We thought we were done having kids. We figured that four kids, nicely spread out over twelve years, would fulfill our obligation to multiply and replenish the earth. It was not to be. After five years, and some obvious promptings, and serious discussions, FOML5 joined our family.
I am a little sentimental as of late because he recently became a teenager. On Monday I wrote what could have been an embarrassing post about him, but he laughed it off. One of the comments mentioned that having a kid who can laugh at himself is a treasure. Too true.
Having that fifth kid is a leap. Four seems like a logical stopping point. A family of six fits evenly around a table. They can fly in two rows on an airplane. One adult hand per kid, etc. The world likes even numbers.
Thankfully, our #5, our caboose, is a great, happy kid. We refer to him as our “Dessert,” because he is a perfect way to finish up. (Had he been a monster-child, this post might have a very different tone.)
In my nostalgia, I made a list of reasons to have that one more kid. Should this spur you on to increase the size of your family, I would like due credit, via participation in the child’s naming process.
MInd you, our last child is a boy, so my reasoning is skewed along those lines.
Reasons to have ONE MORE KID:
• Someone to fetch sodas out of the fridge so you don’t have to get up.
• More years of a “supervisory position” for keeping the lawn mowed.
• An opportunity to see if raising one kid differently than the rest will end up with different results.
• A final chance to choose a side regarding Scouting: Total apathy, or complete commitment.
• You get to hang around with the much younger parents of your kid’s friends and teammates.
• Dog poop patrol.
• Built-in babysitter siblings. Especially for overnight getaways.
• Tax deduction. Cha-ching!
• Gives the older kids something to complain about: “We never got to that when WE were his age!”
• People at the elementary school say things like, “It is so nice of you to come watch your grandson’s program.”
• After the first batch, you kind of know what you are doing, so you don’t sweat the small stuff as much.
• Forces you to attempt to stay young.
• A few more Primary Programs to search for your kid who always ends up behind the tallest girl in the Primary.
• New gadgets – video nursery monitors, iPad apps, Bumbo chairs, etc.
• New ears for old jokes.
• Newer, better strollers, high chairs, etc.
• Your child can be the only kid in the neighborhood with an actual lawn darts set.
• Enough life experience to test out of Med School Pediatrics.
• 20% greater chance of landing in a good retirement home.
• Last kid is perceived as relatively cheaper due to increased earnings.
• Enjoy hours of hilarity watching his peers’ helicopter parents.
• Wisdom to just throw the letters from the school attendance office away, unopened.
• Able to reap the benefits of “Kid’s Eat Free” restaurant deals.
• More Pinewood Derbies! Wait – wrong list.
• So that you don’t stick out as badly at the G-rated movies.
• To test yourself to see if you have grown.
• To increase your capacity to love.
• To feel like you are now complete as a family.
• To fill a hole in your heart and life that you didn’t know existed.
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I wish it was easier to know when you are done. For real done. I had baby #7 and swore up and down the whole pregnancy that I was never, ever going to do it again. But now . . .? I just don’t know. And I wish I did.
Both my husband and I came from families of six. We thought we’d have about 5 or 6. Most of these were reasons we had #7, then 8, then 9, 10 & 11. Now we are throwing around a #12 (which surprisingly hasn’t happened yet). We joke that while we planned on 5 or 6, we didn’t realize that it would be 5 or 6 for each of us. I think I’ll share this with my EC this morning.
Our fourth child is nine years younger than his closest sibling. Our other two children were 15 and 17 when he was born. Our big kids weren’t thrilled during the pregnancy, but they quickly came around after he was born. Everything on your list applies to us. In fact, the last three have me in tears.
Thanks MMM. This was a great post. Our current caboose has not been all those wonderful things. I love him, dearly, but he takes all of my time and effort and energy. When I complain about not knowing that he needed to be here, the response is, “would you have let him come if I told you?” Oh–well–OK the answer is no. “That is why you didn’t know.” Fine. But he makes me laugh and says the funniest things. He is only three. His closest sibling is a 4th grader. It wouldn’t be such a big deal, except I feel he is not the caboose. And I am an old woman, who has birthed plenty of babies (9) and I am so sick of scouting (20+ years). But reading talross2012’s comments, I knew she was right. The Lord knows what is best and why. So I guess it is about time to soften my heart and open it to the Lord’s will. We’ll keep you posted.
Hang in there…
My baby brother was born when my then-youngest sibling was 14. Everything on your list has proven quite true for my parents. And while the rest of us continually whined about how spoiled our baby brother was, he has turned out to be a wonderful husband, father, and priesthood holder.
When my wife was in labor with child #4 she told me in the delivery room that there was definitely a #5 that needed to come to our family. I knew she was serious because few women in the throws of heavy labor have any desire to go through the entire pregnancy/delivery process again.
Although there were some roadblocks on the way, our only daughter was born 2½ years later. She has been going to Young Women for a few months now. So for me it’s not about how to approach Scouting, but about understanding Personal Progress and the finer points of being a priesthood chaperon at girls camp.
We are in the interesting position of having both grandchildren and a “caboose”, who is actually a year younger than our oldest grandson (we have three adult daughters). Our caboose is actually an adopted child, who we took in as an infant because the birthmother (extended family on my wife’s side) was running the streets and hopelessly addicted to drugs at the time. With our family dynamics, feel like I’m only a few steps away from singing “I’m my own grandpa”…
We received a surprise caboose 16 years ago. Another daughter (we already had 5 girls, 1 lonely boy) She is four years younger than her next sibling and the only one left at home. She has been a delight all along. What has amazed me the most is that 17 years ago, when I discovered the caboose was on her way, I was not terribly pleased. We had just moved 1200 miles from the home town I grew up in and lived in all my life. My mother had just passed away. I was overwhelmed with what the Lord was asking of me. Funny thing though, 5 years ago my husband was called as the Stake President. I spend many nights, and Sunday’s without my companion while he is busy taking care of the Lord’s work. My caboose has turned out to be a wonderful companion during this period of our lives. She is a joy and delight. She makes me laugh and keeps my company when church meetings go long. One day, about a year after my husband was called, someone remarked about what a good relationship I had with my caboose. I laughed and said…”Who knew she would be such good company?” And then I realized who really did know! Heavenly Father knew exactly when to send that beautiful daughter into my life. I may have been unhappy at the prospect of child #7, but now she is one of the greatest blessings in my life!
This is how we have baby number 6. After boy number 3 I had an undeniable impression there was another boy. I thought 4 boys, perfect! Except #4 and #5 were girls…one with a major birth defect that we’re still working at overcoming some of the fall out. Completely overwhelmed with providing for the needs of 3 kids that need extra support, in addition to the 2 that are typical, we were deep in debate about if there really was another boy. I very seriously was doubting the impression. Five is a lot of kids, what if another girl came (I *LOVED* finally getting to use all the girl stuff, but didn’t really want to crank out kids till a boy came), we’re employed but not really gainfully, these other 3 that need therapy etc are very difficult, pinewood derbies are a PAIN, after several ROUGH financial years with the economic crash and two job losses we’re still not completely recovered, the debate continued on and on right until I discovered it was over…knew it was HIM at the moment two pink lines appeared. He’s such a Mama’s boy! And the only one to get a majority of my recessive genes and kinda look like me. 😀 Must have used all the color up on the first 5 kids!
Thank you for this list. I married late (40) for the first time. I married a man with 4 children. Thankfully only 2 are living at home so the learning curve hasn’t been as difficult as it could have been. But – I want some dessert. I’m not so sure my husband is anxious for a 5th but maybe if I give him your list, there will be some added inspiration. Or at least a bit of prayer. :o)
The timing of this particular post is…amusing. We have 9 month old twin boys, a 4 year old boy and a 6 year old girl. We’ve been talking a lot about whether or not we are done. The feeling we get is ‘no, not yet complete’…but that isn’t the answer I want. A friend of mine, who is expecting a caboose #4, recently said something profound. As her and her husband were discussing having another, he told her “I doubt we will ever regret having another, but we may regret not having another.” That stuck with me. I’m not ready to have another…but there is a little nagging feeling that won’t go away.
[Oh, and I laughed to the point of tears on ‘Wisdom to just throw the letters from the school attendance office away, unopened.’ We only have one in school and those letters from the school attendance office cause so much anxiety. They are unhappy with her being tardy so many times at the first of the year. Having newborn twins wasn’t a good enough reason for them. Now every single time she is tardy even once, they feel the need to remind me that she was tardy 15 times in September-never mind the incredible improvement since.]
We had baby #6 (all 6 born in 9 years) two weeks before school started and can definitely share in your tardy pain! I’ve felt like I was on a never-ending treadmill the whole year. Those 3 boys of mine have been late around 20 times this year. Mornings aren’t my favorite. Thank goodness the school knows it’s out of character for me, but we still get all the mandatory letters. :/
Tired Mamas of new babies unite!!
I love how happily “Dessert” turned out for you. Some of us don’t get to choose to have another child. Heavenly Father doesn’t always offer the same choices, and only He knows why.
My fifth has been the greatest blessing of my life and the one thing that has gotten me through unspeakable adversity
Loved the list! I was an old broad of 40 when we had our daughter (36 when we had our first child — had a bit of infertility going on there), so I can definitely relate to the being mistaken for a grandparent issue, as well as hanging out with the MUCH-younger parents of their friends. While my daughter is saturated with hormones and drama and not the happy-go-lucky kidlet your FOML5 appears to be, our two kids were well worth the wait, and I wouldn’t trade them for all the chocolate (or bacon?) in the world. Most definitely the most amazing blessings from heaven!
We had our five, then decided to add a sixth 7 years later. Amen to what you wrote! My husband cheered when we found out she was a girl-because he wouldn’t have to do a pinewood derby car! And we are happy to know our house won’t be empty quite as soon. And we have more money than we did while raising the Five, so that’s fun.
You nailed it! I’m just curious – did your wife happen to be serving in the Primary Presidency when #5 came along? In our case, there is a 10 year gap between our 2 youngest, boys. (We found out our 9 year old son at the time had been praying for a baby brother.) But both me and our PP who is my age and has a 12 year gap between her 2 youngest, had our babies while serving in Primary. Come to think of it, the other counselor also had a baby, and then the next 2 Presidents and at least 1 of each of their counselors had babies.Hmmm.
We- too, added two helpings of dessert (both girls). My wife and I are in our mid-50s now and our youngest girls (children #s 6 & 7) are now 11 and 12 years old. 2015 is the year their 18 year old sister will go off to college (or leave on a mission…still tbd). Either way, we’ll be down to “just two kids at home” (a phrase that always makes me smile since most families now only have 2 kids). The inkling to have a second dessert baby revolved around our then foggy vision about 2015. We realized that starting this year our now 12 year old would become “an only child” for her teenage years. Now, as I watch my two youngest enter their teen years together (as good friends most days) I can’t help but feel grateful for them and for our willingness to follow the inspiration to make room for “one more” a couple of times at our family table.
Love this article. When we married we also felt that four would be a nice doable number. But we had six and with that sixth we had 3 girls and 3 boys…perfect. When the 6th child was born there was a complication and the doctor said no more children, which was fine, we had our six. But you know we both kept having this feeling that there was one more meant for us. I was 38 years old and our life was pretty full but we had our Caboose also and she has been a blessing. We now have 33 grandchildren and great grandchild #17 is enroute.
We came from large families (7 & 8 siblings) but due to the nature of my career, we determined that we would have to settle for 4 and we would have them all before my CE was 30 (we were 19 & 21 when we became companions).
I grew up the oldest of 7 brothers & 36 cousins. My female cousins still complain that growing up, we boys always left the girls out to do the “fun” stuff. FOML1 – a daughter, ok, at least we would probably have a good babysitter for the rest of them. FOML2 – a daughter, well at least they can play together and be best friends. FOML3 – a daughter, I should have known she would grow up to be a headache, especially after I bumped my head on the floor when I blacked out when she was born. (but what a wonderful wife and mother she has turned out to be), FOML4 – a daughter… and I guess one of my brothers will have to carry on the family name.
Unexpectedly my EC became ill, and we discovered that we would have that 5th child, who turned out to be a boy!!!! and was born on my 29th birthday…..then events happened where we could not have any more children even if we wanted.
That empty hole that you speak of, is filled with the next generation. It surprised me that I would get impatient after 15-20 minutes of pushing my kids on a swing, knowing that there were so many other things that I needed to be doing, but I can spend hours on the swings with a 2 or 3 year old today.
I married late (37) to a younger (28) and lovely mother of 3. Very steep learning curve, but we also ended up with 5. I’ll add “getting to play with a whole new generation of toys and games” to the list. I also tell people that I married a younger woman so that our maturity levels would be closer.
Amen and amen. My caboose ended up being “cabooses” (#s 5+6) – 4 years younger than the next older and 19 months apart. We are still in toddler years with them, but man is it SO MUCH MORE FUN this time around! I’m a whole lot nicer, too, which I’m thankful for.
“Last kid is perceived as relatively cheaper due to increased earnings.” HA HA. I will happily add another if the Lord is going to promise that 😉
Perceived. 🙂
I could just write ‘DITTO’ (not in the Demi Moore/Patrick Swaze way) and be done, but holy moly, man. You echoed everything me and my dearest husband discuss about our 5th. She’s our 5th, with a 6 year gap between her and her next sib. She complains that her mom and dad are ‘old’ compared to her friends parents, but I wouldn’t change a thing. She’s the perfect dessert. Thanks for this post!
We too have a late age caboose. You nailed it on all accounts. She has been an easy child to raise and is outstanding on all accounts. Off to BYU this fall. We are age 58 and 61. Thanks for the laugh this morning.
That’s comforting to see, Beth. I think my husband and I are going to throw our hat in the ring and have at least one more. I just turned 40, which means I’ll be 58 (and my husband will be 66), or there about when he/she will leave for school.
We have had children every couple years or so, so I hadn’t realized that this was a “late age caboose” but all of my children still at home are rooting for another baby. Here we go.
Wanda: Our youngest was born when my wife and I turned 40. I just tell him that he can wheel me and my oxygen canister to his graduation.
Love it. We currently have four and after some recent soul searching and prompting we decided last week that the Lord had a number 5 for us. Our youngest is only 19 months but we were ancient we got married (I was 29 the EC was 27). We didn’t have luxury of waiting five years in between.
I’m in the same boat! So, our #5 won’t be a huge gap away, and I’m glad we’re not the only “crazy” ones out there to go past the new norm of a “big family.” 🙂 Enjoy your basketball team! 🙂