Yesterday, a word cloud popped up on my friend Mcat’s Facebook feed. It consisted of names chosen by some app that decided “Which names have left a mark on your life.” I was instantly incredulous, because, a) Facebook has no way of knowing that, and b) I was not on the list. What’s up with that?
Since I know that these kind of Facebook games are spurious at best, I immediately tried it as well. Here are my results: (I would also point out that it does not delineate between people who left a good or a bad mark on your life.)
First, I would like to say that while my name did not appear on Melissa’s list, she appeared on mine. So there’s that. Second, I would like to point out that I am not sure who all of these people are – so if you are one of those people, and you have left a mark on me, please stop it.
I know it is just a silly exercise in Facebook traffic. Obviously it doesn’t take into account Deity, or family, or people I interact with outside of social media, or my word cloud would say things like “Jesus,” “Chrissie,” “Dave Barry, ” etc. Some of the names are legit, however, but I don’t know why “Jasmine” is on there, but “Aladdin” isn’t.
But this dippy little Facebook macro ended up being of some value to me, and might be to you as well.
This morning, I was feeling lazy, and stayed in bed. (The only benefit of 12:00pm church that I have found is that you can have lazy Sunday mornings.) So, instead of hopping up bright and early to write my Sunday blog post. I just laid there on my back, and stared at the ceiling, thinking.
The topic? What people have actually left a mark on me? I decided to make it productive, I would put some conditions on the process to corral it.
First, I decided to only focus on people who left a mark for good. Society, and modern psychology is too fixated on figuring out who screwed up our lives. Didn’t want to go there.
Next, I took out the obvious. All of my family members – so this didn’t turn into another sappy tribute to my EC. Included in the “obvious” category were Heavenly Father, Jesus, Joseph Smith etc.
Finally, I did not include anyone who I have not actually met in real life. So guys like Shakespeare, C.S. Lewis, Boyd K. Packer, and the cast of Monty Python would have to sit this one out.
So I started thinking.within those parameters, and I must admit – It was a beautiful and humbling experience. A public list would not be worthy of such an endeavor, so I would not presume to try – someone would be left out. But I will mention a few names that popped into my head to give you an idea of my thought process.
When I was growing up, one of my best friends was Jordan Clay. He was awesome, but the person who came to mind this morning was his mom, Letha Sue. Sister Clay was so kind to me. She was the mom who mothered me when things were rough at home. I remember one time I was staying at their home while my parents were traveling, and I woke up with a fright. I had forgotten that I was supposed to give a talk in Primary the next morning. Sister Clay sat up with me at 2:00am to help me write that talk. She left a mark.
As a young man and father, I was called to serve as the Elder’s Quorum President to a quorum of 130+ elders. I served with a new bishop named Chris Wallace. We worked together and learned our duties and did the best we could to take care of our flock. The mark left by Chris was from more than just serving together. You see, Chris is brilliant, and well-studied in what makes relationships work. He works with Arbinger Institute, and studied with C. Terry Warner. Chris taught me a different way to look at relationships and people in my life that drastically altered (for the better) how I view the world and people in it. He left a deep mark.
My friend Rolland Shill was my roommate at BYU for several years. Rolland left a mark by simply being good. I don’t know of any other way to say it except for he made being good look easy, and worthwhile. We lived together for years, and I have no recollection of arguments, anger or anything negative. He left a good mark.
My 9th grade seminary teacher made a mark by infusing in me a desire to dig into the scriptures and learn more. Sad that I can’t remember his name. He taught me that teaching and learning the gospel can actually be fun and interesting. I owe much to him for making his mark on me with that mindset.
I could go on, and on, and on. There are hundreds of people who have left their mark on me for good. I know a lot of you are reading this right now, and I want you to know that, yes, I am talking to you – even if I didn’t mention you.
And now or a musical interlude:
It is true. Those lives that touch ours for good truly are gifts from God. They make a mark on us that makes us better, stronger, and happier.
I would highly recommend the exercise of lying on your back for an hour and thinking about the people who have left a mark on your life. It is truly humbling. It fills my heart with gratitude.
It makes me want to try harder to make a positive impact on the live of those around me.
Maybe it should be a regular practice.
Just when I think I’ve found my favorite post of yours, you go and one up it. And while I spent most of yesterday off social media (except for work), a good chunk of time was spent with a man who is ready to go. His body and mind are failing, he’s tired and worn, he’s ready to go home and prays for it daily. After a mini stroke that emphasized his desire to graduate to the next phase of the plan, I had the immense pleasure of spending about 45 minutes with him, alone in his room as we expressed our love for one another, the impact that we have had on each other’s lives, our testimonies of the Savior and the wonderful plan of Salvation. It was truly an experience I will treasure forever, Not onlyh as this man accepted me into his family and treated me as a daughter, but he thought enough of me, to pull me aside privately and tell me the impact I had on his life, and for me to share in return.
A reminder to never underestimate what kind of mark you are leaving. And, the accountibility we wll have for the marks we leave.
Timely post my friend. You are inspired and I appreiate you listenin to those nudges of what and when to post.
xoxo
m
Great post. Thanks.
I appreciate the negative influences as well because they helped to define who I wanted to be as well as who I didn’t want to be. And I would have to include a few unmet authors on my list because of how they made me look at things differently (and positively, I hope.)
Your story was an amazing coincidence for me! Today at Sacrament Meeting the Bishop asked a young couple to come up at the end and bear their testimonies. They were moving away from Alaska because of a new job. We have a fairly high incidence of people rotating in and out of this place. It is far from family so many just stay for a short while and move away. I’ve gotten kind of hardened to it and don’t always want to get close to someone who might leave soon. I am an old “grandma” and they are probably in their late 20’s but he was the SS Pres. a couple of years back and we worked under him and had meetings at their house. I sat there crying and sniffling and that exact song was running through my head. I have page 293 memorized because I want that sung at my funeral some day! (I hope I am leaving my mark on people!)
“That’s gonna leave a mark,” immediately got me to thinking of my ex. So I did your exercise and started looking for the marks left by people who have crossed paths with me, you know, the ones who’ve been placed on my path to teach me and to remind me who I am . It was humbling, to say the least. Bradley, please accept this digital ((HUG)) !!!
My thought after reading your musings, and thinking about laying on my back and thinking of and appreciating the people in my life who have left a mark..was after you do that and make your list…the next part is to TELL them.
Keeping it to yourself can warm you and touch you,and make you feel grateful..but it’s not a complete circle until you share it with the person.
Not only may they be totally unaware..but I know if someone told me I made a mark on their life for good..it would uplift me so much,and make me feel like I was succeeding in trying to do good and be good.
At the age I am..many of those who have impacted my life are no longer here.
So that’s why I think the best conclusion for this exercise is, if the people who changed you are still here..let them know!
Well. I definitely needed this today. I woke up feeling somewhat depressed (we know whose fault that is) but it took me until reading this post to fight it. You know, the kind of depressed you can’t really put a finger on WHY but it is still there. I went to church hoping that sacrament meeting and taking the sacrament would help. Maybe but I couldn’t shake it. This was amazing for me because there are people that have left a negative mark but I am so thank for the huge number that have been positive in my life. Fortunately, I can’t really remember who the negative ones are, I try to steer clear of that kind of stuff but this topic will be on my mind for some time now. I have so much to be thankful for. One of those people is you. Thank you for bringing me out of my funk and reminding me another reason I have to be so thankful.
Proud to serve as your de-funkifier.
Knock it off! You make it difficult to stay depressed.
The song you quoted was sung at my Dad’s funeral. I guess we really don’t know how we impact others until a person dies. At his funeral, so many people spoke to me about how my dad had helped them, or taught them something. Most of these people were folks that none of us in our family knew. I did that little exercise on FB and when I saw who was there, I hoped that I have had as big an impact on their lives as they have had on mine. Thanks for a good reminder of how to live each day.
Jasmine is my oldest daughter, who really enjoys reading your blog posts and following you on Facebook. I know she’s my family member, but she has definitely made me a better person. Kids do that to us. There has to be some compensatory blessing to balance the gray hair and ulcers they cause. Jasmine is working on her mission papers, so she will be my 2nd child to serve a mission. I consider Maddy the first because she’s just serving her mission in a place where she can’t call home on Mother’s Day or Christmas. 🙂
There you go! I had no idea that was the connection. Thanks for clarifying for me. Jasmine: Congrats on the plan to serve a mission. Keep us posted when you get the call!