LDS Social DNA

I’m a sixth-generation member of the Church, yeah, the MMM line goes way back – there were a bunch of MMM ancestors taking care of business and making snide comments in places like Nauvoo and Palmyra. This, of course, makes me super-righteous, and the final word on any question in High Priest Group.

I know that heritage is a part of who I am, but I can’t help but be curious about the “nature vs. nurture” facets of my development. How much of who I am is a direct result of my heritage? I have often wondered what parts of the religion and/or culture eventually become incorporated into our actual DNA structure.

One area where the genetic impact seems obvious is in social settings. Specifically, what goes on after a ward function. Yes, I am looking to explore the genetic impact on one’s willingness and/or ability to help clean up.

I have observed at least 5 distinct types of genetic pre-disposition in the clean up gene. (I used the actual Latin terms because It looks impressive. And I have Google)

1) Laboris Firmus (Dependable Workers): These are they who immediately jump in and start cleaning up – assigned or not. Folding chairs, folding tables, sweeping the floors.  It is as if a special switch gets flipped – once they get started, they don’t stop until the last bag has been hauled to the dumpster. I sing their praises.

2) Sermo Constantia (Constant Conversation): These saints are the ones who are so engrossed in conversation that the entire cleanup process can happen around them, (as well as Armageddon and the Second Coming) and they would be completely oblivious.  I have seem some people that are so developed in this area that they can actually step over a moving sweeper broom without pausing or losing eye contact with their fellow talker.  A more modern variation has occurred with the advent of cellphone technology.

3) Recreatio Non-longanimitas (Impatient Players):  These are they who have already broken out the basketballs while the tables are still up. Instead of taking ten minutes to fold them up and put them away, they dribble in and out and make it a danger zone for small children and those who are carrying glass vases filled with colored marbles. Often you will see them sitting together near the clean-up effort. Far enough away to not be invited to help, but close enough to be show their annoyance. 

4) Laboris Vanseco (Disappearing Workers): Now you see, them, now you don’t.  Many of them are on their way out the door before “Amen” is even uttered. Some strategically leave before the closing prayer.  These are easily identifiable. We refer to them as “slackers”.  But there is also a sub-group that is somewhat helpful. Through generations they have developed an “internal work quota alarm” which alerts them as to when they have helped just enough.  They are there, engaged and busy, then the alarm goes off – and they vanish. These are the folks who go to the dumpster and are never seen again. Most members of most wards fall into this group.

5) Perpetuum Mobile (Perpetual Motion): Some people look busy – they are constantly walking in, around and through the clean-up effort, but never really seem to be doing anything. Nothing in their hands, no brooms, no chairs. A friend reminded me of a quote by Benjamin Franklin which describes this perfectly: “Never confuse motion with action”.

Genetic? Perhaps. Learned? Probably. Which are you?

Last month at the close of a Pack Meeting, as the blue herd thundered toward the refreshment table, I looked down to find my own cub scout folding his chair. I asked him:

MMM:   Hey kiddo, what are you doing?

FOML5:   I’m putting away chairs.

MMM:   Why?

FOML5: ‘Cuz that’s what we do!

Maybe we do have a family motto after all.