This post is intended for a male audience. Women proceed at your own risk…
I’m sorry be the one to have to tell you – and please know that it pains me – but it is entirely possible that your wife, the mother of your children, is a liar.
Now don’t get mad at me – don’t shoot the messenger. There is always remote chance that your wife is completely honest with you. So take a deep breath, and let’s talk. We can explore this possibility, and I can help.
There are clues. There are things that a dishonest wife will say that will give her away. In an effort to help you recognize it, I am going to give you a list of things that she might say to you that are blatant lies.
• “I don’t want you to make a big deal out of Mother’s Day this year.”
• “Just get me a card, and we’ll call it good.”
• “I’m just fine cooking dinner on Mother’s Day, it’s not a big deal.”
• “We don’t have any money, so don’t go buying me a gift.”
etc.
These are all blatant lies. You might think she is being honest, but you need to look deeper. She might think she is being honest, but she is lying to herself.
The truth is, every woman wants to be acknowledged on Mother’s Day. And they should be. It is a tough job. There is not a lot of praise from screaming kids, or awards given for changing diapers. When it comes to praise, she is dependent on what she feels inside, and what you lavish on her. She should not have to wait until the annual General Relief Society meeting to be told that she is wonderful. She needs, and deserves a figurative pat on the butt often. And a literal one too.
What makes it difficult is that some of us men aren’t very good at seeing through the smokescreen a woman can put up. Some moms have a distorted sense humility and don’t like to be the center of attention, while others have a martyr complex and insist that we shouldn’t make a big deal out of a holiday just for her. Rubbish. Don’t buy into it!
Even if your wife tells you that she would rather treat Mother’s Day as a normal Sunday, you need to say “Yes, Dear,” give her a kiss, and then proceed to ignore her. Just move forward with the assumption that she doesn’t know what she is talking about. Remember – she is probably lying. Don’t fall into this trap.
The best remedy is to help her with her honesty problem is to make Mother’s Day so great that she actually enjoys the attention – then, next year, she might be able to talk about the holiday and maintain her integrity. We can hope.
So, I am here to help. Please read this list of suggestions to help make an honest woman out of your wife.
– One quick thing before we get started: Please read the following sentence…
“She’s not MY mother – I’ll let the kids take care of it.”
If that sentence has ever crossed your lips, my comment to you is: “Dude! You sound like a jerk, and I hope you are prepared for a long, lonely eternity.”
Moving on…
• Mother’s Day is 4 weeks away. T-minus 28 days. It is time to start plotting thinking. (It is on May 12 this year. ) Consider this ample warning. Put it in your phone calendar now, and set an alarm for Saturday the 11th.
• It also means that you need to help the kids get their stuff together in advance. (Hint: Mom’s love homemade cards and personal stuff like that.) If you have older kids, you could practice repeating this phrase: “No, you can’t use the car on Saturday night until you have shown me what you have ready to give to your mom.” Break this out on May 11.
• You and the kids cook Sunday dinner for her. If you “don’t cook,” learn. For Pete’s sake, you are a grown man – it ain’t rocket science. Strap on the apron, and get busy.
• Do not take your wife out to a restaurant on Mother’s Day. There is a sad irony in breaking one of God’s laws and then claiming it to be a show of love for your wife. “Hey honey! To celebrate, I’m gonna take the whole family out for a sin!”
• Store bought cards are lame. Ladies dig personal love notes/and or letters. Seriously. I know this might be out of your comfort zone. Man up! They appreciate the effort. They are far more concerned about the idea of romance than they are the quality of the writing. (Twilight, anyone?) So, write her a love note, and she will secretly tuck it away into the drawer where she keeps her treasures, and your life insurance policy.
• If you are in a Church leadership position, cancel all of your meetings. (Except the block) It sends a great message to your wife, and the other wives involved, as to where you place your priorities. There is always the next week.
• If you don’t already, help the kids get ready for church, iron your own shirt, and let her get ready for church without interruption. Bring her a frosty beverage when she is doing her hair, and she will be yours forever.
• Only a cowardly man, with an overbearing wife, allows her to go purchase her own gifts. (This includes Mother’s Day, birthday’s and Christmas.) And please don’t be so boring as to ask her what she wants. Do your homework – you should already know. (Watch the comments – the overbearing wives will be quick to dispute this. It’s a dead giveaway.)
• Honoring your wife on Mother’s Day is more important that honoring your mother on Mother’s Day. (Mark 10:7-9) Grandma will just need to deal with it.
• Flowers & chocolate are still legitimate as an add-on.
• If your kids are out of the home, or you don’t have any, it doesn’t matter. Use that day to spoil her anyway.
So there you go: The solution to your wife’s honesty issues. Make it a wonderful day for her. Show here you love her. Make an honest woman out of her.
Your kids need to see that your wife is the primary focus of your life, and Mother’s Day is a great day to really cut loose. The kids will notice, and hopefully follow your example. Because, as you have heard, “the most important thing a man can do for his children is to love their mother.”
28 days, and counting.
COMMENTS CLOSED
After 150+, the loonies started coming out to play.
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In my ward (northern South Australia) mothers and older women are given corsages, usually chrysanthemums, or chocolates when they arrive at sacrament meeting. It’s something everyone appreciates and are usually handed out by the Valiant Primary boys, extra adorable if you ask me 🙂
COMMENTS CLOSED
Sorry, but after the first 150, the loonies started coming out to play.
A wise man will give his wife regular feedings of Mother’s Day type love rather than only a once a year feast.
Too true. And an even wiser man will do BOTH.
MMM, I think it is disturbing that you are so concerned about violating the Sabbath while you missed the bigger picture: your wife is not honest with her fellow men. This means she either doesn’t have a temple recommend or lied to her bishop and SP in order to get one. I wouldn’t put it past her, considering she seems to have no problem lying to you about something so trivial. Maybe she thinks you are not worthy of her trust and confidence.
I am grateful my wife and I have the kind of relationship where we can be open and honest about these trivial things. We don’t feel the need to play a bunch of games to somehow conform with misogynistic, outdated gender roles. Maybe it is better that your wife is not temple worthy. I don’t see much upside in spending eternity in a relationship with such a shaky foundation.
Best laugh I’ve had all day! I appreciate a reader who can toss in some hyperbole and satire.
This has got to be one of the worst blog post I’ve ever read. You spend the entire post belittling your wife and accusing her of being a liar, then propose spending a day dedicated to letting her know how much you love her? Anyone else see a real problem with this?
Perhaps if you were a real man and cooked every week, or changed diapers every day, or did any number of the items you list as responsibilities reserved only for this special day, you’re marriage might be a little better! Because trust me, based upon your post, you’re in no position to be dolling out advice to anyone on how to be a good husband. Every day of her life, I treat my wife better than you do on Mother’s day! And on Mother’s day, I honor my mother, because unlike my wife, I don’t spend every day showing and proving my love to her. And if you actually understood Mark 10:7-9, you’d know why.
Eeyore: I am almost speechless. Either this is one of the funniest satirical comments I have ever read, making it hysterical — or — it is one of the most clueless responses to writing that you obviously don;t understand that I have ever seen – making it hysterical. Either way, thanks!
Please study the following literary techniques: Hyperbole, satire and narrative hook. After you have learned what these are, come back, read a few dozen posts about my marriage and then re-read this one. Best of luck.
OK, there are too many comments to read. I loathe holidays in general because it seems like society is forcing something upon me whether it be Valentine’s, Mother’s Day, Christmas, etc. I don’t need day set aside to celebrate my wife as I already do that throughout the entire year. Besides, I already clean the house, wash the dishes, do laundry, watch the kids when I get home from work. That said, I’m not the completely insensitive soul either. I pay attention to what my wife wants and get her gifts that I know she will enjoy. This year’s gift is going to be awesome. She’s gonna love it.
Atta boy, Fernando. Sounds like you are well trained. Happy Wife=Happy Life.
Can I throw in one more suggestion to your already awesome blog? I have an amazing Middle-aged Mormon Man for a husband and every year he gives me the best Mother’s day present a woman could ever ask for. Not only does he already do everything you already listed, but he also kicks me out of the house on the Saturday before Mother’s Day to spend the day with my friends, mother and sisters, or whomever I want, to do whatever I want. All day long, to my self without any kids or worries. I can come home whenever I want and he doesn’t call me at all unless there is an ER visit involved, and there never has been. He takes care of kids, all of the meals and, with the help of the kids, he cleans the entire house so that on Sunday, I have no problem relaxing and enjoying my day. The reason he kicks me out is because he knows that if I am there, I will feel the need to help or I will want it done my way and I will do it my way. So for the sanity of all involved he makes me leave and enjoy myself. I know this sounds super difficult and way to much to ask for but you have to hear what he gets in return. He gets a super happy wife who shows him a great amount of love and appreciation. Then when Father’s Day weekend rolls around, he gets the Saturday to go fishing without kids and without honey do’s and the kids and I do the yard work and take care of things he would usually do on a weekend so that he can have a carefree weekend. We both look forward to our weekends every year and the kids really look forward to giving us that wonderful gift every year. Just a thought to all of you married couples out there that want to stay happily married. It goes both ways. Treat your woman like a queen and she will treat you like a king.
Nice!
I’d like to offer a slightly different perspective…are you familiar with the 5 Love Languages concept? The idea is that every person has their own preferred method(s) of giving a receiving love. Based on this post MMM, I might guess that gift giving is one of your preferred methods of giving/receiving love.
Our first few years of marriage, birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s Day, etc. were rough because inevitably my husband got me a terrible, last minute gift (if any at all). I thought that meant that he didn’t think or care about me enough. He was miserable because he knew I was disappointed.
But then, we discovered that “gift giving” is WAY at the bottom of his list of ways to give/receive love. It’s just not the way his brain naturally operates. I also realized I don’t care too much about receiving gifts either; the only reason I was getting upset was because of the expectations I bought in to from the society around me.
My husband is excellent at showing love in other ways, especially acts of service. Call me overbearing if you will, but once I removed the expectation of him getting me gifts on these occasions, we were both a LOT happier. And who am I to complain about not getting a gift when my husband is folding the laundry, washing the dishes, and putting the kids to bed.
I obviously see it differently:
I believe in the ability to learn to speak other languages.
You will note that out of the 11 things I mentioned, only two referenced gift giving – what you give is of little importance if it shows love, fore-thought and effort. The terrible last-minute gifts (which I have been guilty of) are merely a manifestation of personal priorities.
If I behave in a way that I learn disappoints my wife, I try and learn to change, rather than have her “give me a pass”. I would rather overcome the way my brain “naturally operates” because I am not a fan of the “Natural Man” that is in me. I feel one of my commitments to the marriage is to learn to make her happy, and learn to change when needed – not look for a way out, or wait for her to diminish her expectations.
I agree with your point – it is possible to learn other languages and overcome the “natural man” tendencies, but I mentioned that I realized that gift giving wasn’t important to me either. If it was, then we would have worked together to come up with solutions to meet both our needs. Since it’s not, then we don’t feel the need to try to fit society’s expectations of what *should* happen on any given holiday.
That being said, there is always room for improvement and I always appreciate the little kicks in the pants that encourage me to reconsider how/why I do the things I do. For that reason, I’m a big fan of your blog.
That is a great distinction that I overlooked – sorry! If you didn’t care either, then why bother?!
My ex Of 36 yrs actually listened one year when he bought a patio set i loved. He enjoyed it as much as i did. Sense this was one Of the most thoughtful gifts i ever received, i would not let him take it when he left.
I don’t mind eating “Sin” for dinner. I really just want to spend the day w my kiddos and hubbs. Honestly my MD wish is to go to the movies and eat popcorn, frozen jr mints& diet Pepsi!! It’s probably the rebellious “UT Mormon ” in me. 😉
You forgot to discuss how terrible a gift like a broom or new feather duster is for Mother’s day. My husband seems to think Mother’s Day gifts should relate somehow to my life as a homemaker. Men may like new tools for Father’s day, but I don’t want a BROOM. It just doesn’t say “I love and appreciate you”.
I made a similar mistake once. Oops.
Loved you article and I’m lucky to be married to a man who does most of your suggestions on his own. The one thing that I would absolutely love and adore the most on Mother’s Day is for him to take a picture of me with our children that I like. Which amounts to probably 50 different shots and him cajoling the kids into humoring me.
I have so many pictures of our kids as they have grown up and experienced many things but I’m often behind the camera. And I doubt that I need to explain how the shots I am in I rarely like.
I always tell everyone every year that I want a clean house, well-behaved children, and someone else to cook. I usually get the meal at least. 🙂
I like the “figurative” and literal pat on the bum comment. Hahaha.
First of all, I agree w/ your whole post and secondly, I have a friend who every Mother’s day when to Costco with her two young boys (6 and 4) and got some cheap bouquets of flowers. Then she and her boys MADE them into corsages and delivered them to older women, widows, or women in the ward that they chose. They would make about 7 or 8. What a GREAT idea of service she taught to her boys AND the importance of mothers.
On the other hand, I had a friend who wasn’t able to have children but she always helped me with my 7 during church. Following from the idea of my friend my girls made this woman a necklace to wear for Mother’s Day to thank her for helping and being a 2nd mom to them.
Instead of worrying about the whole corsage-drawing-attention-away-from-sacrament-meeting-like-the-pants-thing maybe we should all worry about our own family and how we can serve others…………(that came out more mean then I meant it, I just wanted to nicely make people think)
Love that idea! I don’t have boys but teaching the girls to serve others would be an awesome way to do mother’s day! It would get me away from thinking so much about myself and why what is suppose to be my “perfect day” is nothing more than another day that includes chocolates and flowers! Thank you!
I liked this article. MMM is giving suggestions as to what he feels is best. Don’t take away from the message by tearing it down.
The message I get from this is know those you want to honor and do what is best for them. My mother wants us to write down memories we have for her. She doesn’t want gifts, but some mothers do. KNOW the people and the way they feel loved and appreciated, then do what is best. Don’t take away from MMM because he is trying to help.
I agree! His point is, take the time to do it right and do it well. Show your wife you are paying attention to her needs and her wants. That’s real love. I appreciate seeing a man that has a clue and is trying to be everything his wife needs and share the knowledge he is gaining with others. I think MMM needs a pat on the back. With so many things out there tearing down the family unit and marriage, it’s a breath of fresh air to see something that is helping to build up those things which are important.
Our ward does an annual Young Women’s fundraiser of making simple corsages for Mother’s Day. My husband is great about buying one for me and both my daughters and also makes sure (along with other men) that all the single women have one as well. Most of the females in our ward end up wearing corsages that day! I wonder what your readership would say about our ward that Sunday?
Hey now, go easy – you are my “readership” too!
Excellent post MMM. Thanks for the laughs!
I do appreciate this article and while it was brought up once in the comments, I want to mention it as well. My husband and I have listened to John N Lund’s talk about Marriage on CD, and now we are “content communicators”. For Mother’s Day this year I will let my husband know in advance what I expect from him. It will probably be a card with a personalized note inside (I never tire of reading why he loves me) and then to have him cook dinner. For those who say their spouse couldn’t possibly make dinner, there are frozen pre-made dinners in all grocery stores! Seriously! Ladies, own up to what you want and then ASK for it. No one can read minds, and more likely than not if your husband married you then he wants to make you happy, so don’t make him guess at it! And yes, this goes both ways. For Father’s Day I will ask my husband what he wants, and at Christmas we exchange lists. This has helped us IMMENSELY.
She’s not a liar. She’s being honest. She doesn’t want to see that her husband has the ability to step it up and be the husband/father/man she’s always known you could be and then the next day rip that reality from her. It’s easier to live according to what she has always known rather than see there is something more available but only be able to tap into that gift once a year! Celebrate your wife and mother of your children EVERYDAY! That is the gift I would guess she wants most.
She’s not a liar.
Great blog post! I am sending a link to my niece’s new husband (married just 2 days ago) so he gets this down in the beginning. He’s said something about being very forgetful, so I will recommend Sterling’s comment to read, also.
In regard to your question to Susannahmom’s comment: some men are like that– Likely have good/great points, but are -clueless-… Mine is one of those. even when told point blank. I think it’s a bad case of ADD. Been married 18+ yrs. Hope he reads this…then takes notes & doesn’t lose them. 😉
To reloader52, things ‘needing to be in place in a relationship?’ ONE can do a LOT to help PUT those things into place in the relationship. Perhaps former wife was
fed up w/being emotionally neglected, unappreciated? Maybe it was some behaviors of yours she disliked?? But I do see some reminders for me in your comments. Thank you, seriously.
MMM: Thank you, also for the heads up so I can plan FD!
Wow, you’ve elicited a great deal of comments for better or worse it would appear. The internet is a tough crowd and so much is lost in electronic communication, at times it seems you can’t win for losing. Message duly noted and calendar reminders we’ll be set tomorrow. Regardless of a crayon flower, corsage, cut flowers or a full on rose bush. 🙂
I have a small book that I carry around that my wife and I filled out. In this book is all the information I will ever need (for the next 2 months, at least,) about her sizes, things she appreciates, things she wants, ways she likes me to do things, words she likes me to say, past gifts she has liked, future gifts she would like, etc. Guys, yes you need to try to figure it out – but sometime you just gotta ask. AND THEN WRITE IT DOWN! I forget things so fast, it makes my head spin. Now, if I want to get something for my dear wife, then I can look it up in my book, and get something. It doesn’t matter that I wrote it down, because it means that I was paying attention, and cared enough to not forget. (BTW – she has a similar book about me.)
And yes, my wife is also a liar.
My dad was a wonderful person, but every year he brought some exotic cut flowers in from his garden so my mom could make herself a corsage. She is my hero.
I appreciate whatever they do, but they generally feed me a breakfast in bed of gargantuan proportion, and then sit on my bed watching me try to force it all down. (no, not another strawberry, I can’t!!)
Too funny!
I read it to. I really appreciate all that it said. The problem is that you are not going to find many men reading blogs because they want to. Who reads blogs? Women. So the only way my husband is going to see this is if I show it to him…which kinda of defeats the purpose.
Lynda: Surprising as it may seem, my readership runs about 40% men, which is pretty good in the blog world. And, for a glimmer of hope, a lot of men have been linking over from a BYU Sports forum – so there’s that!
I really don’t want any gifts on Mother’s Day as I’m trying to downsize. I’ve told all my children a phone call, note or card would be appreciated. I like to cook dinner for a daughter and daughter-in-law who live nearby, they are both busy mothers and I know they appreciate it…it’s my way to honor them on Mother’s Day. In a few years I may not be able to do that for them as I may require more help from them. After 44 years of marriage my hubby still can’t cook anything and it’s okay. At this point in my long life I can see that the real gift on Mother’s Day is seeing the kind of adults my children have become and how they are trying to live their lives.
I appreciate anything my husband does for Mother’s Day, because it comes from his heart. Every day feels like Mother’s Day in our house because I know my husband does his best every. single. day. And I couldn’t ask for a better gift.
LOVED this post–I am a new reader. I look forward to reading more of your blog. And you have a GREAT sense of humor!!
My favorite part is that you express your opinions and stand your ground. I wish we lived in a world where people expressed their opinions and no offense would be taken because no offense was intended.
This was hilarious! As for the comment thread, I think it’s ridiculous people are arguing over corsages, lol. I think comparing ourselves as to who’s the most loved mom is silly. I’m just grateful to BE A MOM on mother’s day. That the Lord has given me my little ones.
And as for understanding women (good luck, haha! We don’t even understand ourselves.) and what gifts to give them, it’s all about knowing what language of love they speak. When I was a new mom, I wanted nothing more than to hear my hubby tell me he adored me, even though I never did my hair or put on makeup. Now after seven years, I hear “I love you” every time he offers to take the kids so I can take a nap. Or when he lets me go to the library by myself. Or takes a dirty dish from my hands and tells me he’ll finish cleaning so I can read a book.
If he’s giving me a corsage, it’s not because he wants me to show it off to all my church peeps. It’s because he wants to tell me he loves me, and he’s doing it in the only way he knows how. And I’d wear it not to say, “Hey! Check out whose husband loves her!” but to show him I love him for loving me. That’s really what it’s about anyway.
Now matter what he does for me on that day, I make sure he knows I appreciate every effort he makes. Even if it’s not what I would’ve asked for, it shows me he loves me and that he thinks I’m a pretty kick butt mom.
For Mother’s Day I’m hoping my husband will teach my Sunday School class. This was also the best gift he gave me on my birthday last year. That’s love.
That was awesome! Thank you for putting a huge smile on my face. You kind of rock!
My wife sent me this, and I must assume that not only did she find it funny, but she wanted to foreword me a warning that I better be smart this year. I am she’s pregnant with our fifth. I now comes the clumsiness the of finding a suitable gift. I am guess it’s time to break down and get a Pintrest account of break into hers.
Take care all, I blessed be mothers, and those who wish to be and are inside anyway and to husbands who love and serve their wives
Best mothers day gift is to let mothers be the fun mom for the day. No responsibility of making meals, changing diapers, cleaning up, discipline just being the book reading, snuggling, playing on the ground with the kids mom for the day. That is what this mama wants. I just want a fun family day with out the mundane tasks.
My ward has often served pie to the women on Mother’s Day. Nice thought, except if the wives are the ones buying (or baking) the pies. Ditto, if the man is running out to Wal*Mart during the second block to buy a pie.
Any man found allowing his wife to buy/bake a pie should be sentenced to two years serving in the nursery. Yes, I know the women are also responsible by being martyrs, but men who do this need to be slapped upside the head.
If your ward does serve a refreshment, please serve it sooner than 10 minutes before church is over. This way the women can scarf their pie before their kids find them and want to share.
I read this at my own risk and I loved it. Thank you. One of the best birthday presents I ever received was when my son surprised me by cleaning the house while I was gone. It was on a Saturday and I had gone somewhere. I then came home thinking about all the things that were on my to-do list. Living room, kitchen, dishes, vacuuming, etc. When I got home all of them were done. I loved it. A mom knows she is loved if she doesn’t have to clean up the mess her kids made. Same goes for mother’s day. If I came home even Saturday before mother’s day and the house was clean and my children told me happy mother’s day a day early, I would be happy. Your also right about the home made cards from children. They are wonderful.
The reason why not many men are commenting as opposed to women is we’re to busy taking notes or taking action.
Our ward no longer gives gifts on Mother’s or Father’s Day which doesn’t bother me at all. However, it is nice to have the day acknowledged in some way, like having the primary sing, or a talk on families. We had one ward that had both speakers as women every time. Didn’t think that was very nice!
I sent this to my husband and my dad with the subject line: A Man’s Guide To Not Ending Up In The Dog House On Mother’s Day.
way to go Jonna, way to be an example 🙂
I am sure there aren’t many comments from men because they read this and all quickly got to work on their Mother’s Day plans! Clever, funny, accurate post. Thanks for starting of my week with a smile and a laugh.
Bottom line here is that men – it’s going to take a little effort. Best Mother’s Day for my wife was last year when I surprised her with a back yard fire pit, and chairs and stuff for s’mores. (All of these things she loves!) She had no idea she wanted those things, but was most happy we had taken some time to think about it. Even if money is tight, home made items will do the trick too. This means checking the kid’s backpacks to see if they made things at school, and if not get yourself down to the craft store for some ideas. Figure out what her favorite meal is and make it – chances are it is not as difficult as you think. Regardless what you do, she will likely just appreciate the effort made on her behalf.
Yes, I’m a bit rebellious too; and very glad- it was an awesome read! I am most blessed with an awesome hubby; but I would like to put in a little plug for the un-married women like my best friend. Treat them with kindness and sincerity during this holiday, as it usually is the hardest day of the year for them. Thanks
When I started reading this, I thought, “Great! I’ll share this with my husband!” But, as I read on, I came to realize that I do not lie. I told him exactly what I expect for Mother’s Day (a couple hours at the spa away from our first child who is four months old. Even just a couple hours of not having to take care of her would be nice.) And, I also realized that he is already awesome, just like you, MMM.
And, just to point out, his/my mom matters, too and can be celebrated on the day of, while I get the WHOLE day before. At least, that’s how we do it for Mother’s and Father’s day.
Yeah, me too – I’ve always been practical enough to know my husband is no mind reader. Not that he isn’t aware of what I’d like or want or need, but that if I don’t say anything and still expect it, I’m almost assuredly setting myself up for disappointment. There’s everything good about communicating openly with your spouse.
37, and 4 kids. I am UBER practical. I do the budget, and I hate spending money on myself. Normally I really would love to just have a clean house, and a nap. One year my hubby got mad at me. He said, I would always get him presents, but never allowed him to spoil me. He was right. So, I said…okay, you go to the store, take the kids with you, and buy me a present. But, don’t tell me what it is, or I will talk you out of it…and I will deal with the budget later. I also told him to make it good, because this might be his only chance like this. He came home with a HUGE flat screen television, and a BluRay disc player. I’ll admit…I panicked, but pretended to love it. Well, I really DO love it. Our house is small, and the television takes up less space on the wall. He got a good deal on it, and it’s really nice! I budgeted around it, and it was fine…but, yeah…a clean house and a nap is all I ask for still.
My husband actually sent me the link to this post and we had a good laugh over it. He spent our first few Mother’s Days together in the dog house. The next day was usually spent groveling because of his stupidity and begging me to speak to him again. He’s since learned that you don’t ignore the woman who suffered great pains to bring your children into the world and who continues to make great sacrifices as she sees to it that all of their needs are met and that they don’t die.
That being said, I don’t like being acknowledged at church for a couple reasons.
1. I really, really hate having attention brought to me…in public.
2. I know that there are many women who cannot have children, who hate this day and either can’t bring themselves to go to church or go home heartbroken and in tears because of the reminder.
I kind of wish they wouldn’t make such a big deal out of it at church. A little bit, yes, because for some women it is the only recognition they get.(Thus the reason for your post.) Home is a different story. I better get flower and homemade cards and breakfast in bed and something grilled for dinner that I don’t have to prep for or clean up after. I don’t think this is asking too much.
This year is going to be an exception because he is overseas and it’s not realistic to expect breakfast in bed and dinner. But I still expect the “add-ons”… and maybe some nice jewelry. (Are you reading this Hun?? Consider yourself warned. :))
Thank you for recognizing that it does hurt some to have a recognition in public that they don’t feel they deserve because they are not mothers yet, and may never be.
My wife is one of those who doesn’t like going to church on Mother’s Day. On Father’s Day all she does is apologize to me for not being able to make me a father…which hurts when I hear that from her, because I don’t feel that way about her.
Thank you for realizing that Mother’s Day is a hard day for those who cannot but want to be mothers.
My wife is one of those. She doesn’t like going to church on Mother’s Day. On Father’s Day, all she does is apologize for not being able to make me a father…which I never hold on her.
My husband has been out-of-town working for the past several months and it will be a couple more months until the kids and I are able to move to him. Question: Is it overbearing for me to buy the biggest and baddest corsage I can find and wear it on MD?
Get a flower wreath and wear it around your neck.
Ha! Better yet, a Derby winner’s garland of Roses. You’ll be the belle of the ball!
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/5/50/KY_Derby_ROSES_1.jpeg
Now how to get him to read this without being obvious… 🙂
Send an email that says “I just thought you’d think this is funny” like mine did…. LOL. Then be obvious, Please!!! Subtitles are lost on us most of the time. Bricks, safes, acme anvils, and the occasional piano are necessary to get some suggestions through our thick skulls. Please don’t let us listen to the lie any more believing that you don’t expect anything. And please stop believing the lie your self. It is your day, like your birthday, and Wednesday, you should be celebrated, pampered, and revered for the wonder you are.
Actually, I don’t plan on doing anything but comforting my wife on Mother’s Day.
We have been trying for 12 years to have children, but have not been able. To top it all off, we just found out that although she was first to marry in her family, she will be last to have children.
She skips out right after sacrament meeting (that she doesn’t want to go to) when they are handing out the goodies to the mothers and future mothers because she doesn’t want them to see the hurt in her eyes.
She loved serving as the primary president, and people tell her she is great with kids (she is), but she will always say that they are not her kids.
So as you celebrate Mother’s Day, remember those who Long to be mothers, but are unable.
-Jeremy
((((hugs)))) I’m sure there are many parents that are thankful for her nurturing spirit.
We have some very dear friends that struggled with the same thing for 13 yrs, my husbands Aunt and Uncle were never able to have children, and I’ve known women that never married and never had a family, but one thing I have always felt about these women is that they are all “mothers” in there own way, they have all served children, been there for them when there wasn’t anyone else. I know it isn’t the same but your wife is a mother regardless of having her own children, it sounds like she is a loving nurturing women and isn’t that part of what makes a mother? I’m willing to bet that there are many children that see her as a mother and love her as a mother. Not having children doesn’t make you less a women you are just as special and blessed, and loved by many.
Same boat, Jeremy. My husband’s body has never produced sperm, so one of these days we’ll either get the money up to buy a kid (my sarcastic humor, folks, don’t get all in a tissy!) or we’ll end up childless. We work on our marriage because it’s precious and something we DO have. What an incredible blessing to know that my husband and I would most certainly have children if we could, and what an even more amazing blessing to know that my husband reveres me as the woman he wants to bear his children. Mother’s Day is absolutely for all women – myself included.
We’re in the same-ish boat. I bear the scars of motherhood from an ectopic pregnancy that ended in surgery, but I don’t have anything to validate or show that I am a ‘mother’. A lot of women don’t like to hear that they ‘mothers’ to other children, it’s just not the same and the pain can be unbearable at times. I just have to remember that I did not get married just to have children, I got married because I love my husband and I know that marriage is what God wants us to do. My righteous desires will eventually be fulfilled. Whether it’s in this life or the next I can proudly call myself a mother one day.
I don’t have children, either. And that’s OK. I choose how I react. I have some friends without children who can’t handle Mother’s Day and that’s OK. I personally love it; I appreciate that I am recognized for being a potential mother, even if I will never have children in this life.
But none of us is exactly like someone else. So while I find MD talks to be inspiring and uplifting, other childless friends find them painful and difficult.
We won’t all be the same. We are all inherently different, and that is great. Our uniqueness is wonderful.
And to be honest, I am grateful for all those who honor both those who have had the privilege of bearing and/or raising children and those who may not have that privilege in this life.
Instead of overbearing, I prefer the word. Practical. 🙂 I like picking my own presents or just telling him what I want. Money is too tight for him to guess. I am happy that money wasn’t wasted on him guessing. I don’t know what I liked better, your article or some of the funny comments. 🙂 But it is rather funny that most of the comments come from women when it was written to men. LOL
He has to guess what you want and need?
So does this mean that mother’s day will trump my husband’s birthday? Unfortunately his birthday is May 12th and I’m kind of sad about that. What would you and your wife do if you were in the same predicament?
We deal with this as well. The true way to handle this is to have a baby that week and end up deathly ill, canceling out both celebrations 😉
If that doesn’t sound appealing (ok, trust me, it wasn’t!), I would celebrate your hubby that day and schedule the next Sunday (or one before) as the Havican Family Mother’s Day for the year.
I asked her, and we agree that we would delay celebrating the birthday – because sometimes we already do – if a b-day falls on a Thursday or something, we wait and celebrate it on the weekend.
One of our kids was born on what we used to call Valentine’s Day.
Wow. I just discovered I am quite possibly an anomele. For years I have taken my three beautiful kids to a fancy flower shop in town so they can pick out a gift and a special flower arrangement for Mumzy. The kids and I have such a blast. This MD shopping trip is now a treasured tradition. I also cook dinner on mothers day.
I will look into getting myself cloned. I thought I was not doing enough on MD and have always felt guilty.
Yay for this blog by mmm for helping me see I might be slightly above board for my wifes MD needs!
I do think the corsage is going out of style, which is sad. Last year I was the only sister wearing one in my ward. I don’t tell him that he doesn’t have to get me anything because he remembers it’s Mother’s day and gets me something all by himself. He may ask me for ideas of what to get me but he still does it all by himself and I love him for that.
Haha…really, seriously, I don’t like the fuss they make in church. I don’t. I guess it’s because I struggle with my own relationship with my mom, and I am not sure some days about how good of a mom I am. It’s a hard day, and I dread it like the plague. Not to mention, all the candy and stuff they give out in church is inedible to me because of food allergies. I spend more time explaining why I cannot take home the super-extra-giant candy bar they want to throw at me. The best Mother’s Day, I think would be to cancel the block….and have a Mo-Tab Sunday in jammies at home. But that’s just me.
I found this blog because my wife posted it on my Facebook timeline. See, not all women are the subtle “oh don’t worry about it” variety…there are some that fall in the overt “you better make this good, it’s once a year” camp (lucky me!) :).
It’s a good investment – I promise!
I love this. As a mother of 3 and I know I am overbearing. i just have to smile at this post. Thank you. I always try to do everything in this post for my hubby on his day. I love a simple gift and lots of hugs. Thank you for more ideas.
I’ll just start by saying, I’m not a Mormon. I’m a Baptist. I’m not sure what the first comments about a corsage was, but I am 25 and have worn a corsage to church before. I was 20 at the time. I would wear one on any occasion, I think it is classic and not only for “older” people.
However, you couldn’t speak more truth. I feel like I “take one for the team” so many times and always say “don’t worry about me” though I wish there were SOME little thing that could be all about me on that day. I know what I say is a lie though my heart is yelling otherwise, and that is my fault. Though he should know by now what I like, want, and would enjoy.
Brooke Anna: Just goes to show that husband awareness is a non-denominational problem. Glad to have you on board!
Since I have used those very phrases and then found myself in frustration throwing down whatever cooking utensil I’m using to make lunch/dinner and storming off in tears to take a nap ON MORE THAN ONE MOTHER’S DAY, all I can say is, I concur.
From all of the wildly varying comments from the female readership, one thing is abundantly clear:
When it comes to getting it right, men don’t stand a chance.
Unfortunately, men do not have a pinterest equivalent, so there are going to be many more women than men reading this. And of course your title just begs women to read it 😉
Sir: There are some things needing be in place in a relationship which are conducive to the sorts of actions written in the article. Having been married to a woman for 38 years, although the word love was exchanged 1,000’s of times over those years I always sensed she didn’t like me. Under those circumstances, to often it is a very difficult thing to desire to bring her thoughtful gifts of love and good will. Having brought her cut flowers many times as a much younger man she would be suspicious of my motivations even though brought as an any afternoon surprise. They were a gift for her plain and simple. Unfortunately her expectations were that she “would” be recognized on those days and our sons to this day are somewhat estranged, although my daughter was always her mothers girl. Don’t get me wrong, my daughter and I get along well. Since the divorce several years ago I met and have married a woman who likes me, who loves me, who makes it so very easy for me to be cognizant of the very topic written in the article. I watch our blended plethora of children honor her, 13 all together, and she is touched by the goodness given her. She is typical in that she say’s she doesn’t want much or anything but I/we do it anyway and she loves it. Some times we talk about what she really wants and we come to an agreement although I always go above and beyond. Not to be a sour puss or a fuddy-duddy unfortunately the ladies, are tasked with the tenor and the atmosphere of what happens in the home, the husband typically the help meet. I can tell you this, it is so much easier to give openly and freely when ones he feels he/she is truly loved unconditionally. Have I stirred up a hornets nest?
Having been married once to a woman for 38 years and feeling through most of those years she did not like me, made it very difficult to be honest and true with the gifts I would give her. My son’s were treated to a degree the same as I and they go about recognizing their mother in a tentative fashion. My daughter has a different relationship than the boys. There were times I would bring little gifts, sometimes flowers to surprise her and my motivations would be suspect in her mind. Since the divorce several years ago I met and married a woman with 7 grown children of her own thus creating between us a blended family of 13. She never had the gifts and flowers from her former husband. She has changed the tenor and atmosphere of our home. There is no doubt she likes me and loves me thus making it so easy to reciprocate in kind. I love it that we work side by side together, My children honor her, my grand children love her and show it to her. I know how much her children love her, I am grateful, I love to bring her flowers, and get little gifts for her. She does say to me things that many ladies do but I just smile and do things for her anyway. She likes it.
Men stand a chance if both partners “content communicate” (http://deseretbook.com/Bringing-Love-Home-John-L-Lund/i/4995171) – to say what you mean and mean what you say.
When I tell my DH I don’t want a big deal he knows I don’t. If want him to make dinner he knows that’s all I want. And vice versa. Life is so much easier than the guessing game and I don’t feel any less loved when I spell things out because he is honest in showing me what things he likes to do for me.
I wish I knew this early on in marriage and that others would start to content communicate as well.
As a women who loves her nieces and does not have any children of her own, I don’t like getting presents or flowers for Mothers Day. It’s a day for Mothers, and I’m not one. I have my birthday as well as all the other gift giving holidays. I don’t need to steal a day from my mother and sisters.
That being said. I only enjoy corsages because they are a gift from someone I love…not because I like anything about them. Wearing them to church is just another way that women compete with each other. Who has someone who loves them SO much? It has always felt insincere. Same goes for Valentines day. It’s a made up holiday to entice people to buy things they don’t need. I would rather feel loved all the other days of the year than one day of cheap trinkets.
The two aren’t mutually exclusive: You can have both. It is possible to feel loved every day of the year, and still make a fuss on special occasions.
My wife feels the same way. She hates going to church on Mother’s day and Father’s day too.
We haven’t been able to have children in the 12 years we’ve been married
I have 10 children, and only 2 are active in the church. I loathe church on Mother’s Day, because it is usually a long, drawn out testimonial to these “perfect” mothers who certainly didn’t get divorced and have kids who all went on missions and got married in the temple. Mother’s Day is the WORST day of the year for me, and I’d just as soon it didn’t even happen.
All I ever really wanted was to feel appreciated. It didn’t have to be an expensive gift or a card or anything in particular, just something that made me feel like all my effort was noticed and appreciated. And men, lingerie is NOT a Mother’s Day gift. It’s more like a Father’s Day gift.
Like I always told my kids, “Ya git what ya git and ya don’t throw a fit”. Whatever…..
As a wife who had two children from a prior marriage, but has discovered she can have none with her current hubby, I LOVE that you included the part about honoring women even if they are not yet, or can never be mothers. Many of them are “mothers” to other children, be they relatives, friends’ children, or picking up a nursery time at church. They deserve reward and respect for that as well.
Wonderful post here, I’ll have to direct my husband to it, subtly of course. 😉
Wait, where’s the Failed Family Mottos plug? (or are you saving that for Father’s day).
What a missed opportunity. Thanks for doing it for me.
Am I an overbearing wife if I have an amazon wish list and remind my husband when the cutoff date is to get the free super saver shipping?
Yes. Sorry.
Unfortunately, too many women have few choices beyond being overbearing or ending up disappointed. If more men subscribed to your philosophies, MMM, we wouldn’t have to be overbearing to get a shred of acknowledgement on MD. I know your article wasn’t for women, though, it was for men. I hope there are some men out there reading it. I hope a few of them actually do it.
You had me at “frosty beverage”…
If only my husband were cool enough to be a reader of your blog. . . just sayin’. 😉
Thanks for this. The most wonderful thing my hubby could do would be to help the little kids be involved. He’s always nice to do something on his own, but I want to be appreciated as a MOM, which really requires a little effort from the kids. Since they are young they have no idea, unless he teaches them. (And yes, Father’s Day always means he gets some silly, sentimental, handmade gift that he doesn’t need. That is exactly what I wish I would get for Mother’s Day.)
I feel the same way. I love watching my kids excitement as either I or my husband open their hand made gifts. They are so excited, and proud. I totally agree with you Christy.
I wonder why no men, other than Middle-Aged himself, are commenting on this post? C’mon, men, join in the discussion!
Also, RoeH, I’m glad that you do something for yourself–what you need to do–on MD.
Mother’s Day is the day I get somebody else to play the organ and my cat and I go to the lake and read. Just sayin’…..
I loved this column even though I loathe Mother’s Day as an institution. Not an overbearing wife. Just a formerly overburdened one with a nonfunctional husband and predominantly rebellious children. My philosophy was that obedience was better than sacrifice and to hearken than the fat of rams. One year when the kids were all grown they made me a wall hanging with their pictures interspersed with some of my momisms. I treasure it. And last year I married Beloved. Who made a big deal of MD. As did his sons. I was touched in spite of myself. I’m a little curious about how it will play out this year after Beloved’s passing since I have not heard from one in two months (and was not invited to the baby’s blessing) and his twin in one month (who dropped by after said blessing and casually made me aware of it). Gotta love blended families.
This kind of situation also arises at Christmas and on her birthday. Just sayin…
Well, I read on at my own risk- and you are exactly right. So many years I uttered many of those words, don’t worry, it’s not a big deal, don’t get me anything. So, as a result, I didn’t get anything and it wasn’t a big deal to anyone. Except for me. Because secretly, I wanted someone to care and do something. Anything. The only gifts I received were when my children were in elementary school (bless the hearts of those teachers) I didn’t want a big gift- only some acknowledgement. A cooked meal would have been worth more than diamonds to me.
Thank you-
It’s not to late to do some educating! Sprinkle a few suggestions here and there! Good luck!
My mother and my mother-in-law, got plenty of recognition from my (now ex) husband, but since I wasn’t his mom I didn’t even get him encouraging the kids to do something special. My now husband, always remembers Mothers’ Day, birthdays, valentines’ day, Christmas, etc. He just doesn’t understand that I don’t need expensive gifts or that whatever he gives me will be special, because it comes from him and from the heart.
You should add a count down widget on your side bar as a not so subtle reminder….just sayin…
Even though this post is none of your business, I liked the idea, and put the countdown clock on the sidebar.
Well, you never said we women could not read it…just that we had to proceed at our own risk….
I’m glad you liked my idea though 🙂
Oh and we don’t have any earthly kids, so we don’t celebrate it since it’s kind of awkward for both of us…I’m not a liar this time. I have been known to say these things for my birthday, but I’m trying to do better. I have a Pinterest board with a ‘wish list’ so that my husband can just pick from that and still surprise me, since I won’t know what he will choose.
*Like*
Myndie, your Pinterest board is brilliant. Thank you!
Thank you. I even convinced my husband to have a ‘secret’ board so I can do the same for him. Even though he is easy to choose for…a shopping spree to Barnes and Noble!!
I’m sorry, I have to confess I read this even though I am not a husband, I’m just not used to obeying a man I guess. I’m so glad I’m so naughty, reading this blessed the socks off me!
Hellen, I’ll give you a pass – just this once – because you’re awesome.
I read it to. I really appreciate all it said. The problem is that you won’t find many men reading blogs because they want to. Who reads blogs? Women. So, unfortunately the only way my husband is going to read this is if I show it to him…which kinda defeats the purpose.
Awww, shucks, now you’ve made me blush.
Yup, another disobedient female here. 🙂 Thanks for the giggle.
Now that we have been married long enough to have raised the first 3 of 7, I finally ask for what I want.
It takes us a long time to stop telling our husbands lies.
🙂
Thanks again for the giggle.
If I could add a specific suggestion to this great list: corsages don’t get the play they deserve. I know sacrament meeting isn’t about the social scene, but around here a corsage instantly elevates any woman into the upper ranks of enviability. That little public sign of your love makes her feel like a million bucks around her friends.
True! Yes, they are old-school, but still appreciated. And guys – you have to order them in advance. You won’t be able to find them late Saturday night.
I agree. Corsage. Major points.
As a 33 year old modern woman with 4 children, speaking to a man (one who collects games, no less, not that that’s bad, but men who collect games tend to be out of touch with what women really want, I know, my husband is one of them. :}), women do not wear corsages unless they are going to a formal dance/occasion (as in high school or maybe even college), or you are my mother’s age (I won’t revel that even here;), or even my sister (9 years older than me), is ok. Corsages just aren’t modern, hip, popular, trendy, in style, etc. Flowers? yes, corsage, not so yes. Also, if she has a green thumb, get her a rose bush that she can plant and keep forever, or another flower of the like. A corsage will be appreciated, but you would rather get her something she will truly love, rather than something she will *lie* about loving. 🙂
Honestly, (truly, honestly).. I do love to get flowers and chocolate, but not just for Mother’s Day ;). What I want is a simple acknowledgement that it is Mother’s Day, that they do love and appreciate me and I love homemade cards and gifts from my children better than anything else (I also love to know my husband spent time helping them). I also gladly welcome hugs and kisses in lieu of flowers & chocolate. The point of this post is to remind men of what their wives do as mothers, what they see goes on and what they don’t see. We only want to be acknowledged, once a year, with some thought and preparation. Remember that Father’s Day is merely a month after Mother’s Day and we will give what we have been given. 😉
I’d take “I’ve got all the kids, you listen to the talks” over a corsage any day….
I’m kinda simple like that though, and the baby would eat it while I was distracted with the older ones who think they are way too cool to sit up straight and listen. Getting through Sacrament is definitely still a 2 person job for us.
For those of you who don’t know what is currently “modern, popular, hip or trendy” we tend to use the word “worldly.”
From a man who has worn a felt tie made by children to church, I hope that a “non-hip” gift will not be met with disdain or derision, but with an honest spirit of appreciation.
I’m 33 with two kids, I like looking trendy, modern, hip, popular, wordly…and I would LOVE a corsage from my man. The fact that he would plan in advance for something that he thinks would make me feel special would be amazing!
I think corsage at church = “Well, my husband paid 8 cows for me.”
Only in Utah is there always a competition going on in the ward where someone is trying to elevate themselves/others into “the upper ranks of enviability.” Put the corsage money into fast offerings.
wow, middle-aged man, that last “worldly” comment was really arrogant. but then again, you’ll probably censor this comment. that’s okay, because you’ll have to read it first before blocking it 🙂
Apparently, you are wrong.
Mistie,
My wife says it sounds like you’re suffering from corsage envy.
Shawna Faye,
Wow, overreact to tongue-in-cheek comments much? No, we don’t live in Utah — can’t stand those freaky Mormons out there. (See, that was tongue-in-cheek, too.)
As for being old-fashioned — that’s actually a fair cop. At 38, my wife and I make no claims to being hip, trendy, popular, or in style. In addition to collecting games (which, incidentally, I haven’t been actively pursuing for a few years), I collect sacred music and hymnals, with several titles in my collection that are over 100 years old. (My wife and I have learned many favorite ‘new’ old hymns from them.) We do not wear any clothing that is sleeveless or falls above the knee, and we hold our children to the same standard. Leggings don’t count. If it’s not long enough, we either don’t buy it, or my wife gets out the sewing machine and alters it. I carry a pocket handkerchief every day, and my wife has hand-embroidered several of them as gifts to me. On the other hand, we don’t chop wood to heat our house, we don’t raise our own animals for food, and we take full advantage of modern technology when it comes to educating our kids. We are, frankly, inconsistent. We like some things old, some things new. In some ways we are traditional, in some ways we are modern. But hip, trendy, popular, and in style? We couldn’t care less about those. Corsages fit who we are.
So you intentionally draw attention away from the purpose of sacrament meeting. That’s what I get from your statement.
“I know sacrament meeting isn’t about the social scene, but…”
‘but’ is just a justification for doing something you know is wrong.
As a woman who has NEVER been given a corsage, I’d happily wear one TODAY if my husband gave me one! It’s really the fact that something takes more than last second planning that means something to a mama who plans things weeks, months & years in advance for her family.
Also, I don’t want to be acknowledged ONE day a year! I’d like to get that EVERY day! In lieu of that, I’ll take one day, but it better be GOOD!
Thank you, Middle-aged Mormon Man! You may not have made a “hit” on every point with everyone, but the basics ring with truth and love for womanhood! Keep it up, & maybe some others will catch on. ;o)
Actually as a mom of young kids, I HATE wearing a corsage, because it lasts less than 10 minutes when you are taking care of young ones, AND it is always in the way or poking me or the kids. Also it seems kind of last minute, oops i forgot, or hurry I need to get her something. Not very thought provoking. Just saying.
Barnyard,
I tried to clarify that I was being tongue-in-cheek in that regard. On a serious note, it is almost impossible to completely divorce Sacrament Meeting from certain social aspects. There are always going to be people who look around and critique fashion during Sacrament, just as there are always going to be people who whisper and kids who spill cheerios on the floor. There are going to be people who come up and compliment me on my tie afterwards or comment on a new haircut (I’m on the stand a lot). I don’t wear nice ties or get my hair cut with the purpose of detracting from the ordinance of the Sacrament, but people notice things like that. It’s part of who we are. And it makes my wife feel good when people come up to her after the meeting is over and compliment her on her corsage.
Moreover, I expect you to speak to your local leaders (if you haven’t already) and let them know you don’t support any activities that ‘draw attention away from the purpose of Sacrament Meeting’ — no more talks about Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, no recognition of Pioneer Day, no patriotic songs (since those have nothing to do with the Atonement), no crying children, no announcements from the pulpit regarding non-spiritual matters, and a requirement that everybody wear the same baggy, shapeless clothes so that nobody can compare fashions quietly while you’re trying to pay attention to the speaker. (This last paragraph, by the way, was tongue-in-cheek. The first, not so much.).
TL;DR: Take a chill pill, dude, and quit trying to read so much into a simple recommendation to buy your wife a flower.
Wow I can’t believe all the heat just from some suggestions for men to make their wives feel better. I must say I agree and disagree with some of these things but if you didn’t the top of the page it says for men only, women read with caution., that’s paraphrasing it but still.
Oh man the heat that had come from this. I didn’t think it much of a sensitive topic because I’m a cheap skate but I never thought it’d come to this. I just think that if a man puts some effort to show his appreciation then that’s all that matters to me. Corsage or not it should really matter. There was a warning for women at the top of this blog.
” a felt tie made by children”
Okay, now a felt corsage made by children– that would be awesome. I would totally wear that.
A real corsage? I’d rather my husband spend the money on something that wouldn’t be immediately destroyed by one of the kids. Not to mention something that doesn’t make me feel like I’m going to a high school dance… that’s the only time I’ve worn a corsage, so that’s what it makes me think of. 🙂
It is obvious that some people think corsages are too “showy.” I would be curious as to the size of the diamond in their wedding ring.
You can do all those things without drawing away from the sacrament. if you’re doing it to gloat, then you’re doing it for the wrong reasons. you could also be causing more hurt to those who can’t be mothers.
First, fun article.
Second, can I just say something quickly about the Utah wards comment? I have lived in multiple states and countries in the course of my life, and I find that there really isn’t any difference in wards wherever they may meet. I occasionally hear people speaking of the “Utah mormons” derisively, that they are proud and/or vain, but they’re just people too. In fact, I think it takes an extraordinary, special sort of pride to think one can lump 1.7 million people into a single category (geographic location), and then declare oneself to be universally better than all of them because one lives somewhere else. Get off your high horse, and leave those poor members alone.
I don’t like corsages either, but I wouldn’t be upset at one. Since there is obviously so much controversial feeling over it, why wouldn’t they pick something for all the women that they can agree over better? I’ve never gotten a corsage at church. We usually get a potted flower or a cut flower or chocolate for Mother’s Day–after sacrament meeting. 🙂
And as for the “showiness”–yes that is one reason I don’t like corsages, but I don’t have a diamond either. 🙂 They also make me think of being old, and the little kids would destroy it. I am totally on board with a child-made felt corsage though.
It’s true. A corsage on Sunday means fancy date night out the Saturday night before. It’s also cruel though because the other ladies in RS give stink eye to their husbands for not treating them to a formal night on the town.
(Yuck, a corsage? ) gee thanks Hun. Where’d you get that bright idea after being married to me for so many years….unless your old (60+) then I’d say it’s cool.
Oh for Heaven’s sake. It’s a corsage. It looks lovely, it smells lovely, and it is a token from your loved ones. I wish I could say I was shocked by the amount of offense it gives but this is age of minor offenses.
Also, funny thing about women, turns out they are not all exactly the same. They may have roughly the same shape, but each one acts and thinks differently. I feel like the main message the author was trying to get across is that you should watch your wife, get to know her, and get her something she would like, be it a corsage or tickets to extreme paintball.
To reiterate, Get To Know Your Wife!