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The Most SHOCKING Article About Hyperbole That You Will Ever Read!

Carnival Barker

Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girl, brothers and sisters! Step right up and read the most SHOCKING article about hyperbole that you will ever read in your life!!! You will laugh, you will cry, it will change your life!!!

– Pardon me? You don’t know what “hyperbole” is? Fine. Here is the definition:

“Hyperbole is derived from a Greek word meaning “over-casting” is a figure of speech, which involves an exaggeration of ideas for the sake of emphasis.” (link)

The key thing to know is that Hyperbole is the greatest, most important word ever created – just be careful that you pronounce it correctly: Hyper-buh-lee.  If you pronounce it hyper-bowl it could result in literary shunning and ruin your life forever.

Now back to the most SHOCKING post you will ever read in your life…

..Are you SHOCKED yet? Nah, me neither. But isn’t that the way things have evolved in our conversation online, and to some extent, in our lives? Everything is always amazing, or shocking, or the greatest, best, most, or ultimate.

For example: The other day I was perusing the internet and someone had posted a video on Facebook, along with the following description:

“This is the funniest thing you will ever see in your life.”

I was hesitant to watch it.

Why?

I’m only 52. I’m not really that old. I am not sure that I want to see the funniest thing I will ever see in my life, just yet.

I’m not sure if I’m ready for that kind of commitment. When I was a younger man, a buddy told me on the eve of my wedding, “It’s weird to think that your EC will be the last woman you ever kiss.”

I was prepared for that commitment. But I don’t think I want to live out my life knowing that I have already seen the funniest thing I will ever see in my life. 

But I clicked anyway. Who can refuse such an invitation? Big mistake.

Now, at 52 years of age, I have seen not only the funniest thing I will ever see in my life, I have seen the most beautiful thing I will ever see in my life, the most spiritual thing I have ever seen in my life, and the most shocking thing I have ever seen in my life.

How sad! I mean what is left? Am I going to spend the next 30 years reading mediocre stuff? When I’m in the old-folks home and someone says, “Hey Old Mormon Man! You should watch this. It is the most amazing thing you will ever see.” I will have to reply, “No thanks, I already saw the most amazing thing I will ever see back in 2014, on the YouTube.”

Recently I had a taste of “The World Greatest Chocolate Chip Cookie” recipe. You know what? It was OK. Just OK. What a let down.

I am getting weary of everything being the funniest, greatest, best, or most shocking, spiritual and amazing. I’m tired of being told how I will feel before I watch or read something. It seems like society has a dearth of good adjectives, so we jump right to the top superlative we can find.

And rarely do the things being hyped live up to their superlative description. There’s the word: Hype.

When someone evokes hyperbole, remember that the hype is followed closely by the bull.

I am contemplating a personal boycott of falsely advertised internet articles and posts that use hyperbole. Why? Because they are never what they claim to be. I have yet to be shocked by some celebrities weight loss. I would like to reserve that word for truly shocking things – like what is happening to the Christians in Iraq.

I don’t find a video of some kid’s first steps to be amazing. I will reserve that for MY kid’s first steps.

If we were really honest, headlines would say something like, “This is the most inspiring video you will see this afternoon.” Or “This is the most hilarious thing you will read during your lunch break today!”

In an effort to get noticed, everything is over-hyped. Every movie is not “Amazing!” Every restaurant is not the best. Every funny thing is not hilarious. And very few things really merit the term shocking. Especially this article.

I hold out hope that I have not yet seen the funniest thing I will ever see, or tasted the best cookie I will ever taste. I want my life to be full of continued amazement and wonder.

Now don’t even get me started on exclamation points!!!

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Comments

  1. I think this is why I don’t like Napoleon Dynamite. So many people raved about it and how funny it was and that it was the best movie ever. Several months after it came out, my husband and I watched it…and fell asleep less than half way through. I know I don’t have the greatest sense of humor but my husband does, and neither of us liked it much. But maybe if I hadn’t been expecting it to be the BEST movie I had ever seen, I might have found it humorous and entertaining. Instead, just hearing about it makes me groan and want to take a nap.

  2. I really think it has something to do with the fact that sitting at the computer screen somehow feels somewhat dehumanizing, therefore perhaps people try to compensate for that with the adjectives and the exclamation points. The problem is they go too far (and you forgot to mention the emoticons 😉 )

  3. I love how Heavenly Father comments on his creations: They are good. Nothing more, nothing less. Just good. And good enough. So now hyperbolism in the Eternities.

  4. I’ll admit it, sometimes I get a *little* excited and overuse my exclamation points. I’ve even been guilty of using ALL CAPS to emphasize my point. I’d say I’ll repent and tone it down, but I don’t think I”m there yet. Still in the precontemplative stage of change regarding my addiction to bubbly excitement. (That’s for all the psych majors out there…)
    However, those BuzzFeed or Viral Nova posts drive me insane. YOU’LL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT SHE DID TO HER DOG WITH THAT KNIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course all she’s done is cut up fresh meat for him because he’s spoiled rotten and doesn’t eat regular dog food and now I’m wishing I had the 30 seconds of my life back from clicking the link….

  5. AuntSue
    Thanks for the great word and definition. (and for the pronunciation guide, I was pronouncing it in my head incorrectly)

  6. Totally agree. The multiple exclamation points, capital letters, and superlatives are an easy way for me to determine it’s not worth my time to click on a link. I’m much more likely to read/watch something if it has a sentence or paragraph simply describing what is in the article or video or asks a question that intrigues me. And if I read something worth sharing (which isn’t all that often, frankly), then I do the same. And what about the “human hyperboles”…the people who share everything they see? For me that is almost as big a turn-off as the superlatives they use. If someone’s name is coming up 25+ times a day on my Facebook feed, it’s a safe bet that I skip right on over almost everything they post…

  7. Link bait drives me nuts. I’m much more likely to click on something that doesn’t say, “greatest” “best” or “what she did next will amaze you” gag

  8. Agreed. I find myself just ignoring those things that get posted that are hyperboles. I’m all for the boycott. It will the most IMPORTANT thing I will do in my life!!!! *ahem*….

  9. Ah, “click bait” link titles…. I’ve started applying a version of the same rule to them as I do for junk mail that arrives in my mailbox (which is thankfully slowly decreasing to a trickle). If they have to tell me how important what they’ve sent me is on the outside of the envelope, it’s almost always not and thus can be safely ignored and tossed. If someone needs to resort to click-baiting to get me to follow their link, it makes me dubious of the content. Plus, like you, I’m generally opposed to the overuse of superlatives. They lose their meaning in overuse (something akin to the boy-who-cried-wolf effect). Good content will speak for itself and doesn’t require that the viewer be told how they should react beforehand.

  10. True. And I apologize for all those times that I’ve been guilty. In the defense of myself and others just remember the story of the frog that was placed in a pot of cold water and then slowly brought to a boil. It’s all Facebook’s fault.
    *No exclamation points were used in the writing of this apology.

    1. Thank you. Your comment reeks of sincerity. Probably the best comment I have ever received.

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