I have received requests to begin a “Husband 101” course on my blog. What qualifies me to do such a thing? Ummm. I have a blog, which automatically makes me an expert in most everything – right? I have also been married to the same woman for over 27 years, which counts for something. (Single-digit spouses writing about marriage are like parents of little kids writing about parenting. Interesting, but not to be taken seriously.)
Ready men?
This is Level 1. Here are a few things we can do to show our wives we love them. These are little things. Later, we will tackle the bigger stuff. (I don’t want to scare you away.)
1) Get in her side of the bed while she is getting ready for bed. Then move when she climbs in – it will already be toasty warm for her.
2) Don’t drink from the carton.
3) When you tell her you are leaving work to come home, actually leave work and go home. (I know, it seems impossible, but you can do it!)
4) Learn how to use the following machines as well as she does: Dishwasher, iron, washing machine, dryer, stove. Now use them. Often.
5) Embrace the idea of family pictures, let her pick the outfits, and be willing to spend for a professional. Smile – don’t grimace.
6) Insist on holding her hand in public, and opening the car door. Even if it feels stupid. (We do have a Convenience Store opt-out clause in our marriage.)
7) Use your hoop skills and actually get the dirty clothes into the hamper.
8) Use the inspired-by-God pause button as often as needed.
9) Put the following sentence on an loop in your brain: “If it is important to her, it is important to me.”
10) Never, ever, smile or laugh when she is angry. Ever. No matter how adorable it is.
11) Limit TV sports to one game per weekend. (I never said this was going to be easy…)
12) Close the door, and turn the fan on, for heaven’s sake! Oh, and aim better.
Bonus Tip: While your wife is asleep, whisper over-and-over into her ear, “You are the luckiest woman in the world. You are the luckiest woman in the world.” (This one is still in beta-testing mode. I will report results later.)
Wasn’t that easy? Now remember, this is only Level 1. Most of these things are just little tips to show her you love her. Get busy. 
Ready to move on to Level 2? Click here.
You got it mostly right. #1 only works until she hits menopause — then she wants COLD sheets. LOL!
On #1 I cheat. We bought an electric blanket and I just turn her side on about a half an our before we go to bed. 🙂
I really love #12 “Oh, and aim better.” I don’t have this problem with my husband at all but I work as a custodian and I just want to scream. I don’t work in a school but a workplace where everyone is 18 and older they should know better.
Love it. I could use some work on a couple. Good reminder!
My husband passed away 10 months ago. We were married almost 11 years. He wasn’t a member
but he took the discussions (2 or 3 x’s) and came to church frequently. I worked at accepting him
for who he was and tried to treat him as though he had reached his potential. It was ‘t easy.
But I also know that I could have given him this list and he would have tried to follow it.
What I want to say is when you are gone, your spouse will only have memories until you meet again.
I would love to see whiskers in my clean sink…
We can all do better at being patient and kind and treating our loved ones the way we want to be treated.
Neither of us had good examples growing up of being married or parenting. I learned through the church and tried to
look for good examples. He hadn’t been married before. I had been married in the Temple and had 4 children
(that I got to raise mostly as a single mom)
When we married I only had one still at home in 4th grade. My husband used to say, if I do the
opposite of what my father did I will be a great parent. And thats what he did and he was.
No one is perfect. But just think about it; all there will be is the memories you leave behind to
comfort your loved ones. I know I will see him again and I will do his temple work soon.
But I miss his presence. All those little things, holding hands, a hug, meeting me at the gate,
bringing me flowers,dancing in the kitchen, calling just to say “I love you” etc etc.
I am lucky I have more happy memories than not. I know I could have done better, I could
have been better. You are lucky you have the chance to rise above and do better and be better.
This is great! The little things make or brake a marriage. I’m blessed to have a husband that does almost all of these. There are a couple where we both need improvement. But I am blessed to have a hubby that doesn’t mind doing these, that doesn’t like sports, so #11 isn’t even an issue, and that sits, so that #12 isn’t an issue.
And for the comment by anonymous, I am sorry there’s even cause for this to bring you sadness. I’d only add that even when we have husbands who do all these things, or most of them, there are still many things we all need to learn to love about them that are difficult. I’m sure the reverse is true, where they have to sacrifice and learn to love things about us that they don’t like. These are “little” things, but remember we all are battling the same battle you are. Just because my hubby does most of these, doesn’t mean I don’t struggle to still learn how to love other parts of him. We’re in this together. I think the big idea is that we endure it well, strive to love unconditionally, forgive, and make it to the Celestial Kingdom. I keep reminding myself that once we are there, we are perfected, and all these idiosyncrasies about each of us will be gone. That give me great hope. Not only will my hubby will then be perfect in my eyes, but I will be perfect in his. The same is true for you and all of us.
Good advice. Letting her warm her hands or feet up on you in bed is an acceptable substitute for warming up her side of the bed, I’ve found.
Great comment!
My wife loves when I combine #1 and #12.
We have a “teen-age son exception” to the car door rule. It’s OK if he beats me to it. I don’t expect this phase to last.
As do we. I love it.
I couldn’t help but formulate a “12 tips” for women.
http://em-cat.blogspot.com/2014/01/mcats-response-to-middle-aged-mormon.html
xoxox
Copier.
We have an “open the car door if I’m in a dress or we’re on a date” rule. And my husband has that pause thing down. He will also turn off the car radio when I start to talk, which is even better, because he can’t rewind and listen again.
My husband left me a love not this morning to read before going to work. He left it on my favorite cereal that he bought after putting the kids to bed (I work at 2am, so he’s been doing that a lot lately), and realizing that I wouldn’t have anything quick ad easy to eat for breakfast before work. Telling me I’m appreciated is one of the best things ever, especially since he’s in school and we’re both working! He’s a lot busier and works harder, but I’m so grateful he takes the time to thank me for my work.
Can you elaborate on inspired-by-God pause button please?
I believe God inspired someone to develop the technology behind DVRs and the Pause button to preserve family relationships. Specifically mine.
when my husband is watching TV, especially PTI or Mike and Mike, I want to comment or tell him something and he pauses rather than shushing me. Most of the time.
Great post! Made me smile today. It reminded me to give my husband a big hug and a kiss for all the right things he is doing already.
This was sent to me by an “anonymous” commenter. I think it is worth considering in any discussion along these lines.
“Although I love this post, truly, from the bottom of my heart, when I read things like this, it creates sadness for me. I am just trying to love my husband as he is rather than wishing he’d be something else. Not sure if that’s the right thing or way to be, but it’s all I know.
I only say this because I wonder if other women experience the same thing when they read this stuff. It tempts me to want to focus on what is wrong with my husband while I’m fighting every day to focus on the positive.”
(Granted, I did specifically say that this was for guys.)
Just so you know, “anonymous”, I also feel sadness that my husband doesn’t do these things either and I’ve been married for 30 years. But it also makes me glad when I read the other comments that there really are men that do treat their wives with this kind of respect and love. I don’t try to change my husband either, but, like you, I try to focus on the positive and I’m learning to love him even though I don’t feel appreciated very much. So please keep fighting for it to be the best it can be. I’m with you.
We’ve been married for 22 years and my husband has always done all of these things. I am so blessed and grateful.
These still work after 44 years of marriage also, though I may have to try the bonus tip. Juneau, you make the most interesting comments and observations.
Juneau – haha
I have a guy that understands these little things. I can tell you they make a world of difference when you bump up against bigger things. These things build trust, so the big things don’t become huge. You know you are facing them together.
My husband would get an A+ for doing the things on this list (except for #1, but we live in south Florida and he’s doing me a favor by NOT getting my side of the bed toasty warm). Maybe that helps explain why we’ve been married for over 30 years.
My favorite is #3. He calls to let me know when he’s leaving work. That gives me 30 minutes to finish whatever project I’ve been working on and time dinner perfectly. I love how that simple courtesy allows me to be able to focus on him once he’s home. See, it’s a win-win situation!
Great list!
As for #1, I was just about to come and make the same comment. I live where it is warm (it is going to hit the mid-60’s in just a few days and we can get out of these frigid 40’s). Except a few nights of the year I would be in trouble for this.
As for #12 and the master bathroom that we share, it is just easier to sit and take care of your business. Plus that is when I can take a few seconds to relax and read MMM! I am not doing it now, so stop thinking about that.
Now if I could only get my wife to do #11. I am in my “basketball widower” period of the year. And basketball games are not on just during the weekends!
Love this – but I’m going to show my ignorance and ask what is the “convenience store” clause?
Great read today!
My EC doesn’t expect me to open her door at 7/11. I would, but it makes us both feel odd.
#4 is my favorite. My hubby did 3 loads of dishes on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day. I’ll tell you my love for him doubled after each of those loads. 🙂 I’ll add that we as mothers can help our sons have happy wives/lives by training them to do # 2 – 12 before they leave home. (Currently training 3) I’ll have to say # 10 is debatable- sometimes an angry situation can be defused with humor. Though it would have to be done with love, not sarcasm.
But it is just too risky.
We’ve been married 35.
I look forward to see what level 2 will be.
I was relieved to read that the convenience store option was available. It’s nice not to have these be too difficult on the first level.
Best thing I’ve read this morning!