Stopping the BS. (Bull Stabbing)

This past weekend the citizens of Ecuador voted to outlaw the grand tradition of killing of bulls in bullfights. Apparently they have being doing it for over 500 years – ever since the Spaniards brought the tradition over, along with several genocidal microbes.

I have never been to a bullfight, so I am not here to pass judgment on the choice that the Ecuadorians made. I am more concerned about what the Matadors will do now. They are obviously an arrogant bunch, with a very specialized skill set, and a unique wardrobe. Not necessarily the skill set, or wardrobe, that would serve one well in say Walmart or McDonalds. (Although visualizing this makes me laugh.)

Luckily for the Matadors, it turns out that they decided to continue the bullfights, but they don’t kill the bull at the conclusion of the fight – which kind of lacks the “big finish” of old. They attempted adopting a few new methods of ratcheting up the drama, while adding an element of “cruelty” without physically injuring the bull, but none have really worked out.

These failed attempts included:

• The Matador chased the bull around the ring reciting passages from the “Twilight” series. This was quickly abandoned as the bulls began killing themselves as soon as the bullfighters reached scenes containing dialogue.

• Songs by Mumford & Sons were broadcast over the loudspeakers. This resulted in the unfortunate death of hundreds of spectators who were trampled as they fled for the exits with their ears bleeding.

• Bullfighters were asked to climb on the backs of the bulls and ride them. They refused. Their response was “Are you loco? It’s not like we are American cowboys! We need swords! And pretty capes!”

• The bulls were outfitted by Edyta, then taught to Mambo by Maksim. This was abandoned as the bulls began to really enjoy dancing with Maks, and were “flaunting” their outfits in an “inappropriate” manner.

• They tried to get the bulls and bullfighter to wrestle – WWE-style. Both bulls and bullfighters complained that the singlets gave them wedgies.

• The bullfighter and bull would aggressively chase each other around the ring. Just as the bullfighter was ready to catch the bull, he would look it deeply in the eyes and say, “I think we should just be friends.” This had the effect of leaving the bull in a sobbing heap in the middle of the ring. Unfortunately, in some instances this technique backfired and resulted in the death of the heartless Matador.

So, thanks to the good people of Ecuador, their bulls are no longer killed for sport. But they are still considered delicious when killed for dinner.  (Mmm – BBQ!)

The actual news report is located here.

Olé


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