Alright. If you just can’t bring yourself to read it, I will paste one paragraph to help you get the basic idea.
“A self-serving diet of entertainment fails because it aims in the wrong direction. Instead of setting out to accomplish the work of the ministry which the Lord has assigned to the Aaronic Priesthood quorums, this approach largely ignores service and personal sacrifice and seeks to compete in a worldly way for the attention of our youth. When this happens, the youth may begin to think that the Church exists to indulge their whims and wishes and that they should evaluate the Church by the yardstick of self-indulgence. And if they think this way, they may find the world’s enticements more daring and exciting than any we can properly provide. Then, because we have imitated the world, we lose them to the world.” Victor L. Brown
Yes, it is more difficult to provide a youth program that actually elevates and challenges the youth to grow. It takes much more preparation, prayer, and vision. If you try and compete with the world, you will lose, because the world doesn’t play fair.
HOWEVER, if you are one of those leaders who feel that Mutual is little more than glorified playtime, or you are just too darn busy, I have created a list of a dozen activities that will ensure that your youth are not gaining anything of real substance at Mutual.
Young Men
• Basketball (Volleyball, Dodgeball, Ultimate Frisbee, Softball, etc.)
• Team Sports Night: Basketball
• Individual Sports NIght: One-on-One Basketball Tournament
• Eraser Football
• Career Night: Preparing for Your Inevitable Career in Professional Sports: Managing Your Endorsements and Entourage
• Halo Party
• Fantasy Football League Draft Night
• Man vs. Food Pizza NIght
• Famous Quotes from the Holy Grail and Napoleon Dynamite
• Sick Skateboard Tricks
• Create Your Personal “I’m a Mormon” video with auto-tune and beatbox effects
• Planning Meeting*
Young Women
• Safe Tanning Night
• Life Choices: Justin Bieber or Taylor Lautner? (Choice and Accountability)
• Hair & Makeup Night: Helping You Look Less Like You (Individual Worth)
• Current Affairs: Quotes from Lady Gaga & Snooki (Knowledge)
• Design Your Own DWTS Outfit
• Pajama Party/Movie Night
• Pedicures!
• Photography: Pursed Lips and Gang Sign Techniques
• Dance Class (Leave your modesty at home)
• Clean Out Your FB Friends Night
• How to Convince Your Parents That He Is Not Your “Boyfriend”
• Planning Meeting*
* Planning meeting? What? Honestly, we all know that a “Planning Meeting” is code for “We didn’t have anything planned, and want to dump our job on you kids”. What a waste of an evening. That’s why each group has leaders and a presidency – so that the program can be planned off-line, and not waste a precious Mutual night sitting around while the kids come up with activities that belong on these lists.
For those parents and leaders who really “get” what Bishop Brown was talking about, take a look at the lists above. If you see any of your youth activities on these lists, know that your youth are probably being cheated. Plain and simple, and maybe hard to swallow. There is a leap of faith required when you decided to provide a program of meaningful activities. But I promise you that the kids will still attend. They will sense the value, and be drawn towards it.
One last thought: Just because “we’ve always done it that way” doesn’t meant that it is the right way.
NOTE: Please read the comments. “Chris” wrote out a dialogue that should be read – and explains how sometimes seemingly ridiculous activities can, and do, make sense.
Next:
Youth Leadership: Our Quorum President Couldn’t Lead the Way Out of a Cardboard Box.
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Seriously????? I thought I was the only one in the entire church that felt this way. Mind you, I’ve only been in the YW Presidency for a few months…with a kinda “Lame Duck” President—who means well….but would rather not put the work into it to make it AMAZING! For instance…we just had New Beginnings, where she hit print on the Jenny Phillips script and called it done. I will give her this–the Spirit was present. But I can testify that it meant NOTHING SPECIAL to the young women participating. We can’t just be mediocre, we have to be Magical–not smoke and mirrors and not “fluff”…but truly wonderful, inspirational stuff! Honestly…they need to feel the Spirit and the activities that invite him in—are generally pretty inexpensive!
Then that’s different, isn’t it. If there is a purpose, fun or dessert afterwards is great. I have nothing against fun stuff, but we are not in the BUSINESS of providing fun. Especially now with the age changes.
I know in my ward they should change the name Mutual to “Playtime”
I know I’m really late to the discussion, but I felt I should stick up for the dodgeball thing. My brother’s YM group has dodgeball most wednesdays, BUT it’s after their normal activity. So it serves two purposes. They get a real activity, but they know that afterwards, they can be rowdy. I’m pretty sure some people do come just for the dodgeball, but that got them to the real activity when otherwise they would have blown it off.
Pam: Thanks for the comment, and for reading every post. I don’t even think I’ve read every post. Your comment perfectly shows the dilemma in planning activities. I, too, had a friend get baptized at 16 through playing B-ball with us. I have also seen the result of what an activity diet of “fluff” can do to the youth.
For example: In some stakes, Mutual is scrapped for weeks or months at a time for whatever sports is in season. That is a blast – unless you don’t, or can’t play that sport. Then mutual night becomes “go hang out with friends” night.
I am a “have my cake and eat it too” kind of guy. Play basketball. Play until your fingers blister – but don’t eliminate other activities with substance. Last I checked, basketball can be organized and played other days of the week – or before and after mutual.
Many leaders are inspired – and that’s what it takes to reach the one, without losing the 99.
My husband grew up in a part-member inactive family and his main tie to the church during the teen years was basketball on Wed nights. Thankfully the kindness and love of his leaders at these “shameful” activities led him to apply at BYU and a year later serve a mission. He is grateful for the basketball (and I am too). I know some leaders are lazy and unorganized, but many are inspired. I also know that some parents are way too critical and judgmental. The Savior often left the 99 to go after the one.
Thanks for your blog…I’ve read every post and appreciate your insights and your humor!
Thanks so much for going over this topic. I am in young women right now, and I sometimes don’t agree with some of the activities we do (and especially not the guys), but I don’t usually like to say anything. But it’s hard not to when the leaders don’t show up until 7:30 (mutual starts at 7) because they didn’t really plan anything and/or thought someone else had it planned!
Thanks again!
Just for fun, I’ll stick up for “Halo Party.” I’m in a ward with VERY few active youth (2 young men) and only a few more than that on the rolls. A YM Pres who’s a believer in Halo Parties managed to get as many as 12 boys to mutual on any given night.
Now, at some point he’s going to need to learn to bridge the gap from activities that exist merely to draw and activities that enrich and uplift and *gasp!* have a priesthood purpose. In the meantime, I’ll give him a little latitude. 🙂
As a parent of two girls, I don’t see myself ever sticking up for “How to Convince Your Parents That He Is Not Your Boyfriend.”
Great stuff.
I enjoyed Chris’ comment. When I was a kid (when we rode dinosaurs to church) I learned a ton in my presidency meetings, especially from my Teachers Quorum adviser. He made us run the meetings, plan the activities and report them. A lot of what I learned about how the church works was in Aaronic PH.
Obviously we need planning meetings….at a “planning meeting” between the counselor and the presidency of what ever age group you are with. Doing it at mutual night with people who may not be involved in or have stewardship for such responsibilities is inappropriate at best….gossipy(is that a word) at most. Maybe I am being nit-picky but my daughter has been on the end of a mutual activity where the entire group talked about how to re-activate her when she had miss 2 weekday activities in row. (once we were out of town, once we had a previous engagement) her feelings were hurt. No one wants to feel like someone’s project.
Planning with a purpose is important and if your purpose is always “building quorum unity” by playing sports, I say be careful.
I agree there is a fine line between doing something fun enough to get kids out and doing something with a spiritual purpose that the kids will have fun doing. I think it’s important to not give up or cave to pressures to make every weeknight activity an event. It’s a hard job…I’m thankful for the leaders my kids have. They seem to strike a balance….except when Halo is involved, in that case, my kids stay home.
Chris:
Thank you. I was hoping someone would push back a bit. You are exactly right, and your description of what can happen in a Presidency meeting is perfect. I also agree that the bulk of the planning should happen in BYC and presidency meetings. Yet, there are times, especially in the YM program when the entire Troop/Crew/Post need to meet together to plan out activities.
Quality planning, as you described, doesn’t ever really happen with twenty 13 year-old-boys bouncing around a room. The president/advisor dynamic that you described needs to be handled in venues where the Spirit can direct, and the President can find his/her voice. It is obvious from years of conference talks that the Brethren want the youth leaders to step up and take a greater role, and I hope to discuss that later this week.
I appreciate you comments. Please don’t stick up for “Halo Party” and “How to Convince Your Parents That He Is Not Your “Boyfriend””
I’m going to stick up for “Planning Meeting,” here, if it’s done properly. Check the handbook. The auxiliary leaders aren’t supposed to be doing the planning for everything. The bulk of planning should occur in BYC or in presidency or in quorum/class meetings. Now, the right kind of planning should be taught.
Now I’m going to stick up for each of those activities, because I’m not sure that to indict them outright is fair. I’ll give you a scenario under which each of those activities could be completely appropriate:
Aux. Leader (AL): Okay, let’s look at planning some activities for the coming months. Let’s start with our roll. Who’s someone that we could try to reach out to?
Youth Leader (YL): We visited Tom/Jane last month and he/she said they really like basketball/watching movies.
AL: Okay, what do you think we should do?
YL: Well, we could do a one-on-one tournament/movie and popcorn night and invite Tom/Jane.
AL: Good call. Let’s call Tom/Jane and propose a couple of dates.
YL: (Calls Tom/Jane and pitches the first or second mutual night of the next month)
AL: Great, what should we do if Tom/Jane can’t make it?
And then quality planning ensues. A bit too black & white, MMM. 🙂
Nicely put. I am stuck with the old ladies currently, but now feel the urge to pay more attention to what goes on with the young ladies. As for our young men, I want to print out that article, send it to the guy in charge, and tell him thank you for doing such an awesome job. Their lesson on father’s day was to skip the last hour of church, change into work clothes, and go lay sandbags to divert the flooding happening right then at several non-members’ homes below the church. Can’t speak for everyone, but at least my kid learned something.
p.s., thanks for the nice comment about my hair.
*Hangs head in shame* Yes, I have done some of those activities…sigh…I was a pathetic YW leader. No wonder they moved me away from them and put with people I cannot screw up. That’s right, the dead.