I don’t want to go to church today. There – I said it.
I’m tired. I had a rough week and I would like to stay home and relax. Maybe take a nap. It is the “day of rest,” is it not? I don’t want to get dressed up and venture outside at all. I feel like I deserve a one day vacation. Maybe I’ll just grab one of the countless books I’ve been meaning to read, or grab the remote and bingewatch some TV series that I have never seen. I think that would be a nice change of pace. Besides, I am achy from sleeping in a tent in the mountains with my sons on Friday night. It’s not like I do this all the time I’m usually there.
I could do that. I’m a grown man. I’m the KIng of my Castle.
I have my agency.
I also seem to like the word “I” a lot. To be more specific, I have already used the word “I” over 20 times, and I am only 160 words into this post. My Mom used to call this particular disorder “I-trouble.”
Oh, that’s right: I don’t live in a vacuum. What I do impacts other people. Sure I have my agency to do what I want, but I also have responsibilities, commandments and covenants that have already laid claim to that agency.
I am the patriarch of our home. I have accepted the responsibility of leading out and setting an example. How could I possibly expect my son to go to church and fulfill his priesthood duties while I am on the couch with a bag of chips. That sort of hypocrisy leaves a mark. And what of my EC? What kind of husband would I be if I just blew off a day, when we have covenanted to be in this together?
Then there is my stewardship: I accepted a calling to teach a dozen youth every week in Sunday School. Am I willing to throw that responsibility to someone else with so little time to prepare? I so dislike flaky people.
And then there is the sacrament. Oh yeah – that. Last week I was traveling, the week before that was Stake Conference, so it has actually been three full weeks since I last renewed my covenants. Maybe that has something to do with this odd desire to play hooky for the day. Carrying around a few weeks of unresolved sins can’t do anything but help bog down my spirit and make it easier to entertain a sense of apathy. The more you miss, the easier it gets to keep missing.
The sacrament is where I come to renew the covenants I have made. All of them. Three seem to be jumping out at me as I consider going back to bed: the law of obedience, the law of sacrifice, and the law of consecration. (link)
- Am I willing to be obedient to the commandments of God – one of which is to partake of the sacrament each week? (link)
- Am I willing to sacrifice a few hours of “Me Time” for something greater?
- I have consecrated my life to the Lord’s service, but here I am quibbling about a three-hour block. What kind of integrity is that?
The sacrament is the symbol of the great Atonement our Savior completed on our behalf. By partaking of the sacrament, I, and my family, renew our covenants and participate in that great Atonement. It allows us to move through this life with purity, and with the Spirit. It seems that I should be ready to race out the door each week to do that.
The great irony in all of this is that very Atonement which saves our souls was not something that Christ himself wanted to do, but did anyway. He said, “Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” (Luke 22:42)
The underlying question in all of this is this: Does it really matter if I want to go to church today or not? The honest answer? Nope. It does not matter what I want, and nobody is asking. I made covenants, and need to live up to them. (Funny how that word “I” still keeps popping up so frequently.) As I try and justify it, the phrase I tell my kids pops into my mind. “You don’t gotta wanna, you just gotta.”
Statement: I don’t want to go to church.
Correct response: So what?
God wants me at church. My family wants and needs me at church. My stewardship wants me at church. I need me at church. The very idea of staying home for some “Me Time” runs counter to everything I have covenanted to, and the very spirit of the Atonement which I so desperately cling to. I don’t have any “right” to stay home that does not conflict with my relationship with God and his expectations of me.
As soon as I walk in the door at church I will be surrounded by people who are all there for the same reason. People I love and serve, and people who love and serve me. Besides, going to church is occasionally like going to the gym. I have to talk myself into going, but when I leave, I feel great that I actually did it.
Have a great Sabbath. And enjoy going to church. I plan on it.
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If for no other reason, I must attend to partake of the Sacrament. When I miss a week I really feel it. I remember my dad coming home from a “run” (3-4 days) on the railroad and being so tired, but if he came home just before church, he’d take a bath and get ready and go, no matter what. When we went on vacations (driving was the norm, from the west to the east coasts and everywhere in between), we always went to church on Sunday. And yes, I remember having 4 little kids all by myself since my husband became inactive as soon as we were married! It was hard, but I’m still alive! And my children remember how important it is. So now even if I feel tired, achy, grumpy, etc., I can’t stay away, I have to have my ‘fix’ each week. If I’m REALLY feeling bad, I’ll go at least to receive the Sacrament and then go home. If I’m really sick and don’t want to get others sick, it’s nice to know I can have the Sacrament brought to me, like they did last week for my husband. What a blessing!
Saw a link to this on lds.org main page and thought maybe you were blogging there too: https://www.lds.org/blog/a-reason-to-go-to-church-every-week?CID=HP_TH_12-5-2016_dOCS_fPRST_xLIDyL2-2_&lang=eng
Great post, and much more widely applicable than going to church: so maybe I don’t feel like VTing or driving 2 hours (when there’s no traffic around Northern VA/D.C.- i.e., hardly ever) to the temple or preparing for my calling or reading my scriptures or whatever…so what?
I saw that article a few hours after I posted mine. Great minds… I agree that “So what?” is widely applicable.
I had my Temple Recommend interview today and one of the questions asked was something about “have you attended all your Sunday and all other Church-related meetings as often as possible?’
Yes. That would be yet another reason to go to church!
Wow! Satan was busy today. I didn’t want to go either. I went anyway:-) I went because I have let Satan win before and I felt awful that whole day. Happy Day!
Good argument, comments, post. I had to remind myself of my duty to my children and spouse, and fulfilling my Sunday commitments more than once. However, at this stage of my life as a single sister, when I feel like skipping church I remind myself I cannot – CANNOT – miss taking the sacrament, so I tell myself I’ll stay at least that long, and oftentimes after taking the sacrament I am able to stay for the rest of the meeting and the block. I’m often able to remind myself, see….God blesses.
I remember when I had little kids I struggled more than I do now. I think that was because I was doing it alone. Dragging the kids to church and wrangling toddlers by myself really sucked. However, I think the absolute hardest time to go is when I haven’t been for a while due to sickness or travel or just life in general. Thankfully, that is a rare exception. I see that feeling of not wanting to go as a big red flashing warning sign that I REALLY NEED TO GO! Usually, I am feeling like that when I’m in a dark place. If I recognize my mood for what it is, I can look past my current wants and embrace the attitude you mentioned, “you don’t gotta wanna, you just gotta.” I am never sorry I went.
Side note: 5 years later and you’re still writing about the things that I struggle with and putting my feelings and struggles into words that seem to be coming right from my own heart. Thanks for being you and for doing all this and for being my friend.
P.S. Is this comment gonna make it past the Monique filter you have in place?
P.P.S. I am really very short, and I love it when you make dwarf jokes about me.
I posted the entire, sweet comment. (I may have added a little bit to the end of it.)
Yes! I feel that way sometimes, too. Especially when we have to get up a little earlier to milk the cow, the goats, and do the rest of the farm chores before 9AM church.
The talk by Br. Waddell from the recent General Conference came to mind, “Sometimes—sometimes—it’s just hard for me to think about Jesus!”
I, like most people, need to think about Jesus more often than I think about me.
Way to hit the nail on the head, as usual. A great reminder that it’s not about me.
Thank you!
Amen and Amen!
Loved it! I felt this way today since I’m almost ready to pop out a baby and it just isn’t comfortable….but it’s not better at home either. Thanks for a timely message for me.
One Sunday, when I was serving in the Bishopric, the meeting had started when a young man brought a note to the Bishop. He looked at it, chuckled quietly, and handed the note to me. It was from his wife and said, “Today is a day of rest. I’m resting. See you when you get home.”
Unfortunate
I can picture lots of “The Rest of The Story” scenarios to a Bishop’s wife’s decision to stay home.
The adversary must have been doing target practice with his “stay at home, you deserve it” dart. I felt that way today and I NEVER feel that way, ever!! Scary to realize I’m not immune… Glad I went, glad we all went! Awesome post, as usual.
Perfect timing for this post, since my soon-to-be-EC (new convert yay!!) and I had a very similar conversation this morning. He had a bad night, while I’m legitimately sick. He wanted to just sleep, I needed to be there at least long enough to take the sacrament. Our compromise was that we would sit in the foyer, he would take me home once the Aaronic priesthood members were released to sit with their families, and go back to finish the block and arrange for someone to come give me a blessing this afternoon. 🙂
My 11 year old autistic son said one week after telling me he didn’t want to go to church. “it’s too late for me. I’ve tried sin and I like it”. (His sin was wanting to get on the computer when he wast supposed to)
Sometimes I totally understand. Great post! Thanks!
But what of those who “go because they’re supposed to go” and their heart it never in it…..i.e. spouse of 31 years. Has always gone, but still hates it, and is always on phone looking at what is interesting to them.
Even if someone goes unwillingly or because they are “supposed to” there is a CHANCE that they might collide with the Spirit and something good can happen. When they stay home, that chance drops to zero.
Correct response. So what?
Exactly!
With a small baby I often end up in the Mother’s Lounge for most of the three hour block. I began to wonder why I even bother trying to go to church at all.
To take the sacrament, of course! But what’s stopping me from going home after that?
I had my interview to renew my temple recommend last week: Do you strive to attend your church meetings?
Yup, that’s why I need to keep going! I promised I would.
Oh please. You don’t go to the gym…;)
It was a hypothetical – artistic license. Smartalec.
I have felt that way in the past. Now that I have some physical issues that keep me from church occasionally, I have eliminated that desire. It doesn’t feel the same to miss church because of illness and the guilt of missing for all the reasons above is there. Good article as usual.
This hits home more than you know. In fact this has left me at home more often than not in the last 3 years.
Everything but my left ankle wanted to come to church today. The rest of me overruled it. It’s stiff. It’s whiny. But it’s here.
I need this every Sunday because I have this internal demon telling me to not go. And this demon has been working hard on me for two years. Thank you for being in tune with the spirit as you always inspire me with your posts.
As I sit here in my jammies debating. The debate is now over Thank You!
Spot on brother! It is a blessing and privledge to attend our meetings, partake of the sacrament and repent and renew! Appreciate your bullet points.
Amen.
You really do want to go to church. You’re just tired.
Thank you. I often feel the same. I get up at 6.30 every weekday morning to get the kids up and off to school and then early again on Saturday to go to parkrun, and on Sunday sometimes I just want a morning off. But as much as I sometimes have to drag myself to church, I am ALWAYS glad I went.
Besides, Sunday afternoon naps are the bomb, but they have to be earned.