I confess. Friday night, I joined the other 65 million people who watched the Mike Tyson fight. I was itching for a real-life Rocky Balboa story. It is also very possible that my interest was more akin to slowing down to gawk at the site of an accident. Neither itch was scratched.
Instead, I came away with a sense of sadness—not because he lost, but because “Iron Mike,” one of the greatest fighters of all time, was back to fighting at almost 60 years old. Trying to relive past glory is rarely an attractive endeavor. I have no idea what else Mike has going on in his life, but I hope there is more to it than boxing. Being uni-dimensional seems limiting.
The next day, I was stuck in a slow-moving checkout line. Two men ahead of me, most likely snowbirds, were sharing a loud conversation with everyone within earshot. My ears perked up when they began talking about retirement. (I’m 63, and while not ready to hang it up professionally, I can see the light at the end of that tunnel.) I’ll call them Bob and Joe.
“So, how do you like being retired?” said Joe.
“Hate it,” said Bob.
“How come?” asked Joe.
“It’s boring. I kind of wish I had waited a few more years. What about you?”
“It’s alright. I play golf almost every day,” said Joe.
“Yeah, I can’t play golf because of my back.”
“So what do you do?”
“Not much, actually,” replied Bob.
That kind of killed the conversation. The next self-checkout register freed up, and Bob was on his way.
After hearing them talk, I had two thoughts: First, it was kind of sad that these men’s lives were reduced to “golf” and “boring.” Second, these guys were most likely not LDS.
I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes. It is harsh, but true:
“This is the true joy of life: the being used up for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clot of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.” George Bernard Shaw
This coincides with an idea taught by many prophets, including Ezra Taft Benson. “The Prophet Joseph Smith told us that we should “wear out our lives” in bringing to pass the Lord’s purposes (D&C 123:13). Peace and joy and blessings will follow those who render service to others. Yes, we commend Christlike service to all, but it is especially sweet in the lives of the elderly.” (link)
(Go easy with the “elderly” tag. I’m not ready to accept that quite yet, and the concept works across all ages.)
Why did I assume that those two men were probably not LDS? Because as members of the Church, there is a buffet available with countless options in which to spend our time and our lives – both old and young. I posit that if any retired church member is bored, it is on them. It doesn’t matter if you have health issues, financial limitations, grandchildren, etc. There is something available to fill that empty time and give meaning to those later years.
Like what? For starters, there is temple work. No, you don’t have to be a called-and-set-apart temple worker. You can just go and do ordinance work. Not your thing? There is indexing and family history searching.
There is an entire website filled with volunteer service opportunities, which are ripe for the picking. Justserve.org
Wanna serve a mission? Wanna serve a mission but can’t leave home? There are hundreds of opportunities for the choosing. Check this out: “Discover Missionary Opportunities.”
While in my service as Bishop, I never had anyone actually turn down a calling. (I know! Right?) But I do know that some older members were reluctant to commit, given health, travel, and family issues. The thing is, you don’t have to be officially “called” to serve. Sometimes, God extends a calling personally and directly. (Which is why I am sitting here in my sweats at the crack of dawn typing this.)
This idea, from the Lord, is a powerful one: “Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness; For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves. And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward.” (D&C 58: 27-28)
When I was younger, I thought my retired parents were nuts for working at the local polling station every election. I get it now. My sister is an excellent example of being “anxiously engaged.” She has served a lot with official callings like Just Serve, but I am positive she would still be wearing out her life in service, with or without a calling.
Personally, the most fulfilling eras of my life are when it is consumed with service in family, humanitarian, and church service—often at the same time.
Boyd K. Packer asked a piercing question to those in the arts that I feel is doubly applicable to those nearing retirement. He said, “There is a test you might apply if you are among the gifted. Ask yourself this question: When I am free to do what I really want to do, what will it be?“ (link)
Which brings me to something awesome. I don’t know if you have heard of Arthur Brooks, but you need to. He is a man who has spent his life researching what makes people happy. He is one of the foremost experts on the subject and has written a lot about it. I also think he is an entertaining speaker. (He’s not LDS, but man, he’s close.)
I read his book, “From Strength to Strength: Finding Success, Happiness and Deep Purpose in the Second Half of Life.” The title explains it all. While I was reading it, I kept thinking about what a head start members of the church have in this quest. It explains why some people get happier as they get older— and some don’t.
This isn’t just for old-timers. If you are over the age of 40, you should read this book. I wish I had known this stuff earlier in life. If you don’t want to, at least watch the YouTube video I have linked at the bottom of this post. It explains a lot of his thoughts and is quite entertaining.
I’m not sure what Chrissie and I will do as we get older, and I hope we have a long road yet ahead. (I look forward to the time when I can be a full-time writer.) As members of the Church, we have an extraordinary opportunity to “wear out our lives” serving others. We don’t know what that means yet. I do know that if we find ourselves spending our “golden years” bored, or zoned out in front of the TV, it is our own fault, and we should be held accountable for the wasted opportunity.
“Your life can and should be wondrously rewarding. It is your understanding and application of the laws of God that will give your life glorious purpose as you ascend and conquer the difficulties of life. That perspective keeps challenges confined to their proper place–stepping-stones to further growth and attainment.” (Richard G. Scott)
“When ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God,” and God will repay your kindness generously. The joy you give to others will return to you in “good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over.” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf)
Have fun!
Note: Sunday Night Check-in is back! Come join me on my Facebook page at 8:00pm MDT.
Also, my new novel will be coming out on November 26! If you want to be on the email list, shoot me a message at brad@thuswesee.com.
Arthur Brooks video: https://youtu.be/rybswGhQIyw?feature=shared
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I have a disabled child that will never live independently. A few months ago, I was discussing with my daughters about my desire to serve a mission, but being unsure how I would do that AND care for their sibling. The next day, a letter was read in our ward about specific “serve from your living room” Missionary opportunities. I am now a Missionary with the Pathways program. Everyone has a CHOICE about how they want to spend the 2nd half of their lives.
This is awesome!
I agree! There’s no reason to be bored just because you’re retired! After retirement, I started taking piano lessons again to improve my playing for worship. Choir fills a lot of time, and somehow I’ve gotten involved in a community gospel group! I learned to knit, which has developed into a mini-ministry and has become my therapy after my son died last year. I am so blessed with my “freedom” but there’s no time for boredom! Thanks for sharing your thoughtful insight and talent for the written word.
Wonderful and timely post, Brad. I am 77 and have health issues but can still do something. I am reminded of, I think it was Elenor Roosevelt who said, “I can’t do everything but I can do something, and that something that I can do I will do.” Also Elder Uchtdorf said that there is no room for retirement in the Lord’s plan. Love your posts and have for years.
To Brad
Best most relevant comment ever. Thank you Brad.