G-BGRGZ2TY47

Valentine Thoughts

Years ago, my mother was busily being kind, and had prepared valentines cards and treats to send to all of the full-time missionaries serving from our ward. She was in  hurry, and felt the need to abbreviate.  She was later aghast to realize that she had sent all the missionaries the same greeting:

“Happy V.D.”

As coincidence (or poverty) would have it, I always seemed to be “unencumbered” on Valentine’s Day as a young man. Sometimes by my doing, sometimes I was the victim. Either way, I had precious little appreciation for the February 14th, and the day was a day of “blah”.
However, the week after Valentine’s in 1986, I went on my first date with my eventual EC, and from there on, 2/14 gained new meaning. This is not without some obstacles. When my EC was pregnant with one of the FOMLs, we went to the doctor for an ultrasound. He made the measurements and pinpointed the due date as February 14. Luckily, nobody ever has their baby on their exact due date.  Well, almost nobody. Our bouncing baby boy showed up precisely on Valentine’s Day, forever relegating Valentine’s Day to second-class status. (Maybe not forever, but for a few more years at least.)

But that’s OK, because living with me is like Valentine’s Day 365 days a year. Right Honey?  Honey…? Have you forgiven me for yesterday’s post?

Last weekend we were invited to two weddings to be held at the exact same time. One was for a coworker (her third), and the other for a lovely niece. We went to the niece’s wedding. It was held at a gorgeous location – everything was beautiful, every detail perfect. She looked like a princess. The dinner was great, the decor and music well-chosen – it looked like a fairy tale, and she was beaming.

The ceremony was performed by an LDS bishop, and he did a great job of teaching the covenants of marriage without seeming too pushy – since neither groom nor bride are members of the Church. For those who don’t know, when bishops perform weddings, there is a certain passage that needs to be read verbatim as instructed by the handbook. The wording is similar to parts of the temple sealing, and teaches much. But it ends with the words…

“As long as you both shall live.” (The LDS equivalent of ’til death do us part.)

Boom. What a heavy phrase to finalize a joyful occasion. The words hung in the air for me as I squeezed my EC’s hand a little tighter.

Finite. Temporary. Death.

No flowers are beautiful enough, no dress sparkles enough, no pomp empowers enough to push through the heaviness I felt for what was missing from this ceremony. Eternity. I’m sure there was only a handful of us there that felt it. This lovely young couple is starting their lives together full of happiness and excitement, with a hope of something magical that will last forever. I think most couples have that innate sense that it issupposed to last forever, because it is the only viewpoint that makes any sense. But those limits are still in place – relegating this union their time on earth. Finite.

I don’t know what it feels like to have a finite marriage. A marriage with an unknown expiration date.  It is not something I have lived with, nor can I understand how it would alter me and my perspective. I find great stability and happiness knowing that I am in this relationship for the long haul. Infinite. That whatever challenges we face are but for a small season, and that eternity awaits. This is one of the grand blessings of a marriage solemnized in an LDS temple.

Eternity sounds great…if my EC is with me. If not, it doesn’t sound so “heavenly”. I can’t even imagine it. I want to be with her ALL OF THE TIME. I don’t need a ‘night out with the guys’, or to ‘have some time alone’, and neither does she. If we tire of each other’s company here on earth, that doesn’t bode well for the billions of years to come.

Last year I wrote a post about “The Most Romantic Thing Ever Written” (here), and I still contend that there is no book, no movie, no song has ever been written – or ever will be – that is more romantic than the concept and promise of Eternal Marriage. It is what every pair of lovers dream about – it is the possibility that churns in their souls – even if they don’t understand how or why. It feels right.

God does not send us to this earth to create bonds of such depth and importance, merely to cast them aside, or let the clock run out on them. Yet it happens to most.

The constant in my life is my sweet companion. She loves me – go figure! I love her – who wouldn’t? Our marriage has a natural ease about it that contradicts those who preach that “marriage is hard work”. I don’t feel it. How can I describe this relationship as hard work? It is my favorite part of life – it’s not a chore. There are many who do not feel the same, but for us, that is our reality. I can’t call it work. I equate it to the concept that is described in D&C 121:46 “and without compulsory means it will flow unto thee forever and ever.”

When I look into the eyes of my sweet wife, I am reassured that she loves me, yet I sense something even greater at work- and there’s only one. Her love for me reminds me that God loves me, too. He must – or we wouldn’t be ‘us’ – and we couldn’t be ‘us’ forever.


Discover more from Thus We See...

Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.

About the author

Comments

  1. I can tell you…because I’ve lived it. I was 5 months pregnant when I married my husband. Maybe I was young and excited, but I don’t think the reality of the fact that my marriage was just for time really hit me just then. I was really just happy. A few months later I gave birth to our beautiful daughter. Everything was great until 5 days later when I suddenly couldn’t breath. I was rushed to the hospital and a blood clot was suspected. The doctors and nurses were rushing about, and I looked over at my sweet husband and brand new daughter. I thought, “They are not mine. I’m not sealed to them. I’m only borrowing them right now, and if I die, that’s all the time I get.” Thankfully it wasn’t a blood clot, but a postpartum infection, which I recovered from quickly.

    My husband and I , along with our daughter were sealed in the temple the following Valentines Day.

    A few years later I had a placental abruption. I nearly died and our baby boy was still born. As sad as I was, and as much as it hurt I was comforted by the feeling that he is mine!

    We visited Temple Square on Monday night, with our six living children. It was our little celebration of the anniversary that our family was sealed together. As we got ready to leave, one of the Sister Missionaries stopped us and asked if we would like her to take a picture of our family together. After the picture was taken, she asked me how the Temple has blessed our lives. I could barely hold back the tears as I looked at the people I love so much, my children and my husband. They are mine! I don’t have to give them up. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever. Nothing could possibly be greater than that.

  2. I had to google VD. Maybe the missionaries were naive {not dumb} like me and didn’t know it either?

    One can always hope.

    My husband and I love doing sealings in the temple because it’s a sweet reminder of our own marriage and sealing.

  3. I am serving as Bishop, but also as an elected Justice of the Peace. Over the last 15 years, I have literally performed 1,000 civil weddings, and not one of them has matched my temple sealing. Occasionally I’ll read members lamenting the pomp and circumstance associated with a traditional wedding, but I think they’ve missed the point of eternal marriage entirely. I’m a convert. I had no one with me at my sealing except my wife’s family. Yet, I would not have considered getting married any other place and any other way.

  4. I.LOVE.THIS.POST. Those are my thoughts exactly about my marriage. Nothing could possibly compare.

    JWW

  5. Rats. I feel like marriage is work because my husband is wonderful and I’m a shrieking harpy. Maybe I mean to say that I need work, not so much the marriage?

  6. What an absolutely wonderful post! That is the kind of marriage I would want to have. May you both have a totally super awesome Valentine’s Day! Every Day!

  7. Lovely.

    My lovely wife’s card to me this year reads, “You’re mine. I’m yours. Always will be.”

    What comfort to know how true that is. 🙂

Add your 2¢. (Be nice.)

Discover more from Thus We See...

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading