Warning: This post is not suitable for Vegans or Vegetarians.
I can grill a mean steak. One of the benefits of getting older is that you do some things often enough that you get pretty good at them. Grilling a steak – and getting it right – is one of them.
However, sometimes you just need to let somebody else do the cooking. As you probably know by now, my EC and I are devout believers in Date Night. And there is nothing better for a date night than to let someone else cook the food and wash the dishes, while you chat with your best friend.
(Another advantage of going to a restaurant is that afterwards you don’t have to listen to any children arguing over whose turn it is to unload, clear, wash or load.)
When we go out for steak, my EC usually gets the tenderloin filet, or filet mignon.
I know that a lot of women really prefer the filet. This makes total sense to me that this would be a girlie-type steak, because it is very tender, and expensive.
For me? I’ll bet you are thinking, “MMM surely gets the ribeye, because it’s big and fat.” While I understand the logic in this, you would be wrong. My favorite cut is the NY Strip.
It is a good sized steak – bigger than the filet, and around the same price, with very little waste. Not as tender as the filet, but since I have teeth, so that’s OK with me.
The tricky thing about cooking steaks either at home on at any restaurant is getting the “temperature” right. I used to say “doneness,” but Food Network is gradually teaching me the proper culinary jargon.
I grew up in a home where my mom would not, could not, eat a steak with pink in it. Any pink. Steak was well-done. And if not well-done, over-done.
To her, a perfect steak had just the proper hint of gray. It wasn’t until later in life that I learned that steak could actually be more – much, much more.
Medium. That’s how I roll. Gradually my EC has come down from medium-well to join me at medium. Not a fan of rare, but if I had to choose, I would choose medium-rare over medium-well.
Great. Now I’m sitting here craving a steak. You too? Sorry.
I have never spent any time in a professional kitchen to see how they gauge the temperature of the steak, but I am aware of three different methods: They use a thermometer, they go by time, or they can tell by how soft/firm the meat is.
Since I can usually get it right at home, I would assume that someone who does it for a living can get it right every time. But as you know, sometimes it just comes out wrong.
You order medium. The waiter brings it out, and leaves. You cut into the steak to find a dry, gray, over-done steak. It happens. And it seems that the only time the waiter hangs around until you check is when it is perfect. Maybe they know when it’s wrong and are beating a hasty retreat….
Here is the extreme of potential responses:
A) Get irritated and send it back, making your displeasure known to anyone who will listen.
C) Dutifully eat what you are served.
My EC’s nature is “C.” She would rather eat a bad steak than to have to tell someone that it is wrong. It is how she is wired. She is kind, gentle and shy at times, and would rather eat a dry, over-cooked steak, than to have to confront the waiter. She has been known to comment that she doesn’t “want to make anyone feel bad.”
On the other hand, I am much more of an “A.” I have absolutely no problem sending food back. If they cooked it wrong, back it goes. If I’m going to drop $20-$50 on apiece of meat, it needs to be done correctly. This is not to say that I send stuff back because I just don’t like it. If I ordered poorly – well, that’s on me. I would never say, “I really don’t like this, bring me something else.” That seems patently unfair to me.
These two extremes are one reason why my EC and I are meant to be. We balance each other out. Over time, something can happen – if you let it. As a couple, you begin to find new options that are not necessarily part of either of your natures – options that develop from watching each other, and learning.
Case in point: Option B.
B) Kindly, and apologetically tell the waiter that your steak is over-done, and don’t make a big deal out of it.
You know what usually happens then? Instead of it becoming contentious, the staff is usually very quick to fix the problem, and very nice about it. The times Option B has been utilized have turned excellent. At the end of the day, the restaurant wants to make you happy.
Option B is a win/win because you don’t have to eat the nasty dry steak, but you also don’t have to feel irritated and lose the enjoyment of your date night – just because somebody wasn’t paying attention to the grill.
I know there are a lot of “Option Bs” out there that I have yet to discover. But I do appreciate how a good marriage can make more of those options present themselves. Those “extremes” can be tempered, and a new, better common ground can be found. It isn’t so much about a conscious compromise, it is about improving by watching the example of another.
From my perspective, the world around me, myself, and God would all be a lot happier if I moved more towards my EC’s demeanor.
Oh, and even if your steak is cooked wrong, don’t forget to tip your server – it wasn’t his/her fault.
Which reminds me…many years ago -1977 to be exact, Steve Martin wrote and appeared in a short movie called “The Absent Minded Waiter.” (It was even nominated for an Academy Award.) Yes, I am aware that I am all over the place in this post.
Two last things for you guys out there:
1) When grilling a steak, make sure you only flip it ONCE.
2) If you don’t take your wife out on a date frequently (if not weekly) you don’t deserve her.
On with the show…
Medium Well. and B is a good option…. I have to admit I have done A before. does not sit well for my EC 🙂 so I have learned that B is the best option. I don’t like a dry steak but I refuse to eat anything that moo’s back at me.
At times I can be an option A person, but more often I try to be an option B person. The one time I was an option C person was a situation involving steak – unfortunately. Let me say that I am NOT a steak person. I didn’t grow up eating steak and I don’t really know much about it. That said, I went out to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse for an anniversary dinner once and ordered a $50 (medium well) steak. When the steak came it was dry and over cooked. It tasted yucky and was impossible to chew. I thought that was just how steak was, so I ate as much as I could of that $50 steak. Towards the end of our meal, my husband offered my a bite of his steak (medium, and cooked correctly). It was amazing! SO tender and delicious! I nearly cried when I realized I dropped so much money on an over cooked steak and that I should have sent it back and gotten one that actually tasted good like my husband’s. Such a sad tale. And I don’t think I’ve had a steak since.
I grew up on a cattle ranch and as a family we literally ate steak 2-3 nights a week. Always cooked over a fire, seasoned with salt and pepper, and always medium, to medium rare. I remember when my husband and I were first dating… My husband cut into his steak and looked at me like, “Umm, I cant eat this..” When he gave it to my dad to throw back on the fire, I had to chuckle. He has since learned to appreciate the “perfectly cooked” steak. Oh, due to the abundance of red meat in my childhood, I always order chicken when we go out to dinner… 🙂
Loved this. Hubs and I both take our steak medium rare, but in most other things we are very different. This specific area is one of the places where I love the balance most: he’s learned to be more patient and less confrontational, and I’ve learned to (politely, kindly) be assertive in area where its OK or necessary to be assertive. Now I have a serious craving for both a date night and a steak.
MMM, I am delighted to tell you that you’ve missed the boat on this one. Not about option B — that’s good advice (as is usual around here). But only flipping once? Nope. That’s absolutely bogus, like the idea that you can sear juices into a steak. Kenji Lopez-Alt, formerly of Cooks Illustrated and now on the staff at Serious Eats, has definitively disproven the old wives’ tale you have spread here. Read up: http://www.seriouseats.com/2013/07/the-food-lab-flip-your-steaks-and-burgers-multiple-times-for-better-results.html
And now you may enjoy even better steaks at home. You’re welcome.
jw: While the science might support your opinion ion the flip, just as Alton Brown disputes the idea that searing meat is of any worth, my opinions are based on my lifetime of experience, and they are this: Anytime I eat steaks that someone else grills, the men who flip a lot consistently produce overcooked, dry steaks. Anecdotal, I know, but it is my experience. (It doesn’t seem to effect burgers as much)
Logged in ….lost my comment. 🙁
Date night: Two or three nights a week. Depends on what is on the menu at home. Corn dogs thrill the kids…me not so much.
Steak: OMRibeye!! Med rare. Prime rib: med rare. Lots of horseradish for both.
Date night: two or three times a week…depending on what is on the menu at home. Corn dogs thrill the kids…me not so much.
Steak: Oh my Ribeye!! Medium. Prime rib, med rare lots of horseradish.
Prime Rib, Medium Rare, No horseradish!
My name is Vatermann, and I approve of this blog post.
I just fell in love with your EC that much more. Although, if undercooked, I will send my steak back. Overcooked, I’ll deal with, mooing, I will not.
And ya know what? Once the FOML’s leave the nest – it’s DATE NIGHT EVERY FREAKING NIGHT!!
Medium, always medium. Shoe leather is not my style. Great post!
🙂
Medium, always medium. I can do medium rare, but leather is not my style. Nice post!