Everyone prattles on about some sort of “Zombie Apocalypse.” I’m tired of zombies on TV and Facebook. I have seen very few instances where zombies are attacking and consuming people that I know. Most of the zombies I am acquainted with are merely very, very tired parents.
More often, I have been observing a different kind of invasion that is less dangerous, but much more real. A day rarely goes by that I don’t see evidence of it either on Facebook, or stuck to my fridge. Maybe you have seen it too:
Our lovely daughters are being scooped up by hobos, and are somehow being coerced into marrying them. It is becoming a veritable epidemic.
I keep seeing engagement and wedding photos where the bride looks like a lovely princess – standing next to a guy who hasn’t shaved in weeks and needs a haircut. One can only hope he bathed for the photo shoot.
To give them the benefit of the doubt, there is a slight possibility that the hobos were not actually aware of the photo shoot. I can imagine a phone call like this:
(Anxious fiancee texts frantically and gets no response – she resorts to making an actual phone call to her hobo fiance:)
“Where are you!”
“In my parent’s basement. Where else?”
“Did you forget about out appointment?”
“I guess. Oh man!”
“So you did forget?”
“Nah, I just got killed on Halo.”
“How fast can you get here?”
“Where?
“The condemned barn by the old highway.”
“Why are we going there?”
“Our engagement pictures -remember?”
“Oh yeah. Why a barn?”
“Because I like the aesthetics.”
– silence –
“Because it’s pretty.”
“Oh. OK. I’m on my way.”
“Wait! Remember to wear those clothes I bought for you last week?”
“Will do.”
“One more thing.”
“What?”
“When is the last time you showered?”
“Sunday, but I wet my hair down last night, and shaved right before No-Shave November.”
“Perfect. I love your manly stubble.”
“Do I have time to maybe eat something and take a nap?”
“Did you stay up all night playing again.”
“Yeah.”
“It’s OK – you can use some of my dark circle concealer when you get here. Hurry!”
And so it goes. Another beautiful bride captures one of the most important experiences of her life standing next to an unkempt hobo. Granted, there would be fewer hobos if the girls did not encourage it by saying things like. “I love your long hair.” Or “I think your beard looks awesome.”
Years from now, I can see a small girl perched on that same bride’s lap as they look through a photo album together.
“Mommy, you look so beautiful in your wedding dress”
“Thanks sweetheart. It was a very special day.”
“Then how come Daddy looks like a hobo?”
“Well honey, back then we thought it looked cool.”
“Mommy, you’re so silly!”
“Trends change, and what looks silly now, was popular back then.”
“Is that why your eyelashes looked so weird?”
“We’re done here.”
I still admire a young man who can return from a mission and still look like a returned missionary 6 months, or 6 years later.
I can hear the screams and keyboards furiously clicking already:
“MMM, you are sooo judgmental! Stop it!”
“MMM looks on the outward appearance, the Lord looks upon the heart.”
“Stop judging! President Uchtdorf says!”
“Most guys look dumb with beards, but my fiance looks hot!”
“Are you saying you can’t be spiritual and look like a hobo?”
“Why fixate on this when there are so many other more important things we could talk about.”
“You are so out-dated!”
So save your breath. I’m just saying I’ve seen the cycle before – just like bell-bottom jeans. Back in the 70’s, a lot of young men were growing their hair out – anywhere they could – because that’s what the counter-culture style of the times was dictating. And like zombies, many followed suit. It seems that we are running through that same cycle again. It will eventually fade. The youth of the 70’s did not have a corner on the lemming market.
I am not saying that the young men who look like hobos and are marrying our daughters are not fine, worthy, upstanding young men. I’m just saying that it’s a little disappointing. And this is not my idea – President KImball said it much better back in the ’78, but it bears repeating:
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Very good points amidst the humor. The fake conversations were my favorite. Too funny.
Fake conversations? They were transcripts.
Amen MMM, amen.
A few years ago we moved into a ward with a lot of older people and most of the men need a haircut. What’s up with that? It’s gross.
Being “clean cut” is a form of modesty. It’s simply an outward manifestation of whats in our hearts. I once taught a modesty lesson in a YSA Relief Society and they could not-or refused- to see that connection. Its seeing yourself as a representative of Christ and his church everyday, not just as a full-time missionary. I dont think girls who dress immodestly or boys who look like hobos as bad, or sinners, but I do see it as a reflection of their testimony and level of understanding of the gospel. I think thats why its so discouraging to see return missionaries look scruffy; we expect their testimonies to be stronger.
I second the header shave. Also it’s killing me to read all the “hurt feelings” comments over their preferences to ignore authority. No one said a second eat hole makes you look promiscuous or sloppy when we were asked not to wear them. Why do we have such a problem in current LDS society with just being obedient for obedience’ sake? Must we pick and choose the council we find relevant to us?? I feel like your article on the word of wisdom and justifications is the exact same issue in a different analogy. Let’s all humble it up and quit trying to pretend we know better than our leaders, what our Heavenly Father would have us do!
Yes!
Sorry — where’s the obedience here? I think men who serve in the temple and as full time missionaries shave, and are obedient. I haven’t read anyone here suggest they should not obey those guidelines.
I totally agree with you. You should see my 40 year old son in law.
In light of this post I believe it is time for the rugged MMM in the header and on the button to start shaving. They are looking a bit rough.
I was at a Stake Conference where a recently returned missionary (who was looking a little scruffy) was asked to speak. When he was finished, the visiting General Authority got up to speak and the first thing he did was tell the recently returned missionary that it was unbecoming of a returned missionary to look that way and that he needed to shave. I also once had a Stake Presidency member (different stake) who said that he had often found that those who grew beards were those who had something to hide. Chances are those are just personal opinions of those two leaders, but they have shaped my personal opinion that the clean shaven look is preferable.
maybe hiding a double chin…at least that’s the reason I was given by a guy when I asked.
What a shame that visiting authority felt a need for such a public rebuke of that returned missionary.
Awfully harsh, but maybe prompted.
One can only assume so. Most of the brethren I have met personally go out of their way to be kind and complimentary, so for someone to act differently I’d assume there’s a pretty direct nudge. Still, unfortunate. (That said, I agree that young men who are speak *as recently returned missionaries* ought to dress the part. When I was on a high council and invited such young men to accompany me, I reminded them of that fact.)
I’m with you Paul, maybe take him aside if he wanted to talk to him but not in front of the congregation.
Let’s be clear. I will not criticize the visiting authority, but will assume he acted under inspiration. I can only hope that he followed up with an increase of love as directed by D&C 121.
Normally, however, I am a fan of “praise in public, rebuke in private” — except online, of course… 😉
Thanks, MMM! For formal photographs, like engagement photos, yes, men should be presentable instead of sloppy. My son is just 12, and he sometimes wears his shirt untucked, and that’s generally fine — but for his engagement photo, I hope he buttons it up and tucks it in. There’s something to be said for respect and decorum.
Thank you for the post. I like the lively discussion. For what its worth, I think it is entirely appropriate to dictate that the car only works for the clean shaven. Driving the car is a privilege and in order to gain that privilege certain standards must be followed. My wife and I do it with our 8 children all the time. We don’t take away their free agency. They still have a choice, but they can’t choose the consequence. This is how life works. Blessings come through obedience. If you want the blessings of the temple, you have to be worthy to hold a temple recommend. The sooner that children learn this lesson, the easier their life will be.
Frankly, kissing a man with facial hair is like getting acupuncture. No thank you.
I totally agree. No thank you!
I don’t think I want to know how you know that kissing a man with facial hair is like getting acupuncture.
actually, I’ve had acupuncture. And I’ve kissed my husband with stubble. Felt pretty similar. 😛
Had a friend who snuck up behind her husband and kissed him on the neck. He said, “Ow!” and rubbed his neck where she’d kissed him. “What’s wrong?” she asked him, adding, “You come up and kiss my neck all the time!” “Yeah,” HE replied, “but I shave first!” True story…
I’m an adult convert. My dad was retired military. He had a neatly trimmed moustache. So did his friends. So did my first husband, and my second, and my third-and-best-and-final, who became a temple worker a few months ago and obediently shaved. I miss his moustache (kissing a man without a mustache, for me, is like leaving the clams out of the chowder), but I love that he sustains the priesthood brethren in authority over him. [Sometimes I wonder if the Lord feels He has to shave before visiting one of His temples?]
Something about kissing and clams and mustaches doesn’t quite sit right with me.
Thank you anonymous! Facial hair is not a symbol of sloppyness or laziness and this post is so bothersome to me because all it does is perpetuate a quite innacurate sterotype. Who cares if anyone,, in my case my husband, decides to grow a beard? Since when did it become okay to judge people based on their appearance?
…there are more important things than style.” well said. especially when it’s just lazy and not style.
My cousin’s husband evidently has this family tradition of not shaving while the wife is expecting a baby. He’s looking like a mountain man lately.
My husband is no slouch, which is why I got ticked off during our ceremony when I looked over and realized that he hadn’t trimmed the back of his neck (he cuts his own hair!) I was like, “Uh, I spent hours trying to look my best for today…our wedding day (!!!)…you could have at least checked to make sure you finished your haircut!” Men! 🙂
PS…come to think of it…he makes me take care of that part now…guess I should’ve taken it as a compliment that day…he needed me! 🙂 Or he needed to shell out 20 bucks for a real haircut!!! Just that once!!
FWIW, I thought seriously about shaving my beard over the holiday week (mostly so I’d have time to grow it back in case I didn’t like me without it), but my lovely wife suggested I keep it the way it is. But I’m no hobo. Trimmed beard, trimmed hair and no holes in the jeans.
My gripe is when I go to get my hair cut. The stylist (where I pay as little as possible — is it any wonder I get the treatment I do?) does not comb or brush my hair, but simply runs her fingers through my hair and musses it a bit and sends me on my way. Sheesh.
As a hairstylist, pay a little more for a hair cut, or tip her well. She’ll take good care of you. She’ll even trim your beard and mustache.
Linda, kudos to you. I tip my stylist exceptionally well, which is probably why she keeps doing what she does. I suspect if I made a bigger deal of it, she’d “style” my hair, too, but I’m as happy to do it when I get home. But in that shop, the “mussed” like is “in” — like for all those hobos MMM is concerned about.
I would like to state for the record that Paul is not a hobo. (He is going more for the “Wise Homeless Veteran” look.)
Well, a wise-something…
And now you’re being prejudiced against lemmings… Sad. According to what I’ve heard, lemmings don’t follow each other off the cliff, they’re pushed by the ones from behind. Of course, that could’ve been that “everyone says” person that “everyone” keeps talking about, so don’t quote me on it. 😉
Murphy’s Law and Occam’s razor? Together? I am in awe.
“However, I own some cars that can only be driven by clean-shaven boys. Funny how it has never seemed to be much of an issue.”
Ooo, I like that! I’m gonna stick it in my back pocket for a couple of years. (My oldest boy is just shy of 13, the others are 4&5)
Handshake from the Midwest as well!
My sweetie has discovered that he doesn’t get too many kisses when he needs to shave – a scruffy face hurts my sensitive skin!
I think the biggest sign of an apocalypse is your use of the word “prattle.”
Haha! I was going to go with drivel, but prattle felt right.
Sorry, seems like thick of thin things to me.
Which part? The part where the prophets talk about it?
@anonymous
I’m with the MMM on this one. ‘Hobos’ are conformists and that can be problematic . . . I don’t see calling a spade a spade ‘the thick of thin things’. There comes a time when one has to put way childish things. Unfortunately our clocks weren’t synchronized at birth & there tends to be a lot of variation in when we get to that point. We MMM’s need to choose our battles carefully. For me, I’d rather fight with my sons about other things.
As regards to the thick of thin things, my 18 year old saw a guy with a full, long beard and asked if he should grows his out like that. I couldn’t help but laugh when I replied, I don’t think you can.
The beard isn’t the point!
Not to be too negative, but… I’m not sure that this focus on “conformity” is going to get anyone anywhere – in reality, being clean-shaven is just as much of a trend in certain circles as growing a beard.
The fact that you associate facial hair with “sloppiness” also shows you to be a “conformist” who has bought into fashion and media trends of the past few decades – but then again, being a “conformist” isn’t necessarily the worst thing in the world.
Frankly, the fact that facial hair has been slowly becoming less stigmatized over the last few years is only a good thing. Unlike what some would suggest, beards aren’t synonymous with “slovenly.” The simple fact is that some men look better with beards. Other men look better clean shaven. It should be a personal decision. Sure, some people grow facial hair only because it’s the “thing” to do, just as some people remain clean shaven because that’s the “thing” in their social group – but why should that bother anyone?
On a final note – I’d be wary about trying to turn your aesthetic preferences into moral proclamations.
Conformity? I crave conformity. And when the First Presidency, Quorum of the Twelve and the Seventy start showing up with facial hair, I will conform to that too.
I was merely pointing out that my “aesthetic preferences” match up quite nicely with the prophets.
“To bear the priesthood means you have a personal responsibility to magnify your calling. Let each opportunity to serve help to develop your power in the priesthood. In your personal grooming, follow the example of the living prophets. Doing so gives silent expression that you truly comprehend the importance of “the Holy Priesthood, after the Order of the Son of God.”
Russell M. Nelson, October Conference, 2003
I’m sure Porter Rockwell would laugh at your comments. I don’t remember President McKay having a crew cut, I’m pretty sure most of the Prophets prior to him had nicely trimmed beards, the scriptures don’t have too many references that I can find about hair length and oh yeah, it seems the Savior was ok with it too. How about we quit worrying so much about how long someones hair is and just be grateful they are at church. Hopefully we don’t start kicking people out because they aren’t wearing nice enough clothes either.
Seriously? You had to go back to Porter Rockwell to validate your point? How about an example in the past 10 years? 20? 40?
Don’t know quite how you made the leap to kicking people out of church for not wearing nice clothes, when the point of the post was that a lot of young men look sloppy when they get married nowadays.
My bishop at BYU talked to the girls about not incourahing their husbands to grow out their hair or wait days between shaving. He had talked to the priesthood holders numerous times, but was getting nowhere because their wives liked the “hobo” look. The bishop told us he could not sign ecclesiastical endorsements to continue at BYU unless they got haircuts and shaved daily, because otherwise they were not living the honor code. This was about 7 years ago.
I have let my husband know that I expect a clean shave or I will not kiss him. It has been that way since we were engaged. I really do not like scruff and hair on boys ears drives me crazy.
Amen, MMM.
Oh crap. Perhaps my love of Sam Elliot and other handsome western actors, along with the way my husband manages to handsomely grow any style of moustache or beard within a week has fueled my love for facial hair. My husband is usually clean shaven during the warm months, but his well-kept beard, which he claims has great practicality value during his riding a horse back in sub-zero temps in the winter, is one of my favorite looks. Now you’ve gone and made me feel guilty for encouraging him. Thanks a lot. 🙂
Ummm, Sam Elliott.
Of our two adult sons, the RM maintains mission standards and looks wonderful; the hobo, on the other hand has just signed up for the US Marine Corps. Thank goodness for small favors, now he’ll look like a real man, instead of a slovenly hoodlum.
I plan to adopt your rule about driving cars for clean-shaven boys. Great incentive! Great lesson in agency. Thanks for sharing.
So the lesson in agency is… “Adhere to my aesthetic preferences or else you don’t get to use my car?”
I mean, it’s your car and you can do whatever you want with it – but I’m not really sure that the lesson you’re trying to teach is the one that will actually be learned.
That’s kinda the way God teaches agency – right? That’s how he treats His priesthood, temples, callings and ordinances.
It’s working really well so far for the church, and my sons.
My nephew has been home for almost a year. We just saw him yesterday and wouldn’t you know he is trying to grow a beard and mustache. We joked with him about how he has fallen into the trap of trying to see how ugly he can look. 🙂
There are now laser hair removal treatments available. A little pricey but worth every penny for lazy men that don’t like to shave.
lolzzz my husband had longer hair when we got married nothing crazy not even past his ears and now he keeps it super short and I always miss it being a little longer and wilder.
It is quite often that I come around to read, snicker, and just be completely amazed by your writing. I don’t judge. I don’t get into heated discussions either, I just read. Unlike, MCat (where I find most of your fun) I tend to be very quiet. However in this case I need to SHAKE YOUR HAND!!!!
okay, so that won’t happen from way over here on the East Coast but Sir, you have nailed it.
I am the mother of three boys. One of which, because he is 11, is the only one in my house that I can convince to shave. I don’t understand the need to have the beauty that is young skin covered in over grown unkept facial hair.
HOBO? A very good description, very good indeed.
Of course they have their agency to shave or keep their hair any length they like.
However, I own some cars that can only be driven by clean-shaven boys. Funny how it has never seemed to be much of an issue.
Thanks for the East Coast handshake!
It might be counter-culture now, but was not always so. I like a clean shaven, well-groomed man myself. I’m not much for facial hair, but twice in 20 years my husband has taken a vacation and had a goatee. I liked it. And every once in a while I have to admit that I think long hair on a guy can be very attractive. And if I was alive 200 or more years ago, that would have been the cultural norm and nobody would have thought twice about it.
I hate shaving. Always have, always will. I even remember my mom paying me $10 to shave before the company came for Thanksgiving dinner.
And yet, I will keep shaving.
My husband has pictures of the missionaries at the MTC gathered around to watch him shave because he shaves with a straight edge not a ‘grubbing hoe.’ It’s pretty hilarious! He says shaving that way is a lot more fun. Course he is one who loves sharp things and to sharpen knives . . .
Was this post inspired by a recent trip to BYU campus? Because it IS a serious problem here. Oh, the mustaches!!! Oh, the holes in the pants!!! It makes me cringe. I married a man who takes just enough pride in his appearance. He doesn’t let his hair get too long. Anything with a hole in it gets thrown away or repurposed. He is intent that our future sons keep themselves clean spiritually and physically. I am blessed.
You must have received my daughter’s wedding invitation.
Can I add Gym shorts? They are for gym class. Also possibly to be used as pajamas. Ere you (to my newly acquired son-in-law, and also to my own future hobo sons) left your room this morning, did you think to put on a regular pair of pants? Balm of Gilead to your mother-in-law (or mother) pants are (and not sweat pants either). Please.
VERY WELL done! I agree 100%. We have all daughters and a few getting close to the marrying age…it is seems we have these super good girls being attracted to the “bad boy” look. Glad I am not the only one who doesn’t like the look. My girls are actually very attracted to the missionary look-clean shaved and Peter priesthood looking guys.
Several years ago we moved to a new branch. My then 4-year-old came home from church very excited, saying “I like this church. I saw Jesus there!”
“A picture of Jesus?” I asked.
“No!” she insisted “He was really there!
The next Sunday we were standing in the crowded hallway. A young, very active and spiritual returned missionary with hair past his shoulders and a goatee was standing there talking to a group of people. My dughter pointed and said very loudly “See mommy! There’s Jesus! I told you he was at church!”
For some reason he cut his hair and shaved soon after that.
And I get the first comment? WOW……must be an omen of a good day
I am a lucky mom that has sons who do not fit that description. One because he is a Marine and they don’t tolerate that crap. The other one cause he didn’t go on a mission so….and the the fact that he has more than 50 cowlicks on his head and has to keep his hair buzz short for purely aesth…. pretty reasons. The other one is a returned missionary, keeps it short, has a little facial hair but keeps it tight and trimmed. However, I think I will send him this post just to ensure that as the time nears for the “photos” he doesn’t get any wild ideas.
I don’t like five o’clock shadow, never have. I couldn’t figure out how men could wake up with it. Then I found out that some genius invented a razor that left it there on purpose. Try to sell that to a lady, and see how the men howl!
Please, guys, get a razor and use it appropriately. Thanx, MMM, may they listen to you!