MMM note: I’m extra happy to have a guest post written by Janette Rallison. Because she is famous. And wise. And funny. And she is actually a writer. (Regular readers of my blog are not used to real writing!) I appreciate her taking the time to chime in about the Proclamation.
Janette Rallison writes books because writing is much more fun than cleaning bathrooms. Her avoidance of housework has led her to writing 18 novels. Her award winning young adult novels, such as My Fair Godmother, My Unfair Godmother; Just One Wish; and her latest; My Double Life have sold over 1,000,000 copies. Most of her books are romantic comedies because hey, there is enough angst in real life, but there’s a drastic shortage of both humor and romance. She lives in Chandler, Arizona with her husband, five kids, and enough cats to classify her as eccentric.
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| Janette and Family Somewhere Green |
Joy (?)
The day that Middle-Aged Mormon Man asked me to guest blog about The Family Proclamation was a typical Saturday at our house. I set out the job lists for our four children. (The fifth is grown and married.) Even though the job lists have been a part of our schedule roughly since the children were embryos, each child did their best to act as though they had never heard of the concept of work before.
Oldest son slept in, ignored his list, ignored the various objects he’d left strewn around, then left for his job. Youngest daughter flitted around the house all day like a butterfly with ADD, entertaining herself with scraps of pipe cleaners, air molecules, and anything else that happened to float into her line of vision. She was always doing her jobs, and yet they never got done. Middle daughter declared she had too much homework to be bothered with jobs, acted offended that we required her to pick up her junk, let alone anyone else’s, and basically barricaded herself in her bedroom where she most likely read a novel for half the day. Every time we reminded youngest son that he needed to do his jobs, he replied, “I’m a thug, and I’ll do what I want!” Which might have been cute if he was five, but no, he’s a teenager.
On days like this, I want to proclaim a lot of things about my family, none of which are found in the official proclamation. I know I’m not alone. Parenting is hard work. In fact, it seems there are these sorts of “proclaiming” moments in every single day.
According to the Proclamation, “Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.”
It seems like a simple concept. I still remember sitting at a restaurant with my then fiancé planning out our family. We were going to have five darling, well-behaved children, each spaced two years apart. It would be easy to raise them because we were going to be perfect parents.
The only thing that went as planned was that we ended up with five children (and okay, they are darling.)
Nothing has been easy, especially getting them here. All four of the children now at home wouldn’t be here without a skilled team of fertility doctors. I had pregnancies that were nightmares. I had twins—which meant I didn’t have a good night’s sleep for 18 months straight. There were bouts of colic, never ending ear infections, and more trips to the emergency room than I want to recount. And in some respects those were the good old days.
Despite all of that, I honestly believe that motherhood—that parenthood—is the greatest calling a person can have. It is part of our divine nature to create. It’s in our nature to nurture and love the children God sends to us. It’s the greatest responsibility and the greatest work we can do. After having each baby, I felt like I won the lottery—better than the lottery, because each child was a priceless gift.
Maybe it’s a holdover from those agonizing infertility years, but I’m still astounded whenever someone tells me that they don’t plan on having children or that they don’t want many children. It’s like turning down the jackpot. Why would a person not want one of the greatest gifts life has to offer?
Yes, parenthood is hard work with frustrations, worries, and the occasional heartbreak thrown into the mix, but as Adam and Eve found out after they left the Garden of Eden, a person can’t truly know joy unless they’ve also known sorrow. This seems to be a true principle for parenting as well. Frustrations come with the job but so do those moments of sublime joy.
As I’ve been writing this essay, my youngest daughter interrupted me so I could hold a sign she’d made. She drafted me into the cheering section while she performed a song/dance/cheer for her older sister’s color guard team. Both of my sons—including the thug wanna-be—came into my room to joke around with me about something. Middle daughter gave me a hug goodnight and told me she loved me, even if I’m sometimes rude to her band director. (I still haven’t forgiven him for making her run extra laps in 114 degree weather—when she was sick—because other people in the band were late for practice. I admit to sending him a terse email about that. I do this sort of thing just to embarrass my children.) And I found a note from youngest daughter on my dresser telling me that she loved me.
Sublime moments of joy. (Enjoying the kids, that is—not writing terse emails to the band director.)
Children are worth all the work. Working on our families is worth every moment of frustration. It’s all worth it. Joy comes with the journey.
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Thanks Janette!
She didn’t ask, but here is a link to her website. If you’ve got kids, you need to buy her books. http://www.janetterallison.com/
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I thoroughly enjoyed this post! Our children bring us notes and sticky kisses which just melt away the frustrations of the day.
ahhhh…parenthood! celestialhood
I live for those hugs or notes that somehow make all the tantrums and messes worth it. Enjoyed your post.
Great post Jeanette!
Great post Jeanette! 🙂
I grew up in a good LDS home where we all had chores and pitched in to help each other. I’m glad for the work ethic my parents instilled in me. Now, I am a retired nurse. During the forming years of my children’s lives I worked to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. I missed many of their milestone moments. But by the time they reached school age I was able to work some jobs that gave me a little more leeway with time to spend with my son and daughter at school – which was wonderful. By the time they were teens they were cooking the meals and cleaning the house as a routine matter. I am proud to be their mother as they have turned out to be excellent adults who give back to the community.
This was a fantastic post. I laughed, I cried. (Well, I didn’t cry, but I did feel a little prick of truth and understanding, and if I were an emotional person, that would have made me cry.) Thanks, Janette.
Ain’t it the truth. My children make me want to run and hide under a rock to never be found at times, but they sure are the sweetest little spirits who bless me in ways I never thought imaginable!
Janette, you prove that the only way to survive Motherhood is with a sense of humor!!! You also prive that you don’t ahve to be middle-aged to to write on this blog…right??? 🙂 Wonderfully, fun post!
If I recall, Janette just married off a daughter…she just LOOKs like she’s 29.
Great post Janette!
If you want some really funny reading you should manage to get on her Christmas card list. A recap of her year is always funny.
(And I don’t just say this because she is my sister!)
Someone asked me if writing a book was like having a child. NO WAy. People are so much more important.
I have always felt incredibly blessed to be a mother and to be able to stay at home with my kids. Every pregnancy has been a joy to me and when each baby has come to me perfect and without problem I feel even more blessed. My husband and I have been blessed at making babies easy and with having pregnancies basically without complication. I know I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for this and I really try every day to show my gratitude to Him by being a good, loving, patient mom. It certainly isn’t always easy and some days are better than others but I wouldn’t change any of it for anything. Thank you for your post!
I enjoyed this post. Particularly the first paragraph, as it reminded me of me and my siblings every single Saturday growing up. Kids, man. Kids!
Sweet! Yes, those teens and children live at my house too. And when the RM came home and told all of us that he didn’t have to do the dishes because he had been doing them for 2 years??? I said, uh, welcome home…you will be in the dish washing line up! Nice try dude! You live here now and we all do the dishes. Sheesh!
I can’t wait to read some of her books! I’m always looking for good clean authors. I really love what she had to say about kids and chores. I think most Moms can relate to that feeling. 😉
This post spoke to my heart. It is exactly how I feel. Thank you!
I’m so sorry you have trouble with your children. Mine were perfect….(if you believe that then I have a bridge for sale). Be thankful your children give you material to use in your books. Great blog and your family sounds fun.
I’m a Janette Rallison fan. I love her books. I love hearing her speak. And now she’s made an appearance on my fav blog. There’s some joy, right now, today.
Jannette you are now one of my heroes! You are an author, a mother and you’ve had twins!! My cousin had twins and we helped her out a bunch and it is so much work. That sleep deprivation will do a number on you! I love this post, especially when you said, “It’s like turning down the jackpot.” Yes children are a lot of work but they are so worth it!
What a great reminder that parenting is our greatest gift we are given… because many days it does seem so far from it. 🙂 Your family sounds fantastically normal!
Lovely, lovely!!! Well-written, and, yes, written about my family, too! Thank you!
JWW
Reading about how the kids, “had never heard of the concept of work before,” and then the distractions that kept the kids from actually accomplishing – I swear I thought Janette had spied on my family and was writing about us. Excellent post – thank you for sharing.