Home for the Holidays? Maybe

Audio version:

My mom was a holiday aficionado. She loved to decorate, celebrate and make the most of any and every excuse to get the family together. She wasn’t a nut-job, (she still knew better than to celebrate Christmas before Thanksgiving.) but she did love her holidays a LOT and Christmastime most of all.

One year, after Thanksgiving Day was over and the Christmas prep was in full swing, my mom and my aunt went off to shop. Later that evening, my mom complained that her stomach hurt and called it a night. It got worse and worse until the next morning, when it became obvious that something serious was wrong. A call to 911 and a trip to the hospital was in order.

After spending the day on a gurney at the E.R., they finally diagnosed her: She had a blood clot blocking the blood supply to her abdomen. Part of her intestine died as a result – it became “necrotic.” That lead to her going septic. As the infection spread through her body, it began to damage her internal organs. One-by-one they began to shut down. It quickly became apparent that there was no getting better from this.

Within five days, the unthinkable was staring at us as we all gathered around her bedside to say our last goodbyes. She was lucid for a few minutes – enough to smile around her intubation tube, and love us with her eyes.

Then she was gone.

December 2nd, 1999. Nineteen years later, and I still associate the post-Thanksgiving week with that loss.

Christmas came three weeks later, and Mom (Gramma, wife, friend) was not there to celebrate with us. We were all in a bit of a fog, especially my dad. Mom, Dad and Christmas were inseparable – or so we thought.

Now an abrupt change…

In the classic Christmas movie “Home Alone,” the first thing that comes to mind is the hilarity of watching Daniel Stern get hit in the face with an iron, and Joe Pesci getting his head singed by a flamethrower. But to me, the soul of the movie has nothing to do with the McCallister family or the dimwitted burglars. The soul of the movie was Kevin’s relationship with Old Man Marley.

Old Man Marley was the scraggly old man that everyone feared. Kevin reached out to him and befriended him. Through the course of the movie we learn that Marley was estranged from his son, and had a granddaughter whom he had never even met. Kevin encourages him to reach out, saying, “So give it a shot, for your granddaughter anyway. I’m sure she misses you and the presents.”

The last scene of the movie – the payoff – we see Kevin watching as Marley reunites with his son and granddaughter.

Yeah, it is a tearjerker. (For those of us who wrestle with that sort of thing. link)

In the context of the passing of my mother, and the soul of Home Alone, let me ask you to consider a couple of things:

Question: Which one of your loved ones might not be around this Christmas or next?

Answer: You have absolutely no idea. It could be you, it could be me.

Question: Is there someone in your life that you had a falling out with that you need to reconcile with?

Answer: There shouldn’t be.

Fortunately within my family, when my mom passed, we were all at peace and there was no estrangements. I’m grateful because the potential for devastating regret is huge. But I know lots of people who have family members and others who they are at odds with, and these things seem to always come to a head during the holidays.

I can’t think of a better time to mend fences than Christmas. It is a time that we honor the Savior. What better way to honor Him that to embrace the power of the Atonement by forgiving those with whom we have conflict? Not only will it help us and them to heal our hearts, but it is required of us to resolve it – whatever “it” is. (If you need motivation, here is an old post that might help: The Tarzan Principle.”)

Yes, there are people who have hurt us. Yes, those pains and the wounds are real, and I don’t mean to discount them – but they need not define us, or be permanent fixtures in our hearts. Elder Jeffrey Holland taught, “Surely each of us could cite an endless array of old scars and sorrows and painful memories that at this very moment still corrode the peace in someone’s heart or family or neighborhood. Whether we have caused that pain or been the recipient of the pain, those wounds need to be healed so that life can be as rewarding as God intended it to be.” (link)

He goes on to quote Phillips Brooks: “You who are letting miserable misunderstandings run on from year to year, meaning to clear them up some day; you who are keeping wretched quarrels alive because you cannot quite make up your mind that now is the day to sacrifice your pride and settle them; you who are passing men sullenly upon the street, not speaking to them out of some silly spite; you who are letting someone’s heart ache for a word of appreciation or sympathy, which you mean to give some day, go instantly and do the thing which you might never have another chance to do.”

I echo the invitation from Elder Holland and Phillip Brooks: Do it today. With the full Spirit of Christmas in your heart, forgive and follow Christ this Christmas. Maybe we should think about treating everyone as if this is their last Christmas.

I’m not sure who this post is for, but if it is for you, get to it!

You might not get another chance.