A couple of weeks ago, I wrote a post to my sons containing a list of things a man should never say to his wife. (Link here) At the time, I offered that I would write a companion piece of things that a wife shouldn’t say to her husband. This has proven to be much more difficult that the first. I have thought about it, and have come up with four possible reasons this might be the case:
1) I am extremely good-natured, and don’t let small details stand in the way of our loving, eternal relationship.
2) I am an great listener and immediately incorporate her requests into my life so that I only hear them once each.
3) My EC is such a kind, lovely, amazing woman that she is usually right, and communicates thing so well to me that I never have cause to take offense.
4) I don’t pay close enough attention when she is talking to be bothered by what she is asking me.
I think I’m going to go with #3 and #4. Why? Because I am full of wisdom.
Here is the list – feel free to contribute:
Things a wife shouldn’t say to her husband:
• I thought you said you’d be home early today.
• You are honestly telling me you can’t smell that?
• I’m tired of the paint in the kitchen.
• I’m tired of the paint in the living room.
• I’m tired of the paint…(you get the idea)
• We need to talk – but it will have to be later.
• I promise she will only be living here for a little while.
• You really can’t smell that?
• My mom thinks you should…
• My sister thinks you should…
• I think I’m going to rearrange the furniture in the living room while you watch your game.
• I was hoping to save some for leftovers.
• I’ll be home at 10:00. Make sure you feed the kids, get the kids in their jammies, have them brush their teeth, have them go potties, make sure they go to bed, check their backpacks, etc…
• Wouldn’t you rather go to sleep?
• You should really plan a “Guys Night Out” – you deserve it. (Offering this is so unrealistic that it would sew the seeds of distrust in your relationship)
• No really, Downton Abbey is wonderful, you would really like it.
• My heart belongs to you, but my neck belongs to Edward. (Grounds for divorce)
• Funny how we’ve gained the same amount of weight, but I had all the kids.
Be sure to read the comments below – they just get better and better!
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@handsfullmom – start Downton Abbey from episode 2. There is no objectionable content at all after that first episode, and you will love it.
All you need to know from ep. 1 is:
a) Thomas (the gay one) is the bad guy
b) The Turkish diplomat died in Lady Mary’s bed, and Lady Mary, her mother (Cora) and Anna the maid carried him back to his own bed but were observed by Daisy the kitchen maid.
c) The heir to Downton Abbey, cousin Patrick Crawley, died on the Titanic. The new heir is Matthew Crawley, a distant cousin they have never met.
so many good ones…and I’ll add…
“don’t you want another little one?”
(as much as my husband loves his kids, for some reason this scares him more than anything.)
@ Handsfullmom – I’m glad I’m not the only one. I had heard so many great things about this show and got it from Netflix. I got to that scene in the first episode and turned it off. We get enough garbage in our home without inviting it in.
Great lists, everyone. I’ll have to watch myself to avoid a few of these.
LOL! Thanks for the chuckle for both my husband and I this morning. 😀
And Handsfullmom: I appreciate your review of Downton Abbey. 🙂
-Is that what you’re wearing? No, no, it’s ok, I just thought you were going to wear something nicer.
And for the record Downton Abbey is the greatest! AND! The Hubs agrees. He loves it. 🙂 It’s actually a lot cleaner than a lot of shows on network TV.
My husband hates it when I say:(In Sacrament meeting) “No- I dont have a pen and paper for you to draw with. I only brought enough for the children.”
“You just enjoy your nap. I think I’ll mow the lawn – I could use the exercise.”
“I’ll just have a sip.”
“Oooo, figure skating’s on!”
“Do you want me to get the instructions?”
One I innocently said recently: “Honey, you know how we just finished the headboard that cost 300 dollars because I had to buy the “special” nail head trim in pewter,the “special” foam and batting, and the “special” fabric that took 4 months to find and two weeks to build? Well, I really don’t like it. Can we do something different?”
“You’re kidding me…again?!”
“You do know that ‘next to the hamper’ is not the same thing as ‘in the hamper’, right?”
“Why are you using those pillows? They’re for decoration!!!”
“Is that what you’re wearing out to dinner?”
“Which would you rather do? Change the baby’s diaper or put the kids to bed?”
“Just because your shirt and pants are both green doesn’t mean that they match.”
“Do you even know what our son’s teacher’s name is?”
“I went to Target/Michaels/the Fabric store today. . . .” (after this all he hears is money being drained from our bank account.)
And my husband’s favorite: “If you were listening to me what did I just say?”
“But look at how much I saved!”
😉
The last statement has never been said by me….I have three teenage daughters who delightfully point it out to their dad instead, “Mom had nine kids! What’s your excuse!”
Now we are on a diet together. So another thing to never say to your husband.
“Men naturally lose weight faster than women.”
Why? It provokes a little happy dance and a “I’m winning! I’m winning!” reaction.
Yes, I did delete that last comment. While the concern is valid, I’m not sure that this is the forum to discuss intimacy issues. Sorry!
Anonymous said:
As a full blooded, card carrying member of the male demographic, I must defend Downton Abbey”
That’s hysterical – Don’t you just love irony?
As a full blooded, card carrying member of the male demographic, I must defend Downton Abbey; snarky British people are highly entertaining. Give it a try MMM. If nothing else, it is great for inducing a post 3-hour block coma on a Sunday Afternoon.
And as for things a wife should never say:
-“I hope it was worth it for you to miss….”
-“Do you know how many calories one of those chicken wings has?”
-“A little salad once in a while wouldn’t kill you.”
-Any statement with the words antioxidant, omega-3 or green juice smoothie.
-“Are you sure we shouldn’t hire a (plumber,electrician, mason) to do that?”
Oh, sure, Downton Abbey is a great show, if you don’t mind watching the gay characters kiss in the first episode or the scandal where the diplomat falls dead while in the process of depriving the daughter of her virginity or … well, I don’t know what else because it was at that point I decided this wasn’t a show I would allow in my home. Frankly, I’ve been shocked at how widely-touted the show has been among my LDS friends — Pride and Prejudice, it certainly is not.
Yes, mintifresh is right! Downton Abbey is pretty awesome (and my hubby agrees!).
I am NOT a good wife when it comes to this. My husband is pretty good at following the “what not to say to your wives” thing, but I certainly have a way to go before I can reciprocate the same!
Another one: “Do I look fat in this? Are you sure?”
Laughing out loud. Seriously. Going to have to have my non-blog-reading husband read this. I think I said approximately 7 of those things to him this morning in the 4 available minutes he had before rushing out the door.
JWW
Laughing out loud. Seriously. Going to have to have my non-blog-reading husband read this. I think I said approximately 7 of those things to him this morning in the 4 available minutes he had before rushing out the door.
JWW
How about:
“I think you’d have better results with the kids if you…(fill in the blank)”
“My dad made more money”
“If you did’t watch EPSN so much you would have more time for scripture study/more time with the kids/time to finish the basement”
“really? you need clean clothes EVERY day? The baby only spit up a little bit”
“just ask for directions…nobody would mind”
“wasn’t it just last week?”
“We’re going to visit my mom for two weeks”
I’ll admit, yours are all funnier than mine – especially ElReys.
“Put your clothes back on.”
“I haven’t shaved my legs in months!”
“I’m gassy”
“My friend’s are coming over for a late movie”
“You’re just like your father”
And Downton Abbey is pretty much the best show since Colin Firth’s Pride and Prejudice.
I love the book by John Bytheway “Behind Every Good Man.” All women everywhere should read it! And I love this list. Granted my husband is usually the one who wants to paint the walls or rearrange furniture.
How about:
“I’ll just have a bite of yours.”
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”
“Are you sure you know where you’re going?”
“Will you hand me the remote?”
“Don’t worry; I’ll just cancel it.”
and
“Calm down.”