It’s really late Saturday night: Allergies are killing me. A day’s worth of chores and something in the air have my nose running like a faucet.
“Honey”, I yell, “Is it OK to take Benadryl and Zytec at the same time?”
“It’s probably not a good idea.” she replied. “You know how Benadryl messes you up.”
“Too late. I already did.”
“Then why did you ask?”
“Because I’m stupid.”
It’s true. Not the stupid part – the Benadryl part – OK, maybe the stupid part too. The label on the Benadryl bottle says that it lasts from 4-6 hours, but for some reason my body takes 10-12 hours to metabolize it – but it works. And it makes me wicked tired. Oh, well. I’ll sleep it off. Did I mention that I took two?
After a night of fitful sleep, I get up feeling fuzzy, and start getting ready for church. My face feels like Molly Ringwald’s sister in Sixteen candles. I take a shower. Still fuzzy. Breakfast. That will wake me up. But I’ve got to hurry because I’m running late, and I have to make sure the kids are ready too. In a strange twist of family tradition, my EC had left long ago for early meetings, and I’m in charge at home.
One cherry PopTart and a full can of Dr. Pepper TEN later, I think I’m safe to drive. We arrive at church and the traditional pre-meeting handshake ritual perks me up. I’m going to be fine, and my nose is not running. Yet.
I sit on down on the bench (we are soft-seat saints) and I immediately notice the perfume from the sister in front of us. As soon as the Counselor stands up to begin Sacrament Meeting, my nose begins unleashing a torrent. Through brilliant planning on my part, I have a pocketful of Kleenex, and am able to contain the flow without resorting to embedding the tissues in my nostrils and wearing them.
So far, so good. The trickle subsides, I get through the opening song, the ward business, and the Sacrament. Alert and inspired. If I recall correctly, there were speakers after that..
As the first youth speaker begins, my eyelids gain ten pounds. Each. I begin trying every trick I know to stay awake.
• I sit up really straight and put my arm around my EC, hoping that improved posture will help.
• I pull the hair on the back of my calf.
• I pay attention to every word, focusing intently.
The next speaker is a wonderful young man who keeps me awake for most of his talk because I am so impressed that he is giving such a good talk. Even so, I did do the “head bob and jolt” a couple of times during his talk.
The next talk is a struggle. I resort to some of my better tricks.
• I fidget with my wedding ring.
• I pinch that really sensitive part between my thumb and forefinger and find that horrible nerve. It works for a minute.
• I fight off the urge to update my FB status.
• I reach for my notebook to take notes – not realizing that I have forgotten it.
I am succeeding. One more talk to go – but first it’s time for some music. Hopefully we can all stand and sing “Praise to the Man” or some great church anthem. But no, it’s a piano solo. A beautiful, melodic, gentle, peaceful piano solo.
I am out cold. Still sitting up. I wake up once and look to the stand. The second counselor is looking right in my eyes. And he smiles. I smile back and subtly shake my head. He smiles even bigger.
You see, I was Bishop for over five years, and I NEVER fell asleep on the stand. Ever. There were a few times when it was close, but I knew that if I did, I would never hear the end of it. There were even some ward members who felt compelled to point out to me when I had had a close call. “Looks like you were really struggling up there today bishop. Haha.” Hilarious.
So I have an entire arsenal of tricks at my disposal. Techniques developed during five years of hundreds of pairs of eyes taking note of my alertness. But today, all my weapons are failing me. The concluding speaker begins talking. He has such a gentle voice…
It’s all over. Next thing I know, it’s time to sing. I feel like I’m falling and I jolt awake. The counselor is still grinning at me. My EC is too. She is finding this to be amusing. Oh well. The meeting ends, and I gather my things to go teach my Sunday School class.
I wonder how the lesson went…
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A couple of times I have pulled all-nighters due to writing deadlines (I don’t write on Sundays, because somehow it is more righteous to stay up all Saturday night and then try to function on Sunday) Anyway, I’ve had a couple of times where I had to fight with my eyelids and probably looked zombie like as I stared at the Sacrament speakers.
Elder Oaks came to visit us at the end of last year. I sat up on the stands because I was part of our small stake choir. During Saturday’s session I was terribly cold throughout and getting chills. I felt HORRIBLE. By the time I got home I realized I had a fever. The whole night I didn’t sleep at all because of my fever (that was causing hallucinations) and I felt awful. I refused to miss Sunday’s conference, because, HELLO! It was Elder OAKS! So I went, and sat at the pulpit again (for choir) and I couldn’t keep my eyes open. And I was pretty much behind the stand. And there was a camera that broadcast the stand to the back of the cultural hall. I tried a lot of the things you mentioned, and luckily, I made it…just barely, through it all. When I got home I made Ben take me to urgent care because I felt so awful. Turns out I had tonsillitis. Awesome. You should see the “notes” I took. Scribbles and nonsense sentences with my handwriting pretty crooked off the lines.
And…I always come home with little bruises underneath my arms and on my hands after a trip to the Temple. It’s common for me to struggle to stay awake and I always resort to pinching. lol Pathetic, but true. I never had that problem when I was an ordinance worker, but now as a patron its just bad.
Yeah the allergies are almost better then the Benedryl. The last time I took Benedryl I was super hyperactive couldn’t keep my hands from shaking awake for six hours, then I was knock out dead asleep for the next six. To top it off I had to slam on my brakes when I saw someone jump in front of my car… only no one in the car seemed to see the guy but me. I don’t take it anymore myself, but I keep it around for my peanut allergic son.
It looks like I may have coined a new phrase: “bob and jolt”. Any good trademark attorney’s out there?
There is a special elixir my dad tells parents about called “The Benadryl Snowcone” given only when you really want sleep and rest from children. You give it to the child, they fall asleep, and then YOU get to sleep too!
There is a man in our ward who has some kind of condition – I don’t remember what it is called – where he falls asleep all the time. He snores too. His wife is constantly jabbing him in the ribs to wake him up.
I slept on the stand more than once as bishop. My kids found it hilarious. I was always embarrassed, mostly because I really LIKE sacrament meeting. But to be honest, with my long hours at work, seven kids at home (toddlers and teenagers — a deadly combination) and all the bishoping, sometimes it was the only place I could sleep…
I did a little bob and jolt myself on Sunday. I have plenty of small children to keep me awake in Sacrament, so it hit me halfway through Gospel Doctrine. I blame the flu I’m just getting over. You should go with Claritan or some other daytime antihistamine. By the way, the active ingredient in Benadryl is also used in sleep aids. It’s the exact same ingredient labelled as an antihistamine in some products and sleep aid in others.
My Hubby was a counseler in the Bishopric, and he never fell asleep. But he looked really grumpy. Wich is the complete opposite of his personality. So of course I razzed him about looking onoiry.
I fell asleep waiting for my daughter’s baptism interview. Course the Bishop was an hour and a half behind so really it’s his fault.
Those kind of drugs stay with me for at least a day. If I take something at night it’s gotta be before midnight and only a half or I am a zombie… well more of a zombie the whole day after.
At least you can take Benadryl. It gives me hives and a wicked asthma/panic attack. I think the head bob sounds lovely…
The first time I ever took Benedryl was at youth conference. I had been bit by either 1 spider 3 different times or 3 different individual spiders. Apparently I am allergic to all spider bites because each one swelled up to look like massive growths. My leaders wanted to send me home because this was freaking them out but I wanted to stay. So we compromised that I would take some Benedryl. And I totally lost it during the spiritual messages shortly after. I did the bob and jolt probably 100 times before the girl next too me offered her shoulder. I’m convinced Benedryl only works by putting you to sleep so you aren’t aware of the allergies.
Oh, how well I know the feeling! (Thanks for a few more weapons in my own arsenal. I tend to rely heavily on knitting/crocheting/note taking. What I really love is when I am sure I am listening intently – and then I wake up!