Tuesday, 2:15am
I’m not going to bed tonight. I am sitting on a rock-hard loveseat in a hospital room, listening to the clicks and whirrs of the pumps and meters. A few feet away, one of the saintliest men I have ever known is trying his best to sleep amidst the lights, noises, discomforts, and constant interruptions. I am here until sun-up to give his sweet wife a chance to get some sleep.
Every once in a while I warm up a wash cloth and wipe his face, or spoon feed him a few ice chips. When he feels like chatting, we chat. Mostly I’m watching him sleep. Thankfully, the doctors expect he will make a complete recovery and be home soon.
There is nowhere else I would rather be.
Yes, I am painfully aware that just yesterday I was irritated at this very man. This man that I love. Why? Because his family had kept everyone at arms length, and been slow to let us know how he was doing. We couldn’t help.
I don’t believe much in coincidence. I also know that once in a while the Lord has to really give me a good wallop upside the head. He is rarely subtle with me. Usually He waits a little while. But in this case, I was given this specific opportunity to serve – and to learn – a mere 12 hours after I wrote my last post. (You might want to go back and read it before you go on link)
So, as I sit here in a really good state of mind and heart, I have been reading all of your recent comments regarding service and privacy. Some sad, some sweet, some tragic, and some disquieting. There are some of you out there that – like me – are a little to quick to judge. There are some that are filled with gratitude. There are some that are very, very wise. I hope you don’t mind, but I would like to add a few more thoughts.
It seems that some of us need to consider a little bit of repentance. What? You are turning this into a preach about repentance? Yes I am. But calm down – I said “us” not “you”. This discussion just begs to be looked at through the prism of repentance. How so? I thought you would never ask…
1) Giver’s Pride: One of the main issues that I was venting about Sunday was that I was being denied my opportunity to exercise my faith, my prayers, my fasting, my service on my friends’ behalf, and losing out on my blessings. (See the recurring word? I bolded it, just so you wouldn’t miss it.) I learned a long time ago that anytime you can have the word “I” or “my” that many times in one sentence, then something is amiss. Is it even supposed to be about me?
2) Receiver’s Pride: Some people are truly “private” people. But should we ever be so private that we can’t let our leaders, or HTs or VTs know what our challenges are? These are people who have an actual stewardship over us. They do need to know – they also have the privilege of receiving revelation regarding how to best serve us. Why not let the Lord help us? As President Uchtdorf taught, “The answer might come from the voice and wisdom of trusted friends and family…” (Waiting on the Road to Damascus)
I still stand by the idea that we are supposed to be “willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort…” – and that requires a willingness on the receiving end as well.
3) Resentment: Yes, I have had times where I felt neglected or ignored in times of trial. Or by people ‘minimizing’ our needs. And yes, I have had to work through them. But, one thing that I know for sure is that an unforgiving heart will stop our spiritual progress dead in its tracks. (Don’t believe me? Ask Tarzan) Of all the comments, those that made me saddest were the ones that showed resentment and pain from past experiences where the saints did not respond so saintly. It is time to let it go.
This also makes me fret about how many people feel that I let them down when I didn’t check in on them, or give them a call when they were in need. (Actually, I think I would rather not know.)
4) Rubberneckers: It is absolutely true that there are nosy people who deal more from curiosity than charity. We need to forgive them too! Seems like judging other’s motives might be a slippery place to stand – probably a good time to give someone the benefit of the doubt.
5) Pushy People: Yes, we have received meals that were never consumed and went straight into the trash. Yes, we have visited with concerned people when we really didn’t want to talk to anyone. Just because some people lack some social grace, or sensitivity, does not mean their hearts aren’t in the right place. So we need to forgive them as well.
My EC and I have been greatly blessed by those stubborn people who ‘wouldn’t take no for an answer’, and by others that we would least expect to show up to help. We have formed new and lasting friendships with people who have served us, even though they didn’t really know us at the time.
(This started getting longer than I anticipated…oops!)
I know that tonight my heart is soft, and squishy because I have been given the opportunity to serve and to learn. Hopefully, next time I need someone to help me, I will have the desire to let someone else share those feelings with me. There are so many wonderful people who are willing to serve wherever, whenever needed. It is a noble, Christ-like thing. Keep up the good work.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me about these things – it has been enlightening and sobering for me. (And sorry if you read this whole thing waiting for a punchline.)
I love this life, I love this gospel, and I love hearing my friend snore.
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Okay, this is the thing. Why do we wait to be asked? Why do we stubbornly fold our arms and pout when we KNOW someone needs something? Or fold our arms and pout becasue no one was lead by the Spirit to serve us? I have had many moments of need when someone showed up at my door with food or flowers or just to say hi. It really made a difference in my attitude and my ability to get through these bumps in my path. I have done the same for others. I know that I personally fall into the arm-folding group more often than I should. At least it might seem that way.
Last year a girl in our ward died. Everyone was shocked and devastated. I have spent a lot of time feeling bad for not doing more for that family. For not being asked! But I was the one who had to do sharing time with all those shocked and hurt children that first Sunday. I had a very intensely spiritual night prior to that lesson. I am still in awe of the things I learned that night. Now that some time has passed I realize that my service needs were not for the family. There were others who served them. My service was for the children of our ward. I don’t know if I did a good job. I hope I did. I was certainly prepared by the Holy Ghost. What I am trying to say is that sometimes we think we should be doing one thing but we are really needed somewhere else. No service is small. No offering goes unnoticed by the Lord. We can’t all do everything. We each have to do our own part.
Let me just say that it’s refreshing to open up a blog with some real meat. Thank you.
When we lived in Venezuela years ago, I spent five days in the hospital (in on Monday, out on Friday) receiving IV antibiotics for a chronic condition.
When I went to bishopric meeting that Sunday, I mentioned to the bishop I’d been in the hospital all week. He said, “I had no idea. No one said a word.” It was true. We hadn’t thought to tell anyone at church.
I write this comment sitting in a hospital room with my spouse. We have had a terrible time with all sorts of health trials lately, along with them coming up during about 5 other trials. It has been a terribly difficult time but we have also never felt so blessed. It has been a truly spiritual experience to give up and let the Lord take over our lives. I am so grateful for the people who have seen and met needs before we could ask. It makes me more determined than ever to pay it forward.
It’s wonderful when the Lord humbles us, isn’t it. We don’t mind at all when we actually learn something from it. 🙂
When we are in the service of our fellow beings [even when they don’t initially tell us they need to be served] we are in the service of our God…
I liked your line “it is time to let it go.”
That kind of peace that the atonement brings is PRICELESS, and immediate. For the one feeling guilty, and the ones feeling offended. (I’m no stranger to it!)
Thank you for your thoughts on all of this.
Tonya: I don’t know why or how, but your insightful comment ended up in my Spam folder. It is unfortunate that you immediately jumped to the conclusion that you must have said something wrong.
It is posted now, A couple of things: I actually like Spam, fried, with eggs, and no, I don’t want to buy term life insurance from you.
Was there a glitch or did you exercise your deleting rights? I don’t even know what I said wrong! 🙁 Educate me!
I made some phone calls yesterday that wouldn’t have been made, had it not been for this topic.
I have loved this post and the last one. They have given me a lot to think about. I have been struggling with a health issue for a year now. (anemia, along with some female issues.) Twice I have been in pretty serious condition with iron levels critical enough to have a blood transfusion. I have resisted help or at least kept quiet with my struggles. I haven’t wanted help. Mostly because I don’t want to be a burden on anyone. Partly because I sometimes doubt the sincerity of the offers. And I must admit, I don’t want to be the ward charity case. Not to mention it is just no fun to try and explain why I am ill to my home teacher, or even my visiting teacher. Sometimes, I just don’t know what to tell them. But I do think that if we opened our hearts a little on the giving and receiving end of things that we would be happier people.
I always prefer the company of someone who can easily admit that they have been hasty and/or wrong and talk about what they have learned from that. Humility is refreshing as this isn’t a race.
It seems to me that one of the big things we are struggling with here is motive. My wise husband is still trying to convince me that it doesn’t matter what people intend, we can assume they meant well and are doing their best. You can’t tell me that you’ve never started an act of service with a grudging heart that softened during or after the act. I’ve seen and heard of behavior unbecoming of Saints, but if we didn’t have faults, we’d be translated. Sometimes people’s “best” that they are doing doesn’t even come close to what we think they are capable of, but who really knows another person’s capacity? Heaven knows (hey, pun now intended!) I am an idiot myself. Thanks for your example and for letting us share.
I love teaching moments like that, even if they are humbling 🙂
I’m glad you had an opportunity to help him and his wife. I’m sure they appreciated it.
“We were put on this earth to serve others. What the others are here for, I don’t know.”
One of my favorite quotes of all time. Service is truly one of the reasons we are here. I definitely need to feel less frustrated with people not approaching me with opportunities to serve because they are worried I have a lot on my plate. Because I do but I also feel so blessed by the life we’ve chosen that I really wish that I could pass it on.
Isn’t life just a continuous learning experience? And a continuous forgiving experience (ourselves and others)?
I. love. this. post. even. more.
Thank you. 🙂
(And in the future, I promise to try not to use periods after every word… except on special occasions.)
I’m trying to figure out which category my previous post would fit into….not sure…hmmm
One thing that has helped me is when praying in the morning, I pray that if there is anyone who may need my help through the day I will cross paths with them. As I go through the day, I listen the the Spirit. I may miss promptings, I may help sometimes. Either way, my intent is to be an instrument in the Lord’s hands. It’s not MY work, it’s the Lords.
I am sincerely sorry for your friend. I’m glad he’ll make a full recovery. Sometimes it is our turn to help, sometimes the responsibility belongs to someone else. Either way I know the Lord is mindful of of all of our needs and knows who is best suited to help us.
If you need extra sleep after your ordeal, you are excused from blogging (by me) for a short time. 🙂 Hang in there
I agree with your post 110% – I would love to live in the land of Enoch too. Service is an interesting topic isn’t it? My family has been the told we are taking too much, we are taking too little, why didn’t we tell anyone we needed help(?) and maybe we are a little too needy. One sister I know was told last week, upon the birth of her child by the RS president to call the sisters in her ward and to arrange her own meals. She was too busy to arrange the meals for the new mother. Needless to say, but I will say anyway, she didn’t call anyone to bring her food. I have repeatedly asked to be called when food is needed, but have been told repeatedly – we have a group of women that we can count on. That one still stings – I have never missed a food assignment and I am a really good cook!
I believe we need to serve others and vice versa. I love taking gifts, I love taking food in, watching someone’s children, being a shoulder to cry on. I can actually be a REALLY good listener. So I rely on prayer to see who might need something. And I’ve tried really hard to just serve when I feel there is a need I can fill.
Thanks for your post.