Slow Down…I’m Thinking

As you know, I am in my 50’s, so there are less days ahead of me on this earth than are behind me. My body is well aware of this. It is creakier, slower to recover, and gray hairs are making a slow invasion. Sometimes I even feel like my brain is having ‘glitches.” I imagine those “glitches” will soon manifest themselves as full-blown “Senior Moments.”

But wait! Could it be? Maybe my brain is not just slowing down. Maybe there is a better reason…if I can remember where I was going with this…

Oh, that’s right. Last week I read an article about researchers that are finding that older brains aren’t necessarily slower, but that they have so much more in them than younger brains, it takes a little longer to access and process all that information. I like that. A lot. (Here is the link to the article.)

Perhaps an easier way to describe it is by talking about computer hard drives. We all know that a small, almost empty hard drive can do things rather quickly. But if you take a large hard drive that is almost full, it takes a little longer to process.  Does that mean the small hard drive has more information, or is faster? Nope. It just doesn’t have as much data to sift through.

I was slowly thinking about how to explain this, using a real-world scenario, and figured I would share it with you.

The phone rings, and my 11 year-old says, “Dad, Kyle’s Mom is taking him to the Dollar Store to buy candy, and wants to know if I want to go. Can I?”

Here is the thought process that rips through the young, uncluttered brain of my son:

– Candy=Yum=Yes.

Here is the process that churns through my brain, as my sons stands holding the phone and staring at me:

– Hmm. Candy? I wonder how much sugar he has already had today? Maybe I should clear it with Mom. This kid would live on sugar if we’d let him. But he looks excited, and Kyle is a good kid, so I don’t mind him hanging around with Kyle. If it were Mikey, I’d probably tell him no. Then again, have you seen the way Kyle’s mom drives? Scary. Every time I see he in her car she is on her phone. I wonder what is so important that she has to have the phone glued to her ear? Emergency eyelash extension tech support? I wish the kids would just walk, or ride their bikes. When I was a kid, we used to ride our bikes down to the 7/11 and buy penny candy. It was awesome. The candy was cheap, and we were getting a little exercise. Now the candy is expensive and they are being driven to go get it. Recipe for unhealthy kids.

Meanwhile, my son is standing there staring at me, looking a little panicked. But am I finished? No.

-Should I offer him some money to pay for it, or should I tell him to use his own money. I want to teach him to be responsible with his money, and this might be a good opportunity to let him make the decision as to what he wants to pay for. I’ll have him use his own money, this time – but I should probably suggest a limit, or he’ll come back with $10 worth of neon gummy worms. Never been a fan of the neon gummy worms. I do like regular gummy bears, though. Especially the Haribo brand.

By now, my son has waited at least 2 seconds for an answer, and is beginning to look impatient. I am almost ready to give him an answer – I can feel it coming. Almost…

– Should I leverage this? Should I tell him that if I let him go, he needs to clean his room when he gets back? Or should I just let it slide? Last time I did that, the room never got cleaned, so if I do leverage it, I need to remember to follow through. Should I slip him an extra dollar to bring me home some gummy bears? They do sound pretty good. I have a friend who puts gummy bears on his frozen yogurt, and he is a grown-up. What’s with that? Come to think of it, I’ll pass on the gummy bears.

My son now has that pained expression on his face – a sort of “I need to go to the bathroom” urgency. My thought process has now taken an entire 3 seconds – an eternity to my waiting son – and I am ready to issue my ruling.

“Yes, you can go. Your money, but $3 max, and you can’t eat it all tonight.”

He mutters “thanks,” and runs off with the phone to relay the good news.

To me, that three second thought process was complex, and necessary. To my son, it is just another sign that Dad is getting old, and his brain is slowing down.

Au contraire. But what do kids know?

So, next time you are speaking with an older person, and they seem to drift off to some distant place, remember: It might be because they have such a large store of knowledge to sift through that it takes a little longer than you, with your half-empty brain.

Either that, or they really have drifted off because they are old, and stayed up watching Matlock reruns until the ungodly hour of 10:00pm.