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| A Happy MIndy |
My favorite part of the Family Proclamation might not even stand out to anyone else… I love the part that says,
“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other…”
It’s followed by a lot of instruction about loving and caring for and rearing children in righteousness, but first… FIRST... husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other.
I’m a professional photographer, so I get to be part of a lot of moments of love… engagements, weddings, babies, and families. Through the years of capturing these moments I’ve become ultra-aware of those little physical gestures, those “hey baby” looks, those smiles… all those things that mean “I love you”. I notice that it’s pretty easy for the engaged couples to be lovey with each other… but not as easy for the longer-married couples to show their affection.
It’s made me think a lot about the way that I show my husband love. We have been pretty consistent with keeping our love alive, even though it’s easy to get complacent as the years go by. It’s easy to forget how much a nose crinkling smile means to the one you love. It’s easy to pass by each other without a little squeeze on the arm. It’s easy to just get busy with life and ignore those little meaningful gestures that were so much a part of your relationship when you were engaged, first married, first expecting a new little one.
But… doesn’t the proclamation say that it’s our solemn responsibility?? No, it doesn’t say that we have to kiss each other a lot, and hold hands in the movie theater, and I know there is a whole lot more to loving and caring than the physical gestures of love…but I really think if we neglect those little things, we might also be neglecting some of the bigger things, and that’s a sure recipe for a failed relationship.
My husband and I go on regular dates… we always have, even when the kids were little. We hired babysitters (who sometimes called us in tears because our son had escaped out the window, or some other stunt), even when we didn’t have much money at all. And believe me, we really didn’t have much money back then. It was a necessity for us, and I think it made all the difference for our marriage. I still look forward to our dates (at least twice a month, sometimes more).
We work together… we’re a team. I was visiting with a divorced friend the other day, and she was expressing the lack of teamwork they had experienced when they were married. It was sad to hear how much she did herself, and how none of their projects were joint efforts. Some of our projects together aren’t the greatest (painting the kitchen involved my husband doing most of the work and me crying because I just knew we’d never be done), and we don’t do everything together, but we dream together, we plan together, we decide together… we’re a team. No matter what, we’ve “got each other’s back”.
We gross our kids out. Yes, they will probably be traumatized for life because they see their mom and dad kiss. Sometimes we kiss a lot in front of them. They see a lot of hugs, hand-holding, an occasional bum pinch, and get to hear all sorts of mushy stuff. I even had to learn not to text certain things to my husband when he is on a business trip with our 11 year old who is playing on his phone… I figure that we’ll get some “yucks” and “ewwws” now, but our kids will always know that we love each other. They can see it.
Which brings me to another point… and I’ll be brief… but some regular lovin’ in the bedroom is a surefire way to let each other know that you love each other and everything is okay. There have been many times when my husband’s job has taken him away a lot, and we don’t get to see each other much. Sometimes there isn’t time for lengthy dates, or long talks, but it doesn’t have to take a long time… and it can do wonders to help strengthen your relationship.
These points might seem over-simplified, but I don’t think that the importance of physical signs of love for a strong marriage can be overlooked. How are you going to have a strong family if the core is weak? The two of you are what started the whole thing… and you will be the ones left when all of your children are grown and gone. I would love to see every married couple have stars in their eyes when they look at each other. I would love to see the sweet touches and glances and smiles with every couple… not only the ones who are just starting out. My photographer eye loves to see those true expressions of love… they warm my heart and remind me that forever love does exist.
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i love love! and showing it! and basking in it. as in these photographs. thanx
Beautiful pictures, and an important reminder for this tired mama of 4. One of the best things I can do for my kids is show them I love their Daddy. Thanks for this.
Love this post. As we were expecting our third child I began reading Babywise and in the first pages it talked about the security a baby has when they sense their parents are in love and that they nurture their relationship. I am lucky enough to have a guy by my side who I get to swat his bum, give him hugs and get them in return and kiss goodnight (and more during the day) with the words “I love you” to be the last thing we say to each other before our eyes close. We do have a solemn responsibility to love each other…to be an example to our children too…
Thank you for that very thought provoking post. It really made me think about where my relationship stands with my husband. It certainly is so important to keep the love alive in a marriage. I am one who very easily gets caught up in our 4 children and often probably neglects showing the small affections to my husband. Very much something to think about and certainly something that will be fun to improve on. 🙂
When Ella was a toddler she used to try and get inbetween Joel and I when we would snuggle. She as barely talking, but one time while doing this she said “Me sweetheart too!” We still laugh about that. Now- she runs away when we show any affection. But they notice,how you treat each other even when they are very small.
Good reminders to be “solemnly” considered. Thanks.
What a lovely post. It was uplifting but also a call to better ourselves. Thanks!
Mindy, Mindy, Mindy…. you, my dear, never ever ever cease to amaze me! This is perfectly written and punctuated with stunning photos. Even though you LOOK like you’re only 21, I know that you and your hubby have been married for a loooooonog time 😉 and honestly, seeing and knowing people who have been at it for so long gives us all such good examples to try to follow! I’m envious that you get to capture LOVE on camera all the time… and you do such a GREAT job too! Thanks for every single word!
It will be 18 years this December… yep, we’re THAT old. 😉 And you’re the sweetest!
Thank you Mindi! My Mom is always searching out my Dad’s hand to hold and I love it. She has a rare neurological disorder and it is amazing the love and patience my Dad has shown her as she becomes as a little child again. They are truly great example of love to their kids and grandchildren. I think showing affection in front of your kids is a good thing.
I love this, Amy! What a sweet example of forever love. Thank you for sharing!
Mindi, great post! I’ll admit that “solemn responsibility” stung me a little. I’ll work on it. Thank you!
Smashing pictures and a great message! Thanks, Mindy!
Beautiful photos and a great reminder about showing love, in all its forms!
When we were married the Sealer specifically pointed out the couples who were holding hands in the room before the ceremony and talked about how important it is to always show that physical affection, and it’s something my husband and I have always remembered.
We also remembered all those couples who were suddenly grasping for each others hands before he got to their part of the room. 🙂
That’s so funny! Too bad we need reminders so often, isn’t it?
Beautifully said! I second the importance of date nights and “intimate time.” They really are so important to keeping romance alive in our marriages!
My heart still goes “pitter patter” when I think of my wonderful husband. We had our 20th anniversary in August and are expecting baby #12 any day now. 🙂
So a big AMEN from me! Thanks, Mindy!!!
Baby #12! Congratulations! I’m glad the “intimate time” is working out so well for you. 😉
Beautiful words and photos, thanks for sharing.
Mindy – I love the pictures! My husband is gone a lot too. Dates aren’t always possible! 😉 I also don’t think you over simplified anything. It may just seem that way to the rest of the world. Relationships don’t have to be like the complicated one’s on day time drama shows (Not that I watch those…) It really is so simple to show the one you love that you love them. Its pride that makes it complicated.
So true! That pride thing gets in the way of a lot of goodness, doesn’t it? And thank you for your husband’s service to our country!
What a good reminder that Physical Love is so important.
I need to talk to Mindi! We only have a few poor snapshots from our wedding day (picture fountains spouting out of our heads in the background). I have never displayed them. Our 20th anniversary is coming up and I am desperate for some lovely romantic photos that I can put up our around our house. If she wants to see love and romance and stars in our eyes and physical affection then we would be a good match for her. Except she’d have to get my husband to loosen up first. He hates having his picture taken. But see, he wants to do it for me anyway! Awwww. Still, that’s a rough job and he’d give her a run for the money! lol
If we live close enough to each other, I’d LOVE to do your 20th anniversary photos! I’m pretty good at getting people to feel comfortable when I’m taking their pictures… I get the ultimate compliment from the husbands all the time: “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.” 😉
Done! Check your email.
Mindy! I loved this! Beautifully done!
Lovely post! I want to add my own plug for dating with your spouse. It is a wonderful way to spend some quality time together. We don’t always have the money for babysitters, so we have another family that we trade babysitting with every week. Our kids love getting to spend time with their friends, and two couples get the benefit of spending a lot of alone time together. I highly recommend it! : )
I love how you found a way to make the babysitting thing work for you! Trading is a brilliant idea. 🙂