Last week, in my post about the importance of Sunday School, (No Time For Hangman) I briefly mentioned how it is good to review what our kids learn on Sunday, preferably around the dinner table. This is the belated post talking about that very thing.
I have written about the importance of the family dinner table before, (Suppertime) but this post is Sunday specific. Sunday dinner has the potential to become a key family tradition – a worthy tradition that can bless both the current, and the next generation. I can sum it up simply in one word.
POT ROAST with mashed potatoes and gravy. Sorry. That was more than one word.
I meant to say CONVERSATION.
Sitting around the dinner table on Sunday can provide opportunities to ask questions, learn, teach and share thoughts about important things. It takes some planning and effort to establish good traditions, and this is no exception.
Every week during dinner, everyone will inevitably get the same question from Dad. “What did you learn in Church today?” This initial foray into the debriefing process is something the FOMLs and my EC are all accustomed to. They know it’s coming. Granted, sometimes it sounds like this…
So, FOML5, what did you talk about in Primary class today?
Do you mean Primary when it’s everybody, or just us?
Both. Tell us what you learned in your class first, and then tell us about sharing time.
OK. In class today we learned…umm…umm…I can’t remember.
Did the teachers tell any stories?
No.
What about any scriptures?
No.
So what did you do for all that time?
Kevin talked about his new Nintendo DS game.
But what did you learn in class?
Oh, I remember! (Sigh of relief to the entire family.)
Awesome – what?
We learned about Jesus. (Groan from the rest of the family)
What did you learn about Jesus?
Just Jesus stuff.
And so it goes. But it does get better. Sometimes amazingly so. Below is a list of thoughts that can help make your Sunday dinner a time for your family to learn and share important gospel ideas. It is worth the effort, and I promise it is something that will stick with your kids. Yes, it takes some effort on he parents part. Don’t get soft on me now.
• Fight the urge to ask the kids about what they learned in the car on the way home. Why? Because the second the car stops, the conversation ends. Dinner can keep going if it is worthwhile.
• Don’t you dare start eating until Mom is at the table. (Great “Christmas Story” quote: “My Mother had not had a hot meal for herself in over 15 years.)
• TV off. Not just the sound. The game will go on just fine without you. Smartphones put away.
• Start with the kid that will most likely have an answer to set the pace for the rest, and give them time to think.
• Ask questions. If it turns out that the lesson was on tithing, ask if there were any good tithing stories they could re-tell.
• One of the main benefits of this process is that it helps the kids learn how to “talk gospel.” Anytime they can talk about principles, doctrines, scriptures, or tell stories, they are learning how to communicate better, and are engaging in Mission Prep.
• Just because someone is done eating does not mean dinner is over. In our home we have the archaic “May I please be excused” policy. On Sunday, often the answer is, “Not yet, we would like you to stick around for a few minutes.” Don’t cave.
• Don’t forget the YM & YW have two classes every Sunday that you can talk about.
• While some people might have concerns that pot roast is not in line with the Word of Wisdom, I can reassure you that it meets most of the elements in the 13th Article of Faith.
• If one of the kids has a consistently difficult time remembering what was taught, grab the teacher at Church and ask for a brief summary. Two good things happen: 1) You can prompt your child and reenforce what he/she didn’t remember, and 2) Now there is a teacher who understands that your family is paying attention to what is being taught.
• If the answer for what they learned today is always the same, “We played Hangman,” then have a very gentle visit with the instructor. Odds are, hangman isn’t that frequent. (Hopefully)
• If someone is struggling to figure out what to share, skip them and come back to them.
• If you schedule of meetings is so packed that you cannot find time to sit down together for Sunday dinner, then something is terribly, horribly wrong. Talk to your leaders and tell them your problem. If YOU are that leader that over-schedules, then knock it off, and get your priorities back in order.
• When someone has a question other than “What’s for dessert?” I usually let the other kids take a crack at answering before I try and be all fatherly-wise. Most of the time the older kids know the answer, or Mom will.
• Yes this all sounds like the “Family Patriarch gathering his posterity to teach the Gospel.” Exactly. Now you’re getting it.
• Bad doctrine will inevitably come up in these conversations. It comes from 2 places: 1) Bad listening/understanding, or 2) The teacher is teaching incorrect doctrine. THIS is the moment where the dinnertime debrief really pays off. Gently correct the mistakes without being judgmental towards the teacher.
• If she isn’t serving somewhere else, be sure to ask Mom what she learned in Relief Society.
• Fathers should use discretion in sharing what went on in High Priest group, because of the high probability that it got wacky, or boring.
• If you are lucky enough to have grandparents with you, involve them, but be careful because once they get rolling….
• Sacrament talks can be a good topic as well.
• Turn of the TV and the smartphones. (Just in case you missed it the first time. Oh, and you don’t really have to answer the phone during dinner.)
• You will see a gradual evolution as the kids become accustomed to this tradition. They will start listening more closely in class, and will try harder to remember what they learned – because they know they will be asked about it later.
• Mostly, this is a time to teach, using what the kids learned that day as a springboard to deeper discussions. As I mentioned before, I would be very concerned if my children gained a lot of new doctrinal knowledge at Church on Sundays, because that would mean that I am relegating my role as father to others. A ten-year-old listening to his fifteen-year-old brother try and explain how the Plan of Salvation works will make an impact on both kids. This is how you get there.
Three of my five FOMLs are now out of the house. I miss them – especially around the dinner table. But, I am glad that we took the time to have a leisurely Sunday dinner tradition. It has been delicious, satisfying and nutritious.
And I’m not talking about pot roast.
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(Epilogue: Determined to practice what I preach, we focused on the Gospel tonight during dinner. We sat around the table talking about Shiz’s beheading and the Jaredite decline – that was the 10 year old. Then I asked the teenager what they talked about in SS class.
“Nothing.”
Nothing? for forty minutes? We pressed, and managed to get, “We just kind of talked about what the “Gospel” meant. You know.” I told him that was good, and asked how he would define it. He just sat there.
I asked again, and was told, “You can all stare at me all you want. but it isn’t going to make me remember something.”
I thought you might like to know that it is, indeed, a long, slow road…)
Okay, so I have been avoiding your blog because it is too popular and I am busy. But my BIL recommended this so I gave in, and now I have to confess that I really liked this post and maybe I’ll read you again sometime.
Thanks! Glad to have you on board.
(Hey look everybody: Diane is much busier and selective than the rest of you losers)
I’m in charge of the discussion about the new youth curriculum with the adults in the ward this Sunday. I think I will borrow your dinner table advice for these parents if it is ok with you.
Feel free! I would send yo a video of me teaching it in the Conference Center, but I think security has instructions to keep me out.
They must have gotten my memo
I taught primary in a small ward a few years ago. There were some…interesting things taught during Sharing Time and it really reinforced the need to talk about what we learn at church once we’re home. My guy is too little at this point, but my EC and I always talk about what we learned (or taught as the case may be)
I love dinner conversation. The only thing my family has ever done consistently is family dinner. Sometimes we eat at 8:00 so we can all be together,even if that means a snack at 5 for the younger dudes. We have been able to clear up many misconceptions, such as…a few weeks ago my 5 year old was singing a song that said (in his mind) “I watch for the day of darkness, when Jesus will come again”. He asked why it would be dark when Jesus came. I looked up the song real quick and found out that it’s the day of gladness.
Also, I’m amazed at the depth of discussion my teenagers have in SS. Amen, to Sunday dinner conversation!
So I wasn’t going to comment because I figured all of your many wise and intelligent readers would say everything I could possibly think of. Then I saw the turkey and read your new tag-line and really enjoyed the Hobbit widget! I lol at the turkey….great addition.
Since I haven’t read the other comments, I will probably repeat them. YES, YES, YES!!! I cannot second any louder this post! We have not always done it over Sunday dinner, but if you do not know what your children have learned in CHURCH on Sunday or during mutual/scouts/activity days/or any other number of activities they are participating in with other adults, (of course this goes for school!!!), you had better find out! We have corrected more false doctrine than I can ever believe, and sometimes it has been due to false understanding on the part of the child, not usually in our case, but sometimes.
I even had one experience with a young woman who came from a very ‘on-it’ family of many children. I taught a basic doctrine in her class. It was something I knew her parents knew and taught, but somehow, there in class, it was the first time she had ever heard it. I thought, how do you come from that family and not know this? It just drove home to me the point that I have to know what each and every child knows and understands. I have to check in and see that they are getting an independently verified and tailored curriculum of gospel instruction from us as their parents!
I am so very grateful I have not relegated my responsibilities as mother and have hoped the safety net of the church will step in. On the other hand, I have to say that for me growing up, I am EXTREMELY grateful the safety net of the church was working. My parents could not have taught it to me. I HAD to learn from others at church because my parents didn’t have it to give to me.
We do this with our kids on Sunday! They have to tell us “Attendance” – who was in class that day, “Teacher” – who taught the class, ‘Lesson Material” – what the lesson was on, and what songs were sung in Sharing Time for the younger ones. And yes, the older ones have to report on both Sunday School and Priesthood Quorums!
Love this one. We have done this for years with mixed results, but occassionally outstanding ones. So it’s like golfing — you get a good hole once in a while to keep bringing you back…
I am a huge fan of the Sunday Dinner Conversation, especially around what happened at church. Even when I was bishop, the rule established by my file leader (my lovely wife) was that I was at home for dinner, no matter what, and I complied probably 95% of the time. (Now that she’s in the stake RS presidency, I’m as likely to be the one to start the pot roast in the morning…)
But like your house, not every conversation is perfect. We spent an awful lot of time on how bad the music is at stake dances in yesterday’s meal…
We live right by my mother in law so our conversations usually happen in the car or at lunch before we head to her house to spend the day there. One Sunday, our home teachers were coming, so we had to go back to our house. Our 5 year old son fought us literally kicking and screaming “I ALREADY LEARNED ABOUT JESUS AT CHURCH!!!!!”
Dinner tonight unfortunately didn’t even come close to resembling a pot roast(I am too embarrassed to say what it was) but thanks to this I remembered to ask my kids what they learned. Turned out there were multiple lessons on kindness. I asked everyone what they could do to be kind this week and challenged everyone to do it. Thanks for the post. It improved our dinner tonight.
Both of your links take you to the hangman post, instead of one to suppertime.
-paige
Thanks, Paige.
I am grateful that all of the manuals are online. That way I can already be aware of what they should be talking about in their lessons and I can ask my questions in a leading manner.
We do the Sunday Debrief as well (although I must admit that sometimes it happens on Monday). Today we got to the last child and the 6 year old asked the 4 year old what his class was about and he answered “I don’t know” and before anyone could help him remember the 6 year old quips “Maybe you should go back to church and until you learn something!”
Yes, we have our work cut out for us with that child!
Thanks for sharing!
Yes – Barbara called it. Made me laugh out loud. I also enjoyed the comment about the High Priest quorum lesson – my EC says the same thing, and he loves to re-tell what went on as we mosey on back home.
Great post, but this was my favorite part:
“While some people might have concerns that pot roast is not in line with the Word of Wisdom, I can reassure you that it meets most of the elements in the 13th Article of Faith.”
If you cook your pot roast in the crock pot, then it fits the “prepare thy food with singleness of heart” criteria. 😉
For a couple of years I taught primary, and always the last question would be, “When your parents ask you what you learned today, what are you going to tell them?” Most of the time I answered it myself summarizing the lesson into one sentence that the age group could pass on. Worked well.
My favorite is when my youngest was about 5 and one Sunday decided that the didn’t want to go to Primary. When asked why……
“All they wanna do is learn ya ‘about Jesus!”
Favorite family inside joke ever. And YES – Sunday dinner’s are where it’s at. Now that ALL of my children are grown/,married/gone – it’s more than just gospel discussion, we ususally end up spending hours just talking.
And today in my primary class we talked about the pure in heart. So, 11 year old primary boy, what does that mean?
Answer: “oh, its when you’re kind and other crap like that.”
I wonder what he reports at HIS Sunday dinner.
If you teach 11 year old boys ANYTHING you deserve a medal. God bless you.
When we asked the question “What did you learn in Sunday School today?” we often got the answer “nothing” because our kids equated learning with gaining new knowledge. We learned quickly to rephrase it to something along the lines of “What was the lesson topic and what new insights did you gain?” and we didn’t accept the answer “nothing.” Eventually they came up with something they felt through the Spirit if not through the teacher’s remarks. Hopefully they learned that repetition is a good thing. One of my favorite quotes for this year is from Elder Maxwell: “Repetition in teaching can contain inspiration and need not be apologized for.” (Old Testament Symposium at BYU 19 Aug 1983) Repeating for the family what was taught in church doesn’t need to be apologized for either. Now that our kids are all out of the house, I miss that wonderful Sunday dinner/conversation tradition.
I love how you use a picture of an interrogation room instead of a dinner table.
Actually, I think this is a great tradition (along with any kind of slow-cooker meal that can be prepared the day before). My kids are young so we don’t usually press them for answers (honestly at this point if they remember more than what is on their coloring page we count it as a success), but as they see us talking about what we learned in priesthood and relief society, they are often eager to chime in.
Elder Bednar, when he was the President of BYU-Idaho, told about their family tradition that when they went anywhere in the car with their three sons they would quiz them on tough gospel principles –asking the kinds of questions investigators and non-members would ask– in order to prepare them for missions.
Perhaps if kids don’t have acceptable answers to what they learned in class, this could be a substitute dinner conversation.
Of course, it’s important that the parents have the answers to their own questions as well as any questions the kids might come up with (assuming there is an answer and if not, being willing to say so) and that places a lot of responsibility on us parents to know the doctrine.
So basically, in either case, parents need to be prepared to be on both sides of that “interrogation” table.
Ahhhhh – memories. 🙂
I totally agree. As a Sunbeam teacher my Sunbeams leave class every week with something, usually something that they glued with glue sticks, that has to do with the lesson. I do it so the children will be able to talk to their parents about what they learned.
We love that too–but we also have another discussion that I feel worthy of sharing. We share three things, everyone around the table: 1. A time we felt the spirit during the week, 2. A time we were prompted, and 3. Something we are grateful for. Even the 2 year old shares–but we ask him when he was happy and when he was obedient. As he gets older he will then move over to the other two questions. the 3 almost 4 year old is already telling us when he was happy because of the spirit.
Also, I LOVE the new countdown. I agree. Much, Much, Better.
When we were little we would have that talk in the car anywhere from 1/2 hour to an hour depended on where we lived. Great Post MMM
I seriously love your blog and your advice! It really makes me think in the best ways.
Good advice. I’ve been to lax on letting the subject change without getting an answer.
I LOVED it! Well worth going through a week of Twinkie posts to get to this. My children will be so impressed with the grandparent segment.
Thank you for your epilouge. I feel a bit better about the past….and the present for that matter. After 52 years of marriage our dinner conversations still leave a lot to be desired.