It has been well over a year since I threw open the gates and invited you to submit questions, so I figured we might as well have at it.
Anything you want to know? Now’s your chance. Ask away.
You know when your kids go through that stage where they ask “Why?” constantly? That was always so cute, until I could feel aneurisms bulging in my frontal lobe.
Why is the sky blue Daddy?
Because of light refraction, son.
– Silence –
But Daddy, why is the sky blue?
It’s not son, your eyes are broken.
Anyway, questions can be good, and create opportunities to discus things that some people need to talk about. Hopefully, this is a place where you feel safe enough to ask questions about important things – but trivial ones are fun as well.
Here is how to submit a question:
1) In the comment section below. I will delete questions that break “The Rules” or I deem unacceptable.
My blog, my rules, my delete button.
2) Email to middleagedmormonman@gmail.com. If you wish to stay anonymous, please let me know.
3) NOT on Facebook. I will delete them from the thread.
and here are the rules…
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Do you know the meaning of FOML as it relates to genealogical archives? Specifically, I’m looking at a London, England Parish Register for St. Margaret’s Westminster and seeing the acronym FOML after certain marriage records. The common link seems to be that they are for individuals of a more affluent or titled background. Any insight you might provide on this subject would be greatly appreciated!
Please expound on the doctrine of “justification” and “sanctification”. What’s the difference between the two? Thanks!!!
My husband was just called as a counselor in our ward bishopric. We are in our late 20s and have two small children (ages 2 years and newborn) and were not expecting this call. What advice can you (or the other readers) give?
Is it too late to ask a question???
I have a question for you or your EC. How do you feel about parents telling their children to go to church or church related activities when they don’t want to. My husband and I have both worked with the youth in the church for the last seven years. It seems to be the opinion of most parents that you will infringe on a child’s free agency by telling them to go to church (or other related activities) if or when they decide not to.
I’m asking this question not as a leader but as a parent. My kids are under the age of five so we haven’t really had this problem come up yet. I always assumed that I would handle this situation the same way my dad did. And that was that there would be no argument but that we had an expectation to go or we would lose out on privileges.
I would also love to know how you handle this situation with your children.
Quick answer: First, there is no such thing as “free” agency. There is the agency to choose between right and wrong, and consequences attached to both.
Church attendance is one of the “mandatory” parts of being a member of our family. I assume that “theoretically” one of the kids could refuse to attend, but the consequences of that choice are not something they would ever consider.
I have posted about this a couple of times, so if you want more of my thoughts, look here:
http://middle-agedmormonman.blogspot.com/2011/05/parenting-eden-style.html
and here:
http://middle-agedmormonman.blogspot.com/2011/03/secret-agency-words.html
Thank you so much for your answer and for the links!!! Love your blog!
You often talk about you and your wife having great discussions (such as in the car…) what can I do to build this skill with my husband. He is a very quiet man and I hate the feeling of having to drag conversation out of him
What is your best advice to achieve happiness in marriage for the long term. My ec and are are going on 6 great years of marriage and I am always looking for ways to ensure I always feel the same way about our marriage.
My EC was recently called as YM second counselor and is responsible for the deacons in our ward. Prior to our moving to this ward, there were multiple problems with this group of boys, not the least of which is bullying/hazing (yep, one of the older boys tied up one of the younger boys to a chair),lack of respect for leaders, lack of respect for fellow deacons, etc. In varying degrees, this behavior has continued and my EC has addressed it head on with a policy of no tolerance. Period. Despite this, things have not gotten too much better. Having an activity/lesson is nigh unto impossible! Because I have such great advice, I’ve told him that he should involve the parents at this point and that the boy(s) should be sent home on activity night or to their parents class on Sundays until they make a change in their behavior. Of course, they need to let the parents know this will be the course of action taken henceforth (the Bishop has signed off on this). Do you have better advice or are “boys just going to be boys”? (We have 2 FOML’s of the female persuasion so maybe we’re just naive?)
1.) How would you prepare an 11 year old boy to receive the priesthood? Especially if your temple-married husband is a still-attending-but-not-believing member (including not believing in the priesthood)?
2.) What are your thoughts on priesthood blessings (ie: father’s blessings, blessings of comfort or healing)? The frequency or necessity of priesthood blessings? How does giving a blessing make you feel?
#1 Read the handbook about the Priesthood Preview that happens in Primary for the 11-year-old boys…11.5.5 (page 92) and the Faith in God book for boys (in the back). Those are good starts. Also, trust the Spirit to direct you as to what (as his mother) you can do that will help sink the truths deep into his heart and learn his duties/responsibilities. Teach him to love his father, and do you best to show him that you love his father too.
Try to find a good leader to act as a role model for him too. My father in law only got baptized so his wife would stop bugging him about it…no testimony. My husband, who happens to be an incredible priesthood leader, was able to learn all he needed to honorably serve with his priesthood from his mom and good leaders that cared. To this day he clearly explains his dad is a good man and a good father just not a priesthood leader. His mission built on the good foundation his mom set too. Good luck.
As a past bishop and parent yourself, what advice would you give to parents of youth who do not choose the Church? For example, do you still require them to attend church, seminary, Mutual, and/or firesides? Do we have more responsibility than just to teach the truth and bear witness of it, and if so, what?
So are you almost done with your Personal Progress now? If you need some help getting some things signed off, I would totally do it for you honey.
And once you get this massive project finished, will you end the blog or will you keep up the facade?
mCat: Here is a list of AA meetings in your area. Please start attending. I beg you.
http://www.saltlakeaa.org/schedule-of-meetings/
I am so confused right now. I am trying to figure out how AA meetings have any sort of a correlation to polygamy or to Personal Progress. I’m lost!
Ask mCat. I would never try to explain what goes on inside her head.
Is there really going to be polygamy in the celestial kingdom?
One on hand, I find the idea repugnant and can’t reconcile to it. On the other hand, the idea of creating billions os spirit children out of my body is equally disconcerting.
Discuss
Since you did say “discuss” I thought I would share my two cents. I honestly struggled near the beginning of my marriage with the thoughts of polygamy. It was bad. Real bad. Like, Satan-trying-to-get-me-to-doubt-everything-bad. I am one who would have thoughts like, “OK. If my EC gets to have multiple women, then I want to be able to have multiple men”. My head would become clouded and the more I thought about it – the worse it was. Finally, I was able to find peace on the matter by something simple that my mother told me. She basically reminded me of something I already KNEW but was too clouded to realize at the time. Heavenly Father will NEVER EVER force us to do something against our will. The simple principle of free agency is one that He has always had for his children, one that we fought FOR in the pre-existence and that we preach and live in this mortality. SO of course, it only stands to reason that since God is UN-CHANGING that it will always be the case. I will NEVER be forced to live polygamy. It will be a choice. And I will be able to opt in or out of it, as I see it. Right now with my mortal blinders on, I would definitely say “HELL NO” to any form of it. But, if and when the time comes in the next life for me to make that decision, I know that I will be doing so in a different (non-mortal) frame of mind and that it will be a CHOICE that I make.
Sorry so long, mCat, just had to share my thoughts.
My husband and his family have talked about it and all I can ask is, WHERE is this written down as doctrine?? No one can point me to where it is actually written. I don’t care what people say, I want to read where it is. Otherwise, I don’t entertain the idea, BUT either way, God will work out everything in the end and that is all that matters. Who am I to question God?
My cute grandpa is sealed to his sweet wife that he raised children with (my aunt and dad). She passed away from Lou Gherig’s (sp?) disese when my dad was 19. A few months after my parents married my grandpa was sealed to his second wife, the only grandma I’ve known, she’s amazing and loved all of us just like her own blood. She shared wisdom and support and I love her to pieces. I can’t imagine the Lord telling my grandpa, or us, that we have to get rid of one of these amazing women in order to avoid polygamy….at least I hope not. I’m excited to meet my sweet grandmother and wouldn’t feel right not having the sweet grandmother I’ve known in this life with me in the next.
On another random note, I told my husband he can have all the wives he wants as long as I pick ’em and they remember HE picked ME first and that makes me the “Queen Wife”. With that approach I’m pretty sure I’ll be safe from having to face that decision. 😉
What was/is your favorite calling and why? Which calling have you learned the most from?
Will the Holy Ghost ever have a body?
And will he be the last one born? I think I heard that somewhere.
Here’s the best I got, that I can reference:
“The Holy Ghost is yet a spiritual body and is waiting to take to himself a body, as the Savior did.”
[Joseph Smith, Encyclopedia of Joseph Smith’s Teachings, edited by Larry E. Dahl and Donald Q. Cannon (Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1997)]
Thank you. The kids in my 16-17 year old Sunday School class brought this up and discussed it a little. They are participating more with the new format! And I’m looking for answers to questions they have just about every week.
I struggle with severe depression. I take my anti-depressants daily because if I don’t I am a mess! I read and study the scriptures, attend church regularly, go to the temple worthily, and I have a testimony of the atonement! I have had miracles in my life!!! I have talked to counselors a few different times and I do talk to my bishop, what a great bishop he is! I have an awesome husband! The best, actually! I have three kids that make me crazy but I am grateful for them. My question is even though I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, how is it that I can get so depressed that I lose the Spirit? I am not a bad person, I have made my share of mistakes, I’ve repented and I KNOW I’ve been forgiven but when times get bad or I have a little bit of a worse day, I feel like my depression is so bad that the Spirit just withdraws from me. Then I feel more alone and more depressed. I am 40 years old and I’ve been doing this for at least 20 years. I do not know if this makes a lot of sense and it is hard to explain. I know a lot of people, even in my own family, that think depression is all in one’s head. But to me, it’s more than just depression, it can consume me everyday of my life. I serve people everyday. “Lose yourself in service,” No I am not Relief Society president material that’s for sure. I do what I can, but to me…I fall short because I am always depressed!
Dear sweet Sister, depression is a real illness and I know that there are so many sisters who struggle even though they are doing all the right things. Having been a R.S. President three times, I can attest to the reality of depression for so many. I have a firm testimony of the love, compassion and understanding that our Father in Heaven and the Savior have for us all. You might need a change in meds or a better counselor. But I do know that we are our own harshest critic, and so If I might suggest that you be kind and gentle and don’t fear, you are a wonderful woman and be as good to yourself as you are to others. You will never know how much you are loved on both sides of the veil. Also I will keep you in my prayers.
I have dealt with the exact same thing for 14 years, right down to that inability to feel the spirit when the depression is at its heaviest. It’s especially difficult when people say “It’s all in your head.” or “You choose your attitude.” or “If you were just better at doing ______.” Here’s my two-cents:
You are an amazing spirit in a mortal, fallen body. That body is far from perfect, right down to whatever happens in our heads/hormones/whatever that causes depression. #1 IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You are not causing this. Like someone with diabetes, you have a disease. #2 Also like diabetes, you DO have some control. Keep doing the good things you’re doing to take care of yourself. If you feel medication is right for you, then do that. If you feel performing yoga while standing on your head helps, do it! Don’t let anyone else tell you that any good thing that you’re doing isn’t right. #3 (and probably what you were really asking) MY OPINION is that the spirit is still there, we just get our signals jammed. It’s not our faults, it’s not that the Holy Ghost is gone, we just have to patiently (and faithfully) wait until we are in a position to feel again. In those horrible moments, my first step is always to pray, but realize I probably won’t feel relief right away Then I start repeating over and over “Your Father in Heaven loves you.” Don’t let that negative inner voice argue or interrupt- your Father in Heaven loves you. This, too, isn’t a magic fix. It’s all about holding on until the cloud lifts just enough to breathe again.
You will be ok. Your Father in Heaven loves you. Your family loves you. And if you’re doing your best, then that is better than a lot of us, even if you don’t think you’re RS Pres material.
Sorry to hijack the comment thread, it’s just something I’m so familiar with, I hope maybe one thing I said was helpful!
I just want to add my 2 cents in, but have you checked your hormone levels? Also, if you are dieting, like most women are, that is something to look into, since most diets require restricting calories, foods, etc. and that can cause depression. I know this, because I’ve dealt with it.
I don’t have anything profound to add – I just wanted to post my reassurance that you aren’t alone in feeling this way. For me, depression is a ‘pressing down’ or deadening of my capacity to feel anything but ennui, sadness, or pain. I was 10 when this started happening for me, and I didn’t understand what was going on, or what was wrong with me that I didn’t feel like I could feel the spirit. I remember so often thinking it was like frostbite, or having a raincoat/umbrella in the rain – I knew God was still there and the spirit hadn’t disappeared, I just couldn’t feel very much of it(not great analogies, but I was 10 :). I loved Elder Nelson’s General Conference (Oct 2012) about pavilions, and I personally feel that depression itself can be a pavilion. There are hundreds of scriptures that have comforted me regarding this issue, but I just wanted to post one in particular that came to mind while I was trying to think how to respond, from 1 Ne 21:15-16:
“15 For can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? Yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee, O house of Israel.
16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.”
I know that God is aware of us and our challenges, including depression. Obviously there are choices we make that can distance us from God, but I believe that as long as we are trying to obey God’s commandments and move toward Him, “his hand is stretched out still” (2 Ne 2:19).
Beautifully put, Amy!
My question: Did you expect more answers to come from other people besides yourself or did that catch you off-guard?
No – I was pleasantly surprised. What I will do now is group them and figure out which ones I think I should respond to, and then write blog posts. It will take a while to do that. The one’s I answer here won’t be ones i blog about.
I am enjoying the answers that others are pitching in.
Will stay anon for this one:
Young women leader who was approached about speaking to one of the girls about her immodest dress. The reason I was asked to speak to her is becuase of our close relationship. Young woman’s mother passed away suddenly less than a year ago, father just got remarried, girl have extremely difficult time. We are close and are used to having pretty open and frank discussions. I was told that the high council had an issue with her choice of dress and that her being the laurel president is posing a problem.
Personally, I’m just glad she comes. Yes, she has had some pretty skimpy and tight clothes that I am surprised her father lets her leave the house in. However, I also know she is in an extremely fragile place right now (I stalk her on twitter and am concerened) so part of me says “keep loving her and just be grateful she is there”
Another part wants to follow up on the high councils’concerns and talk to her.
I fear that talking about it will cause a rift that we can’t afford with her now. I am also concerned about the example she is setting for the other girls.
And finally, what role does the high council have in matters like this? I am a little surprised that someone at that level would feel the need to address it.
Thoughts….
Be glad she comes. Love her, support her. Teach a general lesson to all the YW about modesty, discuss details and talk about the why’s an what-for’s, in the Strength of Youth and Heavenly Father’s feelings about his daughters. Bring a full length mirror and have the girls do the head-shoulders-knees-and toes in front of the mirror during the activity/lesson…let her see for herself.
I visiting taught for many years with a young mother who met the missionaries when she was 16 and was the only member in her family. She told me once that she *always* dressed inappropriately when going to church those first couple of years. She said that every week she would tell herself that the next week she wouldn’t wear something too short or sleeveless, but then the next Sunday would come and she would dress that way again. She knew that it made boys look at her differently/more and she was so starved for that in her life. I’m so grateful for whatever leaders sensitively cared for my friend and didn’t drive her away from the church at a time when she was new and fragile…
In my personal life, I have been that girl that was talked to. It was my freshman year at BYU and a visiting teacher talked to me. No one understood my story and I pulled away from every single one of them. My depression deepened and I almost wanted to give up everything. I did not feel any love and I still don’t talk to anyone from that ward.
Everyone is different, but for me, I needed the love until I was able to make a change rather than be told that I was in the wrong and feel like those that were close really didn’t care about me.
Keep praying and maybe do a fast. Things work out in the long run, but feeling love is so important.
This is for your EC.
1. Is MMM more like his blog or FB page? If the answer is his FB page, you must be a saint.
2. Do you ever get frustrated with the time that he spends blogging or on FB?
I can answer this for her. Then I will ask her if I am right…
1) Depends on the moment. I am a hybrid of both. Yes, she is a saint. And she loves both sides of me.
2) Yes, she does get frustrated with me goofing around on Facebook, not just because I am an idiot on Facebook, but I waste too much time when I could be doing something better. (Like watching shows about stodgy Britt’s trying to salvage an old house). Not so much the blog because that is dead-time around here.
Her bigger frustration is that she is tired of the anonymity, because maintaining it is a chore.
I’ll check in and see if she approves…
Anyone with an appreciation for ‘stodgy Britts’ must have brilliant taste… in tv shows.
For your EC (or maybe you have thoughts as well): How do I encourage my husband to be a spiritual leader in our family without taking over or being pushy? My first marriage, I had to take over or it didn’t get done, but my new husband is not like my first. It’s been quite an adjustment for me being the support instead of the leader, but I want to do what’s right. Any insight you could offer would be wonderful.
Would you consider dangling a 6 year old out the window too extreme a method of “encouraging” said 6 year old to behave himself in Primary?
Only if you drop him/her.
The problem with this technique is that most church buildings are not tall enough to be really effective. If you “accidentally” gasp, and let go with one hand, it can compensate for the low altitude of a single-story building.
In a quest to make better use of my time, what do you suggest doing in your down time? Apart from work, family obligations, and household duties? What books did you read to become so wise? Maybe you could describe how you schedule your day or what a typical day is like. That would be helpful! I don’t even know how you have time for a blog, honestly, I don’t know where I’d fit it in in my day. Thanks!
Dealt with this last year in this post:
http://middle-agedmormonman.blogspot.com/2011/12/q-finding-time.html
In a nutshell, most blog posts are written between 6:00am and 7:30am. Once in a while in the evening. I don’t waste much time on my blog. Facebook is the great time waster of the known Universe.
I agree with you about Facebook being a great time waster. I’m so over it!
BTW, how do I find you on facebook?;-)
I am a young mom with 5 children of my own. I have a teenage sibling who is really blowing it and I worry about her influence on my children. Do I shield my kids from the train wreck, do I act as if everything’s fine or ignore it, should I be honest and upfront about the situation…etc? I’m not quite sure what the right move is at this point.
I second this question. I’m open to any and all advice!
I would suggest talking to your children about it. Children are very observant and probably have already noticed. And they are probably drawing up their own thoughts, opinions and feeling about what is going on. I would suggest talking to your kids about their experience with that sibling. Also how you feel about what they are doing and what the ultimate outcomes and consequences would be for your siblings actions.
This is fun. Thank you!
My question is related to many others I have noticed in the comments, but from the parents’ side of things.
I have asked my 14-year-old son what it’s like with the new curriculum, and he says it’s pretty much the same as before. I said his teachers must not be using it, because it sounds like it’s pretty different. He just shrugged and said he didn’t know. And yet I hear from many other accounts that the new curriculum is a significant change and really awesome. This is only the latest example of many instances of way-less-than-ideal teaching going on in our ward. There really is a dearth of inspiring lessons — lots of “hangman-playing” and tons of candy/treats handed out here, starting in the Primary and going all the way up to some of the adult classes. We have lived here 8 years, and it has always been like this. (Our poor ward is definitely what Pres. Uchtdorf would call a Piper Cub – activity rate is about 21%). We have handled it by figuring that it just ups the ante for FHE and family scripture study, etc. But with the change in mission ages, I feel like we really need more support in preparing our three sons. Is there a good way to make these concerns known without coming across as judgmental or self-righteous? AM I being judgmental or self-righteous?
I was called to teach teens in SS just before the curriculum change. It is exciting and terrifying and I think it will take both the kids and I some time to get the swing of it. They are good about answering questions but not about getting into discussions – obviously I need to learn better question techniques. I asked the Seminary teacher how things had changed. She said that she has been doing it for years. She just comes to class with about 6 questions and the kids take off. I asked my class what they have been discussing in YM/YW & Seminary. The student that spoke about Seminary said that a lot of time was wasted talking off topic. Perspective? I spend hours and hours reading on the subject to try be ready to follow/direct when the kids’ lead, but go in with an outline of what we will do/talk about if they don’t. We don’t often yet go far from my “plan”
So. . . what were the motivating factors that nudged you into an anonymous blog? What have you been surprised by, pleasantly and unpleasantly?
Looking back on the time when your kids were younger, what would you consider were your most “successful” family home evenings? And what were the ingredients of those particular evenings?
The ones that didn’t end in the ER or a parent storming out the door to take a “walk.”
This is for your EC. It will bore you to tears MMM so just ignore. MMMEC: Give me your favorite tip for how you organized any one thing in your home. Mine is so disorganized that anything from incoming mail to FHE would help. Also did you ever work outside the home? If so, how’d that work out for you? Meaning, if you had it to do over, would you do it the same?
What does it mean to “rely on the atonement?” I hear over and over how “As we rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ, He can help us endure our trials, sicknesses, and pain. We can be filled with joy, peace, and consolation. All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.” (from PMG). And I have some ideas on how to do this. But the more ideas of how to rely on the atonement, the better.
Yes! I’d love to see a blog post on this. Sometimes I think I may have a tiny inkling of what it means and then I realize maybe not.
Does your EC ever help you with the blog? It is quite clever.
Thanks! My EC doesn’t work on the blog, but she is my angel that sometimes reads an advance copy and tells me what she thinks. (Sometimes I push too far, and she serves as a good screener for me. I usually follow her advice, but sometimes not. Depends on how funny I think it is.)
She also humors me by discussing topics that I am thinking about when she is trying to read, eat dinner, or watch a show. Her insight is invaluable.
I am doing a poll. Where do you think happiness comes from? A. Choices, B. experiences, or C. genetics? Just curious on your imput. It isn’t a scientific study just my own.
What was (or is) your favorite/least favorite ages of your children? I’m mostly asking because my oldest is 3 and I’m wondering if it gets better or worse.
I’m thouroughly convinced the biggest, and best kept, parenting secret is that age 3 is the WORST age ever! “Terrible” 2’s are nothin’ compared to 3.
Just my 2 cents…
better….worse…better…a little worse, then hopefully better.
Gosh, I can’t stand three. Four is great though. Four is like a reward for not giving the kid away during three.
Ditto to three being awful! Give me a two year old any day over a three year old. When they turn four, it is suddenly worth it. They are so sweet.
I have to reply to this, sorry but 17 is the worst possible age. My daughter keeps saying that the Hunger Games was actually on to something. As I so badly wanted to leave my 17 yr son on the side of the road yesterday I had to agree with her. Twenty-two is your reward for not killing them in their teens.
Grit your teeth and point your finger and chant: “I hope you have children just like you!”
4 is pretty nice, you can usually take them places without so much kicking and screaming. (They are usually past the need for naps.) 5 and 6 are pretty fun also, because they can do so many things, but still love their parents. Learning to read is such a fun accomplishment. My 9 year old is pretty sweet. My 12 year old is driving me a little crazy. I’ve seen many kids go through a rough time at 15… So buckle up! And look for those shining moments of Joy every day!
My absolute favorite age was 7. And 15 is a tough one. Just keep loving them, no matter their age. And be patient 🙂
I adore my daughter at 17. I like the teenage years. The worst time for me is newborn/early baby stage.
I will be serving a mission in just under two months. What advice do you have to help me prepare? Thanks so much!!
Be obedient! Sounds too simple, I know. But if you decide now to be 100% obedient, no matter what, you will be a successful, happy missionary!
If you haven’t already, get a Preach My Gospel and start studying (not just reading, studying, do all the activities in the little boxes and such).
Also, one of the biggest things I saw fellow missionaries struggle with at first was the whole schedule deal, 6:30 am is pretty early for some people, so get started on getting up and getting to bed ‘on time’.
And congrats! Have a great mission!
I’ve heard that it’s really hard to let go of the technology(gaming/texting etc). More missionaries are struggling with this now obviously as its become much more prevalent. Cutting back on those things you won’t be doing during your mission might be a good idea.
Get up in the morning each day like it was the last chance you had to share the Gospel.
Thanks for the advice everyone!!! I’m super excited to go. I just wish my date to report was a little sooner…
1. Get the covers of your PMG laminated. Your cover will eventually fall off if you dont. Best thing I ever did.
2. NEVER let yourself feel like you are bothering someone by sharing the gospel. You’re a representative of Jesus Christ and He doesn’t bother anyone, he heals them.
You didn’t mention if you need to learn another language, but my older sons each encouraged their younger brothers to get a Book of Mormon in the mission language and read it OUT LOUD before leaving. It really made a difference for them.
I also thoroughly agree with all the other answers, especially “be obedient” and would add be sure you know how to work hard. You’ll have an awesome mission!
Do you suspect (I know you don’t know) that the Second Coming will happen in the next 50 years? 100 years? Sooner, later?
My EC and I were just talking about this the other day. I do have an opinion on this. Unfortunately it is a worthless opinion and does not deserve sharing. Sorry!
Someone I once knew told me that a friend of HIS had a sentence in his patriarchal blessing that said the SC will happen in his lifetime.
I know how awesome that story sounds; I only break it out for special occasions, just so you know.
My friend’s dad told me that to my face.
I don’t know when the 2nd Coming is but I am dead lead certain that if it does’t come first, I will going within the next 50 years, likely within the next 20-30 years, and we never know when the Mack truck with our name on the grill will come around the corner – it seems like a good idea to try to get ready now.
I have another! What would you have done last week in Primary when not one, but two adults agreed and taught that at judgement day we would be judged by Satan? A kid suggested it as the answer to the question “who will judge us” the adult asked a brother/primary teacher what he thought and they both agreed that it was correct. And I just sat there too stunned to do/say anything. It would have embarrassed them… but… I still don’t know what would have been right to do. So tell me.
Wow! That is actually something that I would bring up with your bishop. That is in direct opposition to what is doctrinally and scripturally based about WHO will judge us. These kids need to be taught TRUTHS!
Yes, I agree! A definite discussion with the bishop. Usually in a situation like that I would take the very next available opportunity to correct the information with the children (next sharing time, right now, whatever). It is not that we want to embarrass the adults, but our responsibility is to teach the children truth. They (the children) really have no opportunity to correct it unless they go home and say, hey, guess what I learned today, which many of them won’t. We do not neglect the truth or allow false doctrine because we might embarrass others. We teach truth and invite others to validate those truths through the Spirit. But when caught off-guard like that, it is sure difficult, ay?
How did you guys know when you were done having kids? Was there a big feeling? Were you open to more and they just didn’t come? I ask in all sincerity, although I recognize how personal this is and will understand if you take a pass. If you don’t, I’d especially love the EC’s perspective.
I second this question! I’d love thoughts on it…
My vote is don’t do anything permanent. If you change your mind and you’ve had surgery, it is hard to undo. I’ve had 5 kids all together, 1 stillborn and died shortly after birth and a number of miscarriages. I felt completely right in having a surgical solution, never wanting to loose another baby. 6 months after my sons death, I was devastated by the decision I had made.
I’ve never regretted the surgical option. Never once second-guessed it. (Four kids, four C-sections, no zipper installation) Everyone said you’d know when it was time, and we did. It’s very personal and no one-size fits all solution.
We were in a RS class on “intimacy within your marriage” when some sisters were talking about their sex life before and after surgical sterilization. They did not know that the stake Prez was sitting in on the class. He read directly out of the handbook about surgical sterilization…. it was uncomfortable for many of the sisters – but was very informative….
The handbook directive is relatively new. There are thousands of us that had the surgical option when the church recommended fasting and prayer. The handbook said nothing 28 years ago.
I find the handbook VERY disconcerting…especially since the Lord isn’t sending kids that develop and hit milestones like their supposed to. Milestones require piles of money and hours of early intervention and years of on-going struggles once they are school age. We have “hyper-fertility” and kids with kinks in rapid fire succession makes me wonder if we’ve been able to do a descent job for any of them. We try; we try hard, but we’re out numbered and living on MUCH lower income than in the past. We could easily have 20 kids with how frequently they’ve been coming…and we like to pay for them ourselves.
I think the handbook is awesome, as are he Lord’s servants who generate it.
For some more info on this, please read one of my early posts:
http://middle-agedmormonman.blogspot.com/2011/01/i-didnt-want-to-know-that-7_21.html
My husband’s already read the handbook to me, so I knew what it said. I hit the jack pot in the husband department! He really is fabulous. I’m excited to actually be able to enjoy and spend time with him again someday…when we’re “old”. I read it all, including comments and posted links, seemed like a lot of extreme view points on both sides of the arguement. We’ve already surpassed the “norm” 4 kids; more right now would have the distinct possibility of qualifying me under that mentel defect/break down caveat, I’ll break the abstinence several suggested using to him gently. 😉 Trying to keep the current kid with developmental issues (ongoing fall out from a scary birth defect that nearly killed her) from maiming herself on top of the others has me exhausted anyway…
I love serving with the Young Women. We currently have two girls who are really mean to each other. Well, let me rephrase that…one is really mean to the other for deciding to move on to more church-appropriate friends. Now the mean girl is really struggling being “abandonded.” We also think that she is jealous of the nice girl’s desire to do what’s right instead of cave to peer pressure. The mean girl’s Mom seems offended that the nice girl moved on from them as well, so no help there. But lately, in Young Women on Sunday, the mean girl will walk past the nice girl and say, “Ew.” And cause all sorts of trouble for everyone else, but especially the nice girl.
How on earth can we, as their spiritual leaders, handle a situation like this? We are striving for unity and love in this group, not serious problems that lead to hurt. How can we make it allllllll better?
Don’t let my questions trump VikiViki’s fine questions.
1) My seminary class has a couple of kids who won’t participate in any lesson or activity on any level. No comments. No agreeing to be class president for a day, give a devotional, say a prayer, etc. One sleeps (and drools) 99% of the time, although he has other issues that contribute. Asking parents for suggestions hasn’t helped. I continue to pray about it, but haven’t found “the” answer yet. Ideas??
2) Is there an Porter Rockwell Danite option for parents who encourage their kids NOT to participate, as a demonstration of individuality? I assume I’m expected to still love and be patient toward these special spirits, but part of me wants to smack a parent or two upside the head occasionally. And call out false doctrine to the kids when they repeat it to me. Working on being kind, gentle and loving. It’s not always easy that early in the morning.
3) For your EC, what were some nice ways your ward members showed appreciation for your time served as bishop?
Joey
I love your Question #3, but I’m going to comment on #1. I was a 4 year seminary graduate, but I didn’t get much out of it. I just showed up. I don’t think I ever read any of the scriptures and I never did any work. I memorized the scriptures we had to but forgot them as soon as the test was over. I did school homework during seminary the first 2 years. We moved and I paid better attention the second 2 years, but honestly, I don’t recall much, other than our teacher standing on the desk (in his military uniform and combat boots, since he taught before going to work), as his Ramiumptum, shouting the “O holy holy God” prayer. Yeah, not really doctrine, but it definitely caught my attention..
There may not be an answer. There may not be anything that will make them participate or pay attention. Just being there may be all they can do. And on the plus side, they are establishing a pattern of being where they are suppose to be. That may not have been an answer for you, but I wanted you to know that I was one of those kids. And now, I am the Sunday School teacher and you know I wish I’d paid better attention back then!
Question #1: BELIEVE IN OSMOSIS. I know it to be a true principle when applied to early morning seminary.
Question #1: I taught seminary for 4 yrs and each year was an eye-opener. Most of my classes were awesome–everyone participated. But then my last class was awful. The boys had the best attitudes and were happy to do whatever I asked, but the girls were horrible. Now, all but one of those YM are out of the church, and its the girls who are serving missions. Morale of the story (in my experience) you never know. Just Keep on Keeping on.
#2: I learned you can’t expect more of the kids than their parents are willing to support you on.
One thing my teacher made us do was “popcorn” reading. We would do this with long passages. The student would read at least one verse and then at any random spot, call out a student’s name and they had to continue from that spot. If we didn’t know where they were, we had some type of punishment, (i.e. turn in candy we were given, do pushups, or other not a big harm things.) We were forced to pay attention because whoever was reading could stop mid sentence and call out our name, but we were still required to read at least one verse each time we were called on.
For you and EC to be answered separately without peeking.
How did you and EC meet?
What attracted you to her/him?
How did you know this was the one?
Here is a situation that I’d like your fatherly advise on.
My FOML#1 got in a text argument with a friend. My FOML#1 replied calling the friend an “idiot”. (We have already addressed this part of the issue and are teaching her that calling names is not acceptable). The “friend” replied by calling her “the b word”. My FOML#1 deleted the initial string as she was mad but she promptly contacted me and told me. I instructed her not to reply and to no longer associate herself with this “friend” any longer. The “friend” then sends my FOML#1 various text messages about how she has lost 3 friends this week, etc. etc etc. and ends with “I’m not going to waste my time with a b____” (This text string I have read and still have saved). So the kicker…the “friend” is the daughter of the YW President that I serve with (thus commenting as anonymous). My FOML#1 doesn’t want me to say anything because she doesn’t want to seem like a tattle tale.
My EC and I have talked to her about not having other friends side and gang up on this other girl and also that this other girl may be having issues that you don’t know about. We did also tell her that using that type of language and name calling is still uncalled for and does not make it right.
So, do I tell the Mom of the other girl?
Do I keep with my FOML#1’s wishes and leave it be?
What do I do about my FOML#1 still has to see her not just at school but at church and at mutual and sometimes this other girl glares, mimics or does other petty things to irritate my FOML#1?
Ok, long question, sorry.
If it was my daughter on the other end of the text, I would want to know. Also, discussing it with the YW pres/mom might help the spirit and unity needed to serve in YW together, especially since both girls are in the same ward and same YW program. Better to address it now before (or in case) it leads to bigger drama. Good luck.
I just got released from YW, but we had a similar ongoing situation. I would advise telling the YW pres or if you feel uncomfortable about that, tell your bishop. It’s important that YW be as safe a place for all the girls as it can be. And my guess is that this girl is fighting some other issues if she’s using the b word. It just may be that she needs the other YW leaders to kill her with kindness instead of being confrontational. It definitely helped with our situation. Good luck!
Mom’s need to stay out of this. You could divide an entire ward and ostracize your daughter or the other girl. Have confidence in your daughter’s ability to handle this. If you betray her confidence, she will probably never come to you again with a problem. The girls will move past this problem much faster if adults don’t get involved. Praise your daughter, and support her, but really? YOU are noticing the other girl “glares, mimics or does other petty things” to irritate your daughter? Show faith in your daughter and quit hovering.
I agree with L3. Odds are the girls parents know she uses poor language, and even greater odds that she learned it from them. Youth need to learn how to work out problems on their own. Provide guidance and let it be. Unless there are serious threats happening, it will work itself out.
Can you tell me how I can better incorporate finesse into my Sharing Time’s at Primary, and possibly in a profound way?
If, heaven forbid, your perfectly-ratioed ice to liquid drink sits out on the counter for too long, at what temperature is a mountain dew too warm to consume?
Should there be an anonymous way to submit questions to one’s bishop that he could then read over and address at the pulpit? Would this have been helpful or hurtful or provide any comical relief while you were serving in that calling?
And lastly, what ways can you think of to help increase the presence of bacon in mormon food culture, as opposed to, say, green jello?
What are your thoughts on the viability of a market for a specialty store catering toward feminist mormon women? Items could include things like “Church appropriate pants” and possibly “prayer cards for General Conference”? Ideas for a name for such a store?
Thanks – I was just waiting for a chance to ask these questions and I nearly fell out of my seat when I saw “Q&A” on my google reader! Phew! You are the best!
I was concerned that the title of this post was a bit too aggressive. My thanks to Viki for making it obviously accurate.
The only one I will touch is that when I was Bishop, I would have occasional adult and youth firesides – where the topics were chosen from anonymously submitted questions. Worked great.
If he doesn’t have the fireside, slip a note under the door, and hope he responds publicly.
Here’s four at once:
#1. What’s the best way to deal with a youth sunday school teacher who says he doesn’t like the new curriculum, and is going to just keep teaching from the gospel doctrine manual instead? (I’m going to deal with this one anyway, obviously, but I’m interested to hear your free advice.)
#2. Geneva Steel is gone, so why is the air quality so abysmal here in Provo this year? (I know you don’t live in Provo, unluckily for you, but you did live in Provo once. Also, I do know about valleys and inversions — but this is ridiculous.)
#3. If you could bring back any general authority from the Spirit World to speak at April’s General Conference, who would it be?
#4. (For the EC) During Sacrament meeting in my ward and in other wards I’ve visited in the last few years, it is much more common to see men, rather than women, staring at their phones instead of at the speaker. And then they stare at their phones through Sunday School, and then through priesthood meeting. Any advice for the men of the Church regarding technology and the Gospel?
Brilliant questions, JW. I’m hoping he’ll hit No. 1 especially.
Quick clarification for #1: What is your role? Parent, Sunday School Presidency, Bishopric, or Busybody? The answer would vary depending on your stewardship.
#3 Joseph Smith, and then LeGrande Richards.
My new calling is to teach the Deacons and Beehives Sunday School. The new curriculum is awesome, however, it seems that all the online help is geared for older kids who know more about the gospel from seminary. Do you have any advice/help for teaching these ‘barely out of primary’ aged kids?
Probably breaking a rule by answering this. My opinion as a current Sunday School president: Read MMMs earlier post on this, because it’s brilliant.
I think they know more about the gospel than we realize. Your main goal should be to facilitate an environment where the Spirit can work. Prepare and pray during the week for help. Pray for specific kids.
In class, ask questions to get the kids talking. When prompted, don’t be afraid to peel off the onion. Allow silence after a question, even though it may be uncomfortable.
I’ve seen this work already and the results have been remarkable. You will do great.
Also, the beauty of the new curriculum is that they provide only outlines — not lesson plans — and you have the opportunity (or responsibility) to adapt it to your particular class. You need not cover everything in the outline. Follow Mike’s advice to pray about each student individually when you prepare your lessons.
Note the advice currently at the top of lds.org: http://www.lds.org/topics/teaching-the-gospel/learning-to-teach-come-follow-me-2?lang=eng. I encourage you to talk with the Deacon’s quorum advisor and the Beehive advisor about their lessons, and coordinate their efforts. Talk to the students’ parents, too, and get them involved.
I agree with them knowing more than you might think. I teach 11 year old boys in Primary – they are all going to be filtering out of sharing time this year – and they have some seriously profound insights and questions. I use the new curriculum to tailor-make the Primary lessons and invite more discussion, and it’s been working fabulously. You can do it!
Why did you choose to do an anonymous blog? How do you think that choice has affected your blog’s success and your personal life?
Whoops, I just asked this very question, that is what I get for reading on my netbook with limited screen space.