Some Thoughts on Bacon

I have never shared my innermost thoughts about bacon with you. I know, I know, it is hard to believe, but it is true. In the archives of MMM, you will find only a couple of fleeting references to bacon, and an abundance of bacon-related comments by the readers.

Of course, there is the logo, which is included on any of my non-serious posts.

I’m sure that the constant visual reminder furthers the idea that I am a totally committed to, or obsessed by, cured pig belly.

Rarely a week goes by without someone posting or sending me a bacon meme, photo, or joke. Some good souls have even gone so far as to send me actual bacon treats. What kind friends!

Oddly, I hear or read about bacon much more frequently that I actually eat bacon. Frequency? Maybe every couple of weeks, and usually as a component of some other dish. My apparent bacon obsession is not really rooted in the reality of my opinions or postings, but merely the expectations of my readers. Because of this, it is time to tell you how much I like bacon.

I love it – but it is not an unconditional love.

I like bacon as a stand-alone food. A slice of bacon? You bet! But it has to be cooked correctly. Everyone has their preferences, and I’ll admit that I am a bit of  bacon snob.

I don’t like crispy, crispy bacon. Last year I was hangry* for a Grand Slam, and went to Denny’s. The bacon on my plate was so thin and crispy that you could read the menu through it. (That was the last time I’ve been to a Denny’s.)

*Use of the term “hangry” is merely to irritate my children who might read this.

There is a magical sweet-spot that can be achieved when bacon is chewy and crispy at the same time. It is hard to find. My family is very skilled at this. It requires patience, low heat, and love. FOML5 took on the task of cooking bacon last week, and I must say, that for a twelve-year-old, he did a great job of carrying on the multi-generational family legacy.

Bacon in Savory Dishes. Bacon is awesome when wrapped around scallops, shrimp or asparagus, sautéed with brussel sprouts or hash browns. Pasta carbonara is heaven, as is an All-American bacon cheeseburger. Bacon bits on a baked potato? Delicious. If you want to get fancy, “lardons” can make most savory dishes even better.

(Exception: Bacon does not belong in Mexican food – especially Taco Bell.)

“Thick Cut” is awesome. Hickory or Applewood smoked is great. Maple flavored, not so much. (See below)

There is a gentle purity to a well-made BLT, which deserves our respect for its simplicity.

I’m sure that many of you will agree with me to this point, but here is where our paths might diverge:

Bacon and Sweet Are Not Meant to Be Together.  There is sweet, and there is savory, and never the twain shall meet.

Bacon flavored candy? Yuck. Chocolate covered bacon? No thanks. Chocolate with bacon bits? Not a fan. Bacon-flavored hot chocolate? Tried it – nasty. Not even a maple/bacon donut works for me.

Sure, it looks appealing, and makes sense in theory, but to me it is just “meh.” What would I rather have? A maple donut AND a pile of correctly cooked bacon.

The only exception I can think of to the Bacon/Sweet divide is that strange salad that contains broccoli, bacon, raisins, sunflower seeds and red onion. This odd nirvana is not to be confused with the countless girly-salads out there that are covered in sweet dressing, with hopes to be rescued by crumbled bacon bits.

I am the first to admit that this line between sweet and bacon might be remnants of my childhood. I was a non-touching-foods kid. And I would eat them in sequence, starting with the thing I liked least, ending up with the thing I liked most. But that is a discussion best left for another day.

Many of you probably have opinions about bacon that sharply differ from mine. I understand that, but since my online persona seems to be forever linked with bacon, I feel I should take this time to share with you the correct opinions about bacon.