I am not going to parse out my gratitude list in one namby-pamby daily FB post. It is just bursting out of me in one huge batch of 100. However, I will acknowledge that my list looks surprisingly like it did last year. Partly because I am thankful for many of the same things, and partly because I am lazy. This year’s list includes some changes, and a stirring musical interlude for your listening pleasure.
But, wait! This is not my only take on the whole Thanksgiving/Gratitude thing. I am going to proffer something a bit different later this week – so stay tuned. I’m just getting this out of the way early.
1) Family, faith, friends, food, clothing, shelter, etc. (Yes, I know – #1 is nothing more than a composite of all the obvious stuff I’m thankful for. Let’s move on.)
2) I’m thankful that I don’t have to blog on gold plates. Not so much because the engraving would be hard, but because gold is currently over $1300 an ounce. (And you thought e-books were still too expensive!)
3) I am thankful that my 11 year-old thinks it’s awesome to eat the turkey heart and neck with me. (Gizzards: Yes. Liver: No.)
4) I am thankful that none of the current hymns in our LDS Hymnal were composed by Justin Bieber.
5) I am thankful that my EC is so blinded by love that she doesn’t point out what a dork I am. Very often.
6) I am thankful that I have music veto power when I am driving the family car, and I’m not afraid to use it.
7) I am thankful for toenail clippers.
8) I am thankful that rich people in Nigeria think highly enough of me to offer to share their wealth with me on a regular basis.
9) I am thankful that people don’t greet each other the way dogs do.
10) I am thankful that my ancestors procreated. Attaboy Gramps!
11) I am grateful that I am one of the few people online who know how to spell the word “lose” correctly.
12) I am that my son who played Mumford and Sons continually, is now serving the Lord on a two-year mission in a far off land.
13) I am thankful that I don’t need to remember to wind my watch. I am thankful if I even remember to wear it.
14) I am thankful that if you search hard enough, you can find an Oriental market that carries Panang curry paste.
15) I am thankful that in 34 years, nobody has ever beat me in a Boggle match. Ever. (‘Humility’ is an 11 point word.)
16) I am thankful for caller ID that shows up on my TV so that I can know who I am ignoring when I’m watching The Amazing Race.
17) I am thankful that my mission in life is not trying to explain why I am right and the Church leaders are wrong.
18) I am thankful that no angry stranger has ever shown up at my house wanting to “discuss” my latest post.
19) I am thankful that my EC assigned dog poop cleanup to one of my boys.
20) I am thankful that I am a man. And by ‘man’ I mean that I don’t drink Diet Coke, care about Downton Abbey, or buy stuff on “Etsy”.
21) I am thankful that you can’t catch the Black Plague by sharing chips and salsa.
22) I am thankful that every dating relationship I ever had ended in failure. Except one.
23) I am thankful that none of my kids have stupidly-spelled stupid names.
24) I am thankful that mormon.org does not sell our profiles to eharmony.
25) I am thankful that Viagra commercials merely show old people walking on the beach, etc.
26) I am thankful that I am at the top of mCat’s organ donor list, in case I need a new, healthy kidney.
27) I am thankful that God doesn’t always answer my prayers, and that He doesn’t always grant my desires. Some of them would have really messed up my life.
28) I’m thankful that that foam drink cups don’t leave rings on my nice wooden desk. I understand that styrofoam might be bad for the environment and could lead to the devastation of our planet. I consider it a fair trade.
29) I’m thankful that Norman Jewison cast Topol as Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof, instead of Zero Mostel.
30) I’m thankful that society hasn’t duped me into thinking that I need eyelash extensions.
31) I’m glad that J. Lo doesn’t live at our house, or visit very often.
32) I am thankful that I can count on some of you to always get the joke.
33) I’m thankful that I don’t find joy in killing stuff and mounting monuments of death on my walls.
34) Even though I stopped drinking it in August, I’m still thankful for Mountain Dew. And I always will be.
35) I’m thankful that people often mistake me for Bradley Cooper.
36) Wait! Got a little out of control – that last one was not entirely honest.
37) I’m thankful that whenever someone posts something stupid on Twitter, a penny is deposited in my Cayman Island account.
38) I’m thankful that I have never mistakenly used anchovy paste to brush my teeth.
39) I’m thankful that nobody has ever thrown beads at me, expecting me to take off my shirt. Yet.
40) I’m thankful that I will never, ever, ever have a picture of Santa kneeling before the baby Jesus in my house. Ever.
41) I’m thankful that Moroni decided to go back and add those last ten chapters. Kinda important.
42) I’m thankful that whenever I overdraw a bank account, I don’t get cast into debtor’s prison.
43) I’m thankful my wife has learned that Miracle Whip is an abomination.
44) I’m thankful that shampoo doesn’t smell like it sounds.
45) I’m thankful that all of my kids will eat broccoli, asparagus, brussel sprouts, squash, sauerkraut, fish, etc.
46) I’m thankful that the Prophet Joseph was sadly imprisoned in Liberty Jail, so that we could have D&C 121.
47) I’m thankful that I don’t have to walk 5 miles a day for clean drinking water, and I can drive 2 miles for a 44oz soda.
48) I’m thankful that I am old enough to remember Elder LeGrande Richards.
49) I’m thankful that right will prevail. Eventually.
MUSICAL INTERLUDE:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5TwT69i1lU
Back to business:
50) I’m thankful that toilets don’t operate on the same principle as garbage disposals.
51) I’m thankful that I was done with The Brady Bunch before Cousin Oliver started showing up.
52) I’m thankful that I have all my fingers – unlike my Jr. High Wood Shop teacher who had already lost 4. (Hopefully he changed careers soon after)
53) I’m thankful that we can sleep at night knowing that Jack Baeur is still out there keeping us safe, and will be back next summer.
54) I’m thankful that it has been revealed that there will be tater-tots in the Celestial Kingdom. (Still trying to find the citation on this…)
55) I’m thankful that the Millennium is not here yet, because I enjoy the whole ‘growth through opposition’ thing.
56) I’m thankful that I feel absolutely no “PC” pressure to “pardon” our turkey. It is already dead and frozen in some supermarket.
57) I’m thankful that most of my good friends are smarter than me. Keeps me on my toes.
58) I’m thankful that when I go to the beach, no one has ever tried to roll me back into the ocean. So far.
59) I’m thankful for the cool Christmas light repair gun that my EC found for me. It is miraculous, and will makes the our holiday home a happier place.
60) I’m thankful that mormon.org has not requested that I film a video segment. I’m afraid it might come off a little too “Elephant Man-ish”.
61) I’m thankful for 10 minutes of focus before Sacrament meeting starts. (Soft seats too)
62) I’m thankful that I have incredible night vision without having to be a vampire.
63) I am thankful that one day – hopefully before I die – Adam Sandler will stop making movies.
64) I am thankful that I don’t have to follow Jewish dietary restriction. (Meaning: I love pork products and shellfish)
65) I am thankful for Grace Kelly. Especially in Rear Window. (Sorry, Dear)
66) I am thankful that there are people in Africa that are alive because of humanitarian work I have been blessed to be a part of.
67) I am thankful that I have been fortunate enough to travel extensively. (I wasn’t too impressed with Scranton, PA)
68) I am thankful for cheesecake. Just regular cheesecake – you don’t need to fancy it up.
69) I am thankful that God does not punish me swiftly or publicly. That would be painful and embarrassing. And frequent.
70) I am thankful that I am not a victim of anything but my own bad choices.
71) I am thankful that my sons now have the strength to do hard chores. Now for the desire.
72) I am thankful – every workday – that when the staff leaves, I can turn off the country music.
73) I am thankful that none of the FOMLs could be described as “Mormon Hipsters”. (And I mean on-my-knees thankful.)
74) I am thankful that my eldest is old enough and smart enough that I can ask her opinion on important matters, and not have to pretend to care what she has to say.
75) I am thankful that our dog cannot talk. Based on his personality and behavior with his ball, he would probably never, ever shut up. Ever.
76) I am thankful that Mozart was prolific in his short 35 years of life.
77) I am thankful that I live in a country that won’t kill me if I voice my disapproval with the government.
78) I am thankful that the only heels I will ever wear were platform shoes in 1978. (WIth Angel Flight pants, of course.)
79) I am thankful that my kids reach a point with their music that their practices become something I desire to listen to, rather than suffer through.
80) I am thankful that Handcart Re-enactment Treks are not weekly occurrences.
81) I am thankful that I don’t wake up every morning and wonder what I should be doing with my life. What to do with a day off, maybe.
82) I’m thankful that the vultures were able to help Mowgli escape from Shere Kahn.
83) I’m thankful that Ben & Jerry’s is sold in convenient, single-serving containers.
84) I’m thankful that my deceased parents can’t watch everything I do from the Spirit World. At least I hope they can’t.
85) I’m thankful that my car does not burst into flames when I drive over a lit cigarette that some moron tossed out his car window. (It is an actual phobia of mine, however.)
86) I’m thankful that I’m not one of those people who feel compelled to constantly tell everyone how much they love “Psych”.
87) I am thankful that my resemblance to George Clooney is merely superficial, because I believe in marriage and family.
88) I am thankful that God created beaches, and I think it is a bummer that during the millennium we will lose most of them as the land masses become re-united.
89) I am thankful that my EC and I cook together often, and that we are both good at it.
90) I am thankful that I have never been eaten by sharks or piranhas when I have been waterskiing. Or a Sharknado.
91) I am thankful that we are not required by law to paint our houses pink for breast cancer awareness.
92) I am thankful that I have been married for more than half my life, and that it is better than my wildest dreams.
93) I am thankful that I didn’t die from radiation poisoning from playing with broken thermometer mercury when I was a kid.
94) I am thankful that I don’t work at Victoria’s Secret. I get uncomfortable just walking by, and I would get in trouble for discouraging customers from buying items that aren’t flattering for their body type.
95) I am thankful that WordPress has not deleted my account, even though there have probably been requests.
96) I am thankful that I was too young to know anything about women’s health when Tony Orlando and Dawn had the hit song “Candida”.
96) I am thankful for the traditional Thanksgiving feast, although I have been slow to embrace cranberries.
97) I am thankful that Louis Armstrong sang “What a Wonderful World” because he was the coolest, and that’s how I feel.
98) I am thankful that my wife doesn’t snore like I do.
99) I am thankful that I live at this time, and in this place, fighting the battle with my beautiful wife by my side, in an eternal family unit, fully, inextricably immersed in the gospel of our Savior.
100) I am thankful for my life. All of it. (I could do another 500, but you get the point.)
BONUS
101) I am thankful that so many witty, intelligent and extremely attractive people find the time to read my blog. I appreciate your comments. And thanks to all you newbies that have signed up lately.
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Love it. And just so you know, I am grateful you are on my donor list.
xoxoxo
I am grateful for your online presence, MMM, and that I found you and your ‘stuff’ before you became all the rage. You’re developing nicely. Good on ya…
“All the rage?” Riiiight. But thanks!
20 & 40 = hilarious & amen.
Huh?!? #88 – the land masses are going to be reunited? There’s a citation for that? And here I thought I had read all the SWs judiciously and repeatedly. FYI – there actually is an arm patch that says ‘WWJBD’. <>. Great list, loved it, may copy some of it (will attribute it appropriately). My peeps know I am not that funny!
I may be alone in this, but I think a photo of Bradley Cooper wearing platform shoes and Angel Flight pants, with a slight High Priest belly, would be sort of awesome. Perhaps with Jack Bauer standing somewhere nearby, looking on disapprovingly.
That gave me a headache.
It took me about 3 times coming across “EC” before its meaning magically popped into my mind. But, I am stuck on your FOMLs.
EC=Eternal Companion
FOML=Fruit of my loins
🙂
I am grateful for this blog! I enjoy reading every post. They brighten my sometimes darkish days.. Please don’t stop. And God Bless You and Yours!
As I was reading your thankful list, the thought popped into my mind…what would MMM’s EC’s list look like? Would you allow her to guest post? Would she do it?
#54 could be true since I heard they were invented by a Mormon. Love your list. I’m grateful I found your blog.
I’m a big fan of 23 (stupid names are a dearly held pet peeve of mine) and 64 in particular (I have that same thought every time I enjoy a tasty pork chop or roast or bacon or ham or…).
As for 14, I can now definitively cross off my city as your dwelling place…no Panang curry paste to be found in this side of the state.
Loved the list. You really are a grateful soul. In comparison to you I’m a total slacker.
But then I have already embraced cranberries so I’m ahead on that account.
I’m pretty sure MCat’s kidney will be great should you ever need it although I hear you may start craving diet coke.
I am new around these part, MMM guy, but you are so awesome! Thanks for being a bright spot in my day.
We do a gratitude list as our newsletter every Christmas (a fun way to work in news tidbits), and it’s funny and spiritual by turns, but this is even funnier- thanks!
I like it!
91 is my favorite!
#35-my Dad used to joke that he looked just like Robert Redford when people said he looked familiar. He was about 5’7″, bald on top and had big brown eyes. He had a tri driver in Egypt going for a while.
Love your sense of humor, miss my Dad.
wait . . . what? A Christmas light repair gun??????? My hubby NEEDS one.
I, also, am grateful to remember LeGrand Richards! I loved listening to his story about getting a ditch-digger job and praying the night before to have the muscles to do the job. He got them right after he finished digging the ditch! Such a great speaker and spirit.
This was SO fun to read!
Excellent list! Amen to several of them, especially J Lo not coming around. Ick.
Awesomely extensive list. 😀
#77– as of today. That could change at any minute, given the political climate. MMM for president! Whatdaya think?