This morning I gently woke my EC this morning. She stretched, yawned and uttered the following phrase:
“Santorum is on the bottom of pots and pans.”
I thought “Wow! Pretty early in the morning for philosophical political commentary.” I left the room to roust the rest of the family for scriptures. (This is at 5:55am – they needed plenty of rousting- especially my roust-proof FOML3)
Later in the morning I asked my wife what she meant. Apparently it wasn’t political at all. During her sleep, her subconscious had convinced her that “Santorum” was the non-stick coating on the bottom of pans – like “Teflon”.
Her Santorum comment was good, but she has done better. In her defense, it is a rare thing when she talks in her sleep, but occasionally she amazes me. My favorite:
One night she repeatedly shook my shoulder – I fought to claw my way out of a deep sleep. It was 3:15am.
“Honey, honey, wake up!”
Now alert and worried, I asked “What is it?”
“All chopsticks are tapered.” She stated flatly.
She rolled over and went back to sleep, leaving me wide awake thinking about chopsticks.
The next night -same exact thing: 3:15am
“Honey, honey, wake up!”
Again alert and worried, I asked “What is it?”
“Nevermind.” She stated flatly.
She rolled over and went back to sleep, leaving me wide awake thinking about…chopsticks.
—
My eldest FOML has a sleep walking/talking problem. I have decided that for her dowry, I will present her new husband with a lifetime supply of earplugs.
FOML4 is a wild and crazy sleeper. He talks, he yells, he thrashes around. I think that for his eventual wedding I will present a pair of his-and-hers lacrosse helmets for the happy, sleepless couple.
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The only time my husband has ever really raised his voice to me was when he was asleep… I had gotten up to feed the baby and came back and pulled the covers off of him. I told him I was sorry for uncovering him. He asked me what I uncovered. I told him I just uncovered him. Then he got mad and yelled at me “what did you uncover…Dang it, It’s important.” I just started laughing. Another night he sat up looked at me and counted to 20. Laid back down and went right back to sleep. I love being married 🙂
These are hilarious! One night my husband woke me up to say,”You know what’s wrong with the Olympics?” No, dear. “They’re inconsistent.” Now when someone is inconsistent, we say they’re just “Olympic.”
My hubby, who used to compete in karate competitions YEARS ago, still does karate in his sleep. Apparently, he has action movies as dreams.
He’s only whacked me once, but he gave himself bloody knuckles once punching out the headboard (he said he was gaving a “misunderstanding” with the ward mission leader….one of the nicest guys on the planet).
But, my favorite so far….he was sound asleep (as was I) and he leaped out of bed and landed on the floor…and the nightstand. Which, of course, woke him up. He said he was dreaming that he was jumping onto the end of a moving subway train in his dream. I still get a good laugh out of it, but the poor man hurt for about a week.
Family legend now – during Christmas vacation when we were all together at mom’s as just-marrieds, brother reported that my sister-in-law sat up in bed, said “I’m happy-dappy, roasty-toasty and lovey-dovey,” rolled back and went back to sleep,
My wife talks in her sleep to and she wants to communicate, so I just play along. We have full on conversations about the strangest thing.
Hang on. Chopsticks taper??
Mind blowing.
I too come from a sleep walking/talking/doing stuff kind of a family. I jumped off the end of our bed one night and woke myself upon landing. I realized I had been trying to leap over the alligators I had dreamt up. I’m lucky I didn’t hit my head on the ceiling fan. Once my brother scurried out of bed in the wee hours of the morning and ran to the closet where he was rustling around. When his wife questioned why he had dumped out the dirty clothes hamper and was sitting on the floor folding the soiled laundry, he responded, “I’m practising for the Olympics.”
Before marriage, I would have laughed at this post, thinking what crazy people sleep under your roof! Post marriage (aka now), I nod my head in complete understanding. I married a sleep walker who is famous for punching holes in walls and picking up mission companions and carrying them around. Happy marriage to me!
Thanks to MMM and Real. I just enjoyed a good laugh!
Oh man do I love sleep talking stories! I laughed aloud at the office just now as I was reading this and not doing the job which I actually get paid to do…
I laugh in my sleep. My husband says sometimes it’s a come hither laugh, which makes in nervous and jealous just in case my laugh is not for HIM to come hither in my dreams.
Other times my laugh is maniacal. That’s my favorite kind.
My hubby told me I was hum-singing opera a couple of months back.
I almost always fall asleep before him so I’ve only heard him mumble incoherently a couple of times.
Bummer.
My hubs talks in his sleep often. He speaks in English, Spanish AND in french. Not all at once, of course. Its always fun. I try to keep him talking just for laughs, but rarely succeed. I usually write down what he said so I can tell him about it in the morning and most of the time he remembers what he had been dreaming that made him say it.
When I was a kid my mom would lay in bed with me and tell me stories so I would fall asleep. She always fell asleep before me and as she was drifting off she would change the stories. One that sticks out in my memory so well is the little red riding hood went to the kitchen and turned on the radio and started dancing. HAHAHA I still tease her about that!
Funny stuff. I “allegedly” talk in my sleep apparently.
When I was taking care of my Grandma in her final days, I would lay on the couch and listen to her laugh all night long in her sleep. Once in awhile she would be talking to Grandpa (already passed) but mostly just giggling.
I want to be her.
Yes! I love blog shout-outs.
SO FUNNY! I’m cracking up about chopsticks, that’s awesome.
Wow – struck a gold mine here with these comments.
Real: You are and incredibly patient woman.
Vatermann: Glad you hear that you’re rolling in the zig zag. Unless of course he was referring to rolling joints with ZigZag rolling papers…
I know I shouldn’t. But here’s another one.
Hubba: Where is it?
Me: Where is what?
Hubba: The coat.
Me: (realizing he’s talking in his sleep) There is no coat.
Hubba: Of course there’s a coat. We’ve been sharing it with the Australopithecus and I need to find it or else then what is he going to do?
Here’s some more. In case you were interested/amused.
http://beautopotamus.blogspot.com/2008/01/sleep-talking-memories.html
I have the opposite problem. I talk my companions to sleep.
My husband talks in his sleep, too! Here’s one I just grabbed off of my blog.
I’m lying in bed peacefully, blissfully asleep. Suddenly I hear…
Hubba: Let me just check and see who is lying here beside me.
Me: [maybe if I ignore him he’ll just fall back asleep. This theory never works, by the way.]
Hubba: [vigorously and repeatedly poking me in the spine] Who are you?
Me: [quietly ignoring him]
Hubba: [more annoying pokes] Who are you?
Me: I’m you’re wife.
Hubba: [cuddles up next to me] What are you doing awake?
Me: I’m not.
Hubba: Well, you sound like you are.
Me: That’s because you were poking me and asking me who I am.
Hubba: [rolls away from me] Well, sooor-RY!
I don’t talk in my sleep, but apparently I laugh sometimes. I must have funny dreams. We had a tradition of sleeping in the same room Christmas Eve growing up. I could never sleep so I was witness to some good sleepy talk. My brother once said, “we’re rolling in the zig zag. Should we zig zag it?” My favorite is what my little sister said: “if there’s food left over, leave it, then eat it. Heh heh heh. That’s my philosophy.”