My father was a remarkable man: A child of the Great Depression, WWII Veteran, provider, husband, church leader. But somewhere along the line, he picked up a trait that is quite uncommon in my generation. I can only imagine that it was a holdover from his.
For some reason, when he wanted to draw attention to things, especially things written on chalkboards, he would point at them – with his middle finger.
Yes, he would point with “Tall Man”.
Generations, since ancient Greece until now, have obviously become adept at using this finger for a different kind of emphasis.
It was something I overlooked until the day he became my priest quorum advisor. He was a great teacher, but you could count on him to write something important on the chalkboard, and then point at it with his middle finger. And he would keep pointing forever, while he communicated his thought. I would squirm. I would cringe – much to my discomfort, and much to the delight of my fellow priests. Remember, as teenagers – male teenager – most of us were already functioning at a high levels of both parental-embarrassment and immaturity.
One time I gathered the courage to talk to him about it. I explained that the middle finger was “the bird”, and it was really bad to use that finger all by itself to point at things. His response? “It’s the longest finger. Why wouldn’t I point with it?” I made my case that the index finger is called the pointer for a reason! He assured me that he understood, and thakfully stopped the offensive gesture – until the next Sunday.
It was a cringeworthy moment, and my friends were quick to tease. It was almost as bad as our Sunday School teacher, a wonderful immigrant from the Orient, who could not pronounce the “L’ sound in the word “fluctuate”. To this day I do not understand why the word “fluctuate” came up so often in religious instruction. But it did – and believe me, we heard it every single time.
So why am I bringing this up after all these years? Today my EC and I were walking across a parking lot and she sweetly asked me, “Do you remember when you told me about how your dad would point with his middle finger?”
“Yes..why?” I asked warily.
“I noticed that yesterday when you were teaching Sunday School you were doing that too.”
Oh no! It’s genetic?!
How long have I been doing this? I love the chalkboard – but has it been my enemy? Have the youth of the ward been secretly mocking me all this time? Are the FOMLs shamed?
Sigh. It guess it is inevitable. I am becoming my father.
LDS humorist
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Haha! This post made me remember something I had forgotten about my mother. My dad gave my mom a beautiful CTR ring when I was a youth. The ring didn’t fit on my mom’s ring finger so she put it on her middle finger. If she felt that I, or my siblings, were making bad choices, she would lift that finger and point to the ring. We tried to get her to stop but she would tell us to get our mind out the the gutter because we knew what she was really implying by her gesture. My mom would usually use this technique in situations were we needed to be quiet. Like the store, or at someone’s house other than our own, or AT CHURCH!!! It was so embarrassing! My mother not only raised her middle finger but would point to it. The ring was lost a long time ago. I never asked my brothers but I think they may have had something to do with it.
he he
Sounds like you could do much worse than becoming like your Dad.
Tall Girl Running – I love your response!
Just adapt to the 2-finger point–middle and pointer together like a flight attendant!!!
Lots of cultures use the longest finger to point.
I sometimes catch myself saying something my mother used to say to me. AND some other times, I catch myself saying something with the same voice or expression as my mother. Shudder.
I distinctly remember the day I stood in the kitchen swearing like a sailor at the mess my boys had made and it was like a bolt of lightening hit – I HAD BECOME MY MOTHER!
That wasn’t sitting well then, but now in my old age, I am proud to say I am similar to her in many regards.
And, if my Dad were ever to come to church, he would purposely do things with his middle finger. Just to people would leave him alone. I adored him
I have had this same conversation with my 8 year old son who insists that he must point with the longest finger. To his mind it is ridiculous to use a shorter finger for this job. And he insists taht it only means something bad if you want it.
So, through his innocent reasoning, I have come to accept that it really doesn’t matter and I have decided to let it go.
Of course this is the same child who told his friends “Amy is a bad word. It is my mom’s real name and I’m not allowed to say it.”
My paternal grandfather uses the middle finger for everything. Of course, he is from Costa Rica and I don’t believe that digit carries the same meaning there. When I was 8, my family got to visit our paradise-dwelling grandparents. I have one specific memory of my grandfather summoning me with the “come here” finger curl… With the pointer this is a normal gesture, but he did it with his middle finger. In my 8-year-old mind I thought he was flipping me off, so I refused to go to him.
My dad also is prone to use his middle finger to point, just like his dad. Luckily that never caused me any embarrassment.
It was when my son began using that finger that I became embarrassed by it’s use. Ok, most of the time it was funny when my then-3-now-4-year-old waved his bird around as he excitedly told some story. It was interesting trying to explain to my 4-year-old why that finger was not the one he should be using, but he’s stopped.
Sorry this is so long…I didn’t know I had so much to say about “the bird”…
So, what you’re saying is if I happen to see someone aiming a middle finger at me while I’m on the road driving, it’s really just his way of pointing me out specifically to say “you’re awesome!”. And then it would be entirely appropriate for me to return the gesture in kind to say, “no, YOU’RE awesome!”. Just think of it! The world and all the roads that travel within it would be a kinder, gentler place if we’d all just learn to point our middle fingers at each other.
Hello from Brazil! I always suspected it had to be genetic. My husband does that and my younger son does it all the time, since he was a baby.
I’m glad my husband isn’t a teacher. I’d feel the same way if I were one of his students. I’m working n my son to stop doing it before others start teasing him.
At least you aren’t using the word ‘fluctuate’ every lesson….right??
My 7th grade science teacher did the same. It made us laugh every time he did it. When I remember that class, it’s still the number one thing I think of.
Paul: Amen, brother!
We could do a lot worse than becoming like our fathers — warts and all… 🙂
LoL!! I laughed so hard. My mom points with her middle finger all the time. And my boys started doing it, too (after watching her do it often). It took me a bit to break them out of the habit.
And for the record, I always cringe at that, too.
Maybe its poetic justice for your dad? lol