A Tickle in My Throat

 

It started out as a cold. Just a little, normal, boring cold – nothing to interfere with my normal day-to-day existence. My throat was quite sore, so I went and got a quick test to rule out strep. Doctor’s opinion? I had a cold. It would work itself out. (The cold was quickly attacked with every remedy known to science and voodoo.)

A few days passed, and the cold abated for the most part, leaving behind a tiny irritation in my throat. A “tickle” if you will. You’ve had one before – an itch way back where you can’t reach. The tickle has taken up residency precisely on a spot in my throat that triggers a cough reflex.

That itch. That infernal little tickle. I found myself clearing my throat constantly. I would be standing next to someone at work and I would clear my throat without realizing it. The conversation was repeated frequently.

*ahem*

“What?”

“What what?”

“You cleared your throat…”

“I did?”

“Yes. Did you want to tell me something?”

“No. Didn’t realize it.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure – don’t mind me.”

The irritating throat-clearing was soon accompanied by a tickle-induced cough. The cough was not productive, other than giving people I live and associate with fears of contracting Ebola.

The coughing got more frequent, and more intense. It began making people around me uncomfortable. It began making me feel guilty for being around them. What started out as a mere tickle had become a larger problem that quickly became a major focus.

Cough syrup helped a little, but the tickle was still there, tickling. Cough drops, lemon drops, a variety of gargles, and even essential oils could do nothing to quell what had become a nasty cough.

Wednesday afternoon, I was in my office with the door shut. I had closed myself away so as not to bother others with my tickle, and so I could cough in peace without being judged. It was about 3:00pm where I had a coughing fit that surpassed all the others I had experienced: I coughed so hard that I gagged and almost threw up – then I coughed again. The coughing attack was so violent that I felt something go “twang” in my neck – and it hurt.

I went home and iced my neck, hit it with ibuprofen, and went to bed. My tickle was now impacting my work, and my sleep. I laid awake at night feeling the tickle – focusing on it, and trying to deny it the cough that it was trying to wheedle out of me, because every cough would send me through the roof.

8:00am found me standing outside, bleary-eyed, waiting for the Urgent Care doors to open. I had been up most of the night and was in pain from whatever had happened in my throat. I explained it all the details to the doctor, and was examined. Apparently, during my coughing fit, I had damaged a muscle that supports my larynx, and that’s where the pain was coming from.

And I still have a bit of a cold. The doc told me I would still need to clear my lungs. I was aghast, as this was code for “keep coughing.” I was doing everything in my power to not cough – to the detriment of my lungs. So now my little tickle had me in a Catch 22 – to get rid of the tickle, I would eventually have to cough – which at this time required pressure against the outside my neck, and post-coughing ice-packs. I will neither confirm nor deny that when the doctor had me “breath in and out” that I was reduced to a sobbing little baby, when it triggered a coughing fit. Yes, the torn muscle will heal, but “it might take some time.”

In the meantime, I have discovered that other than coughing, two things cause me the most pain: Swallowing food, and talking. Two of my favorite things. Another tiny victory for the tickle.

The doctor did help with the symptoms. I was told to take Mucinex, and given a prescription for a pretty strong narcotic to ease the pain, and to suppress the cough. It does its job, but at a cost. I can’t drive when I’m not the stuff, and I find myself a little goofy.

Yesterday I had to work a full day, and it felt like I had to do everything twice. My job requires attention to detail – and if you have ever thought that I have typo problems here on the blog, you should have seen my work product yesterday! Now the dadgummed tickle was effecting my livelihood.

(Did I mention that the narcotics make me feel goofy? For example, I am tying this at 4:30am because I can’t sleep. I’m not coughing, but the tickle is still there…waiting.)

I missed the ward Halloween party last night for the first time ever. I didn’t want to be around church people either buzzed or coughing, so I stayed home. So what did I do instead? I got cranky. I felt weird, and sore, and a little bit sorry for myself. And who got the great pleasure of dealing with such an attitude? My sweet EC. Yes, now the infernal tickle was negatively impacting the single most important relationship in my life.

Midnight found me apologizing to her for some things I said, and my attitude, as I took another pain pill.

I woke up way too early this morning – not because of the tickle, or because of the cough, or even because of the narcotics. I’m up because I needed to write this down. Not because I have a tickle in my throat, but because of where this tickle has lead me, and what it has done, and what it has caused me to ask myself:

• What seemly little “tickles” do I have in my mind and heart that have the potential to ruin my life?

• Do I have an issue, a disagreement, a doubt, a grudge, or an unresolved sin that sits there and festers, and itches?

• Does that “tickle” have the potential to derail my work, sleep, family, or kill my faith?

• Has it already caused collateral damage?

• Do I lie awake at night, obsessing about the tickle?

We often talk about “that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass” (Alma 37:6) but, just as importantly, we need to recognize that it works both ways – small and simple things, unresolved, can lead to our personal ruin.

 

 

 

Here

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