On Monday night I was sitting in my comfy chair recovering from FHE and the resulting spiritual fatigue that had set in after posting my brilliant mormon.org profile. (Which you can read here…just kidding) My 14 year-old son walked in carrying a giant flashlight.
MMM: What’s that for?
FOML3: When I was washing the porch on Saturday, I saw a black widow.
MMM: Did you get it?
FOML3: No, it crawled back under the edge of the house before I could.
I would like to stop here and point out a couple of things:
1) My son was doing chores on Saturday and lived to tell the tale.
2) He saw a black widow and waited 3 days to tell me.
MMM: So let’s go find it.
FOML3: I already looked, but couldn’t see it.
MMM: I’ll help.
I extricated myself from my comfortable position and we went outside. He pointed out where the web was, and where he saw the spider. There were a couple of newer web strands that I kicked with my flip-flop. (Yes, you read that correctly: I’m an idiot) But we saw no spider. My son was ready to give up and go in. Not me.
I looked around the area to see if I could find where it was hiding. Next to the wall was the bike rack, with two bikes, and on the ground were three helmets. I pointed to one of the helmets.
MMM: If I were a spider, that is where I would hide. Look – there are webs on it.
FOML3: That is disgusting.
We shined the flashlight in the helmet, but couldn’t see anything. My gut told me there was a spider in there. The helmet belonged to my youngest son – he’s the only one we can still cajole into wearing one.
MMM: Let’s take this in and see if we can find it.
FOML3: In the house? Are you crazy? Don’t pick it up! (I picked it up)
MMM: Here, you carry it.
FOML3: No way!
MMM: Oh, it’s fine. (This was false bravado, I was plenty nervous)
What was making this enjoyable is that FOML3 really hates spiders. During this whole process he was doing the whole “involuntary shudder” thing, which is really quite entertaining, as long as it is happening to someone else.
We took the helmet in the kitchen and started filling the sink. I dropped the helmet in, and it floated. That meant I had to push it down and hold it under the water to drown this critter. As the water rose, the spider slowly emerged from one of the holes in the helmet and attempted to climb to higher ground. However, higher ground was occupied by my hand. (Involuntary shudder)
I shook the helmet and the spider fell off into the water. My son pulled out his phone and took a picture. Here he is: Oops, here SHE is:
I told my son to reach down and pull the drain stopper. He actually said “Are you crazy?” So I did it. A quick flick of the garbage disposal switch and our nemesis was no more. We took apart the helmet and put it on a towel to dry.
It was about this time that my EC walked in and asked what we were doing with FOML5’s helmet. FOML3 quickly related the story, and my wife exercised such restraint as I have never witnessed. Why? Not because a black widow had taken up residence in my youngest child’s bicycle helmet, but because…
…it was my fault.
I knew it, and she knew it. But she didn’t say a word. She didn’t need to. I felt so guilty. She looked at me, and the reaction must have been blatant, because my son was suddenly curious and asking what was the wrong. Neither of us told him that it was my fault.
You are probably wondering why I am willing to take the blame for something that can easily happen to anyone. Who can control nature? So here’s the quick backstory:
Earlier in the year I was late paying the exterminator. We started getting phone calls. Dozens. With the computerized auto-dialer. They were relentless. Dozens of calls a day. After a couple days of this, I told the rep that I would take care of the bill, but if they ever call me again with the auto-dialer, I would never do business with them again! We had been good customers for 10 years, and they were driving me crazy with the computerized phone calls.
They called back. So, being “a man of integrity”, I cancelled the service. My EC was not pleased, but I reassured her I would get someone else to do it. I never did.
Basically, the thought that was running through both our minds was this: My ridiculous stubbornness put our son in jeopardy. I let my personal, petty feelings get in the way of protecting my family. Imagine my son putting that helmet on, pedaling off to school…
Today I’m calling the exterminator.
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As always, I look for lessons in life experiences. This one has bunches. Feel free to find your own messages in this.
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Eric D. Snider has written several funny posts about his dislike of spiders. Last week he wrote another one.
http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/arachnophilia/
thanks for the post– I finally got an exterminator at our house today because my husband read your post… you’re awesome (and my hubs is equally awesome!)
*involuntary shudder*
yeah, but you were still inspired to know where the spider was hiding. Your EC should give you some credit. (Good luck with that)
That is a tough spider. The problem with using the garbage disposal is that you have to bring the spider to IT, which creeps out the entire household.
Last Black widow I found was making it’s nest on my bag of Diazinon. They are tough spiders, glad to hear the garbage disposal can defeat them.
I also cancelled our terminator service, but it was due to lack of funds. Unfortunately, I still keep getting those irritating computer generated phone calls.
“Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to protect them from arachnids by utilizing a reputable exterminator, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.” Watch yourself, MMM! 🙂
Spiders are gross. I used to think I had a phobia until I read that the definition of aa phobia is to have an irrational fear of something. My fear of spiders is completely rational and justifiable.
Man! That is a scary thought about the what COULD have happened. Luckily you were blessed. Someone has got His eye on that lil one of yours. Wouldn’t it be just awful if we were in charge of things around here?? 🙂
Do not like spiders! We have only found one black widow here and that was one too many. Glad you are taking care of the problem.
Sandy
Great post. Thanks for the reminder that it is spider season. We have some chickens in our back yard so I haven’t seen a spider back there all year. (I have seen tons of chicken poop though) I’m afraid I could only top your story if I made up a tale of the time I found a shark in our baby’s crib.
I am impressed that you are taking the blame. Can you teach that to my husband?
What a tale! My spidey-sense is really tingling. (Involuntary shudder.)
I found two black widows in our yard this past week, on two separate occasions. One was hiding out in the little children’s plastic picnic table that we were using for our Labor Day picnic–thankfully I was wiping it out of all the spider webs before we used it for the children, and thus found the spider. The other was yesterday under the lid of the sprinkler valve turn-off box. In both cases I carried the item out to the driveway, shook out the spider, and thoroughly smashed it with my shoe. No husband. No exterminator. Just me. Ugh–Black Widows! {{Shudder}}