Gray Fatigue

If I had to choose a favorite color, it would probably be gray. I have gray shirts, suits, hair, and used to drive a gray car. Some would argue that it isn’t a “color” per se, but you could make the case that since white is a composite of all colors, and black is the absence of color, then gray is somewhere between 99% and 1% color. That is precisely why I like gray. I find it fascinating that there can be so many variation between the extremes of black and white.

While I think gray is a good color, I don’t think that it makes for a very good lifestyle. A good friend of mine has told me that when it comes to religion, I am the most “black and white person he has ever known”. He claims that he says this as a compliment, but I think it depends on the issue we happen to be talking about that day. He is not the only one to have said this to me, but it is true that I don’t have a lot of use for gray areas in my life.

Maybe part of the reason is that a gray life makes me tired. I think it is more difficult to live a gray life than it is to live a black and white life. Case in point:

Some years back, my EC and I decided that we were done seeing R-rated movies. We had been told by leaders at all levels – Church, Stake, and Ward, that we should avoid them. So, to be obedient, we drew a line in the gray sand of cinema and committed that we were done watching R-rated movies. Done.

Up until that point, we had been living in the gray area, and believe me, the gray area takes more work. New movie? Oh, it’s rated R? Well how come? Is it nudity, and if so, is it sexual nudity? Or is it violence? Well, if it’s violence, is it gratuitous violence, or is it important “Saving Private Ryan” violence. Or is it Jesus being crucified violence? Is it the language? Is it just filthy comedy language, or is it depicting real-life scenarios where such language would be accepted? Or is the subject matter? Is it deep? Or is it offensive?

But Roger Ebert loved it, and so did my co-workers – they said it wasn’t a very “strong” R-rating. Besides, he is my favorite actor, and I saw the first one. Maybe we should see it on vacation, so we don’t run into any Ward-ees at the theater… etc…  (Aaaaarrrgggghhh!!!)

See my point? Now when we find out a movie we wanted to see is rated R, we just say, “Bummer. What else do you want to see?” and it is over. Simple.

I feel somewhat emboldened, knowing that God does not have a lot of respect for people living in the “Gray Zone.”

I know thy works, that thou art neither cold or hot: I would that thou wert cold or hot.

So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.

(Revelation 3:15-16)

Personally, I don’t want to be spewed.

There have even been times where the Lord has felt it necessary to tighten up seemingly obvious commandments, because society has a habit of chipping away at the black and white – creating gray.

Thou shalt love they neighbor as thyself. Thou shalt not steal; neither commit adultery, not kill, nor do anything like unto it.

(Doctrine & Covenants 59:6)

It seems like the Lord, through His prophets, is always having to try and draw sharper distinctions between black and white as we try and fuzz up the edges and create new gray areas. Gray areas that justify not living the way He has asked us to live. Those distinctions are often presented to us in the form of Conference addresses, or through the General Handbook of Instructions.

I can hear some of you saying “But there are exceptions! Not everything is black and white.” Yes, that can be true – occasionally. But I think it is a lot less common than we would hope.

What I worry about is that sometimes we search for gray areas, or look to create gray areas FIRST, rather than looking for ways to adjust our lives to AVOID the gray. (Yes, I put that in bold because I think it’s important.)

Yes, there are times when the black and white will not possibly work. But we should only look for the gray areas, or exceptions AFTER we have tried accomplishing what has been asked of us.

To reinforce this idea, we don’t need to look much further than what was taught is many of your Sunday School classes today.  When Lehi took his wife and sons into the wilderness, Laman and Lemuel struggled because they didn’t believe their father. Guess what – neither did Nephi. All of the sons were obedient enough to leave Jerusalem and go into the wilderness, but they didn’t believe what Lehi had told them. They were firmly ensconced in the “Gray Zone.”

Nephi, however, was determined to get some resolution – to get out of the gray – to find the white.

And it came to pass that I, Nephi, being exceedingly young, nevertheless being large in stature, and also having great desires to know of the mysteries of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did visit me, and did soften my heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father; wherefore, I did not rebel against him like unto my brothers. (1 Nephi 2:16)

From that point on, Nephi was all about “I will go and do…“. Whatever he was asked to do, whatever suffering he was asked to bear, whatever obstacles were put before him, he overcame. But it wasn’t until after he had left the “Gray Zone”. The reason he left the gray zone is because he went to the Lord in prayer, and the Lord softened his heart. Laman and Lemuel decided to stay in the gray, with their hard hearts – and that gray gradually degraded to black.

Personally, when I find myself searching for gray areas, or trying to figure out how I can be the exception to the rule, I know that it is usually because I am seeking for some self-justification. And living a life of self-justification is a exhausting way to live. It is more complicated, and more difficult.

The Savior invited us by saying, “My yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” And definitely not gray.

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