist to put this burden on the man! Why yes, yes it is. The way I see it, if a man holds the priesthood, and is considered the patriarch in his home, and is supposed to be leading out in that home, he needs to be better at repenting and apologizing that the members of that family he is trying to lead.
I think God said it better in D&C 121:41-46.
I think God said it better in D&C 121:41-46.
Have a peaceful Sabbath.
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Mormon Humorist, LDS Comedy, Daddy Blog
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Last night, we had a slight tiff when I wouldn’t re-read out loud a scripture verse that she missed because she was letting her mind wander. I’m sure I’ll pay for that eventually. I completely agree that most of our fights are over stupid things. We agree on all the important stuff: Church, kids, money etc.
Brandice:
I looked up the word “long-suffering” in the Bible dictionary and found a picture of your husband. I am beginning to admire him greatly. Please keep your bread to yourself.
MMM, are you confused? Of course, you’re a man.
I made some bread. It was hot. I wanted to taste it and I didn’t want anyone else to have any YET. I gave in because I was attempting to be kind. But the crust was crispy and apparently the piece I broke off and tried to feed to my grouchy husband had a vicious edge on it. Evidently he thought I was trying to kill him or something. Death by bloody bread lip.
Isn’t there a phrase that says “you get what you get, and you don’t throw a fit” ? If he wants some bread, he can darn well take the sharp crusty piece I’m offering, or he can just wait until it cools and slice his own. Share, schmare. And btw, I’m pretty sure he has only made the bed like 3 times in his life.
I like the way you think, sexist MMM. I really do. It’s what we are taught at the core of this Plan though, right? Follow husbands who follow God?
PS I love what Tall Girl Running said above… So true. So true. It’s all about give and take in a relationship.
Side note:
I heard a tidbit of “marital advice for men” on the news this morning that made me smile in agreement. Something along the lines of “if you don’t offer to help her make the bed in the morning, don’t expect her to want to jump into it to mess it up with you that night”.
Hear, hear!
Brandi: What???
TGR: Sometimes we men do things that are so brainless that I’m sure the fairer sex must wonder what we were thinking. You have my sympathy – I mean, what kind of man watches a fishing show?
I was frantically running circles around the house in preparation for an extended visit by his out-of-mother (yes, HIS mother) when I came into the bedroom and found him camped in front of the TV watching a fishing show. When I shot him an icy glare, he came back with, “What? I’m just staying out of your way!”
That’s pretty much when the poop hit the fan.
I made some french bread and was “testing” it (before anyone else could) and when he asked, “how is it?” I (grudgingly) offered him a bite. But my aim was bad or he didn’t open his mouth wide enough or something, because somehow there was a sharp piece of crust that stabbed him in the lip, or it was too hot, or some other crybaby complaint…. Anyway, I think he needs to go repent about his attitude toward letting me test everything first and then let him know when it’s okay for him to have it. After all, I was just being KIND. And of course I’m right.
We rarely argue. Sometimes one of us gets annoyed and the other does not rise to the challenge. The annoyances are all “little things” that are pretty meaningless, and they turn up rarely.
The last longer discussion (my preferred term vs. argument) was about what time I come home from work for dinner.
We argued about whether or not we should pick up some stuff from a neighbor today (Sunday.) He was fine with the plan yesterday, but today he suddenly thinks it’s not an appropriate sabbath activity. I think he just wanted to take a nap.
Mindi: Are you sure it wasn’t about calling him “Uggie wuggie” on the internet?
I can’t think what our last fight was about.
Yes, we are that perfect.