 |
| Mozart as a Kid. (Show-off) |
Somebody, please make it stop….
All of the FOMLs are musical. On purpose. My EC and I are in agreement that music is an important part of their development. It has been proven over and over again that music education makes kids smarter, raises their IQs, improves their grades, and makes their lives more satisfying. (There are more benefits – you can research if you want.)
From the beginning of our family, we wanted our kids to A) love music, and B) learn to play the piano. By accomplishing “B,” it would quickly launch them into the “more-skilled-than-Dad” category. I do have “A” nailed down. I love music. It has been a big part of my life – but I never really learned to play an instrument well. My voice? Yes. I still enjoy singing in choirs, but this post is about learning to play instruments. I’ve flirted with the idea of still learning the piano, but always chickened out – old dogs, etc.
When I was a wee lad, I did take a few piano lessons, but not many. Mostly, I remember stumbling through “Teaching Little Fingers How to Play” books repeatedly, and plunking it out the best I could. In my defense, I could play a mean “Song of the Volga Boatmen.” As a teenager I fought my way through learning some of the hymns – as long as they were easy on the flats and sharps.
I taught myself how to play the guitar, thanks to James Taylor and Kenny Logins songbooks, and still can play a little bit. I would probably be better if it weren’t for my encounter with the chainsaw, and my lack of practice. My EC, however, plays the piano, and now and again she will sit down and refresh her skills. But, her clarinet from High School sits alone in the garage, neglected for some 30 years. I don’t understand why she didn’t keep up her clarinet skills, I mean people play instruments in Church all the time. When was the last time you heard a rousing clarinet rendition of “Praise to the Man” in Sacrament meeting? I’ll bet it’s been a long time.
Back to my five kids. They have amassed quite an arsenal of instruments. (And I chose the term “arsenal” intentionally.) We have an old piano, a fancy piano, a trumpet, an electric keyboard, a cello, a trombone, a flute, a harmonica, a guitar, several plastic recorders, a violin, and a lonely, neglected clarinet. Rock Band accessories? I won’t even dignify that with a comment. (Yes.)
My eldest, and only daughter. FOML1, got us off to a good start. Part prodigy, part sheer determination, she took to the piano with a vengeance. Early on, I would try and find errands to run when practice time began. Eventually, I started hearing what sounded vaguely like music. Ultimately, I found myself waiting for her to practice, so I could grab a book and go lay on the couch and listen. Now that she has left the nest, I miss her music. (I don’t miss paying for the University-level instructors, but it was worth every penny.) She played the flute as well and got to participate in some great band events in her High School days.
She was able to help pay her way through college with her accompanying skills, and I know her piano skills will bless the lives of many. (Right now she is in love with the guitar, but no matter how good she gets, I will always see her as the little girl with stubby fingers pounding out Clair de Lune.)
The next two boys were, shall we say, more resistant. While I don’t think we ever asked my daughter to practice, the boys required more attention. The best way I can describe the struggle was “musical waterboarding.” Yes, waterboarding as in torture. It was torture for us, as we argued and cajoled them into practicing. It was torture for them to sit still for half-an-hour to practice. We all were unhappy.
The goal was simply to have them have enough of a grasp on the piano to understand music theory, and play a few hymns, if need be, in seminary or on missions, etc. Is that asking too much? Yes, yes it was.
Eventually, we caved in and stopped with the lessons. They weren’t progressing, it became a waste of money, and the contention wasn’t worth it. (You do have to pick your battles sometimes.) The funny thing is that after the lessons stopped, you would often find the boys at the piano, learning to play popular songs, and hymns, on their own terms. Both boys who have served missions so far took with them a repertoire of a half-dozen well-worn hymns. To their great credit, their appreciation for music was manifest in non-piano ways. Both sang in High School choirs, both played in band, and both fought the nearly–impossible fight of participating in both High School sports and music – a battle that is getting tougher all the time. Heaven forbid that we have well-rounded kids!
FOML4 took some piano, but we let him bail much sooner, because we are much smarter now. And more tired. He sings, and has shown an affinity for the guitar. (Learning the guitar is so much easier now – you can look up the tabs online, and even find YouTube videos, too.) He plays the cello in High School, and is in the choir – continuing his elder brothers’ legacy of playing team sports and participating in music. How dare he! Yes, we are gluttons for punishment.
Our youngest is taking piano lessons, and has just begun playing an instrument in 5th grade strings. The violin. Our first violin. Thankfully, our last and only violin. Yikes! I dreaded this moment even before I found my EC. I had heard kids playing the violin before. I have even heard kids play violin in church, and it never ends well.
During his piano practice, and his violin practice, I repeat the Serenity Prayer, and look for that future day when the noise will eventually resemble music. I wonder what percentage of my hearing has been lost in the past few weeks. But we will persist…
I imagine very few of you actually care about my family’s music traditions, but there are some of you who will – now or later. Let me promise you that there is great worth in learning music. It is worth the money for instruments and lessons, it is worth the driving and the time. It is worth it in both the short-run, and in the long-run. It makes kids smarter, happier, and of greater use to the Lord.
Discover more from Thus We See...
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
As a piano teacher for 20+ years, a violinist, and coming from a musical family–I could make many comments. But, as I read your post, the first thing that jumped out at me was a little phrase “When was the last time you heard a rousing clarinet rendition of “Praise to the Man” in Sacrament meeting?” I was curious of your thoughts on what instruments are appropriate for sacrament meeting musical numbers.
I remember a missionary farewell we attended (about 20 years ago, so, yes, it was a farewell at that time.) I saw someone carrying a guitar and I thought “How wonderful, something a little different” Then they proceeded to plug in the amp and play “You’ve got a friend” by James Taylor. My 2-year-old screamed out loud, while covering his ears “turn it down! It’s too loud! It’s hurting my ears!” (we were sitting right by a speaker.) Our poor bishop! Of course the Stake President was there as well. Needless to say, it has ruined any hope of using “non-traditional” instruments for musical numbers.
I love music and wish there were other instruments beside piano, violin, cello or flute that could be shared. When done appropriately, these different instruments can really add to the spirit of the meeting.
We had a clarinet, piano duet in Sacrament meeting today for our special musical number:)
When my husband graduated from Dental school we were given the option of a dining room set or a piano as a gift. I had visions of all my children being musical geniuses so I chose the piano.
One by one my darlings came and my years’ long nightmare began. None, absolutely NONE of them had even the slightest interest in music and all REFUSED to practice, no amount of bribing, cajoling, threatening, and rewarding changed this. They did not want to play the piano.
My most glaring failure as a parent, I caved and let them all quit. They are a stubborn bunch, my children (and they get that trait from their father). Hours and hours of sitting at the piano, falling asleep at the piano, choosing to forgo fun because of a militant refusal to practice, they would NOT conform to my ideal. The piano was my own personal nightmare. So now my daughter has married a musician and with complete disdain cries at me…”Why did you let me quit?!?!?!? What whaaaat?
My parents thought that music/playing an instrument was important too. My oldest brother and sister were off the hook not much opportunity, but when we moved to US the schools offered the free use of instrument my parents were in. Child #3 played a clarinet and #4 played the flute, Me #5 played the Coronet and the twins one played the Trumpet and the other a French Horn. We had quite the Band. #8 I am sure played something but it didn’t last long and #9 played the Clarinet. Good experience but no real talent in the bunch!! I tried to passed that down to my children between Piano and Clarinets lessons; frustration and no talent my kids turned to sports and excelled. Tried with the Grand kids half a year with piano lessons and even a recital but no real interest. So far as singing goes not a one has talent!! But we all love to listen and sing to music!!
Thought about this post this evening when my husband pulled his trumpet from high school out and let all the kids take a stab at it. It was. . . interesting.
We just attended our son’s orchestra concert Wednesday night. The intermediate orchestra was so bad that even the director rolled his eyes afterward. Fortunately, our son’s group was first, since my husband was unable to sit through the others…
Musical mother: piano, accordian, saxophone. Me: a handful of piano lessons as an adult, self-taught recorder, plus singing pretty much non-stop after I was baptized (one of the gifts from baptism was the ability to sing consistently on-key, woohoo!). Daughters 5: singing, because we were terminally poor as they grew up, and you didn’t have to rent a voice. A few lessons for them as finances improved. Violin for middlest (rented). Violin for youngest (bought) and private lessons from a concert violinist in our ward, gratis (for which his name be ever praised) then trumpet (oye!) and self-taught piano. This is the child who, at 11, walked up to a $1000 hammer dulcimer at a festival, reverently picked up two hammers and delicately started picking out “Twinkle, Twinkle”. They’re all out of the nest. When we get together, we sing. Secondborn’s kids get regular music lessons. We are, for better or worse, a musical family.
Oops! I forgot I was going to say that your title reminded me of what my dad said after helping to carry my piano up some flights of stairs last year, “I will never enjoy piano music again.” I’m sure he’s taken it back since then.
We are on week two with our #1 on piano. He’s so talented and doing well but it’s such tiny baby steps! It’s crazy. I was more like your oldest, just wanted to practice on my own. Not nearly as talented perhaps, but I get the whole make the kid practice, versus natural desire battle.
Blogspot recommended for me Mormonism, You Probably Won’t Get It, and I loved it! So applicable to my conversations with non-members recently and what I have viewed in the news this year. I just loved it because recently I’ve been trying to just sum up the gospel in it’s simplicity. Thanks for the insight.
Also, every time my sisters enjoy one of your posts we die laughing over how much your blog sounds like our dad if he weren’t such a non-conformist. And Dad, if you read this, Hi! Love you.
Thanks,
-Paige
Thanks, Paige!
My brother was captain of the wrestling team and president of the choir, but yes, that is getting harder to do. Luckily, my EC is amazingly musical and teaches our kids piano. It’s easier to get some to practice than others. Finally, did you know that the violin can help stave off wild zombies. Take a look. PS she’s LDS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dfZ9BXaNyE&feature=g-all-u
Completely agree. Except about the violin. I played as a kid and still do musical numbers in church. Violin and all strings are beautiful!! I even texted my mother to ask if listening to my practicing was so horrible. She said no. Maybe I was just gifted. Or maybe it helped that I practiced early in the morning before others were awake, in one end of the house!
OH too funny! Yes, when our children began their beginning music practicing, I called my mother and told her what a saint she was for putting up with my beginning music practices—the concerts too. Now I know why my dad always had me go out and practice in the garage.
Yes. Agree with all of it. The end.
This was such a delight! You had me guffawing enough that my husband is probably wondering what on earth I’m doing in here when the kitchen is a mess. 🙂
I’m a piano performance graduate myself, and so of course all my offspring have the mandate. Husband – violinist – so that happens, too. We are in the middle of it, with our oldest 14, but can sooooo relate to the waterboarding as well as the beginning violins (or violence). 🙂
Our standard was 2 years of piano. If they got far enough along and good enough that it became interesting in two years (like for our daughters), they continued. If not, they were released.
We encouraged, but did not force, middle school band (or orchestra) or chorus. My youngest does both orchestra and chorus. By HS, as you point out, there are a lot of demands on their time and they have to make some choices.
When they were young, their piano practice was treated by us like any chore. Once they got so it was fun, then it was less of a chore for all of us.
(My wife has gone back to school recently for more training as a piano teacher and is taking lessons, too. HER practicing is *awesome* to listen to!! This semester it’s Chopin and Beethoven. Last is was Bartok & Bach.)
I grew up in a musical family, too. We all play a different instrument. Some of us play more than one. It is so much fun to get together at Christmas time and play carols together in our own family band.
A few brothers play/played the violin. Oh, the HORROR!
I’m hoping for a few cello players of my own. Contemplating forcing the piano on them, too. I guess we’ll see.
I grew up in a family with 10 kids and we were ALL expected to play the piano until we could play 25 hymns and 25 primary songs proficiently. We also had to play in the band through high school. So, I can totally relate! I hated it all at first because I hate anything new, but eventually turned out to be probably the biggest music lover of all us kids! I just finished playing in an awesome community production of Beauty and the Beast. So fun!
After stupidly beginning in percussion back in 7th grade because I thought it would be an easy cop-out, I quickly realized I didn’t want to content with 20 other 7th grade boys. So I switched to oboe. NOBODY plays oboe! You always get the good parts and solos. ( : I was meant for the oboe and English horn and glad I found “my” instrument right away.
There is something to be said for creating a love of music in your household and making instruments and classes available, but not pushing too much. At least with certain kids. I really started to excel in music when piano lessons became kind of optional and I was just doing it because I wanted to. When I had cancer as a teen I spent a lot of time at home playing my instruments just for fun and because I often didn’t feel well enough to do much else. There must be a balance between forcing music on kids and letting them choose. Hmmm….hope I figure that one out before my kids are a couple years older and I start them on piano!
We already have a keyboard that is basically an electric piano and a guitar. We are now saving up for a cello and a mandolin. We both love music. its deffinitely worth the money for sure.
FOML1 does piano and violin, FOML2 piano and percussion, and FOML3 has started piano. We’ll get FOML4 started on piano when’s he’s just a little older, but we have no doubt he will be a singer.
How did you know when to call it quits on lessons? My EC and I have wondered about that a few times and haven’t come to a conclusion. Like you we want them to have the training, but we sometimes wonder if it is worth the battle.
Nothing is more beautiful than a wonderful violin performance. Nothing is worse than a bad one.
Music is SO important! Thanks for a very relatable post!
We have had a lot of trial and error in our house as to what instruments are the best fit. As an adult trying to learn how to play the piano, I can see why we have kids take lessons. Music lessons are very difficult to fit into an adult schedule. My oldest, after many dramatic piano practice tantrums finally settled on the snare drum. She is much better at that instrument! (Two years in a row as lead snare in the HS band!) My middle child tried several and then announced to us one day that she would rather listen to music than to play it. Fair enough. The verdict is still out on the youngest, but I think there is more singing in her future than playing. No violins in the mix thankfully. : )
Oh, your post makes me laugh. First of all, it mirrors our family pretty closely. My husband appreciates and loves music, and plays the guitar a bit. That’s it. 🙂 My boys finally were allowed to quit piano to get rid of the contention, stress, etc, but my older son is always teaching himself hymns and popular songs. I learned the violin, and have played since I was 6… it’s a part of me, and believe me, there does come a time when it is a joy to listen to. I have been a violin teacher since I was 16, though, and have taught hundreds of kids to play. There should be a special place in heaven for those who learn to endure that much of listening to beginning violinists. It can be hard to listen to, I agree. I often feel huge guilt for not giving my kids the music immersion that I had growing up.
I chuckled too. And thank you Mindy for teaching my daughter to play the violin. It has brought so much joy to her and to our family. I do remember those early days, though…ach.
So many similarities to my life! Except for the part where it was painful to listen to them. I always enjoy (past and present) listening to my children practice (piano, violin, cello, guitar, percussion, and voice). We’ve been very blessed to have some incredibly musically gifted children, mixed in with the few who love the music but struggle with learning it. We’ve also done the struggle with sports and music (wouldn’t it be nice if the different school departments would cooperate???), and it is a challenge. But I love that music makes them all more complete, and it takes them further into life than most activities they’ve been involved with.
It IS worth it! (So my lovely piano teaching wife tells me…) Seriously, it is worth it. Many of our boys are like yours: once freed from the pain and agony of lessons they go back and play around. Some have had the gall to say, “But why didn’t you FORCE me to practice??” As if…
Our youngest now plays bass in the middle school orchestra (after starting and bailing on cello and violin in grade school…fortunately it was a school cello and we already had a violin). And she is now far enough along in her piano studies that it’s fun to listen to her.
Sounds like you missed out on drums, though. We had two drummers — I have the perforated eardrums to prove it…
Definitely worth it! My parents made sure we all learned the piano. I have two younger brothers and sisters so there was music being played all the time. I think the only arguments we had was about people playing each others’ music and not so much not wanting to play. I was the pianist for our small branch when I was 12.
My parents were brilliant in that when we were grounded or in trouble for some reason we had to memorize a hymn out of the hymn book – their choice – and sing while we played which meant memorizing the words to all verses as well. We weren’t allowed to go anywhere or hang out with friends until it was memorized. Let’s just say I have one brother who probably memorized the whole hymnbook. 🙂
My brothers also picked up the guitar which my dad plays since he grew up in the Beatle era. {BTW, I’m pretty sure he is only three to four years older than you!} The one brother who almost memorized the whole hymn book used the guitar on his mission. He served in Guatemala. The mission president called up my parents one day asking if they’d send out his guitar. Some areas were so remote with not even a keyboard to use that he asked which missionaries could play a portable instrument and had those instruments sent out. He used it to sing to get into non-member homes and to accompany small congregations during Sacrament meeting. Pretty cool, right?
Just wait until his first concert! You will hear sounds that you didn’t know existed. (And shouldn’t.) My husband brought his ipod. It was the only way I could get him to attend. Haha. Good luck.