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Inautoquacy

by Brad McBride | Posted on

I’m not a “Car Guy”. I’m not a “Truck Guy” either. For some reason, I did not receive the correct nucleotide in my genome sequencing that makes most men have emotional connections to their vehicles. I have more of a utilitarian mindset: To me, a car gets me from point A to point B. Sometimes I need to take people with me from A to B, or a truckload of stuff back from point B to point A. Being wired this way, I spend very little time, money, thought or effort maintaining, purchasing, cleaning or caressing my vehicles. Home and office? Clean. Truck? Not so much.

My father-in-law was a “Car Guy”. And a “Truck Guy”. Big time. Though it is still beyond my comprehension, my EC married me despite this obvious shortcoming – with his blessing. Apparently the automotive gene skips generations. I can tell that the FOMLs have it. My sons ask me questions like “if you could have any car in the world, what would you want?”  I am unable to respond with any degree of cool.  So far my reality is that I would prefer a small truck for me, and an SUV for my EC, and a car that will make it to the high school and back for a few more years. Those are my “Reality Cars”. My “Dream Car”? One that gets 100 mpg and is paid off?

This Father’s Day was a reminder that the “Auto Gene” is alive and well in the FOMLs. This is what they gave me:

I was proud of them for putting some thought into figuring out what I might need. Right off one FOML pointed out to me that it has special attachments that can clean down in the cracks in my truck. Oh, goodie! He is right, or course. My truck does need a good cleaning, but I always figure it best to wait until summer is over, and all the camping trips are behind us.
The need to clean my truck was reinforced today as I was walking to my truck after eating lunch with a friend. He looked into the bed and asked:
“What’s with the axe?”
“Oh, yeah. I was going to throw that away, but decided to get a new handle for it instead.”
“When was that?”
“January.” (Note the snow chains)
“That makes sense. I’m glad you didn’t say you are having Road Rage issues.”
I’ve gotta admit, it does look like a serial killer’s truck bed. Maybe I’ll just leave it like this – it does look “rugged”.
Nah. I’ll probably just make one of my boys use my new vacuum and clean it out.

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Comments

  1. I’m with you. I know nothing of cars. I am just glad my Hyundai will get me around after 8 years.

    I do not keep an axe in my trunk though. Just a crossbow and a few arrows.

    Reply

  2. I like the serial killer look. Especially if you have daughters going out on dates, this would be the perfect backdrop to interviewing their dates.

    A couple of my friends and I were talking about the nastiness that is the inside of our cars. One found 3 different bananas in 3 different stages of rot

    And cup holders are never big enough, just sayin 😉

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  3. Very funny. But really – January of what year? And how many campouts will you really go on this summer? I’d say send the boys out now. LOL.

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  4. I’m not a vehicle guy either. I’m grateful for them, but it ends there. That does look like a the pickup bed of a rugged dude. You should also throw in a can of WD-40 and some antlers.

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