President Uchtdorf gave one of those “instant classic” talks in the recent General Conference – “The Merciful Obtain Mercy”. It was brilliant, and timely. Whenever one of the brethren give one of these bellwether talks, everyone notices, and the talk immediately becomes part of our “walk and talk”. With the clever “Stop it!” catchphrase, it was obvious that this talk would stick in our minds and hearts.
And then…people start to misuse and misinterpret what was said. They begin to bring out Uchtdorf’s Hammer. Suddenly “Stop it” enters into discussions where it doesn’t belong, along with its twin – the ironic statement “Stop being so judgmental”. Once the hammer falls, only the crickets are left chirping.
It is my fear that we become so hypersensitive to an incorrect view of “judgment”, that we limit our opportunities for sharing, learning and growth, and shy away from our responsibilities.
Let me clarify: I think President Uchtdorf said it brilliantly. I also think that many misunderstand what he said. So, let’s review:
Here is the link to the talk, and here is the big quote:
Stop what? Stop IT! What is “it”? “It” is defined as:
Hating
Gossiping
Ignoring
Ridiculing
Holding grudges
Wanting to cause harm
See a trend there? All of these words are negative, and motivated by sin. But all judgment does not fall into this category. Some judgment is essential. Righteous judgment is encouraged. These words serve as filters to help us differentiate bad judgment vs. good judgment. Hmmm. How can I better explain the difference. I know, how about a story…
Let’s imagine that I am sitting up late at night, and my 15 year-old son comes staggering through the door. He smells like beer, his eyes are blurry, and he is slurring his words. The following conversation occurs:
Son, have you been drinking?
Uh. No.
It sure seems like it. You smell like it, and are acting like it.
Are you judging me?
Yes.
Why?
From what I see, I am judging that you have been drinking.
Yeah, but President Uchtdorf said you can’t judge me. He said “Stop it.”
I am also judging that you have been involved in what we consider sinful behavior.
Well…STOP IT!
Stop what?
Stop judging me! President Uchtdorf said.
So my son pulls out Uchtdorf’s Hammer to try and end the discussion. But there is a serious problem here. IT IS MY JOB to make judgments about my children. Let’s put this situation up against President Uchtdorf’s filters:
As I am making judgments about my son’s drinking…
Am I hating my son?
Am I gossiping about him?
Am I ignoring him?
Am I ridiculing him?
Am I holding a grudge against him
Am I wanting to cause him harm?
I can answer “no” to all of them. I am motivated by love and concern. Uchtdorf’s Hammer has no place in this conversation.
The other day, I selflessly tried to instill in my readers the understanding that Miracle Whip is an abomination. One of my readers disagreed. Vatermann, a young father, who is wise beyond his years, stood his ground and told me why he thought I was wrong. His argument, while severely flawed, was sincere, and well presented. The point is that he could have tried to drop Uchtdorf’s Hammer and accuse me of being judgmental, just to make the painful conversation go away. But he didn’t. We have since agreed to disagree.
Yet I have seen the opposite happen often. Rather than enter into a thoughtful discussion about an issue, some will drop the hammer, and expect the conversation to instantly stop, just because there is disagreement. It is OK to disagree! We don’t all have to think exactly the same on every single issue. Just because we disagree does not mean we are judging each other unrighteously. If it gets mean or contentious, then that is a different story, and it then becomes “hammer time”.
One of the most glaring examples is when someone inevitably comes out with “Stop being so judgmental”. The irony of that statement never ceases to amaze me. Isn’t it obvious that the second that accusation leaves my lips, I am doing the same thing I am condemning?
Judging is something we do every minute of every day. It is so important that the Lord has blessed us with the Light of Christ and the Holy Ghost to help us excel at judging. Judging is an essential part of our journey here on earth. We are supposed to become experts at judging.
I am grateful for friends and leaders who have blessed my life with their wise judgment – born out of love and concern for me. (Are you listening Vatermann?)
It is unrighteous judgment that can get in the way. One of the most common themes in this past conference was D&C 121. Multiple leaders quoted from that section in telling us how to correctly treat each other. But notice that influence, persuasion and reproving would not even be necessary unless some sort of judgment had first been made. In that light, all counsel we receive from our leaders is based on the premise that they have judged that it is something we need to hear.
So, as you read my blog, I am OK if you disagree. Disagreement does not always partner with contention. One of my favorite commenters is Paul, partially because of his insight, but because of his occasional willingness to disagree with me. Kindly. When I served as a bishop, I encouraged my counselors to use their divinely enhanced ability to judge, and to be willing to disagree. I enjoyed a healthy debate – right up until the decision was made.
I enjoy discussions on this blog, and have absolutely no problem with disagreement. IF it is done in the spirit of love, and trying to learn from each other. How can we learn and grow if we can’t have a serious discussion without someone dropping the hammer because they sense dark motives – where none are intended?
So, feel free to judge me and the things I say…UNLESS you judge me with the spirit of…
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Brilliant!
It’s my belief that the reason we’re commanded to “judge not” is because we’re simply not perfect enough or prepared enough to make perfectly righteous judgments. If we could make perfect judgments all the time, we wouldn’t need that commandment. However, our Savior takes the burden and responsibility of judging because He can do it perfectly.
In the words of Elder F. Enzio Busche, “Never judge anyone. When you accept this you will be freed. In the case of your own children or subordinates, where you have the responsibility to judge, help them to become their own judges.”
Balm of Gilead is what this is to me, I appreciate your inspired words. I was looking for Elder Uchtdorf’s “STOP IT” talk when I came across this and read it instead. These were the words that Heavenly Father wanted me to hear. I miss being around inspired members who GET IT! It not only gave me a lot to think about in regards to others but myself. Thanks for giving me some peace amidst the storm I’m going through…
This is a great post. Reminds me of something I read in the Ensign about 10 years ago or so. I think it was by Elder Oaks.
Thanks for uttering some desperately needed common sense. I happened upon your post after getting an odd comment from an LDS guy about a post on my addiction recovery website. He didn’t like my suggestion that sex and pornography addiction might play some role in the growing trend among LDS men to delay marriage. He finished off by telling me to quit being so judgmental and to “STOP IT!”
Although I should perhaps be thankful for receiving one of those “tender mercies” in the form of a pious Mormon telling me to quit thinking critically and speaking frankly, I prefer to take solace in those glorious words of the Thirteenth Article of Faith: “If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.” Thanks for seeking after virtue and cheerfully making some great points about a serious issue. You helped me think about my own judgmental nature.
Perfect example of the point I was trying to make. We know that in the last days people will call good evil, and evil good, but I never thought we would get to the point where we couldn’t talk about either.
Glad to have you in the fray!
“We know that in the last days people will call good evil, and evil good, but I never thought we would get to the point where we couldn’t talk about either.”
That is classic!
You mean like I just did?
Great blog. I hate when we all listen to a talk and automatically start thinking of people who could use the talk yet we don’t think about ourselves needing it. We start telling other people to “stop it” but we continue with the negative behavior. Personally his talk has helped me a lot. Everytime I’ve been doing gossiping or any judging I’ve told myself “stop it” and it has worked miracles. I do on the other hand get very frustrated with members who take such a beautiful simple talk and start adding their own interpretation or doctrine to it.
Where does the line between judging and protecting yourself lie? An example: a registered sex offender starts investigating the Church….what do you do? How does the imperative to forgive and refrain from unrighteous judgment play into our reaction to that situation?
Talk amongst yourselves….
You can’t just toss a grenade like that into the conversation without adding your opinion!
I’m not the original anonymous of this posting, but I can add a realistic situation to this discussion. I do have a friend who is a convicted sex offender and who is up for parole in the near future and who was a member but is no longer but probably will seek to become a member again (sorry for being ‘chicken’, but hopefully you’ll understand why I’m posting as anonymous).
I have written him and visited him while he’s in jail. The rest of his family save his dad has abandoned him completely (including a bishop brother). He recently wrote me and said the most important thing about what I’ve done is that I haven’t judged him.
What does that mean? I actually have judged him. I do believe him to be a sex offender.
I think what he means is I haven’t condemned him. I feel for him because of the tremendous burden he will have in society AND in the church when he gets out and tries to come back. I don’t know if he can make it stick or if he will fall again. I hope he does recover and makes changes so he can resist the temptations. I know there is a chance he will fall again.
One meaning of “judge” means to assign punishment or reward. Maybe we could frame this that we should not condemn. Maybe we should delay our “final” judgement because we fail to see everything behind behaviors.
At least, I’m hoping with some of the very stupid things I’ve done, people will delay judgement until I can get my life together better…
What a great comment. Thank you for chiming in. I agree with what you are saying, and the distinction you draw – it falls nicely in line with what Elder Oaks refers to as “Final Judgment”. You aren’t Elder Oaks, are you?
He talks about it here:
http://www.lds.org/ensign/1999/08/judge-not-and-judging?lang=eng
Another catch phrase we should be careful of is “Don’t judge me because I sin differently than you.”.
Lately I’ve seen people use it to condone crappy behavior. Talk about that sometime, pal. 🙂
Great post.
Nice job, MMM.
This post reminds me of one of my favorite talks:
http://speeches.byu.edu/reader/reader.php?id=2548
Well done.
This was fabulous. As my best friend told me, “President Uctdorf told me to tell you to Stop It.”
Also, El Whip de Milagro for the win.
Well Said. My mother could have written that letter (or not…no judgement here) I know how good it feels to “Stop It” and what heartache comes when a friend or family member will not “Stop It”
When President U said “Stop It”, he meant every one of us. We have all something we need to Stop. “Stopping” feels much better than continuing.
We don’t judge hearts or people, but we do need to assess and/or evaluate situations such as those dealing with the physical, spiritual, or emotional safety of our family members or ourselves.
I think when you get tired of the MMM with bacon logo you should do something that represents “hammer time”…
just sayin…
It has long been interesting to me, that in the world, really the only sin left that gets condemned is ‘being judgmental’ . . . and there IS plenty of judgmentalness around . . . but speaking up in regards to the Lord’s standards of behavior is the one thing that is GUARANTEED to bring out accusations of judging . . .
My point was this: “It is my fear that we become so hypersensitive to an incorrect view of “judgment”, that we limit our opportunities for sharing, learning and growth, and shy away from our responsibilities.” – Which would result from an oversimplification of what he was addressing.
“Stop it” was defined in a very specific and careful way. It was not an all encompassing plea, but directed at negative judgment that comes from an unkind place in the heart.
But that is just my opinion. Feel free to judge – I don’t mind a bit!
Wasn’t part of President Uchtdorf’s talk that the Lord will forgive who he will forgive but we are all commanded to forgive everyone? I am paraphrasing but it was along those lines. I don’t think that the term “judgement” is being used in the right context here. We all make judgements as part of life, someone used an example of a teen going to a party where people were drinking or something and making a judgement about weather or not to stay. Maybe they stay and make sure that no one drives they take away all of the keys. One would argue that they shouldn’t be there in the first place but maybe there is a reason why they are there and it is to prevent someone from getting killed or killing someone else. I think that what President Uchtdorf was talking about was related to ourselves. After all the only person that we can control is ourself, he was commanding us to stop what we are doing, stop judging others, stop fighting and mend relationships. This “judgement” conversation seems to be getting away from what he was really saying. We are commanded to forgive, that is a personal thing we can forgive someone even if they haven’t apologized or taken their share of responsibility for whatever lead to the rift. The point being it is a personal thing, “stop it” as in you can do this. You can’t control other people, you can’t always control situations but you can control yourself and how you deal with it. Mixing “judgement” and “righteous judgement” with this seems to be over complicating it. Obviously we make “judgements” about situations but we are not to make them about each other. That kid at the drinking party you might not know the whole story maybe they don’t really want to be there but they are prompted to stay because their example and actions might lead to another kid choosing to not drink either or like I said they take the keys. I think the point was about ourselves and that we need to stop judging others as until we have walked in their shoes we can’t possibly really understand their own reasons for whatever it is that they are doing that we are passing judgement on them about. And please correct me if I am wrong, I won’t say that your judging me…
It figures that the first MMM post that I’m too busy to read right away is the one that mentions me. Thanks for the shout-out, by the way. I’m going to have to drop Uchtdorf’s Hammer on one thing you said in this post, though. Calling my argument in favor of Miracle Whip on sandwiches “severely flawed” is a judgment that falls in the “ridiculing” category. Put that in your potato salad 🙂
I didn’t call YOU severely flawed, just your argument. Don’t choose to be offended. Besides, my motivation for the comment passed all of the filters, because it was motivated out of charity and concern for your well-being. Knucklehead.
That was after you referred me to the Church’s Addiction Recovery Program website for my “struggle with Miracle Whip.” I’m not offended, and I appreciate your concern for my well-being. My off-line comments about Miracle Whip merit repeating here on the blog: “It’s name alone promotes belief in a higher power. Maybe if you had more faith, you’d experience the miracle in your mouth that is Miracle Whip. I have not come here to replace your mayonnaise, I merely wish to add to it.”
Hysterical. Simply hysterical.
Now I kinda want to experience a “miracle in my mouth”. Does that make me weak, MMM?
Yes, Linda. Yes it does.
Well done!! Nicely put!
I have thought this same thing many times. Every time this discussion would come up in a Sunday School class I would cringe. I loved President Uchtdorf’s talk and I’m grateful for how you’ve expounded on it, taking all of Father’s commandments into play. Sometimes it can be hard to see the big picture, but all the pieces DO fit together and none of us has to sacrifice one commandment for another.
I had the very same concerns about that talk and how people would use it to excuse poor behavior. I also had the desire to follow his advice but had always been taught the scripture was “judge not unrighteously” not “judge not”. How could these two gospel principles be in conflict? Which one was correct. Your clarification answered my question. THANKYOU!
True Dat!
MMM, I thought you would appreciate my most recent blog post.
http://captainmicah.blogspot.com/2012/04/recipe-wonder-waffles.html
LDS Living has featured this post today: http://ldsliving.com/story/68406-uchtdorfs-hammer
My favorite part of this post is “One of the most glaring examples is when someone inevitably comes out with “Stop being so judgmental”. The irony of that statement never ceases to amaze me. Isn’t it obvious that the second that accusation leaves my lips, I am doing the same thing I am condemning?”
It’s true! And I’m as guilty of it as …as…I guess I’d better not name names.
Wow – up until now I had a healthy respect for LDS lIving.
Great post, MMM. (Though I still think you’re out to lunch on Miracle Whip…)
In the end, it’s really behaviors we ought to be judging, not people. And then only within our stewardship. Your son is clearly within your stewardship. My view of Miracle Whip probably less so.
So even when we judge behavior, it might be in terms of ourselves: “I will (or won’t) use Miracle Whip” rather than “That Paul’s an idiot because he likes Miracle Whip.”
In the end, sin is sin. But we are the sinners. One we should love; the other we should hate.
(I could argue, by the way, that just about any time someone judges another person, he’s engaging in at least one of those six items that Elder U (and you) told us to stop. Even if I’m yacking about how Brother So-and-so plays Angry Birds in sacrament meeting, I’m really just gossiping, aren’t I?)
True, and I hope you’re OK that I held you up as a paragon of exemplar behavior.
For the record, I never said “idiot”, but if the shoe fits…
You may always judge me favorably. (No double standard here, but let me move my coat a little so it covers my pride…)
LOVE it! You also have to pass judgement when making a decision. For example, if a young person is going into a party and they see people drinking, they have to pass a judgement of the situation and decide whether they will stay or not. Some people may say that they are passing judgement on the drinkers, but that may be because they feel guilt. Judging a situation is also different that judging a person, even if there are people involved. (Did that make sense?) Great post!
Stop (it) HAMMER TIME! Haha sorry I love that. Now everytime I think of this talk this is what will play through my mind. I completely agree that the unrighteous judgments is what he was talking about. Great post!
That is so funny Kayli. You have just created the soundtrack to this discussion for me…I never would have imagined that song going with something so spiritual but it really does fit doesn’t it? That is so funny…thanks!
Amen! If you read the Book of Mormon, you’ll find that poor Laman and Lemuel felt judged by Lehi and Nephi all the time — both of those men used some pretty strong words at times. Maybe some people would have told Lehi and Nephi to “Stop it”?
If you recall in the beginning of his talk he specifically referred to a Mother who had sent him a letter asking him to speak on this subject. Her family was fractured and she was praying that her children would reconcile. I agree with you that we all make judgements each day about a million things. And of course if your son comes home drunk it isn’t appropriate to try to use President Uchtdorf’s words to justify the bad behavior. I think he was quite straight forward in what he was saying and “stop it” is exactly what he meant. If you have ever been in a situation that is infected with what he was talking about then you’ll know exactly what he meant. If you’ve never been in one of those situations then you are one lucky person. In my experience I’ve heard the words “righteous judgement” thrown around like it is some special privilege given to one over another. The Lord loves all of us equally, President Uchtdorf’s words were as straight forward and as simple as they appear to be, knock it off! Whatever it is that you are doing that may be causing relationships to be strained must stop period. For anyone to ever try to use his words to justify silly things seems to be taking them way out of context. If you follow the Lord’s plan and do what he says then you will do just that and “stop it”. I can imagine that there will be people that see whatever it is that they do in life as being righteous even if it may not be, and they will see whatever other’s do as not following this direction. I can see people thinking that it is always the other party that needs to “stop it” but the truth is this is for EVERYONE and it is quite simple, the simplicity is beautiful in fact. I agree with you MMM that there are other arenas where we have to make “judgements” like with our drunk children as you described, but seriously? President Uchtdorf’s “hammer” is for our own behaviors, we don’t need to run around accusing other’s of judging us because if we follow his direction we will just knock it off and get over it. When other people continue to judge us that is their problem, it always was their problem…we each individually have to take his words to heart and make changes where they need to be made…President Uchtdorf’s hammer is something we all need in one way or another to use on ourselves. So go give yourself a good wallop with his figurative hammer and “STOP” doing all of the terrible things that he listed. Anyone who pretends that they aren’t guilty of what he was speaking of is probably delusional and not being completely honest with themselves…Sorry for the long comment…
” President Uchtdorf’s “hammer” is for our own behaviors, we don’t need to run around accusing other’s of judging us “
THIS. This combined with the list really hits the message home for me. Thank you.
Amen and amen. Thank you for putting it into perspective.
It’s a good list, isn’t it? Thanks for the reminder.
=)
THANK YOU for saying this! It is nice to be reminded that disagreement does not equal unrighteous judgement.
I’ve recently been accused of being “so judgmental” for my candid opinions, and I was beginning to second-guess myself– did I have a valid reason to “Stop It”? In looking at the list again, I can honestly answer that I have not done any of the things on Elder Uchtdorf’s talk.
Thanks again, MMM. 🙂
Oh, Mama Rachel, I meant to point out that you are the exception, and that you are way too judgmental. Sorry ’bout that! 😉
Thanks. :-p
I’m agreeing with you on this one. Even the part about the Miracle Whip…nasty stuff.
I agree with him on the hammer/judgement stuff, but not the Miracle Whip stuff. Can we still be friends? And let’s hope the elders serving in our ward don’t have strong feelings on mayo vs MW, because they’re getting potato salad made my way tomorrow. I guess I could use half and half. What do you think? Is it better to be a purist or try to please both sides?
Is it wrong to try and please both sides? Of course. No man can serve two masters.
I realized that as soon as I hit the post button. Poor missionaries get only Miracle Whip.
Ummmm… Nevermind.
I’ve met MC Hammer. President Uchtdorf’s hammer is still better.
Show off.
Your comment about the irony of accusing someone of being judgemental reminded me of something I realized a while ago. I know of very few people (perhaps only one) who can call someone a hypocrite without being hypocritical in the very act of doing so.
I so agree with you J Man…Irony is the word I was searching for but couldn’t pull out of my mind. I think that his point, President Uchtdorf’s, is that it takes a bit of effort on both sides we accuse someone of judging us and we are in fact judging them! So yeah “stop it” is so appropriate because at the end of the day you are both wrong…We all need to get over all the petty details and just be as “Christlike” as we possibly can…
Well said. 3 Nephi 14:2 presupposes that we exercise judgment every day; the key is to make sure that the standard by which we judge is truly the Lord’s standard — that of compassion, honesty, and charity.
Query: is it a righteous judgment to stay away from certain neighborhoods at night?
I guess that depends on what the reason for being in that neighborhood would be.
Good Job, once again!!