It was still dark on Friday morning when we gathered in the living room. One son was dressed for school with his hair still wet, while the other was in his pajamas, wrapped in a blanket. Ten minutes later, my son read the following words:
“And now I bid unto all, farewell. I soon go to rest in the paradise of God, until my spirit and body shall again reunite, and I am brought forth triumphant through the air, to meet you before the pleasing bar of the great Jehovah, the Eternal Judge of both quick and dead. Amen.” (link)
The End
And with those parting words from Moroni, we finished reading the Book of Mormon. Again. I think it was for the fifth time as a family. Believe me, I’m not trying to brag – over the course of the years it could have (should have) been more. But we did it! And we do it. As parents, we feel a sense of “at least we got that part of parenting right.” (We did slip the New Testament, Pearl of Great Price, and Doctrine and Covenants in-between. Old Testament? Ain’t gonna happen.)
I have listed four tips to help make daily family scripture study more approachable, and sustainable – if not more believable – as you try and make it happen. I reached out to my eldest (FOML1) for a quick reflection on our family scripture study throughout the years, and some of her input will be included below.
Remind Yourselves of the the Promised Blessings
Right off the bat, we need to remember that obedience is at play here. Obedience brings blessings.
Marion G. Romney: “I feel certain that if, in our homes, parents will read from the Book of Mormon prayerfully and regularly, both by themselves and with their children, the spirit of that great book will come to permeate our homes and all who dwell therein. The spirit of reverence will increase; mutual respect and consideration for each other will grow. The spirit of contention will depart. Parents will counsel their children in greater love and wisdom. Children will be more responsive and submissive to the counsel of their parents. Righteousness will increase. Faith, hope, and charity—the pure love of Christ—will abound in our homes and lives, bringing in their wake peace, joy, and happiness” (Ensign, May 1980).
I believe that these promised blessings can come to our families when we faithfully read the scriptures. Not all at once, or all the time, but there are glimmers of each of them.
More recently, Elder Richard G. Scott testified, saying, “I add my voice with this promise: as you dedicate time every day, personally and with your family, to the study of God’s word, peace will prevail in your life. That peace won’t come from the outside world. It will come from within your home, from within your family, from within your own heart. It will be a gift of the Spirit. It will radiate out from you to influence others in the world around you. You will be doing something very significant to add to the cumulative peace in the world.” (Link)
Re-define Success
What makes for successful scripture study? Becoming a family of Book of Mormon scholars? If so, we failed. Does our morning gathering look like a Church-produced video? Hardly. Most mornings it is more similar to a zombie movie. My daughter made the point this way, in her reply.
“Honestly, I don’t know how much I actually learned directly from the Book of Mormon during our time reading as a family, since I was usually so tired. What I did learn?
• The importance of DAILY scripture study.
• The importance of family worship.
• A leg up on pronunciations and scripture language.
• A knowledge of my parent’s testimonies.
• Importance of priorities. (Like Elder Scott said recently, “Feasting on the word of God each day is more important than sleep…”) (Link)
Here is the full quote from Elder Scott: “Don’t yield to Satan’s lie that you don’t have time to study the scriptures. Choose to take time to study them. Feasting on the word of God each day is more important than sleep, school, work, television shows, video games, or social media. You may need to reorganize your priorities to provide time for the study of the word of God. If so, do it!” (Link)
I have always believed that even when our kids are too young to really appreciate what is being said, there is a great benefit to learning the sound, cadence, and feeling of the scriptures. It is like nothing else they will encounter. Elder Scott also weighed in on this idea when he said, “To know what the voice of the Divine sounds and feels like, read His words, study the scriptures, and ponder them. Make them an integral part of everyday life. If you want your children to recognize, understand, and act on the promptings of the Spirit, you must study the scriptures with them.” (Link)
(This is why I am not a fan of children’s versions of scripture stories, picture books, or scriptures on CD. But that is just me.)
Each of those things that my daughter mentioned are successes in their own rights: Scriptorians or not. Full disclosure: There have been some days where actually getting together in the same room, not fighting, and reading one verse should have been considered a huge victory. (Although I usually only see it that way in retrospect.)
Elder David A. Bednar talked about this challenge in his General Conference talk, “More Diligent and Concerned at Home.” Here is an extended passage from that talk:
“Sister Bednar and I thought helping our sons understand the content of a particular lesson or a specific scripture was the ultimate outcome. But such a result does not occur each time we study or pray or learn together. The consistency of our intent and work was perhaps the greatest lesson—a lesson we did not fully appreciate at the time.
In my office is a beautiful painting of a wheat field. The painting is a vast collection of individual brushstrokes—none of which in isolation is very interesting or impressive. In fact, if you stand close to the canvas, all you can see is a mass of seemingly unrelated and unattractive streaks of yellow and gold and brown paint. However, as you gradually move away from the canvas, all of the individual brushstrokes combine together and produce a magnificent landscape of a wheat field. Many ordinary, individual brushstrokes work together to create a captivating and beautiful painting.
Each family prayer, each episode of family scripture study, and each family home evening is a brushstroke on the canvas of our souls. No one event may appear to be very impressive or memorable. But just as the yellow and gold and brown strokes of paint complement each other and produce an impressive masterpiece, so our consistency in doing seemingly small things can lead to significant spiritual results. “Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great” (D&C 64:33). Consistency is a key principle as we lay the foundation of a great work in our individual lives and as we become more diligent and concerned in our own homes.”
Slow Down
I was blessed to have a wise priesthood leader when my children were young who taught me a simple, but amazing principle:
“Don’t read for mileage.”
The basic idea he taught was that it did not matter how quickly we got through the scriptures in our family studies – what mattered was that we took our time, and searched for opportunities to teach and learn. Yes, it is much easier to just plow through a chapter and call it good, but it is much more valuable to slow down, and make it worthwhile. As with so many things in life – it is the journey – not the destination that matters.
Some of our best experiences have less to do with the verses that we read, and more to do with the discussion they engendered.
Take Small Bites
As I mentioned earlier, there are days when getting together and reading just one verse and praying together is a victory of epic proportion. Not that this should be the norm, or the goal. That said, there is no magic amount of time, or minimum number of pages that must be read to fulfill this obligation. Every family is different. Attention spans, schedules, and comprehension all factor in. Each of those things can impact the length of our scripture study – but not excuse a lack of it. We have always shot for 10-15 minutes. Some of you will think we are slackers, others will think we are amazing. Some will think we are crazy.
Bite off chunks you can chew, and you are more likely to succeed.
Elder D. Todd Christofferson explained the basic concept this way – and I think it apples to reading the Book of Mormon as well.
“Asking God for our daily bread rather than our weekly, monthly, or yearly bread is also a way for us to focus on the smaller, more manageable bits of a problem. To deal with something big, we may need to work at it in small, daily bites. Sometimes all we can handle is one day—or even just part of one day—at a time.” (Link)
Family scripture study is something that can be done. One friend of mine has not missed family scripture study one time in 30+years. I know! While that is impressive, I would like to point out that our family has not missed a day since two weeks ago. I can live with that.
For our family, the only time of day that has proven even remotely successful has been early in the morning, before the kids head off to school and I go to work. We have tried dinnertime, or in the evenings, and have failed miserably. It was very reassuring to hear Elder Scott remind us that scriptures are more important than sleep.
I wish you the best of luck as you begin, or continue in following this most basic prophetic counsel. It can be done, and it is so worth it!
I testify to you that the Book of Mormon is the word of God, and that our families can be blessed by reading it together. Testimonies can be born and strengthened, lessons can be taught by both the words we read and the discussions that follow. I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Mormon, Moroni, and Joseph Smith for making it happen.
One final note for you dads and husbands out there: It is OUR job to make sure scripture study happens. Not the wife’s. We can’t delegate this, as it is part of our priesthood duty. Oh, you want a quote? Here you go:
“It is our responsibility as fathers to lead our families in daily prayer, daily study of the scriptures, and in family home evening. We must prioritize and preserve these opportunities to build and strengthen the spiritual underpinnings of our families. President Hinckley said: “Try not to let anything interfere. Consider it sacred.”Elder Claudio Costa, “Priesthood Responsibilities.“
So if your wife is the one rousting the kids and calling everyone to scriptures, you’re doing it wrong.
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I’m very blessed in the husband department. I hit the jackpot! He gathers and leads scripture study every night. Our kids are 10, 8, 5, 4, 2, 4 months (way more, and closer together than that nice little plan we had that the Lord laughed at). Three have cruddy stuff to conquer that complicates life in general. It’s all mild, underlying, waiting to come out everyday despite consciously addressing it at home and with early intervention .
We’ve been consistently reading every day (only able to manage 3-4 verses before someone melts down) for six-ish years now. They are getting progressively worse everyday. They verbally and physically fight, say horrible things to each other and me (it drives my husband crazy when they talk to me like that because he NEVER does), refuse to follow the most basic of guidelines like brush teeth everyday, destroy everything, and are just generally obstinate and mean. The most frustrating thing is the older ones are teaching the younger ones that this completely unacceptable behavior is ok. We’re not seeing ANY of the things blessings promised from reading the scriptures. Are we doing it wrong? How many years of consistently reading does it take to begin to see some of those blessings manifest? I’m not being a punk. I really want to know how long before we can have the Spirit in our house sometimes? Respect? Reduction in contention? Maybe a little joy? What we would give for some peace at home! How many years of reading everyday before we earn some peace? I really want to know, for real. I have come to loathe the Love at Home hymn, it just doesn’t apply at all.
We’re not going to stop because obedience is important, but just a little blessing in the whole spirit of contention leaving department would be such a game changer in our little lives. Those young women/rs lessons on motherhood were SOOOO off base. We did it all “right”…definitely did NOT turn out the way the lessons portrayed it all.
Here’s the problem: “We did it all “right”…definitely did NOT turn out the way the lessons portrayed it all.”
It hasn’t turned out yet. It is still in progress – only 2 of the six kids have even reached the age of accountability where such things should be expected – a little premature to call it a failure. Since you asked, my guess is that the frustration and unhappiness that you are carrying with you is a major influence in the negative feelings and attitudes in the home.
Change what you can change (you) and keep plugging – it gets better as the kids get older. (Unless, of course they become insolent teenagers, then you have to wait even longer.) That’s why we believe in hope, and faith.
Wow! You are seriously awesome!! 6 consistent years is amazing! Our family are shockers at this and I’m picking it’s because we didn’t start young like you guys. How on earth you did that through all those years of new borns truly amazes me!
Little kids are awful!! (ok..I’m saying that a little bit tongue in cheek), but it really doesn’t get any better in the bickering department as they get older…not when it comes to scripture reading at least.
I think you’ll see it though in those moments when they’re older and they’ll actually “hang” together. They’ll still be mean, they’ll still say things like “Mum he looked at me!”, but deep down they’ll be connected.
I believe that comes from time spent together…even if only 3-4 verses and a mumbled prayer of time.
You won’t regret it. But I agree with MMM…while you’re still in that baby raising stage…don’t be discouraged. You’re still building foundations of a beautiful family.
You certainly have a fan in me.
🙂
I second your thought abt becoming familiar w/ the cadence of the BofM. As a teenage convert, the first time I tried to read it, it felt like a different language. I had to be able to “get the rhythm” before I could hear the message.
It does feel like a different language – and you know who excels at picking up languages – little kids! Even if they don’t understand the words, they can pick up the sound and the feeling, which will be of great help to them later.
We do family scripture study every day. My kids are 4, 2, and 0, so I needed this encouragement. Thank you!
When we were married 12 years ago, someone gave us a copy of the Book of Mormon for Families. It sat on the shelf for over a decade, but now it has a prime spot on the ottoman and makes an appearance every morning! I love how it breaks each chapter into chunks of 5-10 verses, perfect for my young crowd (4 kids, ages 6 months-8). We started Alma in September and I’m pretty sure it will take us the whole school year.
Interpretation of leader perspective. From the April 2013 Ensign article on Equal Partnership in Marriage:
Elder Boyd K Packer: ” In the home it is a partnership with husband and wife equally yoked together, sharing in decisions, always working together.”
Elder L Tom Perry: “They plan and organize the affairs of the family jointly and unanimously as they move forward.”
In this way I think we can agree that parents should work as a team. It is not appropriate for a wife to say to the husband: “You make family scripture study happen – it’s not my responsibility!” any more than the husband should be dragged by the wife into it. I believe we work best as a team when we discuss and make a plan together for our family.
Great addition. Thank you!
My husband and I are a team. We work together on these things.
Totally up to you – just passing on what our leaders perspective is.
We started the day Pres Romney made that promise, so most of our 7 learned to read with this pattern. My husband was so consistent. We’ve had amazing troubles in our family, but have always been grateful for the tone that scripture reading set in our home, the priority that was obvious to our children, and the way it brought out the gospel questions our children had, all in little bites.
Dude. We failed miserably at this one. I needed these tips about 28 years ago.
AuntSue
Thank you so much for your encouragement and helpful tips. Drops of Awesome for your family’s consistently.
I started reading with the kidlets. After a few years the DH’s schedule changed and he was able to be home in the mornings. He noticed what I was doing and joined in. He is the one who encourages us, and has a fervent desire to make sure we read scriptures each morning.
We’re not perfect. For example, when i say “Each morning” I mean “Mon-Fri” – we sort of fall apart on the weekend, and sometimes it’s “Ohmygoshlet’sreadscripturesrightnow!” a prayer, one verse, another prayer, done.
We just finished the Book of Mormon. It took us three years. =D We have noticed an increase of the Spirit. It is a great blessing. I’m grateful for the DH leading us, making sure it gets done. =)
We have also found that early morning works best for us, and I think they are mostly learning the things your daughter identified. We have enjoyed the picture scripture books (those and the Friend magazine are the only things they’re allowed to have in Sacrament meeting), but I know that early experience with the real scriptures has made our kids into excellent readers and that even young kids can get into the scriptures and learn from them.
Right now we’re doing a scripture and gospel picture advent calendar every morning. Successful because they don’t get their chocolate advent calendar until scriptures are done. I’m hoping the consistency for 24 days will help us gain momentum. Just the right size bites for my 5, 7, and 8 year olds. Feels so great to actually be doing it.
I like the wheat field picture. Do you have any info on the artist?
Also, to go along with the family scripture study topic: we would read family scriptures before bed as my children were growing up. When my teenagers started being out later than regular reading time I would stay up to read with them when they got home. I got lots of grief for that at the time (they were SOOOO tired, couldn’t we just not do it this one night?), but when he was on his mission I got a great letter from my son about how he felt that made a difference in his life.
We’re on our second go round, with 6 kids ranging from 13 to 5, one of the things that has had the biggest impact was adding a hymn before we read. Add a family prayer after reading and at least there’s one thing I’m not failing too bad at as a father.
We have finally switched from scattered nights to early-morning scripture reading this year and I add my experience that all of what you have said is true. We have the zombie mornings too, but the consistency is slowly building something in them and in us.
Thanks you!! SO TRUE!!
So much in here that I am grateful to be reminded of or enlightened by. Thank you.