I COULD go at any time

Last month, my wife and I were stopped at an intersection in Flagstaff, waiting for the stoplight. It was dark, rainy, and an unfamiliar road. When the light changed, I was slow getting off the brake and accelerating. (No, I wasn’t playing on my phone.)

That slight delay proved to be a blessing as an SUV blew through the red light, passing within a few feet of our car. Had I not hesitated, we woudl ahve been hit broadside. We were freaked out, but the adrenaline run was enough to keep me wide awake for the rest of the trip home. We both felt very wired and blessed.

I’ve had several occasions in recent years where I thought my time might be up and I would shuffle off this mortal coil. (I’ve written about them here, here, and here.) Thankfully, it wasn’t my time, because I’m pretty sure that I’m not ready to make the leap into the next life.

Wednesday morning, we woke up to devestating news that a friend had passed away. Great man, great family. We have known them for years, and this good brother served as the EQ president while I was bishop.

It was a shocking tragedy in so many ways, but the unexpectedness of it has left everyone stunned: He died in a small plane crash at a local airport. (That’s all I’ll share, as it is not my story to tell.)

Suddenly, we didn’t care much about the election results. Our thoughts went to his family and back to another friend who died in a plane crash years earlier that was equally unexpected.

Later on Wednesday, Chrissie and I were in the car talking about it, and I remembered a song called Anytime, by Neil Finn. (link) I queued it up and gave it a listen.

I see a dog upon the road
Running hard to catch a cat
My car is pulling to a halt
The truck behind me doesn't know
Everything is in the balance
Of a moment I can't control
And your sympathetic strings
Are like the stirrings in my soul
I could go at anytime
There's nothing safe about this life
I could go at anytime

Sobering. These events have colored my thoughts for the past few days. What seemed so important before, suddenly rings hollow. What was seemingly worth arguing about before no longer merits a passing glance.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but here goes: all of us are going to die, and the odds are pretty good that it won’t be when we expect.

This brings me to this idea: There are two ways to read “I could go at any time.”

The first is the apparent reality that we could go at any time. Car wreck, plane crash, fall down the stairs, etc. There’s nothing safe about this life. We genuinely don’t have any control.

The other reading is hopeful and respects our agency: I could go anytime. To help see the difference, here’s a snippet of Shakespeare from Hamlet.

Not a whit, we defy augury: there’s a special
providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now,
’tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be
now; if it be not now, yet it will come: the
readiness is all: since no man has aught of what he
leaves, what is’t to leave betimes? (link)

The readiness is all. If I were ready, I could go at any time.

The readiness is within my personal agency. While the when is out of my control, my readiness is not. I control my readiness. If I feel ready, yeah, I could go at any time.

This launches me into introspection, which is aided by the teachings of Alma when he asked a series of deep questions, including “…how will any of you feel, if ye shall stand before the bar of God…” (Alma 5)

Or the righteous young man who asked the Savior, “What lack I yet?” (Matthew 19:20)

This past week has been a tragedy in another way as well: I’ve seen families breaking apart for something as fleeting as an election. What kind of eternal regret and judgment could that bring? If we have relationships that need mending before the inevitable day, shouldn’t that be a priority?

Alma says that there is an urgency, “I say unto you, if ye are not ye are not prepared to meet God. Behold ye must prepare quickly; for the kingdom of heaven is soon at hand, and such an one hath not eternal life.” (Alma 5:28)

What do I lack that prevents me from feeling that I could go any time – and be okay with it? The answer will be different for each of us, but knowing what our answer is can give us direction. This is within our agency, and the Spirit would be more than happy to help us figure it out.

Let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power…(D&C 123:17) because the reality is that we could go any time.

Note: Sunday Night Check-in is back! Come join me on my Facebook page at 8:00pm MDT.

Also, release info about my new novel will be coming soon! If you want to be on the email list, shoot me a message at brad@thuswesee.com.