My Olympic Meddle

Note from MMM:  For some strange reason, more people visited my little blog yesterday than any other day so far – and I didn’t even post anything.  I know – weird. . I am grateful to all of you, and very flattered. I am also sorry that your vacations are obviously coming to an end.

Ahhh, the Olympics.

We are sitting here watching the Summer Olympic games. Again. My almost 5th grader is loving it and doing his best to keep track of all the athletes and events. He has an endearing knack of constantly repeating back what the commentators say while we are watching. But he is loving it, and it brings back memories, because I probably did the same thing.

Me? I’m watching, but it seems that the older I get, the less I care about it. I have been trying to figure out why – mostly because I think my family is irritated by my apathy.  I have come up with some reasons. If you are an Olympic super-freak, I apologize in advance. I really wish I felt the same level of excitement I did when I was younger.

Mostly, I think the internet is wrecking it for me. I am online a lot, and am a news junkie. So when I see the Phelps won his 19th medal at lunchtime, it makes it hard to feign excitement during the rebroadcast ten hours later. (I am not a spoiler though – I play along.)

I like “live” sports. I don’t even like watching sports on my DVR. If I know the game is already decided, I would rather just learn the score. I think it’s because if it is not really live, my yelling at the TV will have no real impact on the outcome.

NBC is making me crazy. The have all day to edit the events to show us later that night, and this is the best they can do? After a gymnast performs, NBC shows everyone standing around waiting for the scores – for longer than the actual routine lasted!  How about this? “While we wait for the Gabby’s score, let’s watch so-and-so on the vault.” Not too difficult, right?

Some of the events just creep me out a bit. And by some of the events I mean men’s synchronized diving. And by creeped out, I mean Speedos.

Some of my favorite Olympic memories had a lot to do with McDonalds. You used to get a game card that had an event on it – like “Middleweight Boxing.” If the USA won the Bronze in that event, you would get a free drink. A Silver was good for free french fries, and a Gold was worth a free Big Mac. It was awesome. Suddenly I would be personally invested in “10,000 Meter Racewalking.”

Tonight I read about someone giving one of the US swimmers grief for eating at McDonalds after a race. Those guys consume like 6,000 calories a day – give ’em a break!

I miss the days when professional athletes couldn’t participate. Sure, it’s fun to watch the “Dream Team” beat Tunisia by 50 points, but I liked it when the team was a bunch of college kids. It needed to change, because none of the other countries played by the rules.

My preference has shifted away from events like gymnastics and diving, and more towards swimming and track. I like events that are determined by a clock, or a tape measure, and not by the opinion of a judge. This was definitely reenforced in 2002 when that French judge got caught cheating.

When I was young, I revered Jim McKay – and those of you who remember Munich in 1972 know exactly what I mean. Now we get Ryan Seacrest talking about how many people are tweeting about Angelina Jolie. I didn’t even know she was competing.

Did it occur to anyone else that XXX can mean more than “Thirty?” Brings new meaning to the “XXX Olympics.” (From what I’ve read, that’s what goes on non-stop in the Olympic Village.)

I think Bob Costas needs to find a new mortician to do his make-up.

Learning more about how some countries steal children and raise them to be Olympians kind of turns my stomach. It was so great to see a girl like Missy Franklin who stayed home to train – and is happy. What a cool kid.

The Olympics were also more exciting when we really hated the Soviets. Especially in hockey. In 1980. At BYU. In a dorm room. Twenty of us.

Maybe the years are taking their toll. I can hardly remember the names of people that I see at the grocery store, so I don’t even try to remember the name of an athlete that I had never heard about until today, and I’ll never hear about again after today.

Sure, a few superstars stand out – you’ve got your Sugar Ray Leonards, your Bruce Jenners (Before he was a woman), your Mary-Lou Rettons, and yes, your Michael Phelps, but for every one of those who rise to the level of being remembered, there are a thousand others who have spent their entire lives on a completely forgettable quest…

…A quest driven completely by pride. Yes, I said it. Pride in country, pride in team, pride in accomplishment, and most importantly, pride in the fact that you beat the person that is now standing below you on the medal podium. Because that is the reason they compete, and the reason why we watch.

I can’t help but think about the judgment day scenario:

God: So tell me what you did with this life you were given?
Athlete: I won a Gold Medal at the Olympics.
God: Give me some detail…
Athlete: I trained 6 hours a day for 15 years.
God: Wow! That’s a lot of time!
Athlete: I even held a World Record for a few minutes.
God: That is impressive. Now what was your skill?
Athlete: I threw the javelin.
God: I need to introduce you to Teancum. He’s great.
Athlete: Never heard of him – Was he an Olympian, too?
God: Nevermind. So, what you are telling me is that you spent most of your life, and your primary focus was learning how to throw a stick farther than anyone else on the planet?
Athlete: I…I guess so.
God: Okie-dokie. I’m going to need to give this some thought.

Yet… when you see a group of teenage girls win the Gold – Or hear some of the stories of sacrifice that some athletes had to endure to reach their levels of performance – Or when you see an underdog surprise the world – Or when you see the parents in the stands living or dying as their child puts it all out there in front of a billion people – Or when you hear the National Anthem…

…even this cynical man gets a little teary. Gotta run – I think it’s time for the Women’s Quad Sculls!

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