(Note: As most of you already know, Elder L. Tom Perry, member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, passed away yesterday at the age of 92. This post is not so much a biography or eulogy – they are plentiful. Instead, I would like to share some of my thoughts regarding his impact on me, personally.)
Yesterday, I was unloading multiple shopping carts full of Scout camp supplies into my car when I heard the news: Elder Perry had passed away from cancer. It made me sad. I was already in a cruddy mood, and this news did not help my already sour mood. Did I mention that it was 102 degrees?
Yeah, the irony is already apparent, but I will press on…
Elder Perry was ordained an Apostle when I was thirteen years old. I don’t really remember a time when he wasn’t an apostle. He was a fixture in the Church. A happy, joyful fixture. So many words can describe him: Exuberant, gregarious, affable, lively, etc. I remember attending a four hour conference where he literally spoke for hours. The time flew by.
Even with so many ways to describe his positive and energetic demeanor, I think I will just go with “Happy.” He always seems to radiate happiness. He didn’t have to, you know…
He lost both his wife and daughter to cancer. He served in the Marines in WWII in Japan. And I imagine, he has seen enough things in his life of church service to make anyone’s hair turn white.
I have always felt a bond with Elder Perry, because he reminds me of my Dad. My father was also stationed in Japan in WWII. He also had to deal with untimely deaths, he also gave a lifetime of service. (Here is a link to some stories I shared in a previous post about Elder Perry.)
And he also shared Elder Perry’s constancy.
I did not personally know Elder Perry, but from what I have read, and heard from those who did know him, is that the whole “happy” attitude was not a put-on. It ran bone deep. His optimism was part of who he was, and it was genuine, and genuinely contagious.
…and here I was standing in a sweltering parking lot, in a foul mood, mourning his loss.
How is it that some people manage to maintain that positive, happy outlook on life – even while the whirlwinds on life surround them? Do they come to earth “wired” that way? Is happiness a condition of our Spirits that come to earth and inhabit these bodies?
Or is it a choice?
It is believed that Abraham Lincoln said, “Folks are usually about as happy as they make up their mind to be.”
I can’t help but believe that Elder Perry’s happiness was a manifestation of his choosing. Not only choosing to be happy, but choosing a lifetime of obedience, and service to his family, the church, and the entire world. And by lifetime, I mean forever: 92 years old! He was an Apostle for 41 years – I haven’t even been an adult for that long!
Whenever we lose an Apostle, I like to go back and see what they spoke about in their last General Conference addresses: Here are the last four from Elder Perry:
April, 2015: “Why Marriage and Family Matter – Everywhere in the World.”
October, 2014: “Finding Lasting Peace and Building Eternal Families.”
After 92 years of life, what topic did he feel inspired to share? The importance of families. Two in a row.
Prior to that,
April, 2014: “Obedience Through Our Faithfulness.”
October, 2013: “The Doctrines and Principals Contained in the Articles of Faith.”
Family, obedience and principles, and basic of the Gospel. Could that be it? Could that be the formula for happiness?
I am not one of those people who walk around smiling all the time, yet I strive to have that constancy in my life. I don’t want to be cranky, but sometimes that is what I choose. Usually, I don’t even perceive it as a choice, but as something foisted upon me by outside forces. Yet I know that is not true. Happiness is a choice. Moodiness and anger are a surrender of our emotional agency to outside forces – the antithesis of the Gospel.
I’m usually about as happy as I make up my mind to be. When I find myself needing an attitude adjustment, I think back to men like my father, and Elder Perry, and how they chose well.
What do you do?
How do you get yourself out of a bad mood? When you are feeling brief, can you find a way to dig yourself out?
If so, how do you do it? Please share…
Also, please share any thoughts you have regarding Elder Perry – I would love to hear what you feel abut this great witness of the Savior.
Also, this is the last week to submit your conversion stories for next Sunday. International Hug a Convert Day. Follow this link to learn more.
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I don’t know if you are aware of this Mormon Conversation with Elder Perry, but he actually talks about where his warmth and happiness comes from and how he treats people. I learned Sister Perry is an amazing person in her own right. I feel sad for her to have to go through this time of life without him http://www.mormonchannel.org/listen/series/conversations-audio/elder-and-sister-perry-episode-4.
I am 68 years old and have tears in my eyes as I read the comments about Elder Perry. I too loved that Apostle and man of God. I do not have a personal story about him, but I loved his talks (and his accent). He was, indeed, a great man.
Elder Perry was my uncle and it’s definitely been hard to come to grips with the fact that he is truly gone. He was always a positive, pleasant fixture at family events and will be sorely missed. In addition to being a happy person, I keep thinking about how he was always moving forward. He didn’t dwell on setbacks or bask in accomplishments. Once something happened, he was on to the next. And he was so accepting of the new technology and willing to use it to his best advantage. He was the first person I knew that had scriptures on his phone (actually, I think it was just a palm pilot at the time?) and I remember one time him showing me how he had talks and ideas organized on his ipad. He was way ahead of his time.
While I’m sad for my aunt to now be without him, I can’t help but think how wonderful his reunion on the other side was with so many loved ones who went before him.
a couple years ago Elder Perry did a surprise visit to our stake. We were sitting in the front row with my 3 yr old grandson. Elder Perry saw him and asked his name from the pulpit. He chuckled and said that his energy will serve him well on his mission. Afterwards he came down and gave him and his mom a hug. How do I get out of a good mood? If weather permits I go outside and take a few minutes to read a book.
(Book of Mormon | Alma 5:40)
40 For I say unto you that whatsoever is good cometh from God, and whatsoever is evil cometh from the devil.
Grumpiness is evil, so it comes from the devil, and the devil is a liar, so I learned that when I am feeling grumpy I am being lied to by the father of lies.
The way to quit being grumpy is the same procedure that Elder Packer said to get rid of lustful thoughts. Ignore the grumpy feeling, since it is a lie. Sing a happy hymn. Quote a meaningful scripture. Find a way to serve. Find something you are thankful for.
“You cannot be grateful and miserable at the same time.” (attributed to Lily Tomlin).
Also–Pray for help.
These ideas have worked well for me. I used to suffer from depression. I almost never do now.
I also mourned Elder Perry’s passing. It made me sad when I first heard he was sick and was even more so when I heard he was terminal. I don’t do well thinking of ways to get out of a foul mood. Probably the best way is for me to be involved in service. This post will help me. I always remember him being happy as well and he was a great example of how we can choose to be happy, even when circumstances try to pull us otherwise.
My best remedy for feeling down: Do my Visiting Teaching! It gets me out of myself…kind of a “secret weapon” because it never fails. Other remedies: read scriptures/conference talks; take a walk and appreciate nature. Choose to notice beauty in everything, and BE GRATEFUL. I have not ever crossed paths with Elder Perry but I recently read his last conference talk and loved it even more than I did when I heard it in April. I enjoyed reading everyone’s comments – nice post, thank you.
I was attending a Priesthood Leadership session of stake conference on Saturday afternoon between and four and six pm. According my email, the church released the news at about 4:20. Where I was speaking in the meeting, that meant I was sitting on the stand behind the stake president and visiting seventy. Shortly after the public announcement, a member who was monitoring their electronic device brought a written note up front to the stake president. I was curious what could be so important to walk a note up during the middle of a meeting. The president passed it on to the visiting authority. At 4:55 after the rest hymn was complete, our visiting seventy then made the announcement of the news to the those in the chapel and shared a couple of his recent experiences with Elder Perry. My view was a chapel of mostly red-eyed priesthood leaders who all had a different story or experience they could share about Elder Perry. His big grin and positive outlook will be missed.
As soon as I heard of Elder Perry’s passing, I felt relieved for him that his suffering was short, and I imagine his passing was sweet. I can’t help but think of the reunion he is having with other apostles and prophets, both modern and ancient and it fills my heart with joy for him. A lovely soul who is now where we all long to be – with those who have taught us so much.
I love Elder Perry’s “farm” accent….the way he pronounces some words. I don’t know what else to call it, but it always made me smile. When I worked at the MTC cafeteria as a student, Elder Perry walked through one night on his way to the devotional. He jokingly tapped on the salad bar glass I was wiping down and said, “You missed a spot.” Love that happy man!
The lesson in nursery today was “I Can Be Happy”. The lesson told a story of a girl who smiled at those she walked by and they smiled back. We practiced “passing on a smile” as we went around the circle and pretty soon we were all giggles and smiles. Smiling is such a simple thing but it really can make a difference in our mood and the mood of others. “You’re never fully dressed without a smile”.
A few months ago I was browsing through my grandfather’s missionary photo album. There was a newspaper clipping in there with a picture of the missionaries who were leaving the “Mission Home” (aka: MTC 1.0) together on the day he left, in 1942. As I scanned the names listed, to figure out where he was in the crowd of a couple dozen people, I saw a familiar name… L. Tom Perry. Sure enough, there he was, top row on the right and looking VERY much like himself (although a wee bit younger). I could hardly believe it! My grandpa had been in the MTC with Elder Perry!! WOW! I had intended to sit down and write up a little note to send to Elder Perry, letting him know of this amazing find, but put it off. About a month ago, when news broke of his illness, I quit procrastinating and sent it. I don’t know if that note ever found its way into his hands, but I hope it did. And I hope that, among the crowd of long-missed loved ones, my grandfather had the opportunity to welcome him Home.
Would love to see the picture…
Elder Perry set me apart for a stake calling 39 years ago, and I’ve had a soft spot in my heart for him ever since. I just loved the man. His radiant spirit will be missed.
As to getting out of a bad mood, music helps a lot, but my main resource is a wife who never lets me stay grumpy. She is one of the most positive people I know and she is my mood-changer. Thank goodness!
Since I read the news of Elder Perry’s passing, three things have been going through my mind: 1)that he and President HInckley are probably having an outrageously fun reunion; 2) are there fist bumps in Heaven? 3)Sad. I will miss that giant, cheesy grin of his. When I was a BYU student and he would speak at devotionals or firesides, they would put announcements up with his picture. Whenever we smiled giant cheesy grins for whatever reason, we called it an “L. Tom” grin. Goofy memory, yes, but it encapsulated the happiness that poured off of him. I’m going to miss him.
This post is a good reminder to me to choose happiness. I find the old standard “Count Your Many Blessings” is one of the best ways to pull me up from a bad mood. (Both singing the song and actually counting my blessings.) I think I’ll do it more often and think of Elder Perry. Thank you!
Music is what I use to change my mood. Works every time. Of course, I should mention that the type of music I choose will dictate my mood, too, so the pendulum swings both ways.
I had the privilege of being in the elevator with Elder Perry once at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. He was a very tall man! And happy to a fault. I wish I could’ve stayed in the elevator with him longer, and let him know he was “my” apostle, because he was from Logan, my old stomping grounds. I always loved when he spoke in conference, and will miss him so very much.
I have found that advancing age helps, when I’m feeling down, to get me back to a happy place. I start thinking that in the big picture most things that bring me down really are not a big deal if viewed from an eternal prospective and so not worth my being unhappy. I don’t consider mourning, grief or sorrow negative things as I feel God feels those emotions too. I think there are many people born with an eternally happy nature. I like to surround myself with those types of people and try to emulate them. Best way of getting out of an unhappy state is to serve someone else….service to others brings the blessing of happiness.
I met Elder Perry when he came to speak at a stake conference while I was serving in Salem, Massachusetts on my mission. He is “their” apostle and the love the saints of Massachusetts felt for him was palpable.
This has been an incredibly hard spring. It will not be my favorite year. I find myself on the edge of everything– my sanity, my calm, my ability to continue to function on a normal level. Through it all, I have felt the constancy of my Savior’s love and His promises to me. Sometimes it is on a minute to minute basis that I have to cling to His atonement. It is my faith in His timing and His power to overcome all that helps me. I am trying to let that work within me, so that when I feel overwhelmed and angry, I can calm myself and not be grumpy. That’s not to say that there haven’t been some spectacular grown up temper tantrums going on here.
Elder Perry was Stake President of the Boston Stake when I went in my mission to the New England Mission, so I knew him as Stake President before he was made an Apostle in Oct 1972. He has always been one of my favorite Apsotles and I always loved his messages.
To change my mood, it always helps if I serve someone and think about what would make them happy. It really does work, but is hard to put into practice: unfortunately when I am grumpy and surly, I usually want to wallow in it for a while and don’t care that I’ll feel better if I change, I just want to be selfish… 🙁 I need to choose to be happy more often; after all, we have the good news, and should be the happiest people in the world! (Not that I’m habitually unhappy, but lately I am consistently sleep-deprived (teething infant) and therefore grumpy and short with my kids and I have to remind myself that I don’t HAVE to be grumpy- it’s my choice)
I do the same thing, realizing that it’s my choice. Service does help, even if it’s just in your immediate family.