My EC and I had found good seats at the movie theater, and I headed back out for the requisite sodas and popcorn. On my way I checked my phone: 2 missed calls and 2 voicemails – from home. I stopped and listened to them. Maybe not a good idea.
Turns out that one of the FOMLs had done something extremely foolish. Big-time foolish. I went from merrily buying snacks to livid in about 1.6 seconds. I came back with only a soda for my wife and had her listen to the voicemails.
“What are you going to do?” she asked.
“I’m calling home.”
I went out into the hallway and called my son and read him the riot act. I was pacing the hall and really letting him have it – with anger and intensity. I warned him that when I got home, he should expect to be grounded from breathing, and that he would never see the light of day, and that he would be so far removed from anything electronic, he would think he was a cave man.
Or something like that. I was mad, and don’t remember exactly. But I know he was scared, and this was my main desire.
I went back to the theater and described the conversation with my wife. She started gathering herself to go.
“We need to get out money back and go home.”
“No,” I replied. “I want to see this movie, and I want him to stew for a couple hours.”
She wisely sat back and let me have my way – this time. As the lights went down, I was still fuming, and neither of us were paying much attention when the trailers were running.
The feature started – it was called “The Impossible.” I guess you could call it a disaster film, but to me it was more of a gift. It is based on the true story of a family that was caught in the 2004 tsunami that killed almost a quarter of a million people. This particular family was swept away from their beach resort vacation in Thailand.
It was raw. It was riveting. It was tragic. It was powerful to watch this family struggle to find each other, and to save each other with the frantic desperation that only a parent can truly understand. We cringed and we wept. My heart was softened to the point of breaking – which it did.
When the lights came up, most of us were wiping our eyes. I was struggling. As we were walking through the dark parking lot to the car, I stopped my wife, and pulled her to me. I couldn’t hold back the tears.
“I can’t go home after that movie and be mad at my son. I can’t do it.”
“I know. What are we going to do?”
“I am going to go home, give him a kiss, tell him that I love him, tell him that I forgive him, and tell him that there won’t be any punishment this time – and I don’t want to talk about it ever again.”
My EC agreed, probably having figured this out long before I did.
We went home and did just that. We spoke with him briefly, hugged him, loved him and forgave him. We wept. He wept. And then we went on with our lives. Improved lives.
Seemingly impossible – but a true story.
—
For more on the movie “The Impossible” click here.
For more on forgiveness, click here.
Warning: “The Impossible” is not for kids, or for the faint of heart. It is brutal – but I emerged a better man for a day.
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Parenthood ain’t for sissies, my friend. One day at a time.
Dear MMM I appreciate your candor. Not always your wit, but your sharing of spiritual insights always. One of my sons recently did something “extremely foolish” which for a short time made me feel rather alone on this planet. While I don’t rejoice in others misery, it is comforting to know that God has not reserved all of life’s ‘gifts’ singularly for me.
Ahh Parenthood. They should rename it ‘Sanctification’.
Tell me, was your life so thought provoking and filled with such insightful lessons before you began writting a blog? I think maybe God in his search for a little latter day help with the masses, turned to a middle-aged Mormon man with a typical family and a “gift”. Thank you.
A “gift?” Perhaps it’s just because I’m willing to write down my experiences. I will say this: Our family seems to be blessed with many opportunities to grow. (Does that sound better than “we have way more than our share of bad things dumped on us”?)
A few days have gone by and I’ve decided to return and share a couple of memories (the kind best left buried). I had gotten a part time job because my youngest was over 10 and our 2 teenage boys were old enough to be on their own for short periods. One day I got a call at work & a police officer was on the other end. He had the older boy on the porch because the younger one had called 911. The whole thing was a nightmare. The other thing I wanted to discuss was ADHD but I’m having second thoughts. Just know that you’re not alone in the parenthood trials. Those two boys are now 40 and 43 with children of their own. What goes around, comes around.
Sweet MMM, just sweet! A tender mercy indeed that you experienced the range of emotion from livid to forgiving and embracing within a two-hour-ish time frame. What a blessed man, to recognize and bridle your passion and then be able to express those tender and sincere feelings and thoughts to your son. He will be a better man and father because of your example, too. (And what a very WISE woman you have by your side to let you learn in your own time-table…..wise indeed.)
My mom had the ability to put the fear of God into me with no words at all, and she’d do it anytime, anywhere, for any possible reason. She could’ve probably also done it over the phone with out using a single word. I sure wish there was a movie back then like The Impossible to grant me a little grace every now and then! Lucky son! 🙂
I. too, have that ability – I can cause my loved ones to cry with just a certain glance. It is so powerful tht I rarely use it anymore.
I really appreciated your line at the end “but I emerged a better man for a day”. I am not being critical. I believe this defines ‘the natural man’ in all of us. It is so easy to forget the lessons we learn. I’ve heard the messages at General Conference innumerable times throughout my life: hold Family Home Evening; make 72-hour kits for your family; have food storage; pray always; read scriptures daily, etc. I actually have accomplished most of these, but not all at once. It is not just for new members seeing Conference for the first time that we are reminded of these edicts. We forget. Most of us have short term memory loss because daily life interferes with our goals and our best intentions.
Sorry for the rant, but not being able to remember to do all I should is a personal problem and a goal I’ve been setting, but inconsistently achieving, all my adult life. So, I felt obligated to share, in case others have the same experience.
I also thought the rest of your blog was awesome and I will go see the movie now, not just for entertainment, but for the lessons it holds.
Unless, of course, I forget…
That’s it, right? I was a better man – for a day – hopefully I an remember next time and stop the spark before it burns.
Wonderful story, and something both you and your son will never forget.
Don’t be surprised if I plagiarize some of your angry comments and they show up in a novel somewhere down the line. But I’ll name the character Mortimer Mitchell Montgomery in your honor.
OK, but I demand a free copy.
This made me think of D&C 121:43-44 and how rarely I do it right, especially with my children
“Reproving (meaning to gently correct-I’m not nearly gentle enough most of the time) betimes (meaning soon or early) with sharpness (can also mean reacting quickly and efficiently), when moved upon by the Holy Ghost (I’m more often than not moved upon by anger, frustration, and/or judgement); and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;
That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.”
Tom
The Lord guides us in many ways, all we have to do is be ready to hear.
Grounded from breathing huh? Never thought of that one, and so glad too as I believe in follow through.
I love this MMM. I never thought punishments do much good anyway. You got to his heart, and he got to yours.
There are no coincidences in life. The experience with your son, put you in the perfect state to get the message you needed from the film. Think if you HADN’T watched it, and instead went home and dealt with your son and your own anger you felt at the time. The outcome would have been much different.
Tender mercy. Tender Mercy indeed.
Now anxiously awaiting the film, because I know that it will speak to me in a way that I need to hear.
Well done MMM